The Mars Volta – Octahedron

June 24, 2009 • By Chip Norman

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The Mars Volta – Octahedron
Universal/Motown
Reviewed by Chip Norman

The Mars Volta are back with their latest role-playing game, Octahedron. Guitar Center employees and dudes driving Jeep Wranglers are stoked. I, on the other hand, am PISSED that this conceptual adventure took HOURS of my life to get through. And so, because my time has been wasted already, I’m going to cut some corners by preemptively answering the obvious questions about Octahedron.

YES, The Mars Volta’s songs are still obnoxious and unbearably long.

YES, Octahedron is nu-prog.

YES, prog-rock still sucks.

YES, Cedric’s voice still quivers like the sound of a fairy pinching a loaf. And the next time this wood nymph starts making those noises in the recording booth, a good Samaritan needs to inflict a wedgie on the freak until blood is drawn. Someone else needs to film it.

NO, Fro-mar hasn’t found a scale chart. His profound musical ignorance, of course, enables him to puke out thirty off-key Tito Puente cover albums a year, and still have time to produce a shameful Olsen twins album or whatever. Embarrassing.

NO, gratuitous vocal effects do not hide lyrics that sound like the magical incantations of a level-33, basement-dwelling Warlock.

YES, three-hour gaps between songs still punish with the sounds of cosmic wind chimes and other new-age, midi trash. Someone keep these hairballs out of shops that sell crystals and gargoyles. No waiting in line for Space Mountain, either.

YES, the album cover looks like Lisa Frank puked on a Pink Floyd LP.

YES, Fro-mar would make a better mop than guitarist.

That should cover the most general queries regarding Octahedron. As you can see, nothing has changed.

Some sharp readers might ask how The Mars Volta can wring never-ending prog-tripe from their afros, and yet not produce a single genuine song along the way. In response, I can only suppose that The Mars Volta have no idea why music is actually created. That honesty is one of the primary values of Rock & Roll, seems a fact lost on The Mars Volta. These fronters have never written a meaningful song, much less one that meets basic guidelines for coherency.

Sure, Cedric’s hyperventilating falsetto is purposed for inspiring feelings of depth, but this interpretive dancer isn’t fooling anyone. No decent human being could sing the following with sincerity:

“When sanskrit was my mother tongue, scarabs filled my pillow. Tarmac strips to pave for them. And thrones from which to teach. And in that pulse the future said. The story had been spun.”

This being the fifth dinosaur rock release from The Mars Volta, it’s not news that they write nonsensical gibberish. The real story is how the fuck home-fro can tell his own songs apart after regurgitating this Harry Potter bullshit through every single track. Silly lyrics about scarabs and mothers, punctuated with the occasional obnoxious Spanish tangent, might blow the tops off of the Mars Volta’s jock, RHCP-loving fan base, but Cedric is still skipping like a really weird record that got warped in the sun. If he actually ran out of imaginary words and unintelligible phrases to spout off, The Mars Volta is in a bad way. Perhaps someone needs to buy a certain boyfriend a new Dungeon Master’s Handbook to mill nerd vocabulary from.

Given that Octahedron is the musical analog to Alf, the recent talks of an At The Drive-In reunion are not at all surprising. It seems as though Fro-mar’s “producer for the starlets” gig has gotten so shifty that even faithful Cedric is eying an exit-strategy. Unfortunately, It doesn’t look like the moody emo from Sparta is having it. And so, Sam is still stuck with Fro-do. And they both deserve it. You said so yourself, Cedric:

“You wet your bed so sleep in it. Cards can’t make a house.”

sxbrqv

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44 Responses to “ The Mars Volta – Octahedron ”


  • JimmyC. -- Jun 24th, 2009 at 5:34 pm

    Technically speaking, this is actually the shortest Mars Volta full-length to come out since it clocked in at 50 minutes. Criticisms noted. I still kinda dig it anyway. But the hate-rant was well written and passionate, so props to Buddyhead hating yet another band I like and thus proving once again how uncool I really am. I would also like to point out that Mars Volta are pikers compared to the bat-shit insane lyrics of that Tori Amos broad. Nonetheless, this is probably the last album from these guys that I’m picking up. I think I’m done.

  • Dante -- Jun 24th, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    …and I thought Pitchfork was the most childish reviewer on the web.

