No, nobody died over here. We just haven’t done a gossip update inna while cos A) We’ve been busy doing cool shit, and B) We honestly didn’t give a shit. Anywhoo, here you go…

Grace Jones loves little white kids who love Buddyhead!

So far 2007 seems to be yet another year of “comebacks” and “reunions” in rock n’ roll. Not to be the neg-noids and bum out the nostalgia party, but this has rarely proven to be a good idea. Come on guys, sometimes you just gotta grow some nuts, stick a fork in it, and start a new band. It’s not as scary as it sounds pussies.

We do have to admit though, we got a smidge excited when we heard that the Goldenvoice people convinced The Jesus & Mary Chain to reform for Coachella this year by throwing a shitload of money at their broke limey asses. Even though William Reid is a fat slob who stole Travis’ I-pod at Dimitri’s bachelor party recently, while he simultaneously had to be restrained from groping every female in sight (is groping the right word for spreading girl’s ass cheeks?), we thought it’d be interesting to see these guys on stage again playing all those great songs again… and maybe that killer cover of The Cramp’s “New Kinda Kick” if we’re lucky. It’ll be their first show in 9 years and the word on the street is that a world tour will follow as well as a new record in 2008. Sounds killer right? Well here’s the bummer part… Besides the Reid brothers openly admitting in the press that they’re still not on good terms with each other, and are only really doing the reunion for the dough, we’ve also heard that instead of going the obvious route and calling up Hope Sandoval to sing all the female vocal parts, William and Jim are letting Justin Timberlake’s slam piece, Scarlett Johansson, sing those songs. This is an obvious neglection of the very important “NO ACTORS ON STAGE” rule. Especially when said girl has a man voice, and was in Home Alone 3. If this rumor is true, and she does end up on stage with JAMC, Buddyhead will be rewarding anyone who can welcome that poser to rock n’ roll by tagging her with a cup of beer. We’re talking cash prizes here kids. Do us proud. Oh, and… hey William… give Travis his I-pod back or you’re gonna get it old man!

Another band getting back together for Coachella is Rage Against The Machine. Yeah it’s kinda weird considering Tom Morello said they were “gonna put a dent in the Bush Administration” (uhhh… ok dude, more like your fans are gonna put dents in each other’s heads in that massive jock/mosh pit your band is gonna start) and the last we heard they all hated each other, but fuck man… at least Audioslave is over! Anything is better than having to hear about Audioslave squirting out another deuce they call a record and it selling shitloads to NASCAR fans. But then again… now we have Chris Cornell running around as a “solo artist” covering Michael Jackson songs and writing “adult contemporary” pop jingles. So…

Dear Chris Cornell,

Please knock off all this fruitcake shit, stop trying to be Sting, and just get Soundgarden back together already. Everybody else is getting their shitty 90’s bands back together, you might as well jump on board and get one of the good ones movin’ again too. NO ONE wants to see you embarrass yourself anymore with this solo horseshit. What people want is: you with ridiculously long hair again, shirtless, rockin’ those weird bracelets you had, maybe also throwing on some cut off jeans and beat up Doc’s, and getting back to singing about dark shit like snakes and serpents while Ben Shepard bangs his bass on the ground behind you, Kim solos people’s faces off in drop D, and Matt Cameron beats the shit outta the skins. (Keep the drummer gloves at the Pearl Jam practice space though chief. No room for that dorkus shit in the Garden camp). I mean come on… you’ve got a dude who played with Jewel in your “band” now! NEW RULE: If you were ever in a remotely cool band, you’re not allowed to EVER play music with someone who attended the Musicians Institute. It’s just plain jive and unnecessary. SO, anyways Chris, just chillax on this solo hogwash, call up the boys, and maybe check out a little thing called BEER… you were a hell of a lot cooler when you drank that shit.

Love,
Buddyhead

Speaking of P-JAM, how fucking jive is Mike McCready? Dude, you went from some shitty wannabe Stevie Ray Vaughn stee-lo in the 90’s, to lookin’ like an overweight stunt double for Brian Baker from Bad Religion. Yer BLOWING the entire live show for the band. Shitty cock rock wah-wah solos, and throwing pics into the crowd every 5 seconds in your board shorts and spiky lesbian gym coach haircut? Just when we wanna try to fully back Pearl Jam, you make it impossible for us to do so. Eddie, Stoney… pull this geek aside and have a fashion/stage moves intervention on him, PLEASE. While yer at it, tell Cameron’s drum tech to “accidentally” lose those drum gloves right before show time too. Oh and Eddie… Travis wants to hang, pound wine, and talk about how rad Hawaii and the ocean is with you next time you’re in Los Angeles. Call him. Shaka.

Speaking of Bad Religion… why the fuck do they have eight guitar players on stage? It looks like the new “Guns N’ Roses” now, except maybe those clowns could rationalize it cos there’s actually something other than POWER CHORDS being played the entire set. Cut the shit.

Dear Iggy Pop and The Stooges of the 21st century,

The 4th Stooges record is an abortion. We love you guys, but what the fuck is happening here? The reunion tour you did the last couple of years was great (aside from Mike Watt thinking a Stooge tucks his shirt in, and plays bass at his nipples with his fingers) cuz the songs you wrote 32 years ago are undeniable… how can you fuck that up? But, this new record you fogies made called “The Weirdness” is toilet water! You’re ruining your legacy and making your discography look lame and shitty. No, not “FREE and FREAKY in the USA”… LAME and SHITTY. We’re just gonna pretend there is no “fourth Stooges record” and Iggy never stopped sun bathing in Florida with that South American girlfriend of his with breasts larger than our heads. If anyone ruins our fantasy, Uncle Scott is gonna squeeze heads and make ‘em pop like cantaloupes.

Love,
Buddyhead

P.S. Hey Asheton brothers… We’re sure you’ve noticed that Iggy isn’t as cool as he was back in 1969 too. I mean, fuck, homeboy did a song with Sum 41 a few years back. Good idea David Wolter! We really hate to say this, but let’s face it… Iggy’s pretty jive these days. The only reason he’s doing The Stooges again is cuz enough people told him “Funhouse” is killer… If it was up to him he’d still be singing “Candy” and dancing around like a fruitcake with that chick from the B-52’s. You guys would be better off kicking out Iggy and starting a new band with somebody else. Fuck, David Lee Roth would be a much better idea for a frontman… We’re pretty sure he isn’t doing anything now that the Van Halen reunion tour is off. If you choose to go that route… we got your back again. Think about it… Ron Asheton shredding fuzzed out wah-wah solos in people’s faces while Diamond Dave jumps off the front of Scott’s kit the entire show. It’s a no lose situation.

Again on the “new Stooges album” topic… Stevie… Mr. Albini… we hold you somewhat responsible for this mess too dude. We know yer into the whole “not producing” thing, but next time yer behind the board rollin’ tape on one of the greatest rock n’ roll bands of all time, and grandpa starts bustin’ out lyrics to a song called “Mexican Guy” or lines like, “My dick is turning into a tree”, it’s time to intervene homeboy. This new Shellac album “Excellent Italian Greyhound” comin’ out in June better be pretty damn good, or we ain’t lettin’ this shit slide. There better be a whole lotta songs about all women being whores who need to die again on this one, or some “weirdness” really is gonna go down coach.

But back to the Van Halen thing… those fuckers pulled the plug on the “reunion” tour at the last minute. Thank god SOMEBODY pulled their head outta their ass on that one. Don’t get us wrong… Diamond Dave high AS SHIT on yayo while toothless Eddie drunk AS SHIT trying to fumble through “Eruption” next to his fat-ass 15 year old kid named Amadeus or some shit would be somewhat entertaining to see… But without a little guy called “THE SECRET WEAPON” holding the whole thing down on the 4-string and backing vox, it sure as shit ain’t a Van Halen show. We’d rather hang out in the on stage “Wabo Bar” and watch “The Other Half” (AKA Sammy Hagar and Michael “The Secret Weapon” Anthony) play Van Halen songs. At least those guys would be kicking ass and playing the hits… not to mention feeding us tequila and hot sauce!

Ok, now let’s talk some more about 90’s bands getting “back together”. “Smashing Pumpkins” are putting out a new record and playing some festivals this summer. The only thing is, what makes this any different than that Zwan bullshit we already endured? Same idea… bald vampire lookin whiner/singer dweeb with the 9-foot tall smack addict hippy drummer and a bunch of “other dudes”. The sketchiest part about this whole “reunion” thing though, is how the Pumpkins camp isn’t being too eager to announce who the two “not James Iha and D’arcy” people are. In case ya were wondering, the new bass player happens to be Ginger Reyes (formerly of the Halo Friendlies) and the guitar player is a dude named Jeff Schroeder (he used to be in some dorky Silverlake band called The Lassie Foundation). Siiiiiick dudes, real exciting! They originally tried out Eric Avery, but Billy didn’t think he could “keep up”. By the way, Bill… are you ever gonna admit that you and Courtney Love were banging when she was married to Kurt Cobain, and that this probably had more than just a smidge to do with homeboy checkin’ out early? Or is that one yer takin’ to the grave? C’mon dude… its like OJ still claiming his innocence. We all know the deal. Just fess up so us grunge babies can move on.

Oh, and before we forget… While we’re still on the topic of band reunions… NEW RULE: If you’re gonna get the band back together, and the people who were originally in the band are ALIVE and aren’t involved, it’s NOT ON. We’re lookin’ at you Black Flag, Jane’s Addiction, and even Guns N’ Roses. Now, if a key member is DEAD, it’s NOT ON either. Example: when Bonzo checked out, Zeppelin stuck a fork in it… Their legacy lives on un-tarnished, and all is well in rock-land. ESPECIALLY when 1 or 2 dudes get the reunion itch cos they’re broke, tired of listening to their shitty kids fight all day, and their fat wives nag them constantly, so they wanna “give it a go” again, but some of the other members aren’t down cuz they think your shitty reunion tour idea is retarded… then it’s NOT A REUNION. START A NEW BAND! You’ll still be members of said band forever, and you’re not shitting on the legacy. Deal? Fuck, why do we gotta hold everybody’s hand on everything?

Even more 90’s bands with drummers who wear gloves talk… Korn recently entered the studio to work on their 67th new album. They actually finally canned the cokehead jock drummer dickhead with the gloves and the seat-back on his drum stool (double dorkus drummer whammy), and replaced the dude with… Terry Bozzio. Yeah, NO SHIT, the dude who played with Frank Zappa, Missing Persons, and Fantomas. But after a couple weeks in the studio, Bozzio quit. He got pissed cos they wouldn’t let him set up his 467 piece drum kit or something. The band didn’t let these setbacks deter them from committing the most offensive crime against humanity within the last decade or so… their “unplugged” performance. HOLY SHIT. Did you catch this atrocity? Is this an elaborate PUNK’D sketch where we’re all the victims? Every time we see or hear that fat Evanescence cunt singing with the fatter Korn dork, a part of all of us dies. They should “unplug” Jonathans’ hair-plugs next time too and do that shit legit!

Speaking of Terry Bozzio, here’s a pic of Josh “pee pee squeeze” Freeze with him when he was 12.

On the “maybe it’s not such a bright idea to make fun of shitty mall punk/warped tour bands anymore” note… the singer of Mest recently stabbed some dude to death with a pocketknife. You’d think this would keep us from commenting on things such as the new Good Charlotte song… but, no. Having to hear that “keep your hands off my girl” chorus feels like being stabbed to death already, so we have nothing to lose. Oh, and dudes… We know you like to sing about all your “bling” and a buncha other nonsense that people who aren’t over 12 or mentally retarded are into… but judging by the record sales of this new album, you might wanna start trading some of that crap in, and bracing yourself for a job at Wendy’s working the deep-fryer next to the dude in Saliva.

And those Fall Out Boy bands and the Panic At The Gay Bar stuff… we’re not really sure what that crap is, but our gaydar is fully pinned. The needle is in the red and it ain’t moving.

Hey, Rolling Stone Magazine… you’re called ROLLING STONE… leave it to Alternative Press to put the shitty mall punk bands on their cover like the two we just mentioned above. Why don’t you guys stick to what you started writing about back in 1966… ROCK N’ ROLL! The fact that you guys get paid to write about music is a crime. You think My Chemical Romance’s last album is better than Tom Petty’s? You guys writing about music is the equivalent of us getting paid to be astronauts. Yeah, you guessed it… we don’t know shit about outer space! Hey Austin Scaggs… you’re about as “on the pulse of music” as my deaf grandma. Get a new job dorkus.

Speaking of shitty pretty-boy nu-emo mall-punk sissy bands… One of the bands responsible for creating a lot of this “I can’t sing, but it’s cool anyway” bullshit, Thursday, was recently dropped by their record label. This is a step in the right direction folks. Let’s all get on board here.

RIP Arthur Magazine. It’s a bummer you dudes are gone. We’ll miss you because you were one of the few music publications we actually read. Try and look on the bright side… At least now you guys will have way more free time to eat mushrooms and shit. We heard Devendra and Guy from Entrance have some crazy Manson compound up in Laurel Canyon with shitloads of sitars and loads of naked un-spruced hippy chicks runnin’ around on acid. Pretty sure you dudes will be stoked on that place. Plus, we also heard Chris Robinson hangs out there… Maybe you can catch some of the chicks that bounce off that dude.

This leaves Plan B, Everett True’s UK mag, as one of the last few smaller music publications out there worth a shit. Buy a copy and help keep cultural genocide from spreading any further.

Speaking of The Black Crowes, they are supposedly making a new record right now, and considering that Chris just got divorced it’ll prolly be good. You know they’re all living free and going off without Goldie’s daughter hanging around bumming the party out… and that combination always makes for good rock n’ roll. Plus, they’ve got that dude who was in Oasis for like 39 seconds, and anyone that was in Oasis can’t hurt things.

The New White Stripes record “Icky Thump” should be hittin’ stores soon, and the web even sooner. Hopefully homeboy lays off the marimba on this one. The album will be out on Warner Brothers in the U.S. thanks to V2 in the USA going out of business… finally. Hey, Andy Gershon… you shit the bed. Blow us.

Speaking of the continuing downfall of the record industry, Capital Records and Virgin have merged! This leaves many of the employees from both labels jobless. Gee, didn’t see that one comin’! Maybe you can get a job at the Starbucks label chumps. Or, more likely, just a job at a Starbucks. Yeah, Andy Slater… you really knew what you were doing over there didn’t you, you motorboatin’ son of a bitch you! Good call bro… Morningwood, The Panic Channel, The F-Ups, Auf Der Maur, and more Dandy Warhol records… that’s what people wanna hear. Give us more of that dickhead. Have fun filling out yer resume with Andy Gershon, and you can both add at the bottom of them: “DROVE ONE OF THE LAST DECENT RECORD LABELS INTO THE GROUND”.

While we’re talking about Andy Slater, we might as well relay this amusing little story… Dude is notorious for going around to high-end clothing and jewelry stores around Hollywood, and trying to purchase thousands of dollars of their merchandise by trading them Capitol Records cd’s or concert tickets! First of all… are cd’s even worth anything anymore? And second of all… guess you won’t be doing that anymore, huh asswipe?

Speaking of music industry dipshits getting fired… it’s been awhile now since him getting the boot, but Arthur Spivak… how did it feel getting canned as well dingus? Remember a few years ago when you were managing A Perfect Circle, and The Icarus Line were opening for them, and you threatened Aaron with all this bullshit about kicking the band off the tour cos he talked shit back to the meathead crowd after they threw crap at him onstage? Remember when you told him, “You’ll never make it in the music business”? Well, first of all… anybody involved in rock n’roll in any form whatsoever who refers to it as the “music BUSINESS” out loud is a giant deuce nibbler, and… who’s the one not makin’ it now malorkus? By the way, if ya don’t quit pickin’, it ain’t gonna heal.

On a positive note, Fred Durst ain’t making music right now. With that in mind, anyone wanna buy Tom Walley’s Platinum Limp Bizkit record plaque? We’re selling it on Ebay. CLICK HERE! Come on, pay Travis’ rent for a month! It’s good karma or something.

You know when you’re pretty sure that something sucks, but you just can’t put your finger on exactly why, so you keep your mouth shut so ya won’t make any waves? Well, aside from their first record, those first Peel sessions, and a few songs here and there in the 80’s, we’ve always felt that way about The Cure. Well, now we’ve got some confirmation on the suckage. Robert Smith is helping Ashlee Simpson write her new album. Between that, letting the dude who invented Limp Bizkit AKA Ross Robinson “produce” their last album, doing those guest vocals on that Blink 182 album a few years ago, AND finally performing with Korn on their “Unplugged” nightmare… dude is FIRED! Oh, and Robby… you’re like… 50. You can stop trying to look “goth” bro. Every day you’re looking a tad more like Elizabeth Taylor meets Exene from X. Oh… We all know it’s a wig too. The jig is up gramps.

If all these bands are getting back together, we’ve got a few more suggestions and/or predictions…

Yo, Richard Ashcroft… approximately 7 people bought your last solo record, and Travis was one of em, and even he thinks that shit sucks. We know you think you were “saving souls and changing 20,000 people’s lives nightly” when you were opening for Coldplay on their last tour, but dude, let’s get real here… Coldplay’s crowd cares more about figuring out where they sell the beers and hotdogs than the skinny English dude playing songs they don’t know. Get on the phone and call up Nick McCabe and the other dudes and get The Verve back together immediately. You got nothing else going on, and let’s face it… The Verve ripped harder than anything you’ve done by yerself so far.

We’re pretty sure Kevin Shields and My Bloody Valentine are making a record and will be touring this time next year if homeboy doesn’t eat a truck load of Ecstasy and waste a few million pounds like he did last time he tried to make an album. Kevin, put the bong down. Put it DOWN! If you keep fucking this up, Gus Brandt is going to find you, and pistol whip you every time you try leaving the studio after another full day of re-recording white-noise nobody but you can hear anyway.

Uhhh… Stone Roses. DO IT. Don’t make Ian Brown prove he can make another solo record… unless of course Noel’s gonna be on it again.

We’re also pretty sure there will be some sort of a Love and Rockets reunion happening soon also. They better play some of that “Sweet F.A.” stuff and not puss out too. Just keep Daniel away from the blow, and shit will go off without a hitch. “EXCUUUUUUSE MEEEEE… BUT CAN SOMEONE GETTTT A BUMMMP FOR TWIGGGY?!”

Fuck it! Let’s reform Tad too. We’re not really sure who’d care, but it’d be killer to see that massive dude in magazines again. We can only imagine how grotesque that slob is now. Them, and Screaming Trees. Get em both on one bill, and they can call it “The Monsters of Grunge” tour.

One band we are fully stoked to go see is Black fucking Sabbath at The Forum! Shit yeah! Only problem is that seeing as how Dio is singing for them, and Ozzy’s wife is the biggest CUNT on earth, they’re not allowed to call themselves Black Sabbath, they gotta use the name “Heaven & Hell”. Also, they can’t play any Ozzy era songs, even though Dio would house that geriatric potato with his renditions. Yeah, it’s a bummer, but it’s still gonna be killer, and Sharon Osbourne can’t stop Heaven & Hell’s party! Can’t be done bitch! You’ll find us in the parking lot of The Forum doing a little thing called TAILGATING! Lawn chairs, a Bar-B-Q shaped like a Raiders helmet, mini keg, and Dio-Dogs. Ya might wanna check it out.

When we’re done tailgating, we’re gonna make sure to get inside early though, cos Megadeth is opening the gig. This shit is a freakshow, cos Dave Mustaine kicked out everybody even remotely recognizable from the band, and won’t do any of the “anti-christian” songs he used to cos he’s a “born again” now. Look… Dave… cut the shit. Yeah, yeah, wah wah wah, you got kicked out of Metallica and they sold more records than you. But look at em now dude! Now’s yer time to lap those fuckers while they’re old, fat, comfy, and asleep at the wheel! Bust out some old school puffy white Nike high tops, some skin-tight black jeans, do a buncha gak, get Chris Poland back in the band, and DO THIS SHIT. We know Chris Poland ain’t doin squat cos he’s the motherfucking LANDLORD at Downtown Rehearsal in L.A. We only know this cos every time Nails is on tour, and the rent for Josh Freese’s rehearsal space is an hour late, he calls Josh to bitch about it, and Sully pisses his pants cos he thinks of early Megadeth like most people think of The Beatles or Zeppelin or some shit. Fuck man, or at least get Marty Friedman back! The dude WENT OFF! Here’s proof!

Speaking of the Osbournes… how killer is it that we don’t have to see their fat kids everytime we turn on the TV anymore? Everybody is psyched about this.

But back to Metallica… You know how dog owners start to look like their dogs and vice versa cos they spend so much time together? Well, Metallica have been working with Rick Rubin for so long now on their new album, that Lars is starting to look like Rick… or Jack Nicholson or… who knows. Here’s to hoping Lars’ dad is in the studio this time on a more full time basis, making sure they don’t fuck everything up again, and when they lay down a dud, he tells em’, “I think I would have to say… DELETE that.”

