Hi, I’m Meathead. As you may know, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. At least that’s what my sources tell me. Supposedly, eating a hearty breakfast provides you with the vitamins and nutrients and shit you need to do whatever it is you do all day. On the tragically frequent occasions that I’m up before noon, I usually make it a priority to take the time to enjoy a delicious bowl of whatever cereal was on sale that week. Or, if it’s a special occasion, something with Spam in it. Ooh, Veteran’s Day is coming up!

I was watching the television tonight, at home, on Friday, because I’m a loser, and I saw a commercial for Carl’s Jr., the fast food chain that makes McDonald’s look like Erewhon by comparison. Not that I’ve ever watched a Carl’s Jr. commercial and found myself craving whatever heart-stopping offering they were trying to push on me, but this one actually caused me to recoil in horror. Everything seems normal at first, with people pretending to eat imaginary food, and then comes the big reveal. If you still have an appetite when it’s over, you’re probably not a human.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n2BOne_8QA]

Call me crazy (you wouldn’t be the first), but if you’re trying to sell a food product on TV, wouldn’t it make sense to try to make the product at least vaguely resemble something that your target audience would actually want to put into their mouths? I don’t know, maybe I’m just weird. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be in the same room as this “Big Country Breakfast Burrito.” If, for some unfathomably bizarre reason, I went to Carl’s Jr. and actually ordered this thing without knowing in advance what horror awaited me upon peeling open the grease-soaked wrapper, I would assume that the degenerate who prepared it was a Buddyhead reader who masturbated into the burrito-like object upon learning who it was for. Yeah, I’ll take the invisible food everyone else is eating, thanks.

Thank Christ for In-N-Out. (Note: clicking that link will lead you to the greatest Flash intro in the history of mankind.)

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