  • Jonny Starn -- Jun 24th, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    Yo Chip chill out.

    I just got through “Since We’ve Been Wrong” it was a bit of a bummer…. in fact so is the second song… I’m not gonna listen to this.

    Yeah a Mars Volta album requires drugs…. mushrooms hmm

    God I hate this album (song #3)

    People: Put “Frances the Mute” on and trip. Get weird. Dance. Have fun.

  • Alex -- Jun 24th, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    To be fair, this album and Bedlam are not good, but the Mars Volta isn’t all bad. Deloused in the Comatorium is a solid album, and Frances the Mute isn’t bad either. Nevertheless, great review as always.

  • derf -- Jun 24th, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    Their music is prog, progressively getting shitty. Deloused was a good album but since then they have only managed to squeeze out a few decent tunes in between hours and hours of gobbledygook. They need to get off the tainted taco meat and clock something in worth a shit under 4 minutes. I plan on seeing these fools in front of home depot or mowing my lawn real quick.

  • Joe -- Jun 24th, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    I actually agree with you here, Chip. I was a fan of ATDI and Deloused in the Comatorium, but its pretty arrogant to think that people are going to sit through 5 minutes of bullshit to listen to a song. Its not like we all have time to drop acid and sit around with headphones on listening to this bullshit. I made the mistake of seeing them live and they mas as well have just sat up there and jerked off, it was ridiculous. The ALF reference had me laughing pretty hard.

  • troy cluer -- Jun 25th, 2009 at 7:28 am

    Whats even worse than the Marss Volta is what ever bag of dicks video is playing next to it.I can’t tell if it a crappy rip off of radiohead or the Beatles.Is buddyhead putting out records again?

  • ian brown -- Jun 25th, 2009 at 11:02 am

    if you guys are going into the dungeon you better remember to bring some thiefs and clerics and possibly a healer of some sort. don’t forget to put the thiefs and clerics up front and in the back so whatever comes from around the corner will kill them first. they are pretty useless other than stealing shit.

  • commodore sixty four -- Jun 25th, 2009 at 11:44 am

    the album art matches the lyrics gibberish

  • KS2 Problema -- Jun 25th, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    I don’t buy into the notion that every little thing TMV does is golden — by a long stretch.

    But this supposed review above appears to be the work of a 14 year old who thinks he’s going to grow up to be a rock reviewer.

    Yo, jack, we get the idea: you think these guys are a pretentious waste of time. You could have said it in as many words. Or — alternatively — you could have found an an enlightening, informative or at least amusing/entertaining way to tell us same.

    But no…

  • Josh -- Jun 25th, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    I remember Buddyhead liking the Tremulant EP years ago. I myself have never been a fan of TMV, they always sounded like Santana and Rush overblown. I never got the leigons of fans that they’ve gained and never well. I will say that I agree with everything said in this review.

    And two cents here, Sparta might’ve sounded like a typical emo band at times, but it was easier and less of a pain in the ass to listen to than TMV.

  • Leo -- Jun 25th, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    Awesome. Bring Theodore back.

  • victoria -- Jun 25th, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    i love the mars volta.

    tmv forever baby!!!

  • rdoris -- Jun 26th, 2009 at 12:13 am

    i’d still smoke crack with these twits anyday.

  • S -- Jun 26th, 2009 at 2:12 am

    Cedric’s lyrics aren’t any more wacky than An Albatross lyrics

    How can you hate a guy that during the System of A Down tour he’s running around knocking drinks and shit out meatheads’ hands in the crowd. And last year when I saw them during Cygnus Cedric ran off to some unoccupied bar and was stealing beers and throwing them into the crowd and spraying people with beer and shit while the bouncers are trying to grab him.

    That being said, this album is definitely not their best, I love this band but they’re not for everyone they gamble constantly, they absolutely show moments of brilliance and there are also times I cringe at how bad Cedric sounds.
    Considering the history of Cedric and Omar and the shit they’ve gone through I have tons of respect for them, breaking up ATDI when they were so absurdly hyped up was one of the best and biggest fuck you’s delivered in the music world in the past 10 years.