The new Nine Inch NailS albUm “Coke Zero” wiLL be hitting stores inna week or two… or you can steal it online right now! There has been a lotta crazY inTernet activity recently surrounding the album, slowly outlining an explanation of tHe concEpt record. People started noticing that by contacting email addresses and phone numbers that were hidden in key places By piecing them together becaUse… for example, the information was boLded and capitaLized @ certain locations in sequential order, that theY could unrAvel more of tHe information cOncerning the recOrd. So if yer into that sort of thing, keep your eyes peeled, cos Clues cOuld be anywhere! Make sure to eMail these addresses you find right away! And call the phone numbers asap! The band is about to head to Australia and Japan before going back to Euro-land yet again this summer to do a buncha festivals, and then play freaky places like Budapest, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Rome, Prague, Beijing, and a buncha other weird places you can’t find a TGIFridays at.
may 7 brisbane, australia @ riverstage
may 9 sydney, australia @ big top luna park
may 10 sydney, australia @ big top luna park
may 11 sydney, australia @ big top luna park
may 12 day off! Yayyy!!!
may 13 melbourne, australia @ metro nightclub
may 14 melbourne, australia @ metro nightclub
may 15 melbourne, australia @ metro nightclub
may 16 fly to japan 4 a long time! 3 days off between shows!
may 18 tokyo, japan @ studio coast (wow, 2 whole shows there!)
may 19 day off in Tokyo!
may 20 tokyo, japan @ studio coast
may 22 nagoya, japan @ zepp
may 23 osaka, japan @ zepp
may 24 osaka, japan @ zepp

Speaking of Nine Inch Nails, if you wanna party with the band, don’t bother. Michael “The Ruiner” Sullivan is only one man, and he smokes all the time, so the after-show gatherings have been kind of un-eventful lately. In case you were ever curious about what a “backstage party” looked like after a big rock show, here’s a picture from one of the recent ones Nails had.

Johnny Marr, what are you thinking? Modest Mouse? For real?

And Graham Coxon… what’s the deal? You in Blur again or what? Quit it with this on/off blueballing dance. Yer solo records are badass, but Damon needs you brah. Come home, homeboy has been putting out shitty records and tripping ever since you bailed. Just get him to at least stop putting out Gorillaz records, even if you don’t wanna be in Blur again. For us… Please?

Perry Farrell’s new band “Satellite Party” take home the trophy for “Worst post-Janes Addiction band” over Dave Navarro’s “The Panic Channel” by a cunt hair. Just let that sink in for a minute, and try to imagine the absolute shitty-ness that has to be involved here. We think the cover says it all…

But it gets worse… Nuno Bettencourt from fucking EXTREME plays guitar, and Perry’s wife Etty Lau Farrell is on backing vocals and fake tits. Oh, and that pee pee pants tweeker bitch Fergie is on the record too, as if things couldn’t get any worse. We dare you to try watching the EPK. Click here if you dare.

Travis hung out with Les Claypool a few weeks ago while he was in Texas for SXSW. Les was cool as shit, but wouldn’t tell him exactly where the Seas of Cheese were. Sorry dudes… it’s still a mystery.

Oh, and without telling too much of a really long boring story… we had a run-in with some actor dork named Nicky Katt who was in Dazed and Confused for like 30 seconds and thinks he’s a superstar cuz of it. Dude was bogarting the I-pod at a party we happened to end up at, and was THAT GUY all night. You know what we’re talking about. Homeboy kept playing the first 45 seconds of “Sweet Child Of Mine” and then starting it over. Dude tried to not let us change it, and then proceeded to tell us how he was in a Quentin Tarantino movie, and how tight he was with Josh “Holmes” from Queens Of The Stone Age. Long story short, the I-pod was removed from him, and AC/DC and Black Crowes were played on ten… DIMED. PINNED. Yo Nicky… for future name-dropping reference, his name is Josh Homme, dickbreath. We only came here for two things, and it looks like we’re all outta beer drama boy.

Kyle totally sucks, email him and tell him @ kylekapow@gmail.com. Hey dude… if you’re coming to a party, you don’t bring 12 dudes. Yer fired. You probably don’t know Kyle, but if you do you’re probably wondering why we didn’t just deport his ass.

Hey Amy Winehouse… Aaron apologizes for that time a few weeks ago in Manchester when he was in the elevator super smoked, and he said he wanted to take a deuce all over the tattoos of naked chicks on your arms. He had just gotten off the bus after being in mainland Europe for a few weeks, and forgot that the whole: “These people don’t speak English, so it’ll be funny to tell them I wanna shit in their mouth” rule didn’t really apply anymore. Sorry.

Anyways, back to shit people might understand or care about…

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club’s new record “Baby 81” comes out pretty soon, and it’s fuckin’ tits. If the first single “Weapon of Choice” isn’t a huge hit, then everything is fucked and there’s no hope for rock n’ roll in this world anymore. They’re going on tour, so check their website for dates and don’t miss that shit.

The Horrors are posers. Hey Nick Munster Zinner… we know you helped those dorks with that record. You’re on suspension until further notice bro.

What’s Danzig doing right this minute?

More importantly, What’s Rob Zombie doing right this minute? Someone have him call us… we need to brew down.

Josh Freese has been working a lot on his next solo record. He’s also already assembled a live band to perform the songs with him on the road sometime next year. Here’s an exclusive pic of his band from their first group photo shoot.

AC/DC are about to make another record and tour again. Scott can’t stop thinking about how many amps that means are going to get plugged into STRAIGHT IN on stage.

Oasis are still killer and probably the best rock n’ roll band in the world right now. They’re making a new record this year and Noel claims it’ll be their best since “Definitely Maybe”. We’re pretty much backing everything Noel says, including: “Let’s call it what it is, it’s indie shit, is what it is. Bloc Party are appalling… it’s just indie rubbish.” Noel is also gonna be a daddy soon. Regarding naming his child, he had this in mind: “Chutney is a name I fancy if the baby is a geezer. Maybe Gizmo Gallagher, or Gilly Gallagher. If it’s a girl, Sara’s already got the names picked out. But either way it’s gonna be legendary.” Once again, Noel wins.

Speaking of Bloc Party, their singer with the massive head really shocked the world recently when he came out of the closet. That’s cool that he came out and all, but what about the other three dudes in the band?

Speaking of gayness… Maroon 5 have a new record coming out called “It Won’t Be Soon Before Long”. Fans of Jamiroquai, scarves, and buttplugs are amped on this news.

Daniel Johnston hates jews.

Somebody from the Neil Young camp has finally pulled their head outta their pooper, and is releasing the Neil Young boxset that’s been talked about for over a decade now. Somebody please make sure this shit happens on time please? Make Neil put the fuckin’ toy trains down for a minute, stop writing songs about Bush, and wrap this fucker up.

As if you didn’t already hate Gene Simmons enough, here’s what this old piece of shit looked like recently right after having some plastic surgery done. Somebody needs to put this guy DOWN. All Kiss fans too. Another new rule… You publicly claim to be a fan of Kiss, and we’re allowed to shoot on sight.

Tommy Lee wants the world to know “You can’t stop this party! It can’t be done!” For once, we agree with Tommy. Dude kinda wins. Aside from 99.999% of his musical output, he’s the greatest living man alive.

Queens Of The Stone Age have a new bass player. Dude happens to be Mike from Wires On Fire… who just so happen to be on a little record label called Buddyhead. Maybe you’ve heard of it. Ya might wanna check it out. Buy their records so we can buy cool shit. Queens’ new album is KILLER, and should be out somewhat soon. They’re playin’ festivals all over the place soon, and doin’ all kinds of COOL SHIT, so check it out.

Primal Scream are making another new record soon. Hey guys, lets make this one not suck, huh? No more fake southern rock records please, because you guys are not good at it, and ENGLISH! So stick to the rock n’ roll rave shit where you rip off The Stooges and put crazy dancey techno shit all over that sounds good on drugs. That shit rules.

We’re still waiting for the Queens Of The Stone Age vs. Primal Scream world tour / drug off. It’s bound to happen, but we’re not sure if everyone will be coming home alive.

Dave Sitek from TV On The Radio loves goth chicks and can’t stop stealing Aaron’s shit. Dave thinks Aaron’s gonna forget about him “indefinitely borrowing” his “Sticky Fingers” album, and Gn’R bootlegs. Dave can think again. We know where you live fucker!

Puddle Of Mudd have a new record coming out called “Fellatio”. In an ironic and cruel twist of fate, Travis just happened to move in next door to where the band was recording the album this past summer, and now has unwillingly memorized all the songs after hearing them played back 13,567 times. Life is funny, and then it gets a little funnier.

Go buy this stuff: The new Billy Bragg box set and his book. The new Melvins album. The Grinderman record. The re-issue of the 2nd and 3rd Nico albums. Everything Buddyhead releases. Thank you.

Angus from Liars got hit by a fuckin’ car while riding a bike late at night in Berlin. Shit fucked up his leg really bad. Bum deal. Get better dude. Hope those krauts aren’t fucking stingy on the prescriptions. Yeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhppppppp.

Chris Goss and Jeordie White have a cool lil band called Goon Moon. Maybe ya heard of it? Ya might wanna check it out. They have an album coming out May 8th on Ipecac that’s pretty damn good called “Lickers Last Leg”. They also have wayyyyyyyyyyy too much free time on their hands… well, at least Jeordie does, cos when he’s not combing the streets of every last freaky town in Europe searching for used vinyl stores carrying old Metallica bootlegs, he’s making videos like this one here:

Speaking of Chris Goss, now that’s he’s finished producing the new QOTSA album, he’s about to start work on the new Duke Spirit record out in Joshua Tree. Believe it or not, The Duke Spirit’s label actually recently DROPPED the band. Yeah, good going guys. Give us some more fucking Kaiser Qeeufs albums, that’s what we really need. Anywhoo… the band is recording an album anyway, and there’s no doubt it’ll be boner raising.

Speaking of The Duke Spirit… they actually just did some shows with Incubus of all people. Hey Incubus, guess what? Everybody totally noticed that your new single is a HUGE At the Drive-In rip-off. Yes, everybody. Tell the little midget guitar player with the jew-fro to step away from the At the Drive-In records… step AWAY BRO. And don’t think we didn’t notice that the “DJ dude” is now the “organ player dude”… you still suck ass.

And hey, Linkin Park… everybody else noticed that yer new single is a blatant Nine Inch Nails rip-off. Yes, EVERYBODY. If yer gonna rip off the music, at least be smart enough not to rip off the SAME BAND in the video too. Yeah dorks, we saw all that exact same stock footage at the Nails show, and on their new dvd. Now tell the “rapper guy” to stop pretending to play guitar now that “rap-metal” isn’t cool, and the other dude who usually wears those stupid headphones or whatever, and doesn’t even play guitar live cos we can hear all that shit on tape, to fucking shave too.

Yo, “James Morrison”. We have no idea who you are, or what your music sounds like, but you might wanna change your name… and check out a little band called THE DOORS! Maybe you’ve heard of it? Ya might wanna check it out.

If you get bored, and yer on “the internets”, check out Jihad Jerry from Devo’s website: mineisnotaholywar.com. Dude is tripping harder than anybody else we know, yet is cooler than them all at the same time.

The Beatles’ records are finally gonna be available on download services. If you’re excited about this, you’re what is known as a “poser” for not already owning these albums.

Keith Richards is SMOKED. Dude has gone off harder than anybody in the history of the world, and if that were even open at all to debate, Keith recently put the argument to rest with this quote: “The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared. It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.” YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPP

The entire interview this quote came from in NME is actually quite an amazing read, so check it out:

The biggest cliché in rock’n’roll is…

There’s no roll
“They forgot the roll and they only kept the rock. The roll’s the whole damn thing dude, the rock is nothing, deal with it, the roll is king. Unfortunately most cats don’t get behind the roll.”

The three things I guarantee I’ll never do again are…

1) Heroin
“The one thing I’ll never do is the dope. I won’t do that again. Everything else is up for grabs. Why wouldn’t I do the dope again? Because I’ve been there and done that, and it’s fucking painful, man. The other schmucks are doing it all the time and I pity them.”

2) Climb coconut trees
“I wasn’t climbing a tree [when he fell, suffering concussion and subsequently having to undergo brain surgery], I was sitting on a fucking shrub. I was sitting on that shrub again today, but I happened to fall off it the wrong way that day.”

3) Be trepanned
“I wouldn’t want to do that again. It’s having your fucking skull cut open. It’s what I had to go through. Yes, I’ve been trepanned. That’s quite an interesting experience, especially for my brain surgeon, who saw my thoughts flying around in my brain. I’ve got pictures of it mate, yeah. They cut my head, brain, skull open, went in and pulled out the crap, and put some of it back in again. But that’s the way it is, I mean, shit, Keith Richards has got to do everything once.”

Never trust anyone…

Who tells you you’ve got six months to live
“I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral. The obit columns are of quite an interest to me these days. I don’t trust doctors. It’s not to say there ain’t some good ones, but on a general level, no, I wouldn’t trust ‘em at all.”

You don’t know the meaning of the dark side until…

It goes really bad
“Then you never wake up to find out. Several times I’ve thought, ‘This is it.’ And it’s quite a comforting feeling, actually, thinking, ‘Jesus Christ I’m getting out of it now.’ I’ve no pretensions about immortality – I’m the same as everyone else – same as you, same as everybody, I’m the same old bugger, just kind of lucky. I was Number 1 on the Who’s Likely To Die list for 10 years, I mean I was really disappointed when I fell off the list.”

My favorite new band is…

I ain’t got any, they’re all a load of crap
“Everyone’s a load of crap. They’re all trying to be somebody else and they ain’t being themselves. The Libertines, Arctic Monkeys, Bloc Party? Load of crap, load a crap. Posers, rubbish. There ain’t nothing out there that’s worth shit. I listen to the real shit, I don’t listen to bullshit. I listen to my shit, baby, Motörhead, reggae, Moroccan music. All kinds of shit.”

The band I most wish I was in is…

The Rolling Stones
“They’re the only band I care about, I can’t wait to get back on the road with those bastards, who happen to miraculously be one of the best bands in the world. I dunno how the hell it happened. I mean you’re playing beside Charlie Watts – yeah baby, you’ve gotta gig on. We’re doing the Isle Of Wight this summer and that great, it’s only down the road – I live in West Wittering, so it’s just across the bay, you know.”

The best guitar solo ever committed to record is…

Chuck Berry’s solo on ‘Little Queenie’
“I mean, whoooah! His guitar playing is just so sublime. But then
I could go with Scotty Moore and his solo on ‘Mystery Train’ with Elvis, when you start me on this shit you really start me going. I’ll go on all night.”

The best time I’ve ever had on drugs was…

I can’t remember
“It’s those nights you forget, but you know what happened because there are 15 other people telling you that you were hanging naked upside down from the chandelier. The other best bit is the morning after, when you wake up and realize you’ve had a great time. I mean drugs have got really nothing to do with life. Drugs are there if you want them, and it’s not a big fucking deal.”

The worst time I’ve had on drugs was…

When someone put strychnine in my dope
“It was in Switzerland. I was totally comatose, but I was totally awake. I could listen to everyone, and they were like, ‘He’s dead, he’s dead!’ waving their fingers and pushing me about, and I was thinking, ‘I’m not dead!’. So that’s sort of the worst one. But I got out of that, I mean otherwise I wouldn’t be talking to you. But yeah, bad shit is bad shit. The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared, he didn’t give a shit. It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.”

The actor I’d most like to play me in a film is…

Johnny Depp
“Johnny and I had a great time, loads of fun. I expected [filming the third ‘Pirates Of The Carribean’ movie, ‘At World’s End’] to be fun but it was even more fun than I had imagined. I was driving through the driveway to Walt Disney studios the other day thinking, ‘Jesus Christ, I’m following in the footsteps of Mickey Mouse here.’ No, it was brilliant, I was there for four or five days and I did my bit, and Johnny was his usual graceful self and we’re both the same size, so we swapped clothes and there it is. I met Johnny and he was just another one of my son’s friends, ‘This is Brian, this is Debbie, this is Johnny’, and we met like that, years ago. I didn’t even know what he did, I thought he was a failed rock’n’roll artist, and then I started to see some of his work and then he called me up said, ‘Hey Jesus Christ, I’ve copied you to do ‘Pirates…’,’ which I thought was the gentlemanly way of letting me know. I mean no wonder he paid for all the beers. I didn’t realize I was being observed.”

The best thing I ever saw was…

When a lady’s got her legs wide open. La-di-da
“I don’t wanna go there because I’d have to name the ladies and there’s far too many. I mean I did go there, but I ain’t going there with you.”

My best advice to young bands is…

Grow up
“I mean who do you think you’re gonna be? It’s a matter of finding out who you wanna be. So to a band, I don’t care how old or young they are, find out who you wanna be. If they wanna just be famous, or a star, that’s easy, for a day or two, if you wanna be in a band then you’d better check out the shit all the way back. My advice for Pete Doherty in particular, though, is that he should shut the fuck up and leave her [Kate Moss] alone. I don’t know the man, all I know is he’s pushing his luck, and there it is, but so is Kate, who I know very well. Kate wants to play with bad boys, and she’s done one, and then another one, and then another one. Badabing, badabang, badaboom! She’ll live, the boys will die. It’s just copycat bullshit. I did it because that was the way I did it, now people think it’s a way of life.”

I want to make a record as good as…

‘Heartbreak Hotel’
“I mean there’s a million of them. I guess ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’’s got to be close, and ‘Beast Of Burden’ maybe, yeah, and ‘Tumbling Dice’, ‘Honky Tonk Women’. I’m starting to reel them off and it’s not fair to all my other babies.”

The coolest rock star in the world, ever is…

Me!
“I mean, right, it goes without saying really, doesn’t it? I mean
I don’t think I’m cool, it’s other people that tell me I’m cool, I’m just being who I am. Just be yourself is all I can say, the rest of it’s a fucking joke. ‘Elegantly wasted’ blah-blah-blah, I’ve had all of that. If you’ve gotta be cool be cool with yourself. If you’ve gotta think about being cool, you ain’t cool.”

I would never have my hair cut like…

Anyone except me
“I’ve never had my hair cut by anybody, I do it all myself. I’ve never let anybody touch it. My mum used to give me two shillings and sixpence every two weeks to get my hair cut, and I would just ignore the barber and chop it off myself and keep the fucking money. Spent it on cigs. And a bit of booze, probably, and I’d try and impress a bird here or there, too.”

I’ll stop playing when…

I croak
“That’s it. I don’t see any reason why it should stop if there’s those of ‘em still out there that wanna see it and I wanna play it, let’s get it together. I mean I get antsy just sitting in one place for too long. I’ve had a few brushes with old death, he’s kind of a friend of mine, actually, and er, if you hang around me you’ll have a brush with it too.” ]]> http://www.buddyhead.com/gossip-109/feed/ 0 http://www.buddyhead.com/gossip-106/ http://www.buddyhead.com/gossip-106/#comments Fri, 10 Dec 2004 00:30:46 +0000 Buddyhead http://www.buddyhead.com/redux/?p=4233 It’s almost the end of the year kids, and you know what that means… No, we’re not talking about drinking so many eggnog-vodka mixers that you start puking out your nose, we’re talking about the Buddyhead “2004 Best and Worst list”. Just keep it in your pants a couple more weeks kiddies! Until then, we’ve been busy with all kinds of fun stuff. Expect to see the debut of the “Buddyhead Radio Show” very soon. You’ll be able to stream our show anytime online containing music, guest interviews, blabbermouth bullshit, and all sorts of surprises. We will make it our job to JACK YOUR EARS OFF!

Wire On Fire’s “Homewrecker” is for sale in our online store, at Amoeba in Hollywood, and at their upcoming shows (which are listed on the label site’s tour dates page). Click here to buy “Homewrecker” in our store. It’ll be in stores January 18th. And that whole “Gashwrecker” thing last update, IT WAS A JOKE! The band is also hard at work on writing the material for their debut album which will be titled, “Raw Dog, Bust On Her Stomach”.

Click here for the flier
On Monday, December 13th Buddyhead will be taking over The Hotel Café in Hollywood, California. Artists performing will include Wires On Fire (unplugged), Dimitri Coats from Burning Brides, Your Enemies Friends (unplugged), Tommy Stinson who used to be in The Replacements, and is now in Guns N’ Roses, and also has a brand new solo record out, as well as others to be announced. The show will be ALL AGES and it’ll ONLY cost you $5.00 to get in. There are no pre-sale tickets or anything, so if ya wanna get in for sure, show up early (around 8:30pm). The Hotel serves beer, wine, coffee, and other fine treats. Get ready to get folky kids. Oh yeah, the Hotel Café is owned by Marko Shafer who used to write sex advice for us before he became a sophisticated Café owner. He’ll be there too… maybe you can let him raw dog you and bust on your stomach! The Hotel Café is located at 1623 1/2 N. Cahuenga Blvd. http://www.hotelcafe.com/

Speaking of The BURNING Brides, the band is taking a break to write some songs for their next record, find themselves a new drummer, and get realllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly stoned. We’ve got proof, click here and here. As far as the drummer thing goes, if you fucking slay on drums, are cool as fuck, and ain’t tied down to a lame job or girlfriend, contact The BURNING Brides at brides@burningbrides.com

There’s a new White Stripes dvd out now. We haven’t seen it but it’s probably pretty damn good, especially considering that Jack White went to “Music School” in his younger days. Word on the street is that Jack majored in “bass playing” and “lyric writing” or some shit. Mmmhmmm.

Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age decked Blag (from the Dwarves) in the face backstage at a Dwarves show recently at the Dragonfly in Hollywood. Keep in mind, Blag is a big dude… not too many people would fuck with him, so the lesson here is, DON’T FUCK WITH 8 FOOT TALL DUDES WHO PLAYED HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL AND WERE IN STONER ROCK BANDS. Especially ones named JOSH HOMME. So yeah… we don’t have anything negative to say about Josh, only good GOOD things. NICE things too. We LOVE Queens Of The Stoneage and Eagles Of Death Metal and anything else that dude plays in. Please don’t tear our arms off and beat us with them, Josh.

Ian Brown has a funny new video for his song “Take What Ya Get”. It has him and Noel from Oasis strutting, posing, and being the arrogant brits they are. It’s great!

Fugazi is selling a bunch of really cool live bootlegs on www.fugaziliveseries.com so they can buy more porn and hard drugs. Joe Lally recently emailed us about them and here’s what he had to say: “For many years, Fugazi has made a point of taping our live shows. We started out using a simple cassette recorder, then moved on to a digital audio tape recorder (DAT) and finally just burned straight on to cd’s. Most of the tapes were made from a combination of board mixes and live mic-ing and over the years we have amassed literally hundreds of these recordings in our tape library. This site is a way to offer our audience access to selected tapes from that bank of recordings. We have digitally transferred to compact disc an initial sampling of twenty of these shows from various points in the band’s career and outfitted each with a uniform generic cover with individual concert information and a track listing. Shorter shows that fit on one disc are available for $8 postpaid. Longer sets are on 2 discs and are available for $10 postpaid. It should be noted that these are very much the original recordings without any attempt to correct for things like volume changes, strange mixing effects, the occasionally out-of-tune guitar or the tape running out. Though the sound quality on these tapes does vary, if a show was too poorly recorded it didn’t make the cut. We hope to add more shows in the future but for now here’s twenty. Please buy them so I can add more hardcore amateur anal porn to my ever growing collection, and so that Guy and Ian can continue their growing smack habit.”
Thanks,
Joe Lally

Speaking of Fugazi and porn, it looks like Ian is even a porn star now. http://www.eonmckai.com/

Speaking of drugs, My Chemical Romance are on them! Well that’ s what it says in Alternative Press magazine. Yeah, there’s an interview with this new band My Chemical Romance and it’s all about the singer’s “crazy drugs problems”. The singer dude, who looks like Joe from The Icarus Line if he was a fat ass, talks about how he was “going through $150 worth of illegal pills a month, mostly Xanax, and drinking a whole bottle of Vodka every day and a half”. And how he was “wasted” from a “whole bar of xanax” and a “beer or two”. Hey pussy, my mom parties harder than you do! What’s with you just telling the world what a huge geek you are in print? How about next time you lie a little so you don’t seem like such a huge weenie. Later on in the interview he talks about how he did coke once and it made him puke in the street, made his head throb, and then his manager “had to talk him down over the phone for three hours” cuz he “was depressed”. Hey dipshit, it’s called coming down, go lie in your bunk and listen to your walkman and ride it out pussylips. And for the record, Xanax isn’t a hard drug. The other funny part in the interview is when the singer of Thursday tells them that they should check out Ink & Dagger records cuz My Chemical Romance is doing what they were, only better! Yeah dude, and Whitesnake totally kicked Led Zeppelin’s ass too!

Speaking of fat goth dudes, Robert Smith of The Cure is bald. Yeah all that hair is pieced on, tied on, and fluffed out so you can’t tell homeboy is bald.

Eddie Spaghetti is bald too.

Bono is bald too. We swear.

Dimebag Darrell from Pantera died. He was playing guitar in some other shitty metal band and someone ran on stage with a gun killing Dimebag, another member of the band, as well as several other people. We never thought we’d be watching the news and see the word “Dimebag” on the screen. Joe Burns is gonna be bummed.

Motley Crue is back together… again. Who fuckin cares is right. They billed themselves at their comeback press show at the Palladium as “The most infamous band in the world”. Maybe infamously lame! Motley Crue is about as cool as Winger was. Tommy Lee holds the record for saying the words “dude” and “fucker” more times than anyone else in the history of mankind (even more than us… no, really). “Dude, you fuckin’ fucker!”

How come Vice Magazine takes every chance they get to make fun of Kelly Osbourne, but then they stop doing so when she starts dating the drummer from the “dance-punk” band Death From Above, who happens to be on the Vice label? Wussup dudes? Don’t pussy out! Kelly and her Canuck friend attended the American Music Awards, stood on the red carpet, and hung out with all the other lame people there. Click HERE for a photo.

Twiggy, err… Jordy, is in Nine Inch Nails now.

The Wrangler Brutes broke up. They’re in Japan and when they come home they claim they will no longer be a band. Their singer Sam didn’t sing their last U.S. show, he was sick and Dean from The Wives sang for him.

Ol’ Dirty Bastard died at age 36. ODB was also known as Big Baby Jesus, Osirus, Joe Bannanas [sic], Dirt Dog, Unique Ason, Big Baby Jesus, Dirt McKirk and Dirt McGirt. Ol’ Dirty Bastard inspired Buddyhead and was for the children. He will be missed.

Death Cab For Cutie signed to Atlantic… but we’re sure that won’t get in the way of them still being super boring, disgustingly white, and only appealing to a sea of geeks who go to college. We’d love to blow their minds with a James Brown record. Or just throw on “Maggotbrain” and really bum their party out!

Speaking of mediocre white guy not-so-rocking rock bands, how boring was that All Tommorrow’s Parties thing in L.A.? Guess that’s what ya get when you have Modest Mouse curate. Flaming Lips, Built To Spill, Modest Mouse? They shoulda just set up hammocks instead of a stage and handed out sleeping pills! BUZZKILL! But The Cramps fucking KILLED IT!

Check it out kids… start a record label that gets rich off of kids buying bad hardcore and mall emo records at hot topic, and you could live in a house just like this one that Tony Brummel from Victory Records lives in! Go for it! Click HERE.

The singer of that Distillers band owes Aaron $100 bucks. Quit fuckin around… he’s gotta get the new Bill Hicks dvd and turn the gas in his apartment back on.

The kid in The Explosion who plays guitar and keeps quitting the band, quit again.

So Gwen Stefani just put out a solo record. Yeah, you knew this was coming, right? For starters, pretty much every song on it is co-written by that dreadlocked slob from Four Non Blondes who wrote Courtney Love’s last “record”. Not to mention, every song has a different rap producer. Yeah it’s totally unlistenable, but the photos on the back of her slutting out ain’t bad. Gwen scrapped the original “art” concept when she heard that her boyfriend knocked some other slut up. She figured shots of her spread eagle in jean shorts would bum his party out. Touche! Oh and another thing, the single (“What You Waiting For?”) has the exact same melody as Weezer’s “Hash Pipe” song. Hey Rivers, normally we think suing people is lame (especially when we’re on the receiving end), but call your lawyer up and sue the pants off that ska tramp!

Speaking of Weezer, no sign of their new record anytime soon. The drummer just had a kid (let’s hope his son has better luck in the coolness department) and Rivers is still at school wasting his time. Hey dude, you’re Rivers Cuomo… you made it… you’re a rock star… you don’t have to make yourself learn anymore… just write some fucking pop songs, do drugs, and nail chicks. We’re hoping that Rivers will take our advice by dropping outta school and growing his hair back out.

Shat needs help booking a tour. He wants to come from New Jersey to Los Angeles and back. If you can throw Shat on a show or two or more, send Jeff an email at jeffwoodofshat@yahoo.com

The Nirvana boxset sucks. Yeah dude, don’t give me all the rad Peel session stuff, I want 8 versions of that shitty “Rape Me” song. Killer. Whoever was in charge of picking the cover photo needs a dick in their ear. We smell greed.

A few months ago we told you that the bass player dude from Interpol, Carlos, is addicted to fat chicks (speaking of… Shat also has a song called “Fat Attack”) and that he also likes to fuck men sometimes too. Well if you thought that was tweaked, wait til you hear this new shit. We heard Carlos also always makes the first move, and when he does he says, “this is how it usually happens” as he smothers his prey. Classy indeed!

Oh, and some dude started a website and is claiming Carlos gave his girlfriend herpes. By our math that means his girlfriend is either 1) a chunky monkey or 2) a dude.

Sometimes we’re a little off. The PJ Harvey photos we posted where she looked as though she wasn’t wearing any panties, were fakes. Someone sent us this email.
From: Alan Power
To: Buddyhead@buddyhead.com
Date: Fri, 15 Oct 2004 14:37:22 +1000 (EST)
Subject: Raining on the PJ Harvey area parade
(in the interest of vaginal accuracy)
as these pictures from the same gig indicate, the PJ Harvey shaved area thing is a visual illusion – ’tis clearly a well-worn set of white panties she is sporting and not a squeaky-clean shaved area, as reported. Click here and here.

Check it out kids! You get a free cd from The Shins with every purchase over $500 at Urban Outfitters from now until Christmas! Wait a minute… who the fuck spends $500 at once? Not anybody we know, we’re fuckin’ poor. Wait a minute. Urban Outfitters sucks.

Alice Cooper hates the Shins. He says they remind him of Spinal Tap.

We hate Alice Cooper, he reminds us of an old dude with a ponytail who plays golf.

Maynard was a pig for a Halloween.

Maynard told us to tell you all to buy the new A Perfect Circle record “emotive” cuz his record label sucks and they’re afraid to tell people it’s even out. They cover Black Flag, John Lennon, and Depeche Mode.

Lenny Kravitz has to pay one of his downstairs neighbors for water damage cuz homeboy pinched a loaf off that was just too big for his toilet! Lenny’s big shit is gonna cost him big bucks! $300,000 to be exact. That’s a lot of money for some shit. It’s either homeboy is just dropping mad logs or he’s gotta learn to give it a preliminary flush before he goes and wipes his ass with eight years worth of toilet paper. That’s how toilets get clogged man! Flush, before the wipe Lenny!

Every A&R person is jacking off to this band called The Arcade Fire. Ummm guess what? They’re Canadian.

Watch this.

Depeche Mode just released a collection of remixes, which is pretty whatever… if you aren’t into the MODE yet, check out “Violator”, “Music For The Masses” or play it safe and get the greatest hits. The real news is that they are getting back together next year to write and record a brand new record. Siiick.

Wire just came out with a new live dvd/cd set called “On the Box: 1979” on their label “pinkflag” (Aaron’s gonna start a sub-label of Buddyhead called Pinkfag). “On The Box” is a dvd of a one hour concert that was once aired on German television between their second and third records (Chairs Missing and 154) which means it’s killer, plus a really poorly lit but rad interview with the band on the same TV show, and audio of the performance in case you’re blind. Buy this.

The Alarm recently played a pretty amazing joke on the UK music industry by releasing a single under the guise of a “hip new young band” called The Poppyfields. The band had a group of teenagers perform in the video to make their story believable. Well it worked cuz the single went Top 30 and tons of labels asked to sign the “hip new young band”. The band has now agreed to let Sara Sugarman direct a film about how the band duped the UK press.

Fearless re-released the At The Drive-In catalog, even the nu-metal one.

The masked dude is back in Limp Biscuit even though he called them all sellouts and talked shit on them when he quit, cuz his band Big Stupid Head didn’t really work out and he needed to make the payments on his Ferarri’s.

Don’t forget to check up on Fred Durst’s blog. It’s an amazing experiment in handicapped writing and thinking. Lately he’s been listening to Pegboy, Paw, and Sparklehorse. Haha, is right. Dude’s tripping hard. Click HERE.

The members of Battles dress like Kanye West.

Check out this cum dumpster’s fake boob.

Andre 3000 revealed recently that his song “Hey Ya!” contains a Kool Keith diss. “What’s cooler than being Kool?” Kool Keith has called Andre out several times on record for “stealing his wigs and capes”. Keith just released “The Personal Album” (which we think you can only buy on his website) and it’s supposed to be “what The Love Below wishes it was”.

John Peel died. R.I.P.

In other sad news, Greg Shaw of Bomp Records died of heart failure. Our thoughts go out to his friends and family. Dude put out records by tons of great bands like Spacemen 3, The Stooges, The Warlocks, and many others. If you don’t know who Greg or Bomp are, read up here.

You Have Bad Taste In Music dot com has added a video of their protest of a “Story of the Year” show. Once again, support their cause. Click HERE.

Check out The Duke Spirit from London. Best new British band out there. Go check out their website at: Click HERE.

We’ve had enough of “the media” pushing The Donna’s in our face as “wild party chicks”. My mom parties harder than these girls. How about, “The Donnas: 4 pothead geeks who like to read books”

Primal Scream will have a new record out in stores around Easter time next year. And in a recent interview Mani said that he heard fellow Stone Roses alumni Ian Brown’s new album, “Solarized”, and wants to record some new music with him.

In other “Scream” news, The Hoping Foundation is releasing a DVD with footage from the Primal Scream and Spiritualized benefit concert for the children of Palestine at Brixton, October 16. All profits from the gig went to this charity, as will the proceeds from the forthcoming DVD. The setlist goes like this:
Accelerator
Miss Lucifer
Rise
Shoot Speed Kill Light
Xtrmntr
Burning Wheel
99th Floor
Kill All Hippies
Detroit
Sick City
Rocks
Kowalski
Swastika Eyes
Skull X
Jailbird
Medication
Movin’ On Up

We have no idea when The Icarus Line’s album will hit stores, but the vinyl version on Buddyhead should be out a bit before the cd. If you’re having trouble keeping it in your pants to hear new Icarus Line shit, they will have a demo version of the song “On The Lash” on the upcoming “Underworld” soundtrack. It’s some movie about vampires or some shit. They heard Don Devore used to be in Ink & Dagger so they freaked out or something. Other bands with new songs on the soundtrack include Dillinger Escape Plan, David Bowie, that dude Maynard from Tool, and that Southern Christian rap metal band with the chick singer… Evanessence er whatever it’s called. Sweet. Also still available in the UK is the “Love Is Happiness” single, with four new-ish songs on it. Check it out.

In even more Icarus Line news… their first e.p., “Red And Black Attack” (recorded way back in the 90’s!) is now completely out of print. We managed to salvage a couple boxes of these things, and if you like screaming and shit and want one, your last chance is by picking one up here on our online store. Click here to buy that shit.

The Burning Brides start recording their first proper major label album for V2 at Oceanway Studios in L.A. on Monday. That’s where Radiohead recorded their last record so you know it’s gonna be posh. Sometime after basic tracks are done, their drummer Jason is going down to lay down drums for the new Hot Snakes record. Bonus.

The cutest little trend now with new bands and major labels, is to sign young bands, and instead of them sitting around for awhile doing nothing, they get them to put out fake indie albums… usually on their own fake indie labels, or perhaps any indie label willing to take a check under the table, and that way they can build up that “indie cred” that “money can’t buy” in an “organic” way. Right. This is especially popular among many local L.A. bands of the moment who have played like… 5 shows, but are already living fat on the major label payroll. The funny part is that some of you idiot kids out there either can’t tell this is happening, or don’t care. Well here’s the thing, to all the bands that put out albums on independent labels cos there’s no other way to put out their records, and tour in vans cos that’s the only option there is, not cos it’ll make them look like “troopers” in their major label debut’s one sheet, IT’S HUGELY FUCKING OFFENSIVE. FUCK OFF. So next time you hear about a band where somebody says, “awwww, naw dude, they didn’t really sign with $8#2% Records, that’s just a rumor”, and then see full page ads in every magazine on the face of the planet for their “independent” record, YOU ARE BEING FUCKING PLAYED.

Kate Moss will be seen “pole dancing” in the new White Stripes video “I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself”. We’d rather see her dance on our poles.

Those boring 40 year old garage rockers, The Mooney Suzuki, are in Los Angeles working on their new album… or should we say, paying other people to work on their album. The Suzuki’s took all that money Nike crammed up their asses and put it toward their new album! YEAH! They’ve hired the Matrix songwriting team to help them pen some radio hits so they don’t get dropped too quickly. Busted again. Last time we busted these guys for lying about their ages, they changed their age info on their website like, the next day. Snap! So yeah, The Matrix are the same people who wrote Avril Lavigne’s songs as well as the new soul-less Liz Phair album. Looks like this time around the song writing process won’t be so “Complicated” for The Mooney Suzuki.

The bass player of Phish is tripping! Oh wait, he always has been. But now he’s gonna get stabbed for it. The story is he’s kidnapped the daughter of the head of the Hells Angels and taken kiddy porn photos with her. That was smart dude.
Jawbreaker reunited and you missed it. Well, kind of. At the Jets To Brazil show, Wednesday june 20th in Seattle, Washington at Graceland, every member of Jawbreaker was in the same room for the first time in over seven years. No songs were played and we weren’t even there to yell “KISS THE BOTTLE” at em, but Frankie Chan, the club promoter of Graceland, got super agro fan geek on them and made them pose for this photo. Good work Frankie.

Jeff Wood’s porno is up on burningangel.com. Yikes.

Ian Svenious of the Make Up/Nation of Ulysses and Calvin Johnson of K records are doing a DJ tour together so they can play stupidly obnoxious records that about four people in the western hemisphere have heard and fuck all the little friendster boys and girls that they can get their aging punk dude hands on. Sounds like a party to us.

Speaking of Friendster, if you’re on that shit, take a look at yourself and try and tell yourself you’re not a total waste of skin. It’s pretty fucking impossible huh? Get a hobby dorks.

Cave In might need some help prying that foot out of their mouths right about now cuz they just started playing the heavy shit again. The kids think those Foo Fighter songs are like tampons (they’re for pussies) so they’ve started playing the Slayer riffs again and making Stephen do that barking crap and all that shit. Oh yeah, and Vanilla Ice is rapping again too.….. we’re just sayin.

So Cal Inflight is back kids! Now you can check out all the upcoming shows while you jerk it to porn: http://premiummagazine.com/Socalinflight.html

Your Enemies Friends finally finished their album. We’ll have a release date for that real quick like for you. They’ll be playing a few shows in LA before we send em out on tour for life. They promised they would buy tuners before the shows too.

Atom and his package is breaking up. There are at least four coffee shop geeks from Philadelphia that are really fucking bummed out right now. The rest of us realize that “nerd irony” is about as funny as a funeral for a toddler.

Jack Grisham, singer of TSOL, is running for governer of California. Dude, not only does Arnold have a better chance of winning than you do, but we’re betting Webster kicks your ass. Yes, Webster is actually running.

That Bright Eyes fruitcake is moving the fuck out of Oklahoma cause he read in Spin magazine that New York was cool, so he’s packing up all his Sunny Day Real Estate 7 Inches and moving to Brooklyn where he’ll brainwash little 15 year old girls into thinking that he’s “talking to them” before he bruises their little gashes. Dude is emo, but he lays more pipe than Keith Richards. We’re talking Keith Richards of 2003 by the way.

The new Saves The Day record is coming out on Dreamworks. If you care about this YOU ARE A GIANT PUSSY.

This is pretty amazing, in a totally fucking geek way. http://www.the-fingerboarder.com

Tim Armstrong keeps telling everyone he’s gonna start laying mad pipe in famous people now that his ex-wife is making out with dudes in magazines but so far no takers. Rancid is also still sticking to that, “We’re not on Warner Brothers, we’re on Epitaph” story too. Riiiiiiiiiiight dudes. Then how come last time we were at Epitaph looting the place, when we asked for the new Rancid album so we could sell it at Amoeba, everybody said, “Naw, we don’t have any of those, you need to get that one from Warner Brothers”. Hmmmmmmmm.

Kool Keith just released an album of “odds and ends” called Lost Masters. Someone better send us this shit.

Page Hamilton from Helmet has been calling everyone to brag that he is fucking Winona Ryder, but everyone already knows that because Page 6 reported it. We’re just wondering if she’s gonna let him play Bob Dylan’s guitar that she owns. Yoooo Winona! Let us come over and play Bob’s guitar JUST ONCE, and we’ll quit talking smack.

Andy Greenwald’s book about how emo is a sexist boy subculture is coming out
in October and I guess every bed-wetting date rapist with a poetry journal
(or at least the current Vagrant roster) is scared it’s gonna kill their 15
minutes of fame. We just can’t believe that dork gets paid to write about music.

The Revolution Smile are head banging in unison at this very moment… somewhere. That shit is about as cool as your grandma wearing a fanny pack.

My Chemical Romance, some band the dude with the bottle opener gap-teeth from Thursday “produced”, just signed to Warner Bros. Because in case you didn’t read in Spin… EMO IS BIG.

Oh, and if you missed this one too… Spin, or maybe it was Rolling Stone… what’s the difference… just pretended like they invented the term “screamo”. That shit was lame when middle aged, white, Matchbox 20 fans didn’t know about it anyway.

Relapse still thinks it’s releasing the Dillinger record next spring. NAW BRAH!

