Kanye West is a very busy man
Hi, I’m Meathead, the guy who posts things on Buddyhead that make you get all mad and ask Travis to fire me. I don’t know about you, but I make a point to constantly keep up with what rapper/actor/humanitarian Kanye West is doing. Maybe you think I’m weird because of it, but it’s just something that’s very important to me. Anyway, today was a very exciting day for me and my fellow obsessive Kanye West blog-page-refreshers. Mr. West actually took a break from his hectic fish stick-eating schedule to speak out on his web log (or as I call it, “blog”) against the “losers” impersonating him on Twitter, and took the time to point out that the reason he doesn’t have a Twitter account is that he’s entirely “TOO BUSY ACTUALLY BUSY BEING CREATIVE MOST OF THE TIME.” Yes, he took the time to post a lengthy paragraph, or “spaz,” about how he doesn’t have time to post messages that are 140 characters or less. To his credit, however, he did spell most of the words right. Here’s the post in all its self-serving glory:
”(This spaz comes courtesy of losers making fake Kanye West Twitter accounts) I DON‘T HAVE A FUCKING TWITTER… WHY WOULD I USE TWITTER??? I ONLY BLOG 5 PERCENT OF WHAT I’M UP TO IN THE FIRST PLACE. I’M ACTUALLY SLOW DELIVERING CONTENT BECAUSE I’M TOO BUSY ACTUALLY BUSY BEING CREATIVE MOST OF THE TIME AND IF I’M NOT AND I’M JUST LAYING ON A BEACH I WOULDN‘T TELL THE WORLD. EVERYTHING THAT TWITTER OFFERS I NEED LESS OF. THE PEOPLE AT TWITTER KNOW I DON‘T HAVE A FUCKING TWITTER SO FOR THEM TO ALLOW SOMEONE TO POSE AS ME AND ACCUMULATE OVER A MILLION NAMES IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND DECEITFUL TO THERE FAITHFUL USERS. REPEAT… THE HEADS OF TWITTER KNEW I DIDN‘T HAVE A TWITTER AND THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHICH ACCOUNTS HAVE HIGH ACTIVITY ON THEM. IT’S A FUCKING FARCE AND IT MAKES ME QUESTION WHAT OTHER SO CALLED CELEBRITY TWITTERS ARE ACTUALLY REAL OR FAKE. HEY TWITTER, TAKE THE SO CALLED KANYE WEST TWITTER DOWN NOW…. WHY? … BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUD!!!!!!!!!”
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes just hearing the word “twitter” and/or “tweet,” and seeing all these worthless celebutards and CNN talking heads constantly remind everyone of how “hip” and “with it” they are, makes me want to hurl old ladies into wood chippers. But even more irritating than hearing someone plug their Twitter (that sounds kinda dirty) is hearing someone go out of their way to announce to the world that they’re not on Twitter because they’re simply too busy. You know what? Here’s an exciting and fun little factoid: The President of the United States, Barack Obama, who is probably the single busiest person in the entire world, has a Twitter account. Sure, he probably has his people updating it for him most of the time, but that’s beside the point. The monumentally depressing fact is that Kanye West, despite being infinitely less important, undoubtedly makes considerably more money than the President, and could certainly afford to pay his own “people” to post banal, uninteresting things like “In the studio lol” and “At Goodwill buyin some sweaters,” and that would be that.
In one of his countless facepalm-inducing moments of sheer stupidity, Kanye recently proclaimed that he is “the voice of this generation.” What he doesn’t seem to be aware of is that roughly 85 percent of this generation is on Twitter (FACT: that statistic is completely made up). By acting like only losers use Twitter, he’s essentially calling the majority of people who inexplicably purchase his albums — and fund his grotesquely extravagant lifestyle — losers. Wow, what a class act.
Hey Kanye, we all know you’re too cool for Twitter (Don’t worry, I’ll leave out the fact that you have official accounts on Facebook and MySpace, because that would probably be kind of embarrassing and I wouldn’t want you to end up looking like a hypocrite or anything), but maybe you should just be glad that there are people out there who give enough of a shit about you for whatever reason to take time to impersonate you on Twitter. Besides, what are you really worried about, anyway? You do a better job of making yourself sound like an egocentric lunatic than any Kanye West impostor ever could. Are you afraid that people might actually start attributing quotes to you that actually sound coherent and logical? If anything, these “losers” are actually doing you a favor. But I guess that’s not good enough for you. You’re not just angry, you’re CAPS LOCK ANGRY. Your rights as a human being are being trampled on. Twitter does not care about black people. And so on.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news (just kidding, I actually kinda like being the bearer of bad news), but you are just a rapper. That’s it. And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. You’re lucky enough to earn a living doing what you enjoy. Good on you. But… the fact remains that you’re just a rapper, and you’re really no different or better than most other pop stars out there. Wearing shit that makes you look like a colorblind four-year-old whose parents decided to let him dress himself for the first time doesn’t equal creativity. Your shutter shades do not make you a genius. Yes, you discovered Daft Punk ten years after everyone else did, congratulations. Puff Daddy already cornered the “rapping over someone else’s song and calling it yours” market. Seriously, dude, just stick to what you do best, recording hit songs that nobody will remember next year.
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IFLY lol
I’m eating Twizzlers and tweeting about it