The Horrors – “Primary Colors”

June 20, 2009 • By Ted Jahng

primary-colours

Contrary to what NME’s headlines might scream (I imagine NME’s staff run about their office in a perpetual state of hyperbolic excitement; to quote The Dude: That must be exhausting), The Horrors’ new album isn’t some bold artistic statement. Maybe it IS a startling change of direction. But these are the same kids playing their cheesy goth-horror rock, except this time they’re trying to rip off cooler bands. Same songs, different effects pedals; and it hasn’t made much difference in the end. You would think a band that decided to so obviously imitate My Bloody Valentine, Neu! and Joy Division would sound better than this.

On a somewhat related note, we overheard the following conversation on the boardwalk in Venice:

“Ian Curtis: (crying) Primary Colors makes me so depressed that I just want to end it all and kill my—FUCK. (sobbing now) I mean “Three Decades”? “New Ice Age”?! Could the guy rip off my song titles—not to mention my voice—any worse?

Klaus Dinger: I, too, have been rolling in my grave since I heard this. But rolling with a steady 4/4 beat, mind you.

Kevin Shields: (quietly) Well, at least you guys are already dead. How’s rock n’ roll heaven?

Klaus: Oh, Kevin, don’t be so dramatic. Imitation is at least a little flattering right? I mean, the guitarist uses your gliding guitar technique…

Kevin: (quieter still) I have more taste in my penis. (pause) And now I’m shelving the follow-up to Loveless indefinitely.

Ian: (noticeably brightens) Let’s go check out that drum circle!”

Note to The Horrors: just because you got Geoff Barrow to produce your album and change your sound doesn’t mean you’re suddenly an “artistic” band; I think “boy band” sounds more fitting. (By the way, bands and critics regularly mix up “artistic” with “trying really hard to be taken seriously”, and the two are, more often than not, mutually exclusive; so don’t believe the hype.)

Anyway, I need to wash my hands of this bullshit:

hoff-soap-dispenser

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25 Responses to “ The Horrors – “Primary Colors” ”


  • asdf -- Jun 20th, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    boo. this band is cheesy but this album is good

  • la puta madre de la gonorrrea -- Jun 20th, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    nice review, loved the conversation.
    exactly how you said, same band, different pedals; the cover art is just like the last one but with the loveless focus treatment

  • Nick Taxidermy -- Jun 21st, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    this review is a joke. these songs are golden. so what, none of the bands that Buddyhead likes are influenced by classic, awesome acts? I dare you to find a cooler shoegaze track than tht title-track on this that comes out this year. talk to the hand, son.

  • Mike -- Jun 22nd, 2009 at 8:52 am

    This album can be no worse a rip-off than Kasabian, that premiere anthems-for-Football-games band, and by football I of course mean soccer. Seriously, Buddyhead, when will you realize just how fucking awful Kasabian is? They’re like a go-to band for anything that either Guy Ritchie or Jason Statham does, and neither of those dudes have been cool since Snatch.

    It’s dad-rock for former meatheads. It’s the Happy Mondays with down-syndrome. Stone Roses as performed by Chemical Brothers with a brain tumor.

    On that note, Britain is releasing some terrible, terrible shit. Future of the Left is the only hope in Britain, and blows all these other pansies out of the water. Plus, they’re a relatively new band and haven’t become so completely bloated on their own egos that they still think they’re relevant 15 years after releasing their one and only good album… ahem.

    P.S. I’ve never heard this band

  • Aaron -- Jun 22nd, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    This is the same site that did a complete 180 on BRMC a few years back. They were posers, then suddenly they were cool dudes. Them and Har Mar. Were this a band that stumbled out of the “seedy” end of some grubby corner of LA they’d be all over it. But maybe not. Who knows, it’s all arbitrary with the Head! ;)

  • stu -- Jun 22nd, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    The 180 they made on BRMC… Right around the time BRMC’s music completely changed? Go figure

  • Nick Taxidermy -- Jun 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    BMRC are great.

  • Ted Jahng -- Jun 23rd, 2009 at 12:47 am

    nick. hellllooo. NICK! press pause on that horrors bullshit and stop yer swooning for sec. take a deep breath. there ya go. dancing by yourself to shoegazer jams is probably pretty tiring, huh? ok, girl, take a break and lemme talk to that hand!

    we agree on one thing: this review IS a joke; it’s meant to be a little funny, a bit ridiculous, and if you know what’s good for you, you won’t take it too seriously. ok?

    what’s that? fine. go get a glass of water. i’ll wait.

    alrighty. well, we still have about six months left in 2009, so i’ll take you up on your dare, little buddy. now get back to that dancing, you tiger, you!

