Hi, I’m Meathead. Man, if I were a U2 fan, I’d be severely bummed out right about now. I mean, not just because of my bad taste in music, but for a more specific reason. As you may have noticed, Bono and fellow d-bag The Edge (as well as those other two or three guys) crapped out a new batch of who-gives-a-shit throwaway pop songs recently, and are about to go on their obligatory tour in support of said who-gives-a-shit throwaway pop songs. During this tour, they are playing one (1) show in the entire state of California. Of course, instead of rolling our collective eyes and giving them the collective finger, we should all be grateful that they are deigning to perform here at all. I mean, it’s not like they have that many fans here, especially not in this tiny hamlet of “Los Angeles” that has been blessed with the honor of being the location of this single solitary California appearance.

But that’s not the real reason that I’m bummed out in that parallel universe where I actually get excited about new U2 albums. The real reason: the supporting act for this, the first and only show their California-based fans will get until their next contractually-obligated record gets lazily tossed out the studio door, is none other than The Black Eyed Peas. Wow. Why doesn’t Bono (and the Edge and those other guys, whatever their names are) just come right out and say “we don’t give a shit anymore?” I mean, that’s clearly the next and only logical step from here. Let’s play Devil’s advocate and say, okay, U2 has put out a number of decent songs back in the day, and one could argue that they are (or were) “important” and “influential.” So U2, being such an “important” and “influential” band, could probably pick from any number of other “important” and “influential” bands to share the bill, or maybe they could give an unknown but talented act their big break. But instead, they’ve chosen to give the opening slot to fucking Fergie, whose biggest hits are the songs “My Humps,” “Let’s Get Retarded” and urinating in her pants onstage. Wow, I bet that’ll really get people pumped up to hear “Pride (In The Name of Love)!”

In other totally depressing music news, it’s nice to see Coachella is on the bullet train to Suck City. First, they have the least talented Beatle after Ringo (who I am convinced will never ever die) as their super huge headliner for 2009. Okay, fine, he was still in the Beatles and I’m sure he’ll play some of their good stuff and if we close our eyes and have a few beers we can imagine John and George are there too.

What really irritates me about this advertisement, besides the fact that roughly 80 percent of the lineup makes me want to kill myself, is the way The Killers (not to be confused with The Kills, who are also performing) are being touted in that big Paul McCartney-sized font for Saturday. You know, right above a few talented acts who actually deserve to be at the top, because they have talent and not just because KROQ plays them every fifteen minutes. Like TV on the Radio, one of the most original and interesting new(ish) rock bands out there, and Thievery Corporation, and even Henry Rollins, who is relegated to the “also-ran” type size. No, but The Killers, that’s the real attraction for Day 2. Way to get your priorities straight, guys.

On a final note, and I know I’ve “tweeted” or “twittered” about this already today, but can someone — President Obama, Governor Arnold, anyone — declare a moratorium on naming bands after wolves? I was reading the LA Weekly this morning and noticed an ad for a band called “Wolves in the Throne Room.” Jesus Christ, guys, seriously? We already have Wolfmother, Wolf Parade, Peanut Butter Wolf (whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean), and I’m sure there are more lurking about. Just stop.

Oh, and while I’m on the subject of terrible band names… as for that band/group/whatever that actually calls themselves “LMFAO”: you guys seriously need to get your asses kicked.

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