  • mothra -- Jun 26th, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    you guys are from LA which means your opinion on whats good/cool and what isn’t changes along with the weather and whoever is giving you money and free drugs that week. and whenever myspace got huge you guys probably had a cool-kid panic attack. “shit! how do we pretend not to care now????” whenever i stop by at this website i feel like i’m walking into an urban outfitters. this record was awesome.

    imma break dat back and fuck dat ass!

  • bird -- Jun 26th, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    @mothra

    “your opinion on whats good/cool and what isn’t changes along with the weather”

    FYI- the weather doesn’t change here. sorry.

  • Dom -- Jun 27th, 2009 at 6:17 am

    Wow! If you dont like prog rock why did you listen to it you chump? And i would like to see you play what they do. Go on, off you go and do it and prove me wrong.
    Its narrow minded fucktards like yourself that ruin music! Granted TMV are not for everybody but you should at least be able to aprreciate the fact that they are all talented musicians.

  • Captain Gayhab -- Jun 27th, 2009 at 6:32 am

    I kinda liked Bedlam because is was largely bereft of those annoying ’sound collage’ track segues, the kind which ruined Frances the Mute and whatever the hell their 3rd album was called.

    I wish these guys would get back to writing actual tunes as opposed to recording cosmic bong rips.

    “If you dont like prog rock why did you listen to it you chump?”

    Because Buddyhead is amongst other things, a music review site?

  • darren -- Jun 27th, 2009 at 7:39 am

    omar needs to get back on hard drugs asap. check out an atdi interview from a decade back and the crackhead would just stare into space and keep his mouth shut. now he is pretty much a pretentious prick. maybe a healthy junk habit would cloud his thoughts enough that could pump out another deloused or vaya.

  • turdbaker -- Jun 27th, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    TMV are like the kid in class who will not shut the fuck up ever because he thinks he’s so smart. But the more he opens his mouth, the dumber he sounds. I think they could possibly make another good record at some point but they need someone in the studio to know when to hit the stop button. They should also take away Blowmars wah wah pedal and make Cedric attempt to write something that does not sound like jibberish. Remember when the fattest vegan on earth co-produced de-loused and it ruled and then every album after it sucked. I mean when frances came out and i heard it, i knew it was over with. I don’t care if the “interludes” are of kids playing by your house and bottles with delay on them..it’s not genius..it’s stupid. Also, will someone please tell them to stop referencing punk because i don’t recall anything on “my war” that sounded like pennys being dropped in a room full of mics running through delay pedals.

  • robness -- Jun 27th, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    This band has so much potential. I they could chill out on the batshit lyrics, Cedric’s head scratching vocal delivery and focus on combining the elements that they draw from – progessive and psychedelic rock, latin percussive influences, spanish guitar – into something cohesive, they’d probably be one of my favorite bands of all time.

    The talent is there from both of these dudes, if Cedric is still technically a dude (voice sounds like that’s not the case these days)

    I can take all of Omar’s post- ATDI material and make about 3 cds of mind blowing badassery, but he’s put out about 20 albums of crap with gems hidden in the mix.

  • B -- Jun 28th, 2009 at 9:02 am

    The scales he used are diminished. So yeah, he actually plays in a key and he’s done so for about five albums plus an EP. And it isn’t off key: your ear isn’t trained for jazz/fusion/not rock, obviously.

    The lyrics aren’t nonsense, they tell a pretty obvious story of some kind of trial based on the end of such being an execution or whatever religious background they’ve been going with for the last three albums. If you did a little bit, even just a hint of research, you’d find out some of this stuff. But I forgot, you are a critic, so you probably don’t know what you are talking about anyway. They have a story to each album. So these “nonsense/jibberish” lyrics are telling a story. Whoa, what a concept.

    And I don’t think you understand what Music is. So that makes all of this more ridiculous.

    I found this site in a google search. Hopefully, I won’t be back.

  • jojo deluxe -- Jun 28th, 2009 at 9:23 am

    so to “understand” music you need to “train” your ear to like shittyness? i always felt that music is something you dont need to think about to like. its either good to your ears or its not. you sound like a musicologist. and you know what they say, a musicologist can read music but they can’t hear it.

    and no, the lyrics are horrible. whether they tell a story or not.

    don’t be back.

