Vampire Weekend – “Contra”
Vampire Weekend
Contra
XL Recordings
Congratulations on making Buddyhead’s Worst Albums of 2009 list! Buddyhead was so “in the know” that you made the ‘09 list when your record actually comes out THIS year! (editor’s note: VW is so “last year.”) Now that it’s 2010 you might even make this year’s “Worst Of,” next to Fall out Turds, Nickelwack, and whoever else puts out a shitty record.
So I started listening to “Contra” and woke my girlfriend , who described it as “terrible,” compared it to “George of the Jungle” and demanded I turn it off. I proceeded to put my headphones on as to not disturb her though she was on the right track; listening to this is putting me in a retarded coma. Seeing as how Vampire Weekend dresses like private school dorks you’d think they’d be educated enough to know that raping and pillaging world music like overprivileged conquistadors isn’t really helping the “White Devil” image. But wait, could they possibly mean the video game? Video games are lame! Get a hobby kids, unless you get sponsors. In that case make it your life.
Now about this record, guys, I’m thinking maybe you’re in the wrong market. Maybe you should be in Australia because it reminds me a lot of how it felt to hear Savage Garden on the radio in the 90s?
My notes on the album, ” one liners” if you will:
1. Horchata – “Jeez is there anything that Whitey wont steal?….. I used to love that drink.”
2. White Sky -” I imagine kids with Cerebral Palsy hear this in their head when they’re doing rails of crayons”
3. Holiday -”You guys should take one from playing… hell the world.”
4. California English -”Is this supposed to be a racist joke.”
5. Taxi Cab -”I’m grabbing a gun and blowing my brains Robert Dinero style right now.”
6. Run -”Yes, run when you hear this band play near by, thanks for the heads up Vamp Weak!”
7. Cousins -”Incestuous music to get down to.”
8. Giving Up the Gun -”Why?”
9. Diplomat’s Son -”I feel like I’m walking by those Hollywood clubs with those douche bags standing outside, ready to pound some innocent bystanders face in… don’t make eye contact.”
9. I think UR Contra -”I think UR a Contradipshit.”
The only positive thing I’ll say about this is that its really short, straight to the point, no BS.
Popularity: 1%
Don’t diss Australia.