The guitar player from that band Breaking Pangaea on Equal Vision has joined
Taking Back Sunday. The guy whose girlfriend the lead singer fucked is still
under contract for another record, even though he’s not in the band anymore,
so it should be interesting to see how that pans out on the next record,
which is supposed to come out on Victory or any number of major labels next
year. Blah, blah, blah. Um… too bad nobody cares about any of this shit except for 15 year old pussies .

DreamWorks and Island are both trying to sign Brand New. Which if you think about it is pretty funny… a bunch of mid aged people listening to fourth generation mall emo. You people are old enough to know better!

Someone told us that Sub Pop has the Modest Mouse guy doing A&R now. We heard that instead that to prepare for this job he’s been hitting the crack pipe on the most recent tour. Sounds like the kind of place we want to work. Anyone wanna hire us over there?

The Tripping Daisy guy from Polyphonic Spree is the only one on the contract with Hollywood Records and according to current and former band members he is starting to go “crazy” and is a complete “egomaniac”. Yeah, no shit…the guy started a band where he convinced a bunch of people to dress up like they believe that Aliens are coming to resurrect Jesus, he’s supposed to be like that you fucking nimrods.

The dude from Staind keeps getting fatter.

Limp Bizkit got boo’ed off stage, not to mention pelted with bottles while the crowd chanted “FRED SUCKS”, when the Summer Sanitarium tour hit Chicago a few weekends ago. That’s pretty cool and all, but why the fuck didn’t the crowd do the same to Mudvayne, Linkin Park, and Metallica. NEWFLASH, THOSE BANDS SUCK TOO.

By all accounts Fred Durst seems to know his record is going to be like the equivelant of listening to a pig fuck an elephant. Sources tell us that he’s been “on-edge” lately and that as more and more demos come out sounding like what would happen if you taped a Christmas prison rape, he’s been getting more and more irritable. He’s even taken to weight lifting to fix his frustrations, and apparently that’s working out for him, but as that’s working he’s been getting more and more concerned that his appearance will look a bit unbalanced come fall when MTV premiers “Launch: the Making of the Limp Bizkit album”. Seems Fred is having MTV go back and digitally alter video to make his ass look “less plump”. Go get em lard ass.

Jonathan Davies from Korn had extra hair digitally inserted where he’s balding in a couple of the bands videos from the last 2 years. Yeah, going bald and singing in Korn… if that doesn’t make you want to dive headfirst into a pit of alligators I don’t know what would.

One of the guitar players from the Explosion “had a nervous breakdown” and checked into a mental hospital. We’re not sure which one, probably the one who will be assuming the “more punk one” role as they slowly morph into a Good Charlotte cover band. Rama better get those guys on tour with the Sex Pistols and start making sure that those dudes wear their bandannas and mesh hats with their spiked bracelets, cause you know… that’s like “punk”.

For their newest video, AFI played Hatebreed and Throwdown over the P.A to get kids psyched up and matrix moshing. Meanwhile Davey Havok was backstage in his dressing room “getting psyched” watching Richard Simmons “Sweating 2 the Oldies 2” before doing his thing.

Mondo Generator are doing drugs in these cities.
September 28th Montreal, QC – Metropolis
September 29th Toronto, ON – Kool Haus
October 01st Minneapolis, MN -Quest Club
October 03rd Denver, CO – Fillmore Auditorium
October 08th Seattle, WA – Showbox
October 09th Portland, OR – Crystal Ballroom
October 11th San Francisco, CA – Warfield
October 30th Santa Barbara, CA – Santa Barbara Bowl

Interpol are going to be prancing around and acting like pretentious dipshits at all of these places. Either avoid all this shit, or go and act like a suicide bomber.
08-02 Osaka, JP – Summer Sonic Festival
08-03 Osaka, JP – Summer Sonic Festival
08-06 Brisbane, AUS – The Zoo
08-07 Melbourne, AUS – The Corner Hotel
08-08 Melbourne, AUS – The Corner Hotel
08-09 Sydney, AUS – Metro
08-22 Reading, UK – Carling Weekend
08-23 Leeds, UK – Carling Weekend
08-24 Edinburgh, UK – The Liquid Room
08-25 Belfast, UK – The Limelight
08-26 Dublin, Ireland – The Village
08-27 Manchester, UK – Manchester University
08-29 Biddinghuizen, NL – Lowlands Paradise
08-30 Weeze, GR – Terremoto Festival
09-16 Montreal, QB – Club Soda
09-17 Toronto, ON – Phoenix Concert Theater
09-18 Detroit, MI – State Theater
09-19 Chicago, IL – Riviera Theater
09-26 Seattle, WA – Showbox Showroom
09-27 Seattle, WA – Showbox Showroom
09-28 Portland, OR – The Crystal Ballroom
09-29 San Francisco, CA – The Warfield
10-01 Los Angeles, CA – Hollywood Palladium

JR EWING latest album “Ride Paranoia” (GSL)
US TOUR- October/November – (More US shows to come!):
15.10.03 – Washington DC, USA @ Black Cat w/Pretty Girls Make Graves
16.10.03 – Philadelphia, USA @ Church w/Pretty Girls Make Graves
17.10.03 – Boston, USA @ Middle East Down w/Pretty Girls Make Graves
18.10.03 – Hoboken, NJ @ Maxwells w/Pretty Girls Make Graves
20.10.03 – Prov, RI @ The Met Café w/Pretty Girls Make Graves
21.10.03 – Brooklyn, NY, USA @ Northsix w/Pretty Girls Make Graves
25.10.03 – New York, CMJ Showcase – Dim Mak & Cold Crush @ Knitting
Factory

Radio Vago got nominated for “Best Rock Band” in the L.A. Weekly Music Awards 2003 (click here to check that out), and to celebrate, they have decided to part ways with their singer, Adrienne! So as of now, the band is on “temporary hiatus”. Looks like Radio Vago has been hanging out with the afro’ed members of The Mars Volta a little too much. Anywhoo… if you think you’ve got the goods, Radio Vago is having singer tryouts:

Established all girl L.A. band seeking female vocalist/performer. Must be willing to drop everything for practice, shows, and TOUR. This is a completely dedicated and collaborative band looking for an experienced, creative vocalist who is also an explosive, energetic performer. Influences include: Sioxsie and the Banshees, PJ Harvey, Joy Division, Bauhaus, The Cure, Magazine. Please contact: calimusic@hotmail.com.

When Chad from the band CKY was asked why The Revolution Smile wasn’t on tour with them anymore, he replied with: “#1-they sucked.,they quit the tour like babies because we wanted them to go on first as planned..then liesure..then CKY, they didnt want to open the show (ego issue).. so we decided if they dont wanna open..how about they headline the show and play in our slot..that was too intimidating of a time slot for them..so they quit..they were being snotty little pricks to liesure and talked shit on stage about CKY and leisure to thier 23 hometown fans,they finished fully fearing the wrath they awaited leaving the club..ahaha..so either way.. leisure kicked thier ass..it was fucking hysterical, they were running!! their tour bus was unfortunately locked when they ran to it..so they proceeded to actually cry at us!!-if you are booked on a CKY tour and act like fucks and our audience hates you, you are gone..good luck kids . the singer got his shit talking ass beat down..props to leisure..we enjoyed the entertainment so much we gave leisure a grand to stay out on the road with us and get some food, drinks,hookers ,drugs whatever they want. they are touring like real rock + rollers ..they didnt get to borrow much money from their cheap ass label, so we were more than happy to help a real rock & roll band.” Sounds like Shat should have taken The Revolution Smile’s place on this tour. Speaking of Shat on tour…

Jeff Wood of Shat just got a new band. In his own words they are “three fat dudes from Jersey that love to get fucked up and bang chicks”. Sounds like a match made in heaven if you ask us. They’ll be on tour later this year. Get ready America.

All Tomorrow’s Parties in L.A. got cancelled cos nobody wants to pay to see Sonic Youth and Blonde Redhead for the 47,863rd time. All the bands that were supposed to play that were on tour ended up getting stuck on random shows together that made it impossible to see all the bands. Mogwai played with the Trail Of Dead and blew all the other bands off the stage in front of 90 people. The dudes in Mogwai rock the free skater fatigue shwag a little too hard though. One dude had an Etnies shirt on and one dude had a Gatorade hat on. YOU GUYS ARE BLOWING YOUR SHTICK YOU WEIRD SCOTS! Le Tigre played with The Clean and Yo La Tengo on another show and we saw them plan some crazy riot grrl shit backstage with the drummer of Sleater Kinney. They were cooking up something having to do with beating up dudes. Did we mention that Wire even played Spaceland with Melt Banana? Oh, and let’s not forget Nick Cave’s show at the Palladium where he smoked through the entire show.

Oh and guess what? Nobody’s buying tickets for Lollapalooza either… cos they still don’t have the real bass player for Jane’s Addiction in the band and NOBODY wants to see Audioslave. Surprise. Even that nu-metal band with the song Rivers from Weezer wrote dropped of the tour cos it sucks.

Speaking of Jane’s Addiction, Fred Durst has compared the forthcoming Limp Bizkit album to Jane’s Addiction’s ‘Nothing’s Shocking’. We don’t need any other proof that the dude is sucking the glass dick… among other dicks too.

On that new Metallica single, is it just us, or is bad snare and vocal all you can hear? What the fuck is going on there? 9 minute songs with no wanky solos? This shit ain’t metal.

Rancid has signed to Warner Brothers. I bet they feel silly about not signing like… 10 years ago when they probably coulda gotten 5 times as much money, and then not look like total hypocrites years later for waving the “we will never sign to a major label… PUNK ROCK!” flag. Funny shit, dude.

In more bro-punk news, Pennywise is playing the Warped Tour again this year, but have decided to mix it up by letting the fans choose their set list every night. If ya feel like confusing these dudes, tell em to play the song that sounds like Bad Religion, to which their reply should be, “That’s all of them dude.”

Guns and Weiland (ex guns n’ roses members Slash, Duff, Matt Sorem, and Izzy (he’s just writing) along with the world’s best poser, Scott Weiland (singing) finally named their band. They figured they’d outdo Audioslave and steal the crown of worst band name ever with the name “Velvet Revolver”. Good choice guys. They played their first “show”, more like “circus”, at the El Rey in Hollywood. First they had a press conference where they told everyone how rad they are. Then they played six whole songs, most of em covers. They did “Bodies” by the Sex Pistols, “Money” by Pink Floyd, some Stone Temple Pilots song, one of their own songs, and believe it or not “Negative Creep” (with a verse from “School” too) by Nirvana. We’re surprised lightning didn’t strike the building and set the whole place on fire killing all the sinners involved. The best part is Mr. Dave “I’m so happy to be famous” Grohl was in the crowd bobbing his head to that shit. Somebody revoke his “I used to be in Nirvana” card cuz the dude is blowing it. Can someone get all of the original members of Guns n’ Roses (minus Izzy of course cuz he’s still cool as shit) and lock them up in some sort of underground security holding tank so they can’t embarrass themselves anymore?

The reason the new Rapture record took so long to come out is because DFA, their label/dicso remixers, wanted songwriting co-credits with the band and the band wouldn’t do it. DFA says they wrote most of the electronic house music songs on the record and that The Rapture have no clue what the fuck they are doing with electronic equipment. The Rapture told them NO DEAL on the song writing credits and signed to a major label. The DFA gets stuck with putting out their vinyl. Hey, we know how that goes man.

Planes Mistaken For Stars are probably breaking up. They will probably still suck each other’s dicks though even though they won’t be making music together anymore.

Oh yeah… just when you thought that it was only 16 year olds who live at home with their parents in nebraskahoma who were constructing Buddyhead rip off sites, suddenly married 30 year olds who listen to Saves The Day step into the game. Keep talking about us, it’s all you’ve got anyhow. You can return your identities to the Buddyhead front desk when you’re done role playing as us. Thanks kids.

The dudes in Good Charlotte have to sign contracts that say they will not tell people about them having girlfriends… but you were already aware these guys are a boy band in Hot Topic fatigue, right?

Can somebody put the Kills, The Stills, and The Thrills on some sort of package tour together so they’ll all finally realize JUST HOW FUCKING STUPID AND CLICHÉ THEIR NAMES ARE!

Jack White is sticking his foot in his mouth right about now. After all that talk about him not being into dating famous people and not having a sex drive and yada, yada, yada “I’m a bluesman” shit, he’s now going out with that chick with the small head from Jerry McGuire, Renee Zellwger. The best part is he met her on “the set”. Yep, Jack’s an actor now too.

Can someone please explain to us who the fuck is letting 311 continue to make albums? These dudes have been tripping for so hard and long, it’s a never-ending nightmare. Someone needs to tell those dudes that the “funky hippy” thing sucks massive dick.

Someone over at Maverick needs to get the Deftones on that no bread diet. The guitar player gained about 8,000 pounds since their last record. Nobody wants to see these fat asses anywhere, let alone on the cover of magazines and on TV. Yo Maverick, Let’s trim these fuckers down by using some of that label money to enroll these dudes in that fat camp you sent Madonna to.

If anyone knows those girls in that wack New York white-girl rap group that sounds like The Fresh Prince circa “Parents Just Don’t Understand” tell them that it’s not funny and to knock that shit off. If you haven’t seen this, consider yourself healthier.

The drummer of Karp / The Whip (Scott) died a few days ago in a boating accident. We are huge Karp fans here at Buddyhead. Big bummer.

In other sad news, Jeremy from The Mars Volta and Defacto has passed away, and it’s also a big bummer. Back in the day when Buddyhead used to put on shows, Jeremy would show up and do shit like make out with Mitch on stage in between the bands and bum everybody out. Always a good time.

In other Mars Volta related news, check out the artwork for their new album. The artist’s name is Storm Thurgeson. It’s some trippy emo-Santana shit. All the kids who like to listen to songs that are between 160 bpm and 180 bpm are gonna be stoked as fuck eating mushrooms and frying their balls off staring at this weird ass shit on the cover. Click here and here to view em.

Vincent Gallo is pissed he’s not playing Charlie Manson in some new Hollywood movie about the serial killer. He’s been sending nasty emails and making threatening phone calls to the directors and producers of the film for not picking him. Don’t worry dudes, in our experiences he’s like a barking dog without any teeth. Hey Vincent, that’s what you get for being in a Glassjaw video. Karma brah.

The bass player from White Light Motorcade is sticking Mr. Stinky Pinky up in Tracy Bonham’s vag. Yeah “Mother, Mother” Tracy Bonham. They’re like married or something.

Radiohead’s record sales should shut some people the fuck up over the controversy of, “If people download albums do they go out and buy them?” Everyone and their mom downloaded that thing months before it came out, and it’s still “toppin’ the charts”. Yeah! Let’s hear it for Radiohead and the dorks who take the time to download records from the internet!

Don Devore’s new favorite band is Rooney. If you haven’t heard Rooney yet, the singer’s brother is the drummer guy from Phantom Planet (you know, that kid in Rushmore) and their mom or aunt or something is a Copola. They’re so loaded, they all got million dollar record deals for their birthdays. Aside from having one of the worst band names ever, Rooney is going for that whole, “We really liked Weezer… AND The Strokes! So we started a band that sounds like The Monkees!” thing. Stellar.

Jade Tree tried to sign Morrissey. But he told them to suck his dick.

The Minor Threat demo is in stores. Aaron kept bugging the staff at Amoeba to see if it was in yet three weeks before it came out. What the fuck is up with Rollins being in every photo on the layout? It’s out as a CD single and a 7″. Now that’s fucking punk, eight songs on a seven inch. That’s less than a song an inch!
Demo tracklisting:
01 Minor Threat
02 Stand Up
03 Seeing Red
04 Bottled Violence
05 Small Man, Big Mouth
06 Straight Edge
07 Guilty of Being White
08 I Don’t Wanna to Hear It

Some band called Wolf Eyes just signed to Sub Pop. We don’t know much about em but we heard they’re down with Andrew WK, which could be a good thing for them.

Word on the street is that Carlos, the bass player dude with floppy hair from Interpol, has some weird thing on his dick from sleeping with half the population of lower Manhattan. That dude needs to hang with Jeff Wood it sounds like.

At least someone’s doing good things. ODB showed up at his mother’s house with 2 strippers on Easter. It will all be on VH1 when they air the new TV show about him being out of jail.

Some new band from New York called THE Prosaics, which has the drummer of Rainer Maria in it, signed to 4AD before even playing a show. No way?!? They’re from New York and they got a deal without playing a single show? Never heard that one before. They’re telling everybody that they sound like Joy Division but we know how that one goes. You can’t sound like Joy Division if you’re from New York, you end up singing about sleeping on couches and shit.

Speaking of Rainer Maria (girl emo) the singer is getting fully railed by their merch guy. Call up Kyle Fischer (the boy emo singer) at 917-842-8504 and ask him how he feels about his ex-girlfriend getting porked by the merch monkey. Drama in the tribe!

Har Mar got dropped. Surprise.

If you used to work at MCA, you’re probably reading this at home now instead of at work. YOU GOT FIRED DIPSHIT. BUMMER.

These Arms Are Snakes (remember band #566 that got signed cuz we named dropped em here) has a new video promo of sorts you can download. Click here. It’s basically Ryan and Joe snorting K and looking at gay porn to one of their songs. Brilliant if you ask us.

Orthrelm is signing to Ipecac. Mike Patton worships the guitarist. Like in a “I wanna suck your balls clean” way. He called him the best guitarist ever. Umm, you’re tripping Mike. Check out this dude called Jimi Hendrix.

Fiona Apple is working on a third album in Silverlake, at Real Music Records Mansion. Iggy did a few records there. She hasn’t invited us over for some beer and a listening party yet, but the place looks pretty swank, check out their website. She’s gonna spend some more label loot and finish it up at Abbey Road. It’s being produced by Jon Brion (he did the first one) and Matt Chamberlain (he produced the second one) is playing drums. As gay as it sounds, we can’t wait.

Cameron Diaz stopped banging Jared Leto and is now humping Vince Vaughn, which rules, and Jared Leto doesn’t have cable. We saw Vince Vaughn at Daddy’s and he almost kicked Casper Adams’ ass for commenting on his new handlebar mustache. Instead Vince just ended up beating all the beautiful babies off him with a stick. Dude gets mad chicks.

Andy Rich from Initial Records has a hustle going on. Dude is flying to Vegas and winning some duckets. Andy told us that, “Some people we know make music. Some make websites. I make full houses.” Check out the dudes cash prizes here and here.

Did anyone happen to see that Rolling Stone a few issues back with Fred Durst, Ozzy, and all those other posing fruitcakes? There’s some fucked up shit going on: Fred Durst unveils his new tattoo of Kurt Cobain’s head. That’s like Hitler getting a tattoo of Jesus to try and make us all forget what he’s done.

David Lee Roth is on tour blazing a trail of cocaine across America as you read this. He wins.

Anyone seen Kool Keith lately?

The new Lilly’s record (which features Don Devore on guitar for a few songs) called “Precollection” is the summer jam of 2003. Get hip to it.

Courtney Love is on Virgin. Samantha is playing drums and she’s picking the band, so if you wanna hang out with Winona Ryder, you better start being nice to her.

Nothing lasts forever anymore it seems. Conor Oberst and Winona broke up.

Speaking of Winona Ryder, she’s dating Jack Osbourne now.

Kelly on the other hand is really into acting like an adult in public.

Pete Yorn just got the Trent Reznor haircut for $455 dollars at a Hollywood Salon. You heard it here first kids.

Hot Hot Heat get the award for “Most Annoying Song Written… EVER”. These guys are taking all the white belt / singer doing the fruity arms thing / stupid haircuts cliché’s to a whole new level. Ohhh too much heat! Hot Hot!

SWIZ is reforming for a benefit show in Philly for someone in Kid Dynamite who is sick.

Spiritualized have a new old album that just hit stores called “The Complete Works, Vol. 1” It’s basically a comp of all the shit pre- “Ladies and Gentlemen” that you aren’t cool enough to own cuz you just got into this band last week. So catch up and buy this hot potato cuz it’s muy killer. Can someone from that label send us over a few free copies cuz we just PLUGGED YOU FOR FREE YOU DIRTY DIRTY BITCHES. J. Spaceman has also just recorded a new album titled “Amazing Grace” (if you saw him live last year he was probably wearing a shirt that said “Amazing Grace”… a little useless trivia for you all) and it’s already all over the internet. It’s the opposite of their last album “Let It Come Down”. Where “Let It Come Down” took him 6 months to records and mix, this new one, “Amazing Grace” took a mere three weeks. You could call this his punk/country record, or the closest thing he’s going to get to such a thing. His label was tripping on the record so much, they DROPPED SPIRITUALIZED. Can you say, “Tripping Jack Daniels”? If it ever comes out, buy the thing, cuz Jason needs to be able to buy more drugs so he can make more music to take drugs to. Apparently the band have re-signed with Sanctuary / Rough Trade. Jason Spaceman also gave a new version of the song ”Hold On” (which is on “Amazing Grace” to a comp to help the children of Iraq… check out their website at http://www.wmuk-newmedia.co.uk/wea/hope/hope.html Check that out cuz it’s for a good cause.
The full tracklisting of “Amazing Grace”:
* ‘This Little Life of Mine’
* ‘She Kissed Me (It Felt Like A Hit)’
* ‘Hold On’
* ‘Oh Baby’
* ‘Never Goin’ Back’
* ‘The Power And the Glory’
* ‘Lord Let It Rain On Me’
* ‘The Ballad of Richie Lee’
* ‘Cheapster’
* ‘Rated X’
* ‘Lay It Down Slow’

Check it out, our friend Ian Rogers is famous and shit. Click here to read about the new program, Muse, that he’s made. It’s killer.