  • ian brown -- Jun 29th, 2009 at 8:22 am

    i like the mars volta. the first three records were rad in my mind and the last one was boring although it had some moments. i wont buy this one. i listened to it and it’s not doing it for me like grandmaster flash and the furious five’s “the message” is doing it for me now. but, all of this talk about them being pretentious and folks being insulted by what they are playing is silly. i mean if writing about dragons and hobbits and wizards and all that shit isnt cool then i guess led zeppelin is a shit band. now a lot of people would agree that they were and i would too after houses of the holy they made some really shitty disco music and were about as boring as any pearl jam record that was ever released. imagine if led zeppelin wasn’t riding on tolkiens nuts and stealing/quoting/referencing LOTR what they would sound like? they would have sounded like a white blues band that ripped off every bluesmen ever…which is what they did. but it was still rad, just like oasis ripping off t-rex and all their influences. anyway, the mars volta wrote some good jams and all the sounds and efx and all that crap is awesome too especially when you are on the pot. at the drive in were way more overated than the mars volta.

  • the mars volta -- Jun 30th, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    holy shit we totally do suck.

  • lep zeppellin -- Jun 30th, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    lmao appropriation

  • Stoney -- Jul 6th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    This is a live band, plain and simple. The only decent recording they did was Deloused…. Take drugs and go see them live and be prepared to have your face melted off.

  • Crystal Alan -- Jul 7th, 2009 at 2:52 am

    the other day i was trying to explain to my drummer why I hate cedric’s voice and we discovered that we both (independently of each other) had the “goat being raped by a gypsy” analogy at the ready. true story!

  • Clare -- Jul 7th, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    Chip, why don’t you go out and buy a John Mayer album if what you want is easy-listening, digestable pop lite songs? You certainly seem as douchey as Mayer so I think it’d be a good fit. Fucktard.

  • Crystal Testicles -- Jul 7th, 2009 at 10:40 pm

    Best review of this shite record.
    I think the chemicals used to perm Cedrico’s hair, pardon, gone to his head.
    Omar is a fucking band nazi who needs to be credited for everything.
    Ikey is just keeping his mouth shut and collecting a paycheck, otherwise he’ll have to go back to working at record stores.
    Juan needs the job or else has to go back to playing in Racer X and put on spandex pants again.
    Marcel is only in the band cause Omar’s mom made them take him or else she was gonna beat Omar with her chancla.
    that Thomas guy needs to listen to Jon Theodore’s drumming and check out how it’s suppose to be done.

    This record is the equivalent of audio fecal matter with undigested corn in it.

  • sammac -- Jul 8th, 2009 at 7:24 am

    hmmm… seems to me that Buddyhead’s philosophy of rooting out good music is eating itself, especially when people make comments how Oasis are a good band, it comes across that the only reason you listen to music, is to ‘get off’. What do you want in music, something that fits into your regime, your diet? don’t be stupid health conscious californian turds. No, true music is something that should be taken as art, something that challenges your way of thinking, to channel your mind to new avenues awaiting discovery. I’m not saying this album does that, because I havent heard it, and don’t really care too much about it. But, music, good music at least, should be a challenge, it’s not easy to make music, so why the fuck should we make it easy for people sitting on their ass. Lets all listen to Red Krayola and start berating them for getting a bit much. Think about the Velvets in the 60’s, what was Iggy’s comment, that he thought ‘peel back slowly and see’ was shit for the good part of a year, yes because it was a challenge to his typical rock’n'roll/blues musical upbringing. The stooges were the same affront to the hippy era. Everybody hated the velvets and stooges when they first came out, now look how it is. From reading a few of your guys comments and the retarded writing of this reviewer I’m sure you all would of been in that group of people, hey what about jazz? Do you hate that too? Why don’t you just stick on the dumb arse radio or something. I know you guys are from California, but do your lives really have to revolve around ‘getting off’, can’t we all just get wired, weird and nasty and say and do what the fuck we like instead of thinking about how we have to satisfy the cool kids’ peers, by making convetional 3-4 minute ‘cool’ songs. I’m so hip in 2009. fuck that, it’s over. Oh yeah, and wherever I read that no good music is getting made in London, which, en masse, isnt if were going to be honest, well then check this shit out, no spamming!

    http://www.myspace.com/debbieleggo

    betty davis x

  • thejamminjabber -- Jul 9th, 2009 at 7:40 am

    You could have written this review without even listening to the album. In fact, I suspect you didn’t. You are missing critique specific to this album. This review sounds like you you just listened to Bedlam again. A generic TMV review.