  • Marilyn Roxie -- Jun 23rd, 2009 at 2:16 am

    Oh dear, another naysayer… :P Though in a more humorous and less cringe-worthy way than what I’d been seeing, I’ll give you that. Have you read/heard interviews with these guys? They actually REALLY love music, and I don’t know why that must be taken as a sign if pretentiousness or rip-offery so often. And, at any rate, how many other 20-somethings can even come close to ‘imitating’ Neu! let alone know what krautrock is?! They’re the same guys as they were on the other album, just exploring a different side of their influences.

  • Cornelius Absinthe -- Jun 23rd, 2009 at 3:49 am

    Sorry, but the Horrors revealed their true roots (pun intended) when they said that they were proud of the fact that they’d had more photoshoots than actual gigs. I realise it might have been a joke, but not a big a joke as this album.

    Ignoring the haircuts, I think people would generally be more receptive to them if they’d played more shows and spent less time in the bathroom.

    Perhaps then they wouldn’t have been so easily written off as a poor version of Eighties Matchbox – whose live shows easily piss all over those of the Horrors, even now the first guitarist who wrote 75% of their songs has gone.

    P.S. The Rotters (AKA the ‘joke’ band Faris Badwan was in) were loads better, and they weren’t even trying.

  • Nick Taxidermy -- Jun 23rd, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    as I kind of follow the genre, I could point you toward the new Pains Of Being Pure At Heart, who I’m sure you’d write off as being derivative pussies.

    lets not forget that Buddyhead got its start with Icarus Line and Ink And Dagger, two bands that are influenced heavily by old garage, punk rock, and goth image. RED AND BLACK ATTACK, G.

  • Ted Jahng -- Jun 24th, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    nick, you’re arguing for the sake of arguing; stop being stubborn. maybe that’s why you spend most of your time stuffing dead animals instead of stuffing girls (or dudes, if that’s what you’re “into”).

    [i think] ink and dagger and the icarus line are good bands. [i also think] the horrors are, ahem, horrible. just because those three bands share similar influences doesn’t mean they’re all automatically going to make good music.

    on a similar note, marilyn: that’s nice that the horrors REALLY love music, but it’s no guarantee that their own music will be worth a torrent download. in this case, it’s not.

  • nicktaxidermyisamoron -- Jun 26th, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    this band always has been and always will be embarassingly bad. spot on review.

  • turdbaker -- Jun 27th, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Hey look, all the bands I love are dead now, so I guess i’ll start one that rips them all off and hopefully reap all the benefits. At what point do you realize you sound like a thousand other bands and decide to still pursue your band? It’s pathetic really.

  • Nick Taxidermy -- Jun 28th, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    it must really suck to not be able to enjoy anything.

    at least you guys were right about that ass-lancing new Mars Volta album.

  • Ted Jahng -- Jun 29th, 2009 at 2:18 am

    don’t be fatuous, nick.

  • Nick Taxidermy -- Jul 1st, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    I’m also psyched to have someone named themselves after me being a moron. that’s ballin’.

  • germ -- Jul 2nd, 2009 at 5:36 am

    How anyone gets past the transparent lameness of this band is beyond me.

  • jfwhiteside -- Jul 3rd, 2009 at 11:35 pm

    there’s a better band with the same name from iowa. they’re on in the red records- dig it.

  • MADStacks -- Jul 16th, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    This shit sucks. It’s liking Yelle cause she sings in fucking french.

  • Derek -- Jul 17th, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    What’s that you say? A shoegaze band is influenced by My Bloody Valentine… ONLY THEY’RE NOT AS GOOD? Holy shit! I think my monocle just popped out.

    Still, gotta like any review that puts Ian Curtis at a drum circle in heaven.

  • Niall -- Jul 18th, 2009 at 8:26 am

    there’s a fine line between influencing and ripping off. this album is sadly the latter, a true horror.

  • Josh -- Jul 31st, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    agreed. this shit is such a gimmicky crap songed pile.

  • Peter -- Sep 20th, 2009 at 10:27 am

    Give The Lucid Dream a listen

    http://www.myspace.com/theluciddream08

  • Hacksaw Jim Duggin -- Feb 8th, 2010 at 12:52 am

    This band played at the bar I worked at until a few days ago when I was fired, for drinking by my hazy memory, at least twenty shots of assorted alcoholic goodies.

    Anyway derivative as hell but I kinda liked it. Maybe it’s just cos there were so many hot girls there that night.

    I need a new job.

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