The bass player for Slipknot is dumber than we thought. That’s pretty fucking dumb.

The Starting Line is the worst band on the planet as of right now.

Joe Somar, the singer guy of that much hyped New York band, The Fugue, got jumped two weeks ago in front of his apartment building. Four random dudes dressed like rappers roughed him up and smashed his glasses but couldn’t get any cash off of him, just his cheapo discman and Primal Scream CD before they hopped into their shitty ride while blasting 50 Cent. The beating will apparently be addressed in the form of a “punk song” on the upcoming LP by The Fugue. Everyone’s on the edge of their seat now.

Matador has some Dead Meadow signed LP’S to give away. If you wanna win one, email us at buddyhead@buddyhead.com with “DEAD MEADOW RULES” in the subject and in the body of the mail tell us why you need Dead Meadow’s rock power on vinyl. Winners must own a turntable. We’ll pick our favorite answers and post the winners if we feel like it.

Capitol has some Verbena CD’s to give away. If you wanna win one, email us at buddyhead@buddyhead.com with “yes, I really like Verbena” in the subject and in the body of the mail tell us why the fuck you like that band. We’ll pick our favorite answers and if you’re not a loser you’ll get a free cd! Oh boy, is right! If you have no idea who the fuck Verbena is, you can watch their video they made to sell them lots of records.

Steve Aoki (he owns Dim Mak Records) has a sister who’s a big time movie star now. Her name is Devon Aoki and she’s in that car racing 2 Fast 2 Furious. Get her to sign your Kills related solo project records.

Marko is famous again. Click here. Email him at marko@buddyhead.com and ask him where the fuck the new Sex Advice is.

These dudes (click here) swing on our nuts like monkeys from trees. Get off our dick corporate dot comers.

You should know about Nardwuar. He’s amazing. Click here to visit his site.

Youth Of Today is getting back together to play some shows in Europe this summer. What the fuck is right. Rival Schools broke up, so even Sammy will be playing drums on the tour.

A few months ago, the singer of Blonde Redhead, fell off a horse and totally bashed her face in. She had to go to a face doctor and get it all fixed up. Since she has healed her face, they recorded an album, and they are shopping it for a major label deal. They’re on tour right now, so go see em before you have to call em sell outs.
06-24 Santa Cruz, CA – Catalyst
06-25 San Francisco, CA – The Fillmore
06-27 Vancouver, BC – Commodore
06-28 Seattle, WA – Showbox
06-29 Portland, OR – Crystal Ballroom

The White Stripes and Yeah Yeah Yeahs are going on tour together across the US of A later this year! They’ve settled their differences and decided to do a tour together where both bands will play simultaneously. You know cuz 2+3 = 5, and that’s actually a whole band! Meg is gonna play bass, sing duets with Karen, and it’ll be one big happy family.

The White Stripes are bigger than Jesus and they’re going on tour. Everyone’s stoked.
06-13 Mountain View, CA – Shoreline Ampitheatre
06-16 Raleigh, NC – The Ritz
06-17 Charlotte, NC – Grady Cole Center
06-18 Tampa, FL – USF Special Events Center
06-19 Boca Raton, FL – Mizner Park Amphitheater
06-20 Stone Mountain, GA – Stone Mountain Park
06-21 Orlando, FL – Hard Rock Live
06-23 New Orleans, LA – Municipal Auditorium
06-24 Houston, TX – Verizon Wireless Theatre
06-25 Austin, TX – Stubb’s Bar-B-Q
06-26 Grand Prairie, TX – Next Stage
06-27 Oklahoma City, OK – Bricktown Events Center
06-28 Kansas City, KS – Memorial Hall
06-30 St. Louis, MO – The Pageant
07-01 Chicago, IL – Aragon Ballroom
07-02 Chicago, IL – Aragon Ballroom
07-03 St. Paul, MN – Roy Wilkins Auditorium
07-05 Milwaukee, WI – Eagles Ballroom
07-23 New York, NY – Central Park Summer Stage

The Circle Jerks and GBH are doing an east coast tour in July. Keith is bomb. Here are the dates.
Click READ MORE, sucka.
July 9 Fort Lauderdale, FL @ The Factory
July 10 Tampa, FL @ Masquerade
July 11 Orlando, FL @ House of Blues
July 12 Jacksonville, FL @ Freebird Cafe
July 13 Atlanta, GA @ Masquerade
July 15 Washington DC @ 930 Club
July 16 Philadelphia, PA @ The Trocadero
July 17 New York, NY @ Irving Plaza
July 18 Asbury Park, NJ @ The Fast Lane
July 19 Worcester, MA @ The Palladium
July 24 Detroit, MI @ St. Andrews Hall
July 25 Chicago, IL @ House of Blues
July 26 Minneapolis, MN @ Quest

Beehive and the Barracudas are touring the U.S. this Spring. This will be in support of their new LP titled “In Black Love” to be released in June on Swami Records. They’re in trouble too cuz they gave Travis a song off the album for his comp.
June 11th @ King?s Barcade (Raleigh, NC)
June 12th @ The Otto Bar (Baltimore, MD)
June 13th @ The Khyber (Philadelphia, PA)
June 14th @ Mercury Lounge (New York, NY) w/The Pattern
June 15th @ North Six (Brooklyn, NY)
June 20th @ The Black Cat (Washington, DC)
June 21st Pittsburg, PA
June 23rd @ Grog Shop (Cleveland, OH)
June 24th Detroit, MI
June 25th @ The Empty Bottle (Chicago, IL)
June 26th @ Rocket Bar (St. Louis, MO)
June 27th @ Brick’s (Kansas City, MO)
June 28th @ Larimer Lounge (Denver, CO) w/Apples In Stereo and Creeper
Lagoon
June 29th @ Kilby Court (Salt Lake City, UT)
July 1st @ Graceland (Seattle, WA) w/The Husbands
July 2nd Portland, OR
July 4th @ Hemlock Tavern (San Francisco, CA) w/The Husbands
July 5th Los Angeles, CA
July 6th San Diego, CA

Radiohead’s going on tour in America. Chances are, you’re stoked.
13 August Tweeter Center Boston
15 August Parc Jean Drapeau Montreal
16 August Molson Amphitheatre Toronto
18 August Tweeter Center Philadelphia
20 August Merriweather Post Pavillion Columbia MD
21 August Blossom Music Center Cleveland
23 August Alpine Valley Music Theatre Chicago (Troy WI)
24 August UMB Bank Pavilion St. Louis
26 August Red Rocks Amphitheatre Denver
28 August USANA Amphitheatre Salt Lake City
30 August Thunderbird Stadium Vancouver
31 August White River Amphitheatre Seattle
23 September Shoreline Amphitheater Mountain View CA
25-26 September Hollywood Bowl Los Angeles CA
28 September Coors Amphitheater San Diego CA
1 October Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavillion Houston TX
2 October Keifer UNO Lakefront Arena New Orleans LA
4 October Sound Advice Amphitheater West Palm Beach FL
6 October HiFi Buys Amphitheater Atlanta GA

SOULS SHE SAID “RUB THE SLEEP OUT” EP IS IN STORES NOW!!!

The Icarus Line are going to New York to play a few shows in the city, stalk Moby, steal some more pedals from Gideon Yago, and eat some dogs. Also, if you live in NYC, print out the flyer below and consider yourself part of our street team and hand those fuckers out. Here’s the show info:
5/8 @ Irving Plaza (with Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
5/9 @ Pianos
5/11 @ Luxx in Brooklyn

Your Enemies Friends are finishing up the recording of their debut album this week, and it sounds muy killer. That one will be out on Buddyhead real soon… Stay tuned kids.

The Stooges slayed at Coachella. Besides Aaron pointing at Trent Reznor and telling everybody that walked by, “Look, that’s Trent Reznor”, that was the only good part of the whole festival. Oh, I guess Primal Scream was awesome too. But then again we missed the Blueman Group… that could have been way bomb for all we know.

Oh yeah, White Stripes played too and the sound sucked. Jack White’s real name is John Gillis. Which if you’re keeping score ain’t all that cool. Meg White’s real name is… Meg White.

Burning Brides are too tired to tour anymore, so are canceling their appearances on their current tour. Looks like the party’s in Philly now. Someone buy us some mother fuckin’ plane tickets to Philly!

Yeah Yeah Yeahs are gonna be on Conan O’ Brian this Friday. Conan better get ready to have beer splattered all over him by Karen and then have his photo taken by Nick. It’s gonna be a party either way.

Nada Surf’s label, Barsuk, had a marketing meeting recently and in that meeting they specifically said to not service our site with their record because “Buddyhead’s attitude fucking sucks.” The funny part is we already got a few copies sent to us in the mail. But hey, dudes over at Barsuk, don’t worry, we weren’t planning on reviewing it anyways cuz we already sold em and bought some weed with the money. By the way, the people who work at Barsuk are a bunch of PUSSIES.

Self proclaimed punk rocker, Casey Chaos, from that wack metal band Amen, just wrote the forward to a new book on the shelves called ‘Nu Metal’. Fitting right? Next time you’re at Barnes & Noble, pick it up, it’s worth a chuckle or two.

This is too funny… there is actually a music management company called “BRO MANAGEMENT”! Don’t believe us? Give em a call @ 310-393-4567

Call up MTV VJ Benji from Good Charlotte on his cell phone 571-237-4820 and tell him that when he wants to spike up his bro-hawk, the egg yokes are supposed to go in his hair, not in his mouth… FATASS!

Call up Willa Ford on her cell phone and tell her to quit dropping our names around town. 813-732-3482

E-mail the guitarist with no eyebrows and stupid dreadlocks in Murderdolls, Tripp Eisen, at anthraxislam@hotmail.com

Sharon and Ozzy put their reality TV star son, Jack Osbourne, in rehab for smoking too much pot. They should have just gone to the root of the problem and sent the kid to fat camp.

Out on June 16 is the Minor Threat demo tape (cd single/7″). This demo tape was recorded 3 or 4 months after Minor Threat formed in Don Zientara’s basement. 8 songs are included here, ‘Minor Threat’, ‘Stand Up’, ‘Seeing Red’, ‘Bottled Violence’, ‘Small Man, Big Mouth’, ‘Straight Edge’, ‘Guilty of Being White’, and ‘I Don’t Want to Hear It’. The Minor Threat live DVD is still being worked on and looks likely to be completed by the fall. Aaron’s shaking he’s so excited.

Wal-Mart shut down Nathan from Creation Is Crucifixion’s site, Hactivist.com. It seems that punk rock is actually doing damage finally. Keep up the good work and post all your scams and use them. Donate to Buddyhead so we can keep the struggle alive suckers.

Thanks to ourselves, These Arms Are Snakes are getting huge. They will be on tour with Jucifer this spring.

Buddyhead will soon be racing Tokion Magazine in a cannon ball run style cross country car race. More on this real soon.

According to Corey Murchy of Minus the Bear and Corey! Kori! Cory!, their tour is making those Led Zeppelin shark fucking stories seem tame. Some of the debauchery has landed one fellow in jail in Florida while another functioned for two days completely blacked out. Go see them on tour and ask Corey for the whole story that he will not tell us.

Bluebird had 3 guitars stolen in Leeds, England on April 28 after a show at “The Cockpit”.
The guitars were as follows:
fender telecaster. sunburst. (american standard issue)
fender telecaster. black (worn out finish). (squire issue).
hagstrom superswede. red nicked finish.

Also a sony video camera with US power supply in black bag.

Any info would be appreciated. please email: info@bluebirdsounds.com

BLUEBIRD UK/EUROPEAN SPRING TOUR:
Date City Country Venue
25th April 2003 Newcastle-Great Britain Stage II
26th April 2003 Nottingham-GB Rock City
27th April 2003 Cambridge-GB Junction
28th April 2003 Leeds-GB Cockpit
29th April 2003 Edinburgh-Scotland Liquid Rooms
1st May 2003 London-GB Astoria
2nd May 2003 Wolverhampton-GB Wulfrun
3rd May 2003 Dublin-Ireland Music Centre
4th May 2003 Cork-Ireland Fred Zeppelin
6th May 2003 Portsmouth-GB Pyramid
7th May 2003 Cardiff-GB Coal Exchange
8th May 2003 Manchester-GB Academy
10th May 2003 Brussels-Belgium Botanique
11th May 2003 Cologne-Germany Prime Club
12th May 2003 Hamburg-Germany Schlaithof
13th May 2003 Berlin-Germany Knaach
14th May 2003 Vienna-Austria Flex
16th May 2003 Geneva-Switzerland Usine
17th May 2003 Tilburg-Netherlands O13
19th May 2003 Paris-France La Boule Noir
20th May 2003 Amsterdam-Netherlands Melkweg
21st May 2003 London-GB The Metro
22nd May 2003 Sheffield-GB Corporation
23rd May 2003 Glasgow-Scotland Cat House
24th May 2003 Middlesborough-GB Play @ The Empire
25th May 2003 Nottingham-GB Old Angel
**************************************************
4/25-5/20 supporting HELL IS FOR HEROES
5/21-5/25 Headlining

The singer of The Revolution Smile had this to say in a recent interview:
“I saw Nirvana open for Red Hot Chili Peppers. They wore socks on their … things, and at the time weren’t the most credible band. But after [Nirvana] played, no one cared. That’s what we want to do. We want to make the band after us scared. The ‘Return Of Rock’ is a joke. That’s not rock. Something that happened in 1991, that was the return of rock if there ever was a return of rock. Last year was cool, but it’s not real. There’s nothing dangerous about those bands. They might be good bands, but they’re not taking any chances. I believe this band is taking chances.”

The Revolution Smile plan to set the world on fire this year for everybody who never heard bands in Drop D… like Quicksand and Deftones! Dangerous! Taking chances! You heard it here first kids!

Oh, and speaking of The Revolution Smile, the first person to find any press on them that doesn’t mention “Buddyhead” (has to be longer than 10 words too) and send it into us gets a free t-shirt of your choice from our online store.

Speaking of White Stripes… the new album “Elephant” is stellar… even if the dude rips himself off on some of the songs. The release date for the album has been moved up to April Fools Day (April 1st) after mad people downloaded the thing on the internet. Let’s just hope he’s not gonna let Meg sing her song live anymore.

In other Jack White news… Jack White may have a new gig… as the bass player in The Stooges! That’s right, the original Stooges are getting back together and recording some new tracks. Obviously the original bass player, Dave Alexander is still dead, so on the new songs, not only is Jack White “producing”, but he might be playing bass as well. Bad ass! Let’s hope they do some shows with this lineup.

Speaking of The Stooges, this email was sent to us regarding an incident that happened during their recent recording session in Florida.
“Ron called me early Monday morning at 2am to report this. Ron and his brother Scott Asheton are in Miami Beach, FL finishing up some STOOGES tracks for the next IGGY POP album. Last night at the 11th st diner in Miami Beach, FL at approximately 1am Ron and Scott Asheton fought off a knife wielding cook and a table tossing busboy to save the life of a stray cat. Apparently the bloodthirsty kitchen help annoyed by the presence of the stray, burst into the dining area exclaiming, “Let’s kill that cat!!”. Ron the animal lover was not going to have any of this and jumped the pair shocking even his brother Scott. Scott was able to hold his brother back and an exchange of words ensued. Dismayed and frustrated by the lack of communication due to language barriers, “Zorro” and his table tossing side kick retreated back into the kitchen area and the Ashetons paid their bill and left. According to other customers the kitchen help at the 11th St. Diner has severely injured this poor cat in the past leaving him with a broken jaw. Luckily, a good Samaritan took the animal to a vet for treatment.

11th Street Diner
1065 Washington Ave
Miami Beach, FL
305-534-6373

Call them and let the owners/management know that cruelty to animals will not be tolerated. Ron thanks you if you do.”

Pathetic Overweight Dudes… otherwise known as POD, have decided to try to change their image by kicking out the fattest dude in the band. And the fat dude is pissed. The fat guy wanted to talk about legalizing pot and laying pipe in groupies and shit in interviews, and the other dudes didn’t think that jived with their Christian image. Bummer for that dude… no more Krispy Kremes every night on the rider. Dudes with dreadlocks and board shorts everywhere are bummed too.

Pretty Girls Make Graves totally sold out the scene and signed with Matador.

Coheed and Cambria are in the studio recording what surely will be a big fat emo turd for all the lobotomized emo mall youth. Has anyone honestly listened to this band? The singer sounds like he got his nuts ripped off and then crammed down his throat, and he’s got an afro, cause you know it’s “edgy-emo”… the afro makes it different. Liking this shit is as unexplainable as being pro-child molestation.

Glassjaw made the nu-emo-metal world sad when they canceled their Bro-Core dates because the singer has some sort of poop problem that makes him shit out everything he eats. We’re hoping the poop problem comes back every time that dude even thinks of whining into a microphone.

Call Bam Margerra at really fucked up times and tape it. If he gets pissed tell him it’s all a “stunt”. (610) 558-1772.

Metallica and Linkin Park are headlining Reading and Leeds Festivals this year. That’s kind of like when Jeff Wood got crabs and gonorrhea at the same time.

First Pete Townshend, now 3 D from Massive Attack. The Massive Attack main-man got nabbed with kiddy porn on his home computer, as part of a British Child Pornography Sting. Creepy.

The Mars Volta album is in the bag, and the band is heading out to tour Europe… some shows with the Chili Peppers, and about 2 weeks headlining on their own with none other than Radio Vago on the tour as well. This is Radio Vago’s first trip over there, so don’t fuck this up and not check this out.
The Mars Volta & Radio Vago:
3/31 Copenhagen Vera
4/1 Berlin S036
4/2 Prague Rock Café
4/3 Vienna Flex
4/4 Zagreb Mochvara
4/6 Bologna Estragon
4/8 Barcelona Razzmatazz 3
4/9 Madrid Moby Dick
4/11 Paris La Boule Noir
4/12 Brussels AB Box
4/13 London Astoria

Fred Durst has decided to heighten his profile as “BIGGEST DIPSHIT IN THE UNIVERSE” by making up new words in front of millions of people at the Grammys. “Agreeance”? That’s some Don King type shit right there. Oh and another thing… there’s a bunch of people that should never, ever, ever be asked their opinion on anything again… not even if it’s “what’s your favorite color?” I know it’s cool to get up on TV and be against war and stuff, but nimrods saying, “This war needs to end as soon as possible.” HEY SHITHEELS, THE WAR HASN’T EVEN STARTED YET, NEVER OPEN YOUR MOUTHS IN PUBLIC AGAIN.

Obviously we’re on the verge of a new Limp Shitskit record, cause the “English language revolutionist”, Fred Durst went on Howard Stern and told the world something that we already knew… that he banged that coke slut Brittney Spears and that she’s got a hairy burger. He also spewed some Neanderthal like lyrics from his upcoming album that went like this: “I have 20 eyes in my head/ Cause I’m a Misfit” and on a separate song “3….2….1 Errrrrghhh, Here we go again/Right now, let’s go/Me and you, toe to two/So we can rock, we can roll/Here we go again/I’m addicted to crackin’ skulls when punks, start, static.” Wow, what can you say other than we’re about as excited for this record as we are for smashing our dicks with hammers, or a worldwide Ebola spread. Those lyrics read like a “slow” drooling 12 year old’s poetry would after sitting through WWF Raw. If you want to go visit fat Fred and see for yourself the fucking disaster of a record that will undoubtedly be the new Limp Bizkit, head down to Sound Track Studios in New York on 936 Broadway. Bring rocks… make sure they’re heavy. Oh, and you might as well give them a call over there and see if you can get Freddy on the horn. (212) 420-6010.

Oh, and if you haven’t heard the new Limp Bizkit song, which they’ve posted on their website as a preview to the new album, you’re missing some of the funniest shit ever. THIS IS THE WORST SONG IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Click here.

And more Fred Durst… did anybody see this dickhole wearing a Minor Threat shirt at the press conference announcing the upcoming Metallica / Limp Bizkit / Linkin Park / Deftones tour? POSER. They should throw Great White on that tour too and we could all cross our fingers hoping lighting strikes twice. Click here.

Tickets for that Summer Sanitarium bullshit are selling about as fast as thong bathing suits at a fat camp in Alaska. Seems like the people running this mess are getting a bit scared that the whole thing might turn into a disaster. We’re thinking that the whole thing is a clusterfuck, sold out shows or not. NEVER, in the history of human kind will that many people with borderline drooling retard IQ level be in the same place at the same time.

Speaking of Great White, The Icarus Line have hired their tour manager for their upcoming tour with Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs signed to Interscope for 14.7 kajillion dollars.

Read a Shat interview here.

Somebody told us that the new System of a Down video was done by none other than Micheal Moore (Bowling for Columbine). Tom ran to get lube and tissues when he heard that.