  • murder king -- Jul 10th, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    this record isn’t shit. it’s fucking amazing. what’s shit is having people pose as reviewers and constantly flame TMV (or any other complex-sounding band for that matter) for being what they are, complicated. go listen to some faggot emo band or mtv darling cocksuckers so you don’t have to endure headaches while listening to TMV.

  • sjc -- Jul 14th, 2009 at 4:55 pm

    I wasnt as blown away by this mars volta album as others, I think theres some amazing tracks on there but the ballad-esque stuff does sort of meander a bit BUT the one thing i love about this album is that the omar wrote it as the opposite to their previous album, as in bedlam was nuts heavy techy prog funk stuff, octaheadron is scott walker inspired acoustic ballads etc. The way the they are able to switch it up in order to keep it interesting for the players in the band and not give a flying fuck about what their fans, people that hate them, whoever think, I RESPECT them so much for. I would much rather listen to a group of talented musicians do what theyre interested in creatively than what everyone else thinks they should do.

    the review of this album for buddyhead is the most close minded load of bullshit ive ever read.

  • PandaKnifeFight -- Jul 15th, 2009 at 12:53 am

    People need to realize you can still respect and appreciate a bands skill while thinking they sound like shit. Fans of TMV need to get over themselves, you dont have a better understanding of music or better ear for music. I like some of TMV stuff but a lot of it is annoying to listen to and invokes pretty much no emotions.

  • hijahi -- Jul 16th, 2009 at 1:51 am

    They are supposedly off drugs now…amputechture was great and some tracks in goliath did well but they seem to have tapered off with this one. Ayuhasca or LSD might help out a little. Or perhaps they just need a long break…

  • Tj -- Jul 20th, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    “lisa frank puked on a pink floyd lp”.. funniest fucking review in a long time man… thanks

  • jimbo jones -- Jul 26th, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    i think the usual bug-bares seem to uniformely this

    1. mars volta sacked an awesome drummer in jon theodore.the dude knew how to groove the tits off your mum and knew that a certain amount of technical restraint and tasteful john bonham bollox in place of drum magazine cover cd bowshit (ie thomas pringden) best served the song. he was what made most people put up with…
    2. the fact that mars volta totally rip-off early king crimson and seem to be on a mission to progress themselves to tear inducing levels of self-coppulation means they only offer bits of “songs” sandwitched in between oblique non-sequiter sci-fi referencing passages. for breif moments it can be enjoyable but for the infrequency it occurs.
    3. the voice so over the top expessive its like a dirgey constant hum of torrettes, oscilating between human and dog hearing levels of frequency. about as fun as having a hangover in the captive company of that ” girl with the over the top laugh that makes us wince and think of nasy wish-fulfillment scenes reminiscent of he film Hostel”.

  • Conor McDade -- Aug 20th, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    You obviously didn’t listen to this album. You just put a negative on everything about this album. You looked at the cover and the back, saw a couple 7 min songs, and just started ripping them. Yeah, this album is more technical than TMV has ever been and maybe it wasn’t their best album, but it is in no way to be seen bad. Sorry this aint your mainstream MTV bullshit, but this is fucking talent. Their sound is unique and they are one of the best prog bands out there.

  • Nick G -- Aug 23rd, 2009 at 2:50 am

    Hey you’re kind of like maddox, only he’s funny.

  • Brock -- Aug 27th, 2009 at 10:00 am

    I know this is sorta old, but it was new to me, so I’m commenting. I’m a big fan of The Mars Volta, but I haven’t laughed like this in a loooong time. The line about the fairy pinching a loaf? Instant classic!

    I still like the band (and, admittedly, part of my affection for them is the fact that they’re so fucking strange and I don’t always understand what’s going on) and the album (mostly), but even fans of this stuff have to admit that most criticisms of it have a solid base in reality.

  • mecheteSaint -- Sep 29th, 2009 at 11:28 am

    … I bet this dude gave two thumbs up to the latest Godsmack album.

  • Taint Anger -- Sep 29th, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    hey mecheteSaint
    I bet you don’t own any can or birthday party records.
    Mars Vista blows. JT can just go back to laying it down in royal trux, he was the only talent that band had.

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