The Medullary Paralysis
“we don’t drink, we don’t take drugs, we don’t have sex, we feel compassion”
The Medullary Paralysis

Ok, first off lemme state that by no means is this review of an unsigned band a signal for you to mail me a shitty cd-r, or worse email me mp3s, of your unsigned band. Because normally I don’t review records that aren’t on labels for a number of reasons. Why would I review it if someone can’t buy it? Plus the record store isn’t gonna buy some demo from me and my time is money, ya dig? Well, why am I reviewing this then? To be honest, I just want someone to tell me if this is a joke or just a very “international” band that’s so clueless (not to mention tasteless) that they come off like an unfunny Saturday Night Live skit. Please, if you can figure out that this is a joke or that it’s a real band, email me with proof.

At first once-over of this CD, I was sure it was a bad joke because the music isn’t funny. It’s just really shitty. The three songs on this CD don’t sound like very much time was dedicated to writing and recording them. In fact they sound just like what it says it sounds like on the back of the cd digipack:

“You have an out-of-body experience when we mix The Smashing Pumpkins and Marilyn Manson. And Tears for Fears too. Indie industrial glam on the dance floor.”

I shit you not, it actually says that! I’ve never had one but that statement kinda makes me think out-of-body experiences aren’t all they’re cracked up to be after all. So after I read that I was calling “joke” on this project, but after further inspection of the liner notes (which are so amazing I’ve actually typed them out for your enjoyment) and a quick peek at their website (http://themedullaryparalysis.com/) they had me believing (or maybe I was hoping) that this was actually a real band out there doing this in the world. At the time of writing this review, I’m back to thinking this is a really bad joke because what band doesn’t have footage on youtube?

By the way, did you check out the un-capitalized title of this record? “we don’t drink, we don’t take drugs, we don’t have sex, we feel compassion”.  Holy fuck, I don’t even have to review this. And I don’t want to… the reason I’m writing this is to start a discussion, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? IS THIS A POORLY EXECUTED JOKE? Or is it possible that there are three goth losers that are this dorky and somehow they actually found each other and formed a band this pathetic? If you think I’m being harsh, check out what it says on the inside panel of this cd:

“”We don’t drink, we don’t take drugs, we don’t have sex, we feel compassion. Three songs to sum up our lifestyle and potential. Google our name to check out the buzz around us. Come in the Meduila: www.themedullaryparalysis.com”

On the adjacent panel they have a list of awards they won like “nominated for Best International Alternative Song at the Toronto Exclusive Magazine Awards” and “[Our song] ‘Fashion Slave’ was a Semi-Finalist in the Rock/indie category in the UK Songwriting Contest 2008 with a score of 7. This score indicates that the song was a borderline finalist and almost made it through to the finals.”

Hitsville! But wait… there’s more…

“People often ask about our perfect musicianship on stage: you know, the only way to play with an unfailing drummer is to be  metronomes. When we perform we just lapse into our uncompromising groove and we forget everything else. We love to balance eccentric rock performances with well-thought songwriting.

In Italy we have little chance to be heard by international and open-minded professionals. Our lyrics are in English and we don’t play Italian Pop: this is why we submit songs all over the world, ready to pack up at any moment.“

Wow, so if you have a label and you actually sign these retards they will just pick up camp and move on in with you. At least they won’t drink your beer, smoke all your pot or try to fuck your girlfriend. But, you would have to put up with them feeling compassion all the time.

Popularity: 2%