Don’t let all those magazines fool you with their high gloss dick sucking cover stories on these fucking lame ass bands: Thursday, Taking Back Sunday, The Used, Glassjaw, The Movielife etc. etc. etc. All are total fruitcake shit. Nobody wants to listen to your suburban white ass cry and moan over how your girlfriend’s a whore cause she broke your heart and how you have feelings that some sort of mythical person is trying to “take away”. WRITE THAT SHIT IN YOUR DIARY and start strumming acoustic guitar at the local coffee shop with the hippies and other dipshits who label themselves “artists”, and leave the rest of us alone. We’d rather listen to Aaron dump out his bowels than your sappy fucking middle school ramblings on some girl that dumped your dumb ass after she realized what a big fucking bed wetter you are.

Tomahawk has a new record coming out on May 6th called “Mit Gas” on Ipecac, which will be preceded by a tour with the Melvins
April 28th San Diego, CA – Cane’s

Our good buddy, Dimitri, the original singer of Dillinger Escape Plan, has a new band. They are called Tokyo, and you should check it out. It’s Dimitri and some other dudes who were in a band called Knives Out. They are playing some shows in the tri-state area soon, so make sure to keep your eyes peeled for that.

Snapcase got into a fight in Europe with some crazy fucking Russian dudes. We’re not sure what they were fighting over, but the drummer got kicked in the face and the tour manager got his jaw broken.

Ex Janes Addition bass player, Eric Avery, tried out for Metallica, Twiggy also tried out for Metallica, but they didn’t like him cos he didn’t have any eyebrows. He’s joined A Perfect Circle instead, replacing that Paz chick who’s in Zwan now. Danny Lohner of Nine Inch Nails has also joined the group, replacing Troy who is now in Queens of The Stoneage full time.

In more summer concert news, Lollapalooza is back. The big surprise is that it will include Janes Addiction, Audioslave, etc etc. Oh, don’t forget the token positive hip hop group they always gotta have… oh look, Jurrasic 5. I guess it could be worse… at least some kids might check this out instead of the Warped Tour this year.

In more “festival” news, the lineup for Coachella has been announced. Oh killer… can’t wait to see Blue Man Group both days… NOT.

Those mall punk kids from Good Charlotte are starting a record label with Goldfinger singer John Feldmann. Great, just what we need, another label signing more pop mall punk bands…

Call Mark McGrath and tell him how cool you think it is that he brings his dad out on tour so they can hook up with chicks together, all the while, his girlfriend and mom sit at home alone. (310) 572-5821

The Starlite Desperation is back together.

The Atari’s have once again seemed to have forged their identity based on the fact that they don’t have one. Dude… dressing up like you’re in The Icarus Line in your video… what are you smoking? More like, what’s your bass player eating….

Kelly Osbourne and Bertie from The Used broke up and we heard Bert is hitting the bottle pretty hard cuz he misses his little chunky monkey… our hearts go out to him. Keep ya head up champ!

Oh and in case you didn’t notice, there’s some new record reviews up. You can read about the new White Stripes album and a bunch of others there. It’s kinda confusing… new ones are under old ones in some places… just scroll around, you’ll get the idea.

Sexual Ryan’s old emo band, Spitfirevolver, broke up, and he wants to start a new punk band. He just needs to buy an Ampeg bass head first… y’know, with tubes and stuff. If you have one you wanna sell, and like… support the scene, email is ass at: Nlsonmntz@aol.com … tell him if he uses it for emo again though, there’s NO DEAL.

It’s about that time again. Time to travel to the asshole of our country, Texas, to see a bunch of bands play, drink a bunch of free drinks, eat a bunch of free food, and watch industry slimeballs suck the dicks of promising bands. Oh it’s gonna be a blast. This year all of Buddyhead’s active bands will be playing, yep, even SHAT.
The Icarus Line: Friday, March 14 La Zona Rosa 11:00 p.m.
Shat: Saturday, March 15 Fox and Hound 12:00 a.m.
Your Enemies Friends: Saturday, March 15 Fox and Hound 1:00 a.m.
Radio Vago: Saturday, March 15 Privilege 8:00 p.m.

Blur is playing their first show with their new guitar player, that dude from The Verve, at South by Southwest this year too. Boo yah.

Turbonegro’s newest album “Scandinavian Leather” is in the can, and should be out by summer. Awesome. Equally as awesome is that they are touring the U.S. with Queens of the Stoneage. Bomb.

QOTSA/Turbonegro (more dates to follow):
3/13/2003 House of Blues New Orleans, LA
3/14/2003 New Daisy Theater Memphis, TN
3/15/2003 40 Watt Club Athens, GA
3/17/2003 The Marquee Theater Jacksonville, FL
3/18/2003 Culture Room Ft. Lauderdale
3/19/2003 Twlight Tampa, FL
3/21/2003 Hard Rock Live Orlando, FL
3/22/2003 House of Blues North Myrtle Beach , SC
3/23/2003 Lincoln Theatre Raleigh, NC
3/24/2003 Norva Theatre Norfolk, VA
3/26/2003 Webster Theatre Hartford, CT
3/27/2003 The Vanderbuilt Painview, NY
3/28/2003 Birch Hill Nightclub Old Bridge, NJ
3/29 – 3/31 will be added later

Courtney Love got naked again. Check out the burger.
(photo1)
(photo2)

Gwen Stefani is gonna “drop” a hip-hop solo album, and her label Interscope just dropped The Briefs. We’re not sure what it is but we think there’s some sort of connection there.

We’re giving away three Foundation “pop Tops” skateboards. To enter send an email to us at buddyhead@buddyhead.com telling us why you should win. MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR ADDRESS AND FULL NAME. Click here to view the deck yo.

Call Joe Millionaire and tell him he blew it by not picking the chick who sucked him off and likes to get tied up and shit: 913 706 9269 (His real name is Evan Marriot)

Bill Hicks was one cool motherfucker! Click here.

Patty from Hole is now playing drums for Juilette Lewis’s band. She must have a thing for backing up actresses.

The Dwarves are pissed. Check this out from The Dwarves mailing list, people need to know about this kind of stuff:

“To all of you who bought tickets to the Shakedown and were disappointed at our cancellation, here is the reason for it.

The promoter of the show Ralph Carrera oversold his venues substantially, leaving many ticket holders out in the cold and unable to attend the shows they had paid for. He also failed to secure a stable venue for his festival. LA fire and police departments were called because of his irresponsibility, and refunds were promised by him, but we don’t feel he will honor them.

This guy’s own greed caused him to oversell the venues, he was still selling tickets the day of the show, knowing he was way over capacity.
We won’t play for a promoter who cheats people out of their money. We rarely cancel shows, but this clown wanted us and all of the other
bands to play so that he wouldn’t have to give refunds to the people who made it into the show, when hundreds of other people couldn’t even get in the door.

His aftershow spin is bullshit. He cheated the ticket holders, the bands he booked and even his own staff. We suggest haranguing him for a refund, or just beating his silly ass so that he stops promoting shows once and for all. He can be reached at Ralph Carrera 909-355-5823 / CELL 909-229-8939

To all of our fans, we regret the cancellation and we will be appearing all over the US over the next year. Thanks for listening.
DWARVES 2/03”

Oh boy, more reality shows. In case you haven’t heard by now, mtv is doing another reality show on the ex-members of Guns n Roses. That’s right… Slash, Duff, Izzy, Matt… all the dudes. They still don’t have a singer, so maybe that will make things even more interesting.

Also on the reunion tip, it looks like Youth Of Today is getting back AGAIN, to make sure we are all definitely sure how goofy and irrelevant straight edge hardcore really was.
YOUTH OF TODAY
6 / 27 Kontich – Lintfabriek (Belgium)
6 / 28 Nantes – HC Superbowl (France)
7 / 5 Roitschjora – With Full Force Festival (Germany)

Looks like Mike Ness has a little lawsuit on his hands. At a recent Social Distortion show, the singer took it upon himself to deal with somebody in the crowd being an asshole. Mike was giving his opinion on some recent events from the stage, and about how, “a lot of things must change in our world today, starting with our fuck up of a president.” At that point, somebody in the crowd picked up the mic to say, “Mike, I think you’re cool, and I like you a lot, but if you ever say anything about our president again, I’ll light you up.” At that point Mike took off his guitar, jumped into the crowd, and started punching. After the show, the kid, bleeding from his nose with a fat lip, filed a report to the police. The funny part is, the band was taping the show for a dvd they are planning to put out, so it’s all on tape.

Burning Brides are on tour with Audioslave
Fri 02/28/03 Detroit, MI State Theatre
Sat 03/01/03 Toronto, ON Kool Haus (formerly Warehouse)
Mon 03/03/03 Boston, MA Avalon
Tue 03/04/03 Boston, MA Avalon
Thu 03/06/03 New York, NY Hammerstein Ballroom
Fri 03/07/03 Philadelphia, PA Electric Factory
Sun 03/09/03 Atlanta, GA Tabernacle
Tue 03/11/03 Austin, TX Austin Music Hall
Wed 03/12/03 Dallas, TX Bronco Bowl
Fri 03/14/03 Mesa, AZ Mesa Amphitheatre
Sat 03/15/03 Las Vegas, NV Hard Rock Hotel – The Joint
Mon 03/17/03 Hollywood, CA Hollywood Palladium
Wed 03/19/03 San Francisco, CA The Warfield
Thu 03/20/03 San Francisco, CA The Warfield
Sat 03/22/03 Seattle, WA Paramount Theatre

The Cure signed to Ross Robinson’s label. Weak.

THIS WEDNESDAY IN LOS ANGELES “FUCK THE SCENE” WITH DIRTY LITTLE SECRET @ THE THREE OF CLUBS
This week’s musical guest is Dirty Little Secret (www.dirtylittlesecret.biz). And as if that wasn’t enough to get you to come out, it’s FREE to get in and they have $3 beers! You can’t beat that. The 3 of Clubs is in Hollywood on the corner of Santa Monica and Vine. Also this week, Travis Keller and Joe Cardamone will be spinning the most smashing and crashing sounds that will leave your senses dull. We’ll be playing everything from The Jesus Lizard to Jesus and Mary Chain and then some.

Attention “emo” super fans!!! Wanna buy a piece of “emo” history?! Travis did some handclaps on the big hit record “Bleed American” by Jimmy Eat World, so legally that entitled him to a small performance royalty. Bonus! To his (and a lot of other people’s) surprise, the album has since gone platinum. (that’s a million records sold to those of you who don’t jive with the “industry lingo”) So what that means, since Travis technically “performed” on the album, is that Travis received his very own platinum record and plaque with his name on it!!! Seeing as how he has no place for this in his little pad, he is giving all the mega emo geeks of the world a shot at owning this Jimmy Eat World platinum record. Tired of getting shown up by your buddies who have all the first pressings of every obscure Jimmy Eat World seven inch? Show those motherfuckers up when they cruise into your pad and peep this authentic Jimmy Eat World PLATINUM FUCKING RECORD hanging on your wall. HOW KILLER WOULD THAT BE?!? Click here to bid.

Not quite as exciting, but possibly more practical, is one of Aaron’s guitars also for sale on ebay. It’s a red Fender Cyclone guitar he used a lot on The Icarus Line’s last few tours all over the world. Just think, you’ll have a guitar that’s been to more places than you have! Whether you like The Icarus Line or not is beside the point… the bottom line is that you won’t be able to find one of these guitars for possibly this cheap anywhere else. Long after The Icarus Line is as memorable as Enuff ZNuff, and Aaron is working as a janitor at a Burger King, this guitar will still have been a steal! Bid here.

Speaking of Ebay, why not show up to The Icarus Line / Radio Vago show at The Troubadour in Hollywood on December 7th and pretend to really dig the stuff you could win or buy there, and then turn around and make a quick buck selling it?! Besides witnessing a killer rock show, Buddyhead is gonna be having lots of free giveaways to prove we are STILL FOR THE CHILDREN. There will be a raffle to win ultra rare test presses of our releases. Buddyhead’s 13th release is The Icarus Line / Burning Brides split seven inch. To celebrate the 13th release, there were 13 test presses made, and all 13 were hand numbered in our BLOOD. After band members each get a copy, there will be about 4 of the remaining ones left raffled off at the show! We will also be raffling off a couple of test presses for Radio Vago’s “Black & White Photo Enterprise”. Also, remember the At The Drive-in / Murder City Devils split 7 inch from a couple years back that had songs re-mixed by Mike D of Beastie Boys and “The Tick”? Well, Aaron just moved and found a box of about 50 underneath his bed. These are the European press versions on solid yellow that were more limited than the ones the bands sold on their tour. This is never being repressed, and when these last ones are gone, they are gone forever, so come check it out. You won’t be able to find these reasonably priced anywhere else. We’ll also be selling Buddyhead t-shirts, records, cd’s, posters, blah blah blah. You don’t wanna screw this up. Tickets are still only 6 bucks in advance.

Somebody else out there thought the latest Rolling Stone “Women In Rock” issue was a bunch of bullshit too. You can find this letter written to Rolling Stone (but they were too big of pussies to print it) on JoanJett.com, but we think it’s important enough for you to read right now:

“I tried to find some cleverly worded way to express my disgust with your “Women in Rock” issue, but what I have to say is really quite simple: You guys are completely retarded.

By RS standards, Rock is no longer a style of music but a trendy costume to be whipped up by expensive stylists and slapped onto the latest pop tart barbie doll. Give a girl some tight pants and a spiky bracelet and POOF! She ROCKS!

Your poor choice of cover girls and featured artists brings to mind the Sports Illustrated swimsuit editions. There is nothing necessarily wrong with the breast-baring models inside..but we all understand that they have NOTHING TO DO WITH SPORTS–Which just might be offensive to women who are interested in sports or who might even be (gasp) real athletes.

Yes, Britney has a talented stylist and yes, somebody gave Shakira a Guns & Roses t-shirt to wear..but they ARE NOT NOW NOR WILL THEY EVER BE ROCK.

Maybe it’s naive of me to expect any glimmer of rock’n'roll credibility OR respect for women from a magazine whose cover shot is regularly a naked underweight actress. The thing is , I AM a woman musician with a rock band, and as we all are I am STARVED for any little crumb of recognition that real women rockers might be thrown. So like a sucker I find myself short another five bucks ..and pissed enough to write my first letter to an editor. Avril Lavigne gets some studded accessories from Hot Topic so now she’s “upholding the brazen tradition of teenage outrage”???!! Are you SERIOUS? And could someone please explain to me why people keep insisting on referring to PINK as rock? Wasn’t she doing the white girl hip hop thing a minute ago? Yeah, she performed on the Aerosmith tribute show –big deal..she was on the Janet Jackson tribute show just before that–Whatever’s trendy. WHO CARES. She’s a Spice Girl reject…but I digress.

Jewel and Mandy friggin’ Moore have full page features as Rock Icons…Meanwhile Joan Jett gets one line. ONE LINE. Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, who have never stopped touring, recently did 10 days in the Middle East playing for the troops stationed in Afghanistan. In AFGHANISTAN, Joan would come onstage wearing a birkha, which she ripped off and stomped on before blazing through the purest and nastiest rock show ANYWHERE. But even in the RS WOMEN IN ROCK issue, a story like that gets ONE SENTENCE on the bottom of the last page of Random Notes.

Britney’s Rock credentials? Well, she butchers the song “I Love Rock’n'Roll” on her latest record, and when asked about it the genius replies “Well, I’ve always loved Pat Benatar.” And SHE is your Rock issue cover girl?? You should be REALLY embarrassed.

Sleater Kinney was the only rock group listed on the cover..and they got only half a page. Ashanti, the r&b back up singer who can’t seem to do anything without “featuring Jah Rule,” has two pages.

What about the Donnas? The Yeah Yeah Yeahs? The Distillers? A mag like RS has the power to shine important light on groups like these–instead they are afterthoughts, and that valuable spotlight is wasted on the same overexposed pop princesses WHO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ROCK.

In your own letter from the editor you have the hypocritical balls to say “rock radio won’t touch female artists, while the pop factory keeps churning out soundalike clones, and ambitious musicians with something to say find themselves left out in the cold.”

The pages that follow those words are a blatant display that Rolling Stone magazine is happily working for the factory now too.

If the issue had been called “Women in Music”..or maybe “Some Cute Girls with Top 10 Records out Right Now”..I would have no beef with it. Corny as it may sound, ROCK is something which is still meaningful and even sacred to some of us. Use the word “rock” in bold letters next to a picture of Britney Fucking Spears, and you’re turning your whole publication into a joke…and an offensive joke at that.”

The White Stripes have had their newest album “Elephant” completely wrapped up for some time now. Copies of the album just started floating around, and the word is the shit is bomb. We heard Bob Dylan is on it too, but that could be a crock. Who knows. Instead of putting the thing out right away, the two stripers are gonna sit on the thing through the end of the year and run around the world doing… what established rock stars do. Jack is filming a movie for which he will also perform the soundtrack, and Meg will be touring with her boyfriend’s band The Soledad Brothers in Europe in Austin’s tiny little beat up van. Decadence!

Nitro Records is putting out an AFI LP Box Set of all the band’s full-lengths. Everything from their first record where they thought they were NOFX to that latest record where Davey started wearing wigs and shit. Every LP comes complete with a full-color booklet and (as everything should be) stuffed in a fuzzy box. You can only buy this through nitrorecords.com, so if you like this band you gotta stuff some money in the pocket of that dick from the Offspring.

Davey Havok plans to spend what little loot is made off these boxsets at Hot Topic.

“Guns N Roses” is still busy touring the country and playing to 1/4 filled arenas. Axl is tripping balls still. What’s with those braidlocks he’s rockin’? In the meantime, Sebastian Bach has already auditioned for Slash, Duff, and Izzy’s new band. Sebastian better leave the “Aids Kills Fags Dead” t-shirt at home this time around.

Major labels are tripping over themselves to sign The Bronx. This had better not fuck up our hook up with Joby. Don’t trip Joby!

A bunch of major labels wanted to sign The Rapture but couldn’t, so they figured the next best thing would be to find a band somewhere that immaculately ripped them off and was very easy to manipulate, and sign them instead. Ladies and gentlemen, may we introduce the Los Angeles band, Moving Units!

Another band major labels have been drooling over is LA’s Dirty Little Secret (www.dirtylittlesecret.biz). If you live in LA and wanna see what all the fuss is about, they are playing a FREE SHOW on Wednesday (11.27.02) @ The Scene Bar in Glendale, 806 e. Colorado (cross street is Everett). 21+ over.

The Explosion took some of that major label cash they got blown up their asses and started their own label. They’ll be releasing the new Explosion EP and a Tonsils 7 inch through Lumberjack. Hey guys, when you call Lumberjack and they tell you Dirk is on vacation every week, don’t buy it! Call up that steakhead in Crazytown, Shifty Shellshock, and ask him who got the crack. 310-600-3410

Call up Marky Mark (aka Mark Whalberg) and ask him where the fuck the funky bunch be at! 310-678-3048

One of the best punk rock bands of all time, Adolescents, is apparently gearing up to record a new record together. The band members are supposedly tired of going absolutely nowhere and gaining no attention with their various new bands, so they figured they’d get the old band back together. The plan so far is to call the new album “Adolescents”, just like their classic debut, and instead of blue cover and red font, the new one will have a red cover and a blue font. Seriously.

Speaking of Adolescents, at their recent gig with TSOL at House Of Blues here in LA, somebody sneaked a gun into the show and shot two people from the stage. One dude got shot in the face, the other guy wasn’t as badly injured. We’re not sure who or why yet.

In related punk rock news, besides Black Flag supposedly performing at Amoeba on December 3rd, the next most anticipated upcoming reunion has to be The Clash who are rumored to be performing together at their upcoming rock and roll hall of fame induction in march. Also slated to reunite the same night are The Police.

In pseudo punk rock news, the singer of Sum 182 or whatever that Canadian band is called, is still gay, and still romantically involved with the band’s manager… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The bass player from New Found Glory is excited it’s Thanksgiving.

Reportedly there is a lot of bad blood between Queens Of The Stone Age and …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. On the recent Queens tour that Trail Of Dads opened, one of the drummer/guitar player dudes from “Trail” repeatedly irritated former Screaming Trees frontman Mark Lanegan to the breaking point. When Lanagan came to the end of his rope, he lifted the “Trail” dude up against a wall and told him to “go home little boy”. I would have shit my pants. We’re even smart enough to know you don’t fuck with that guy.

Billy has a new band. Let’s just hope he isn’t singing and he isn’t bald this time around. http://www.zwan.com.

Is it just us or is that new “Rage” band the worst shit since people figured out how to remix The Stooges with Salt N’ Pepa. Gruntruck was better than this shit. And that’s not saying much.

Burning Brides are heading over to Europe to see what the drugs taste like there. Maybe Dimitri’s late night phone calls will work out to be normal hours for us this week. They will be supporting the release of a V2 UK EP which includes ‘glass slipper’, ‘blood on the highway’, and ‘overhead metal erection’ (b-side). If you live in the US, and aren’t putting out their vinyl (like we are), yer totally fucked and you gotta import that baby. It’s the first of three EPs that will come out in the UK before “Fall Of The Plastic Empire” hits early next year (Cd-V2, LP-Buddyhead).
11/27 – LEEDS, UK (ROCKET) – w/ Beach Balls
11/28 – LONDON, UK (BARFLY) – w/ Winnebago Deal and Les Flames
11/29 – LONDON, UK (METRO) – w / The Hells
11/30 – OXFORD, UK (ZODIAC) – w/ Winnebago Deal
12/06 – PHILADELPHIA, PA (KHYBER) – w/ Capitol Years
12/07 – WILLIAMSBURG, NY (NORTHSIX) – w/ Heroin Sheiks and Morning Glories
12/08 – PROVIDENCE, RI (MET CAFE) – w/ Bad Wizard
12/09 – POUGHKEEPSIE, NY (CLUB CRANNELL) – w/ Bad Wizard
12/10 – NY,NY (MERCURY LOUNGE) – w/ Bad Wizard
12/11 – CAMBRIDGE, MA (TT THE BEAR’S)
12/12 – BALTIMORE, MD (FLETCHER’S) – w/ Bad Wizard
12/13 – WASHINGTON, DC (BLACK CAT) – w/ Bad Wizard

Your Enemies Friends are going over to the UK on a “family fun” field trip with Pretty Girls Make Graves. Your Enemies Friends will also be recording a Radio 1 session for the Punk Show to be broadcast at a later date. Boo yah!
December 5 2002 Liverpool, UK @ MASQUE
December 6 2002 Glasgow, SCOTLAND @ KING TUTS
December 7 2002 Cardiff, UK @ CARDIFF BARFLY
December 8 2002 Leeds, UK @ JOSEPHS WELL
December 10 2002 Leicester, UK @ THE CHARLOTTE (YEF ONLY!)
December 11 2002 London, UK @ THE GARAGE

CONTEST TIME! WIN FREE STUFF…
We’re giving away five Flaming Lips lithographs, and five 7 inches of their “Do You Realize” – picture disc. One is autographed too, so even if you think these guys suck, you can always sell this shit on ebay for loot. The first five people to email us at buddyhead@buddyhead.com with a good reason you should get these records for free, win. It’s that’s simple.

We’re also giving away this new skateboarding dvd called “Fruit of the Vine”. They say it’s a “groundbreaking super-8 pool skating film”. Yeah we know skateboarding isn’t cool anymore, but at least it’s on DVD! The first five people to email us at buddyhead@buddyhead.com with a good reason you should get this dvd for free, wins. It’s that’s simple. More info about “Fruit Of The Vine” click here.

In case you care (the sad thing is that we know most of you dorks do care), Weezer shot their muppet shit, for their new single “Keep Fishin’” in Manhattan Beach, CA earlier this month with Ray Cappo’s favorite director, Marcos Siega (Blink 182, System Of A Down, Papa Roach – such quality, right?). It’ll premiere on MTV2 on July 14th. Oh, the excitement… muppets… woo.

Dimitri Minakakis is getting married to Lisa Peck. Liv Tyler is fucking pissed. So is Aaron Icarus.

Oh yeah speaking of Aaron Icarus, he looks exactly like the Count from Sesame Street. They both wear capes. We heard muppets are cool.

Travis needs a car. His died so send him one. His birthday is July 6th. Tom needs a car, preferably purple, his birthday is July 14th… send him one too.

Make sure you buy the new EP by Your Enemies Friends called “The Wiretap EP”, it’s out in stores now on CD and LP through you’re favorite label ever, Buddyhead. Click here to buy that crap in our store. Support our scene…or whatever…

Ok, so anyways, back to us… Inside the new issue of Entertainment Weekly, with Keanu Reeves on the cover (Whoa!) it says we’re one of the 100 most creative people in entertainment this year. Yeah, we’re actually in a magazine, page 108 (kind like that hardcore band Tom listens to everyday), photos and everything. The funny part is, the other 99 creative people in entertainment are all rich. What the fuck are we doing wrong? Anyone got any ideas? Send us money…. now.

Let’s talk about us some more… Buddyhead will be releasing the most important record since Nirvana put out “Nevermind”… Yep, Shat’s 65 track best of album entitled “The Cunt Cronicles” will hit stores across the world on the date of July 30th 2002. Mark that shit down, this is the day the world has been waiting for, Christians wait for Jesus, smart music buyers wait for Shat. The world will never been the same…

Also, in case you haven’t heard yet, every Wednesday night from 9pm til the end (2am) in the city of Los Angeles, Sam Velde (Bluebird) and Travis Keller (Buddyhead) are DJing a new bar in the L.A. area called ‘The Scene (Yeah-Yeah, we don’t wanna hear about the name…thanks. It’s been called that for 40 years…). But anyhow, this place is great, they’ve got two pool tables, booths to sit in, a circle bar, and really cheap drinks! Not to mention they’re letting us play music. Last week was off the hook. We even had Celebrities in the house! John Stanier from Helmet and Tomahawk was there dancing to the B-52’s little a little school girl and Jeremy Weiss of the Saves The Day Muppet video was chilling like a villain at the bar too! We play anything from punk, hardcore, no wave, new wave, classic rock, psych rock, soul, etc, etc, etc,…… you name it! Everything from the Gang Of Four to the 4 Tops. This is a new place run by the people that brought you the ‘Short Stop’ in Echo Park. Come by and rock out with your bad self.

The bar is located in Glendale just north of Silverlake…the address is:
806 e. colorado blvd. 818-241-7029.

Directions from Hollywood:
Los Feliz Blvd. east to Brand Blvd-go left.
Brand Blvd. to E. Colorado Blvd.-go right.

It’ll be on your right hand side…cross street Everett. See you there and make sure to tell your friends.

Speaking of Bluebird, they have a new record in stores called the Black Presence you’re gonna wanna check out. It’s actually out now on Dopamine Records. If you’re one of those lazy types who doesn’t get out of the house or to a record store much, they’ve been so kind as to set up this internet ordering crap online at http://www.dopamine-records.com where you can order a copy of the record and it’ll show up on your doorstep. It’s crazy. The Black Presence was recorded by Bluebird themselves in their own studio last fall, it’s primarily an ambient record as songs were mostly built through improvisation (that means it’s really good it you’re on the pot!). Some of their friends even played on it; Josh Hughes and Andy Rothbard (both from Pleasure Forever), Dave Catching and Mattias Shneeberger (Earthlings/Queens Of The Stone Age) and J. Yuenger (White Zombie, which means he’s “More Human Than Human”). Basically this is the heads up, don’t be a lame, go buy this record. But it doesn’t stop there… Bluebird have also just mastered their record for Dim Mak Records entitled “Hot Blood”. This record was mixed by the amazing Joe Barrisi (Jesus Lizard, QOTSA, Melvins, Weezer) and mastered by the wizardy of David Chepa (Velvet Underground, Dr. Dre, and even the BRMC – the Beans Rice and Cheese Band). An actual release date hasn’t been set yet, but
look for a Fall release on that one. Bluebird is playing some shows… go see em:
7/14 Modified Phoenix, AZ
7/17 Troubador Los Angeles, CA w/ Your Enemies Friends, The Kills, and Radio Vago
7/18 Slims San Francisco, CA w/ Black Cat Music
8/24 Sunset Junction Fest. Silverlake, CA w/ Sonic youth, Mudhoney and much much more…

Penelope Spheeris finally got a clue and figured out she better make the next “Decline of Western Civilization” about a band that people care about. Either that or someone told her that no one cares about street punks and Final Conflict. Johnny Rotten and the “birth of punk” will be the focus of the next film from director who brought us Wayne’s world and teary eyed moments like Chris Holmes from W.A.S.P. drunk in the pool while his mother watched from pool-side in horror. The film will be an adaptation of John Lydon’s fabricated autobiography “Rotten: No Irish, No Blacks, No Dogs” and will explain the ’70s punk revolution from old Johnny’s skewed, but always entertaining perspective. Guess that means The Stooges won’t be in a movie about the birth of punk, sham-out!

Looks like Sharon is striking while the iron is hot and reissuing a bunch of Ozzy’s solo stuff. All those albums we never cared about because it wasn’t Sabbath are back… You know, Bark At The Moon, No Rest For The Wicked, The Ozzman Cometh, and Ozzmosis. Yep, they reissued them with bonus tracks and prolly some new artwork. Other Ozzy albums were reissued earlier this year with songs that were re-recorded with musicians who weren’t on the original recordings. Weak is right. Whatever, just get the Black Sabbath boxset instead. It’s an import, but it kills solo Ozzy shit.

Also out in stores from Ozzy is Live At Budokkan, on CD, VHS, and DVD. That outta be exciting. I wonder if he’s got any muppets in this shit?

In other Osbournes news, next season, Gideon Yago will play their newly adobted son. I smell an Oscar!

It seems everyone wants to be like the Obournes, even people who dress like they’re 13 even though they’re bald. Yep, you guessed it… International Pie Eating King, Freddy Durst is getting his own “reality show” on MTV called “The Launch”. It’s gonna be all about the making of the new Limp Bizkit record. In it, he fires the guy from Snot, plots with the Taliban, begs Wes to come back, throws raw meat on the asses of strippers with The Revolution Smile, tries to play guitar and realizes he’s too fat to rock, and he even jams with the walking corpse, Eddie Van Halen. He also compares “Da Bizkit” to Van Halen about eight million times. That’s how we know Eddie’s slippin’. The Eddie who plays in Van Fucking Halen would have just punched him in the nose and put out his seven cigarettes that he smokes simultaneously right on Lord Porkchop’s rotund face, for saying dumb shit like that. The only worthwhile moment of the whole show is watching DJ Lethal publicly ponder whether or not Limp Bizkit are a bunch of talentless, one trick ponies. Now that’s what we call reality TV. This is gonna be better than Vanilla Ice, cuz there’s so much more footage to look back and laugh about.

John Entwhistle was found dead at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas at age 57. Big time bummer. But chances are he died happy…. Come on, you’re a member of The Who on tour in Las Vegas… You’d think that would mean no Who tour this summer, but they play their first show Monday. Which means, right now The Who is practicing somewhere with a studio bass player…

Looks like there’s gonna be at least one good show this summer, the Hot Snakes are going on tour. Yeah, yeah, we know they kinda ripped us off on the artwork this time around, but don’t take it out on the band, it’s the Swami’s fault! That evil bad greedy Swami! Oh, Swami, why don’t you take the money you saved by making that three color one panel insert and make sure the band has enough t-shirts this tour, unlike the last tour when the Swami was busy plotting terrorist activities with his buddy Bin Ladin. By the time the Hot Snakes got to LA last time they were outta shirts so make sure you order enough this time champ. Anyway, we wanna fuckin’ buy a t-shirt. Fuck, we should be getting free shirts for all these helpful tips we’re passing the Swami’s way. Anyhow, the Burning Brides told the Hot Snakes they’d let them have their drummer back for a few shows as long as they don’t try and keep him, but only cuz they’re gonna be busy counting all the money V2 gave em. So yea, The Hot Snakes are going to be out on the road soon! Make sure not to miss this exciting live rock n’ roll experience! Here are the dates:
Aug 6 Scene San Diego CA
Aug 7 Scrappys Tucson AZ
Aug 9 Emos Austin TX
Aug 10 Rubber Gloves Denton TX
Aug 12 40 Watt Athens GA
Aug 13 The Earl Atlanta GA
Aug 14 Cats cradle Carrboro NC
Aug 15 9:30 club Washington DC
Aug 16 Bowery Ballroom NYC
Aug 17 tba
Aug 18 Middle East Boston MA
Aug 20 Lees Palace Toronto ONT
Aug 21 Grog Shop Cleveland OH
Aug 22 Magic stix Detroit MI
Aug 23 Double Door Chicago IL
Aug 24 400 bar Minneapolis
Aug 25 Bottleneck lawrence KS
Aug 26 Tulagis Boulder CO
Aug 28 Richards on Richards Vancouver
Aug 29 Graceland Seattle WA
Aug 30 Berbaitti’s Pan Portland
Aug 31 Slims San Francisco CA
September 1 Troubadour Los Angeles CA
September 2 tba

By the way, Dimitri from the Burning Brides looks like Heath Ledger in Knights Tale.

Hoobastank will be releasing a 7 song CD comprised of previously unreleased songs on July 9th. We’re waiting on this like we’re waiting on contracting AIDS.

Boy Sets Fire are doing a live EP. Someone better yell Buddyhead in between every song that you don’t yell out Shat and Gayrilla Biscuit song titles. Someone else better tell them they suck too. We’ve been telling them for a while, and they’re not getting it or some shit. They probably think we’re joking, so someone go to the show and let them know. They’ll be taping their 7/19 show in New Jersey for the upcoming EP on Creed’s label called “Live For Today!” We know that the singer, Nathan, is hoping that the Mangina is in the house because he wants the Mangina’s dirty butthole… but the Mangina has Shat practice that night so that dude’s shit out of luck. That EP is out in September sometime if you’re a dipshit and actually care about dudes crying over metal.

Every band on the Warped Tour supports the slaughter of innocent children and kittens in Third World countries. They also all laughed a lot on September 11th. Fuckers…

Jane’s Addiction are currently in the studio with producer Bob Ezrin (Pink Floyd, Kiss) recording another album which they are gonna call “Hypersonic”. The band has completed layed down the basics tracks so far and are expected to continue the “tightening up” process for the coming weeks. Tightening up means that they’re all going do get loaded and buttfuck each other in a pool of sour cream then go out and free slaves with Perry’s fruity ass. In case, you didn’t hear about that, read this… click here

Thrice finally signed to Island Records. When asked about signing, one of the dudes in shants (shorts/pants) from the band said, “We weren’t gonna sign to Island Records bro, we didn’t feel at home like we did at Hopeless. We told them, man, you guys don’t have any killer bands. But then they reminded us that not only was Bon Jovi on their label, but they also had Hanson, Melissa Etheridge, Hoobastank, Saliva, Sum 41, and Def fuckin’ Leppard! So we just fuckin’ signed on the dotted line right there!” Good choice guys!

Moby’s going on tour with Bowie. Bowie is totally gonna fuck Moby fruity ass. Brian Montouri is going to kick Moby’s ass in a jealous rage. Should be interesting.

Speaking of Moby, his dog, which he named Buddyhead, recently had his leg amputated. Which is a really strange ’cause all the dudes in Incubus had their balls amputated. Is this some kind of new trend we don’t know about?

Speaking of raping babies, New Found Glory debuted at number four on the Billboard Charts. Then the editor of Billboard had a fucking heartattack and died. We’re blaming the fat kid on bass with the kool-aid hair cut.

Some poor soul-less dumb fuck has licensed a Damned song to the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movie. Oh, and did you hear those two little tramps in waiting are worth 38 million? We can’t wait til they pose for Playboy.

Dashboard Confessional is shooting another video in LA and he’s asking all those fat chicks who come to his shows to be in it. The one-man Buffy fan wants all of his loyal female emo whales, “especially those who know the words to the song ‘Saints and Gay Sailors’, to show up at the El Rey Theatre in Los Angeles on this Sunday (the 30th) at 11 a.m. to check in, so you can go through the Hot Topic Wardrobe people, so they can make you look all fucking dorky like Rivers. Anyone who gets in this video (fuck, let me rephrase that, ANY video) wearing a Buddyhead shirt gets some free stuff from us. Email dashboardvideo@aol.com first to let ‘em know you’re coming and that Buddyhead thinks they’re all a bunch of cry baby little fruitcakes.

Travis is gay and has no idea what month it is.

Krazyfest happened and a bunch of shitty bands played. The Dillinger Escape Plan broke a bunch of shit, set their equipment on fire and threw their cabinets and sound guys mic stands into the river. People were pissed.

People at labels need to be sending us more free records. Bulk is the key when you sell CD’s, cause no one really gives you that much for one, so we need lots. If you work at a label, stop reading this now and send us a package of good shit, or anything actually..anything at all… to buddyhead po box 1268 Hollywood, Ca 90078. Thanks baby, we love you fuckers.

Someone who works for ABKCO should be a peach and send us the new remastered Rolling Stones records. They are the good ones too! Back when Brian Jones was in the band! We’ll talk about how great they are and tell everyone to buy em if we get two free copy of each.

Dave Grohl can’t seem to get a record out this year… The new Queens of the Stone Age album, “Songs for the Deaf”, has been pushed back. Dave, cut the crap and get the fuckin’ Nirvana box set out!

Bob Dylan sat in with the White Stripes in a recording session for their new record they’re recording in London. Even Bob couldn’t stop starring at her tits..

Bob’s still on tour even though he’s old. Go check him out. Here’s the dates:
8/3: Newport, RI, Newport Folk Festival
8/4: Augusta, ME, Augusta Civic Center
8/6: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Metro Center
8/8: Moncton, New Brunswick, Moncton Coliseum
8/9: St. John, New Brunswick, Harbour Coliseum
8/10: Quebec City, Quebec, L’Agora du Vieux Port
8/12: Montreal, Molson Center
8/13: Ottawa, ONT, Corel Center
8/15: Hamburg, NY, Erie County Fair Grandstand
8/16: Toronto, Molson Amphitheater
8/19: Southampton, NY, Southampton College
8/21: Omaha, NE, Omaha Civic Auditorium
8/22: Sioux Falls, SD, Canaries Stadium
8/23: Fargo, ND, Newman Outdoor Field
8/24: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Winnipeg Arena
8/26: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Saskatchewan Place
8/27: Edmonton, Alberta, Skyreach Center
8/28: Calgary, Alberta, Pengrowth Saddledome
8/30: Park City, UT, Deer Valley Snow Park Lodge
8/31: Grand Junction, CO, Mesa County Fairgrounds
9/1: Aspen, CO, Janus Aspen Jazz Fest

R. Kelly wants to eat your heiney, even if you’re only 7.

Brittany Murphy is banging Eminem. She also plays his girlfriend in his new movie that’s coming out soon. She’s been pretty fucking annoying since that “I’ll never tell” movie, but we’d still pork her.

In other Eminem news, he just sold more records than you can count this week. Not to mention every little kid you see right now with headphones on is listening to Eminem. Lot’s of white rappers are being born right now… please god, help us!

The McRib is back.

Rama (not pictured), Mark Hydrahead (the only guy with cool hair in the photo), and a bunch of dudes with tats in t-shirts were interviewed in the Boston Globe about how much they like the movie “Office Space”. Check it here.

Noel Gallagher and Bono are going to score Tom Cruises new War of the Worlds movie. Scientology is dumb.

Courtney Love is being deposed Thursday (June 27) and Friday (June 28) by the attorney for Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic in the continuing battle over the rights to Nirvana’s music and legacy. You three should just cut the shit, we don’t even care if you release the boxed set, just send us copies of all the songs…we promise to keep em locked up…we swear. We already typed out the po box address once today, find it above dudes.

The Strokes have a new video for “Someday” that was scripted by David Cross of Mr. Show fame. In it, they Strokes play Family Fued against Bob Pollard and those old guys in Guided By Voices. I guess when you got the money, you can get anyone to work with you. Rama worships David Cross, we think he might like him in the gay way too. In related news, Fabrizio from the Strokes is banging Drew Barrymore tang. Guess she has a thing for dudes with one testicle.

On the other hand, Drew’s ex, Tom Green is only moving onto bigger and better things. He’s now a pro skater for the same company as the most boring man alive, Tony Hawky-Hawk, Birdhouse Skateboards. He’s also got some Skateboard show coming out in which he’ll be all fucking annoying and get punched by homeless people or something.

Speaking of nuts, Bobby Brown was hospitalized. Not for that “I’m dehydrated” bullshit again, which I think is just code for “I was on a three week crack bender with Ricky Bell and Ronnie Devoe”. His PR lady says it was an infection but she refuses to say what kind. A reliable source says it’s an infection of the nut sack. Poor Bobby B!

The Juliana Theory will release their song “Do You Believe Me When I Say I Like Men?” as the first single from their Epic debut “Man Love”. We can’t wait to hear this.

Matt Skiba, of infamous Alkaline Trio, and Kevin Seconds (you know, of 7 Seconds) are releasing an EP of accoustic shit. Sounds sketchy.

The Vandals made another record that sounds like the last ten. Their bass player likes to sue people.

Sarah Ultragirl “will not date boys who have ever actively participated in the role playing game, Dungeons and Dragons”.

Eddie Vedder likes to wear tiny pink tights to bed.

Exene Cervenka got her footprint immortalized in cement in Hollywood’s RockWalk, when her band X, was inducted last Tuesday. Exene and the other three original members of X, were all introduced by super-fan Henry Rollins. Rollins made sure to let everyone know he was in Black Flag at one time in his life.

Andre 3000 from Outkast was rocking out at the Hives show at NYC’s Bowery Ballroom. Nick Arson from the Hives is banging some Swedish bitch in that band Sahara Hot Nights. The bass player is probably into bestiality. Jesus, look at the fucking guy..he’s creepy.

Calvin Johnson is still alive.

Go buy a ton of these little digi-pack fuckers and make us all filthy rich. The LPs and CDs should be in most record stores as of Yesterday (if your local record store doesn’t have it in, tell em to order it), or if you really want to give to the head, you can buy either from our online store (CLICK HERE).

By the way, Your Enemies Friends are never coming home. We need to “move some units” so we’re planning on keeping them on tour for life. As soon as their shows with Pretty Girls Makes Graves are done (aka once the honeymoon is over), they’ve going to be playing some shows with one of our favorite bands Pleasure Forever. Those will be some good shows no doubt. Here are the dates:
Thursday June 20th Chicago, IL @Hideout (w./Pleasure Forever)
Friday June 21st Omaha, NE (tentative) (w./Pleasure Forever)
Saturday June 22nd Denver, CO @Bluebird Theatre (w./Pleasure Forever)
Saturday July 6th Burlington, VT @Monsterfest (w./Trans Am, The Dillinger Escape Plan)
Friday July 12th Syracuse, NY @Hellfest

The Icarus Line are gone. We put em all on a plane and sent them overseas for a while. Aaron emailed us to tell us that Troy-boy has been kicking ass every night on the drums, they did another session of Peel recordings, and he’s already fucked a lot of euro dudes. What else could the master of brahs ask for? Well if you live over there, go check em out. Here’s the dates man.
June 20 London Barfly
June 21 Nottingham / England Old Angel
June 22 Groningen / The Netherlands Vera
June 23 Amsterdam / The Netherlands Paradiso
June 24 Dresden / Germany Star Club w/…Trail Of Dead
June25 Wuerzburg / Germany AKW w/…Trail Of Dead
June 26 Koln / Germany Gebaeude 9 w/…Trail Of Dead
June 27 Dudingen / Switzerland Bad Bonn Kilbi Festival
June 28 Lingen / Germany ABI Festival
June 29 OFF
June 30 Roskilde / Denmark Roskilde Festival
July 1 OFF
July 2 Kristiansand / Norway Quart Festival
July 3 Malmo / Sweden KB
July 4 Stockholm / Sweden Accelerator Festival
July 5 OFF
July 6 Oxford / England Zodiac
July 7 Liverpool / England Stanley Theatre @ University
July 8 Sheffield / England Barfly
July 9 London / England Mean Fiddler w/Rival Schools

Email Moby at boatmate@earthlink.net and tell him we all know he’s ripping off Jason Spaceman’s ideas left and right, and that we don’t believe for a minute that Natalie Portman let him within 5 feet of her cooch.

R. Kelly will eat your ass, even if you’re 6.

Somehow I got suckered into watching the MTV Movie awards the other night. I wish there was a way to somehow get back that hour of my life that I wasted watching it. But I figured I could turn this experience into a positive one by giving you a brief rundown so you don’t have to subject yourself to the same torture one night if you’re bored and they happen to be re-running it for the 5,443 time. First off, it might as well have been called the Osbourne’s Movie awards cuz they pretty much ran the show. They kept cutting to Jack videotaping everything, Kelly sang a Madonna song, Ozzy’s head took up the whole Jumbotron as he was zapped from London, and Sharon was laughing to herself about how much money she’s making. By the way, Who the fuck was Kelly Osbourne’s band? They looked like the mini Goo Goo Dolls. Jesus Christ. Jack Black and some mutant blonde puker hosted the show. Oh, and I think it was a wise choice of MTV to pick Andrew W.K. to talk about fashion. I really wanted to hear what that shitbag has to say on the subject. Can someone please slap the shit out of Mandy Moore? Jesus she’s like 12 and she has monkey arms. I don’t care what she has to say… And someone tell that guy from “Dude Where’s My Car” that he’s a total dickhead when he does that fruitcake smile thing for the cameras. Chris Tucker totally lost his mind and bummed everyone out by talking about AIDS and people dying in Africa. That was weird. That buff roid guy, Vin Diesel, proved he really is brain-dead with his attempt at a speech. Blow something up or shut the fuck up. Someone needs to bitch slap the 5 o’clock shadow off that Freddie Prince Jr guy too. Eninem proved why people are stupid as he rapped over his cd in front of millions. He’s tricking everyone, counting his money, and laughing all the way to the bank. Will Smith is too fucking happy. No one’s that happy. The White Stripes played, which was cool. But why did they have a bunch of Limp Bizkit fans moshing on stage while they played? At least get some long hairs in there…. what is this the fucking 50’s? No guys with flat tops allowed within 500 yards of any Rock N’ Roll activity. Brittany Murphy tried to squeeze her slut ass in every shot possible, she totally wants to bang Eminem. Adam Sandler wore baggy sweatpants, which is kind of rad. That Reese Witherspoon bitch is such a mom I wanted to puke, plus she looks semi-retarded. So yeah, that’s all I remember. All in all a whole lot of nothing happened cept a bunch of commercials. Oh, yeah I saw a commercial for the Jackass movie, if anyone even cares about dudes kicking each other in the balls anymore.

Speaking of movies, Hardcore Dave (aka David R. Fisher) is in a movie. Check out the trailer, he’s the curley haired guy giving the finger. Click here.

Billy Joel is in a combination rehab/mental facility, which works because he’s a combination of short/fat. Fuck this guy, we still can’t get over the fact that he was married to Christie Brinkley for like a second.

Joe thinks The Shins should win a Grammy.

Incubus made a video that they’re not going to show on MTV in America. The shithead who never wears a shirt says “It’s a little too risqué for America”. Goddamn, sometimes America rules.

Mudhoney’s new record is killer too.

We’ll have a shit load of record reviews up in a few days. Sorry for the lack of updates, but we’ve been changing servers and working on getting some records out as well. We’re still trying to figure out how to pay for all this bandwidth.

Have you heard about this Ramone’s tribute album? Oh man… it’s some BULLSHIT. So that Rob Zombie dickhead thinks he understands the Ramones. And he’s putting together a tribute record. Ok, first off he has dreadlocks, he’s already fired. second, his band fucking sucks. Third, all the bands he picks are totally lame. Come on… Garbage, Kiss, Eddie Vedder, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Marilyn Manson and U2? What the fuck do any of these people have to do with the Ramones?

The White Stripes and the Strokes are playing a couple of shows together during August in their respective hometowns. This is pretty much going to be Dipshit fest 2002. Idiots rock wannabees with stupid haircuts and faux-thrift store clothes, “feeling the rock” while constantly looking around to see if any of the other suburbanite pseudo rock mutants are looking their way. Oh yeah, that girl has enormous boobs, we might go for that.

Brandy is now a baby’s mama. We didn’t do it.

The new Hot Snakes record is fucking great. Songwise it holds up to the first one quite well, but the artwork is a total shame out. It looks like it’s back to the Jehu days of no lyrics cuz the Swami is now only gonna pay for a three color one panel insert. Gee, that doesn’t make me wanna download it…. not! Why did Swami all of a sudden became a tight ass? I hate the kids is right.

Speaking of the Hot Snakes, they’re drummer Jason is now playing with the Burning Brides, who recently signed to V2. Looks like they got their Dave Ghrol, now just make Nevermind guys….

Go see the Burning Brides so you can say you saw em before everyone else did…
06/20 – Nita’s Hideaway (Tempe, AZ)
06/21 – Wildhare’s (El Paso, TX)
06/23 – Emo’s (Austin, TX) – w/ Thrall & Fuckemos
06/24 – Gypsy Tea Room (Dallas, TX)
06/25 – Shim Sham Club (New Orleans, LA) – w/ Hazard County Girls
06/26 – Echo Lounge (Atlanta, GA) – w/ Disengage
06/27 – New Brookland Tavern (Columbia, SC)

So that Gun N’ Roses band minues Axl with the Buckcherry dickhead band we were talking about that got signed to Dreamworks (no, we weren’t joking, this one is actually real), is actually Matt Sorum (who now has short hair – he came to watch the Burning Brides the other night, with Iggy Pop’s son), Duff and Slash plus that bozo from Buckcherry.

The word is the original guitar player for The Start (former SNOT guitar player) is now in Limp Bizkit. Oh Boy! Oh look, he’s also in the new Britany Spears video!

Suge Knight worked out a deal to have his memoirs published. Dre and Snoop are still alive, too. Suge went emo on us.

Tom and the Mangina got in a car wreck. They got lumped up a bit, but they’re alive and gay as usual. Someone send Tom a new Purple car so he can ride around listening to Bold and Strife.

In other Dillinger Escape Plan news, expect a peak at their new EP via video sometime this or next week. It’s dope, trust us.

Last week at the Juliana Theory/Glassjaw show somewhere in Florida, the building caught on fire forcing a quick end to the show. No one was hurt, but it sure made the bands stop playing. Hmm….

Jesus fucking Christ, these comps have got to be stopped. This track listing looks like it was put together by a team of retarded 12 year old girls. This is the soundtrack to MTV’s Road Rules and it comes out August 6th. If you can’t open your mouth without drooling on yourself or you’re just a dumb fucking retard, then this ones for you.

01 – Jimmy Eat World – “Bleed American”
02 – Thursday – “Understanding In A Car Crash”
03 – The Used – “A Box Full Of Sharp Objects”
04 – AFI – “The Nephilim”
05 – The Rise – “The Fallacy Of Retrospective Determinism”
06 – Unwritten Law – “Take Me Away”
07 – Thrice – “See You In The Shallows”
08 – Deftones – “The Boy’s Republic”
09 – Sinch – “Something More”
10 – Brand New – “Jude Law And A Semester Abroad”
11 – Dashboard Confessional – “Saints And Sailors”
12 – 36 Crazyfists – “An Agreement Called Forever”
13 – Haste – “Engine”
14 – Hoobastank – “Pieces”
15 – The Juliana Theory – “Bring It Low”
16 – Coheed And Cambria – “33″
17 – New Found Glory – “Something I Call Personality”
18 – Jersey – “All Rise”
19 – Taking Back Sunday – “You Know How I Do”
20 – The Movielife – “Walking On Glass”
21 – The Get Up Kids – “Overdue”

From what we hear, in the Entertainment magazine with Moby and Bowie on the cover on page 42 some writer named Michele Romero does a have assed version of our Rules of Rock. Anyone know how we can contact this fucker?

Fred Durst is directing a movie about Dog Town. Something tells us Steve Berra is responsible for this.

The Yeah Yeah Yeah’s singer has started a side project hip hop group called the No No No’s. We heard it’s all the rage.

The worlds most troubled Actor/millionare, Jessie Turner, recently fired all of his management and quit his twelve step program. He’s been qouted as saying that he’s on a new path to completely ruining his life… he calls it Free Base. he also said to tell everyone who read Buddyhead to buy his movies on VHS (when they come out) so he can pay for his new electric car in cash. Jessie will begin shooting next week for his new WB show due out next season.

Iggy Pop didn’t get dropped. The Iggster is planning to record a new record real soon. Go buy Funhouse by The Stooges kids.

Mark Lanegan will be recording a new record in the upcoming months with producer Chris Goss (Queens Of The Stoneage, Kyuss, Melssia Auf Der Maur). This recording, much like previous recording will feature some guests appearances. John Stanier of Tomahawk/Helmet is said to manning the drums for this record. Sounds killer.

Jason Hamacher (of Frodus), Shelby Cinca (of Frodus), and Joe Lally (of Fugazi) have a new band called the Black Sea. They have an mp3 sample for your hungry ears, check it. http://theblacksea.cc/

That new Papa Roach song fucking sucks and it’s always on. We’re going to fucking kill someone pretty soon.

We were told that some douche who works for Rolling Stone.com and writes a column called “Well Hung” on-line column was talking shit on Buddyhead. Hey dude, we don’t know what you said because we’d rather get caught jerking off to those weird animal porno’s that Aaron keeps downloading than reading that bullshit, but you work for Rolling Stone DOT COM and get paid in peanuts… what do you know about anything?

Mike Tyson wants to eat your children. R Kelly wants to bang your children

Not Waving But Drowning changed thier name to Not Rocking But Sucking.

The McRib is back. Shaq Pack is over.

The Lakers won.

Ok, this is big news. Axl has been replaced. The new band that’s not called Guns N’ Roses, but features Izzy, Duff, Slash, and that dipshit singer guy with the new tattoos and bad hair from Buckcherry got signed to Dreamworks. Nothing is sacred it seems.

Everyone famous is getting their own Osbourne’s type TV reality show. Stay tuned for some boring fucking television.

Fred Durst has been begging the dude who quit with the face paint junk to come back and write some songs for him. In the meantime, the tubster has been tried to learn how to play guitar. This oughta be good.

The dude in Korn that looks like a kid toucher is getting weirder. Which one is right! We don’t know, but he’s in the band and he’s opening a museum dedicated to serial killers in L.A. It’s going to feature clown suits worn by killer/pedophile John Wayne Gacey. We’re staying away from this place, but Aaron’s way psyched cause he’s a cape-wearing goth and likes little boys.

Fuck Moby.

The new Hot Snakes album “Suicide Invoice” is REDFUCKINGHOT. Aaron stopped listening to System Of A Down even to listen to it. The album comes out on Swami Records 6.18.02. Attention major label a&r douches, this band is better than every band on your label. Unless your label has Tool on it.

Ringo houses Charlie Watts.

The White Stripes are playing the MTV Movie Awards with Ja Rule and Kelly Osbourne on the day rent is due. But we’re not going. You’d think seeing as how we know Gideon Yago, we could get in. But it seems “knowing Gideon Yago” gets you dick around those parts. If anyone with some clout wants to hang out with us and get us in, let us know. The White Stripes are also in the middle of recording their 4th LP, which rumor has it is an autobiographical album titled “Retard Incest Love”.

Rama Mayo is in Hawaii. If you live on the Island of Oahu and you want to party with Travis’s roommate, email him at rama@bigwheelrec.com and let him know you are gonna buy him some alcohol, women, and drugs.

Rivers Cuomo and Chris Carrabba are going on a hunt to find the “perfect 11 year old”, The two emo stalkers with shitty back up bands in hand will be hitting the U.S. for a month long run of crying four eyed dorks and soiled asian panties. Oh, and to make this traveling nightmare even worse, the Kennedy Family of rock, The Strokes have committed to performing on some dates. Sparta looks like they’ll be jumping on some dates too. Check out the new Sparta full length that’s gonna come out soon called “Wiretap Scars”. That title kinda sounds familiar guys.
July 06th West Valley, UT – E Center
July 07th Morrison, CO – Red Rocks Amphitheatre
July 09th St. Paul, MN – Xcel Energy Center
July 11th Tinley Park, IL – Tweeter Center
July 12th Clarkston, MI – DTE Energy Music Theatre
July 14th Toronto, ON – Molson Amphitheatre
July 15th Cuyahoga Falls, OH – Blossom Music Center
July 17th Noblesville, IN – Verizon Wireless Music Center
July 18th Columbus, OH – Polaris Amphitheater
July 20th Hartford, CT – ctnow.com Meadows Music
July 21st Mansfield, MA – Tweeter Center
July 22nd Wantagh, NY – Tommy Hilfiger at Jones Beach Th.
July 23rd Holmdel, NJ – P.N.C. Bank Arts Center
July 26th Camden, NJ – Tweeter Center At The Waterfront
July 27th Columbia, MD – Merriweather Post
July 29th Atlanta, GA – HiFi Buys Amphitheatre
July 30th Nashville, TN – TBA
August 01st The Woodlands, TX – C.W. Mitchell Pavilion
August 02nd Dallas, TX – Smirnoff Music Centre
August 04th Selma, TX – Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
August 07th Phoenix, AZ – TBA
August 09th Irvine, CA – Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre
August 10th Chula Vista, CA – Coors Amphitheatreh West Valley, UT – E Center
July 07th Morrison, CO – Red Rocks Amphitheatre
July 09th St. Paul, MN – Amphitheatre
August 10th Chula Vista, CA – Coors Amphitheatre

Brian Warner thinks his name is Axl. He kicked Twiggy out of Marilyn Manson cuz Brian was pissed he was more into Djing shitty glam rock at The Standard than writing “Beautiful People” again. Brian is gonna finish up the new Manson record with some dude from KMFDM. Let’s hope he doesn’t wear a chicken bucket. It’s gonna be called, The Golden Age of Grotesque.

Aaron Icarus will now and forever be know as “The Wizard Of Brahs”. It’s kind of like when Prince changed his named to that symbol. Cept no one really cares.

Thursday put out this statement whining about Victory Records on their website. We think they should both shut the fuck up and quit everything and give us all their fucking money so we can throw BBQ’s everyday. And if we had enough money we’d really like to buy a hot tub. That would make the party killer. Rama told us if emo gets big he’ll buy a hot tub. We’d post the statement, but we’re too lazy.

Fuck Incubus.

Shawn Lopez from Flawless Records house band the Revolution Smile s dating Jeff Wood’s married girlfriend. Shawn…listen up, Jeff is pretty pissed at you man. Basically, if Jeff doesn’t kill you… Well, let’s put it this way, that Shat song called “CRABS” isn’t a joke.

On the less personal side of Revolution Smile, Fred Durst directed their first video. That must have went a little like “Ok guys…. All of you need to bend over now!”

If you live in the U.K., call this number 44 2083 461 298, it’s Fred Durst’s “personal assistant”, Adam. Ask Adam if he can connect you with the International Pie Eating Champion.

Don’t cut your hair.

Courtney Love finally told everyone what they already knew and didn’t care about in the first place…. Yeah, Hole is over. Courtney is working on some new band though so she can stay famous. Courtney, give us more money.

Green Day is putting out a B-sides and rarities release in July. Matt Skiba and Heather Hannoura care about that one.

Snapcase just finished their new record called “End Transmission.” That dude still can’t sing his way out of a paper bag.

The Pattern are touring with Rama Mayo’s favorite band to see at the Roxy, The Hives.
5/31/2002: 15th Street Tavern – Denver, CO Doors: 8PM; 21+
6/1/2002: Replay Lounge – Lawrence, KS With: The People; 21+
6/2/2002: Sokol Underground – Omaha, NE Doors: 8PM; all ages
6/4/2002: First Avenue – Minneapolis, MN With: The Hives, Mooney Suzuki;
Doors: 5PM; all ages
6/6/2002: Empty Bottle – Chicago, IL With: The Dishes; 21+
6/8/2002: The Opera House – Toronto, Ontario With: The Hives, Mooney
Suzuki; Doors: 8:30PM; all ages
6/9/2002: Club Soda – Montreal, Quebec With: The Hives, Mooney Suzuki;
Doors: 7:30PM; 18+
6/11/2002: Middle East Underground – Cambridge, MA With: The Hives, Mooney
Suzuki; Doors: 8PM; 18+
6/12/2002: Bowery Ballroom – NYC, NY With: The Hives, Mooney Suzuki;
Doors: 7:30PM; 18+
6/13/2002: Bowery Ballroom – NYC, NY With: The Hives; Doors: 7:30PM; 18+
6/15/2002: Black Cat – Washington, DC With: The Hives, Mooney Suzuki
6/16/2002: Mickey Finns Pub – Toledo, OH Doors: 9PM; all ages

The Dillinger Escape Plan have finally posted a reason as to why they had to cancel their European tour – “Unfortunately kids… we have been sabotaged! A Certain European booking agent decided to fuck up a bunch of our dates (most of which were to take place in Germany) because we fired him. Why did we fire him you ask… because he didn’t abide to a verbal contract of honesty and failed to adhere to the commitment of achieving certain tasks. In other words people, don’t tell a band you book the Wu Tang Clan when you don’t and most certainly don’t untruthfully tell people you book a handful of other bands that that person talks to on a regular basis. Dumb Dumb dumb! OK now that we have vented about this numb nuts, we would like to apologize to those who were unable to catch Dillinger due to these events. Make up shows are already in process for late August and early September and will be posted soon.” As for the nearer future, the band plans on playing the following shows here in the states:
06.18 – New Haven, CT – Toads
06.19 – Cleveland, OH – Agora Theater
06.20 – Detroit, MI – Shelter
06.21 – Chicago, IL – Fireside Bowl
06.22 – Louisville, KY – KrazyFest

Britney broke up with Justin again, rumor has it that Jeff Wood gave her the “I’ll eat you out for 2 hours with my clothes on and leave” line and she went for it.

Click here to buy your very own “Thursday Whoopee Cushions”

Sarah Ultragrrrl told us we need to post something, here it is in her own words:
My friend, Sean McGrath, was recently admitted into Columbia Prysbeterian Hospital after several of his organs stopped working. During exploration surgery it was discovered that he had cancer of the digestive track. In order to raise money for his medical bills (which will be a small fortune close to $500,000), and raise his spirits, me and some friends got together with a couple of bands to organize this benefit concert. Sean was in a lot of hardcore/punk bands growing up (Saves the Day and Mouthpiece), so his friends came out in full force. This show will be really amazing, and it’s for a really great cause.read below and thanks!
Hey Everyone!
Tickets for Sean McGrath’s benefit show went on sale this afternoon…
If you’re not familiar with the bands, I can assure you that the line-up is incredible… here are the details…
The Bands: Thursday, Midtown, Taking Back Sunday, the Alps and Special Guests
The Spot: Saturday, June 15, Irving Plaza, NYC
The Tickets: $25 (100% of the ticket goes towards helping Sean fight cancer)
Here’s the ticketmaster address:https://ticketing.ticketmaster.com/cgi/purchasePage.asp?event_id=34BCA1979742&event_code=EIV0615E