Hey Billy Bob, you are one epic dude! Endless laughs for sure! The whole hat thing is really throwing everyone off… no one can tell you’re bald, man. It’s kinda like trying to hide an elephant with a napkin. Here you go again…. Bill Corgan can’t go a week without doing or saying something stupid to get himself into the press. Yo dude- the nineties are over for real! We’re sorry no one gives a fuck about you and the three 19 year-olds you’re trying to pass off as “The Smashing Pumpkins” just because your ego says it’s still cool. This week’s update: Billy has announced that the new “Smashing Pumpkins” record will not feature any original members except himself (WOW), will be recorded on tape (yawn), will be called “Teargarden by Kaleidyscope” (we’re gonna call it “Bill Corgan Doesn’t Know When To Quit”), and the album will feature 44 songs! How modest of Billy to think the world needs 44 new “Smashing Pumpkin” songs. Starting around Halloween of this year Billy Bob is gonna release one song at a time. “All 44 songs will be made available absolutely for free, to anyone anywhere”. All five cutters on the Bill Corgan message-board are stoked, especially Courtney Love!

Speaking of C-Love, she’s back in the news for trying her darnedest to see if there’s a square inch of her husband’s legacy left to shit on. Between tweeting photos of herself during an Oxycontin binge (see the one above with the turtle on her head for proof), and being Mom of the Year, Courtney found the time to agree with the makers of that Guitar Hero shit-eo game that it would be beneficial to Kurt’s legacy to let zit-faced tweens in Nebrahoma be him while singing “You Give Love a Bad Name” by Bon Jovi, Bush and other such gems. We’re pretty sure Kurt’s gonna dig himself out of his grave and blow his brains out all over again faster than you can say “Zombie Alert”. Apparently, Dave Grohl and Krist Novaselic aren’t psyched and this has set off yet another feud between the dudes who made the music and the retired sub-awesome “Jumbo’s Clown Room” stripper who killed Kurt. Now Courtney is claiming she didn’t agree to said genius idea. Either way, Kurt loses.

While we’re on video games: if we see another article about The Beatles rock band, we’re going postal. Yeah, we’re looking right at you, MOJO! I bought your rock n’ roll magazine cuz I wanted to read about music. Save the stupid video game articles for magazines about stupid videos games! Got it? Comply or we’ll find a way to poison your scones, crumpets and tea. And what the fuck is up with your reviews now? Why does every established band automatically get four stars? Stop being pussies and tell it like it is… oh wait, that’s our job.

Remember that band The Strokes? You know, the band who had songs about New York, being skinny, and drinking beer? Come on, you remember… they were the next big thing in 2001? Well, if you haven’t filed their records under “poser” already, you might be tickled pink to know that their ‘Mo-in-Chief, Julian Casablancas, is putting out his very own solo record. Now every member of The Strokes has a solo record. Unnecessary is right! Julian’s dingle-berry of an album sounds like The Strokes lite… as if that’s even possible. We’re gonna try and schedule a listening party for that one right after we set up that appointment to get our testicles pierced.

It’s Christmas if you’re a huge nerd: Pavement is getting back together! You’d think by the way these virgins are shitting themselves that maybe Paul and Ringo pulled some Frankenstein shit by digging up Lennon & Harrison to reform The Beatles. Can’t wait to hear that “Haircut” song again. At least now Pitchfork can stop pretending that those Stephen Malkmus solo records don’t totally fuckin’ blow Laker-dong now. Hallelujah for that! Yes, we just said Laker-dong.

Staying on the subject of things that Pitchfork readers are fire-hosing jizz over: Ben Gibbard (Death Cab For Cutie) & Zooey Deschanel (rom-com-actor) got down with archaic rituals and got married this past weekend. You gotta love it when dorky dudes in shitty indie rock bands with goofy names like Death Cab For Cutie trick crazy actress bitches into saying “til death do us part”. That dude seriously looks like he got hit in the face with an ugly-missile from point blank range, but fortunately for him, no other profession in the world glosses over your imperfections like being in a band. God, I love rock n’ roll. Hey Gibbard: Happy Tom from Turbonegro called and he wants his fuckin’ look back! Drop the sailor gear and walk away!

In case you didn’t already know that being a Rolling Stone was the coolest gig ever invented… Ronnie Wood wins yet again! Dude is 61 years old and has apparently DUMPED his 20-year-old girlfriend, Ekaterina Ivanova, for being a psycho-hosebeast! Who else can say they’ve done that?!? And what is it about being from Eastern Europe and being down for tongue-bathing rock- fossils? Anyways, the move follows reports yesterday that police were called to the couple’s North London house early on Monday morning after concerned neighbors heard Ronnie chasing her slowly around his house and trying to hit her with his cane or some shit. Apparently, Gramps was seen throwing Ivanova’s clothes from the property’s first-floor window, before chasing her out of the house and proceeding to shout curse words between gasps in the middle of the street. The argument apparently started after Wood told Ivanova that he planned to have dinner with his ex old lady, Jo, whom he dumped for Ivanova last year. Woodie is out of the house and has scored a new bachelor pad somewhere near his ex’s mansion (which he paid for). Something tells us various Russian mail- order bride websites will have their membership go up by at least one in the near future.

Dahvie Vanity, aka the singer of some Brokencyde rip-off called Blood on the Dancefloor, took a break from raping music and finally raped something “he” could actually go to jail for: a 15 year- old girl. That’s right, this he/she/it figured it was time to play in the big leagues and scar some poor girl for life. After checking out a few pictures of this “dude”, we’re still a little surprised he could overpower a 15 year- old girl, but hairspray fumes can be pretty intense. Go to this Chester’s myspace: www.myspace.com/bloodonthedancefloor. He is the only member listed and it says next to his name that he’s a “Professional Motherfucker”. Guess you should change that one to “Professional Child Fucker”, huh slick?

Speaking of dudes named Davey that look like they get their hair done by an army of homosexual kindergarteners: AFI has a new record coming out next week. We’re pretty sure the kid above is rifling through his mom’s purse to score a Discover card for the pre-order as we speak.

We’re not scientists or philosophers or nothin’, but Buddyhead is pretty sure these screamo-crunk/crabcore bands are honing in on finally creating “the worst possible music”. It’s already the worst music EVER, (there’s no doubt about that), but we think it’ll take them another year or so to actually formulate the worst music POSSIBLE. Yeah it’s hard to believe, but the end of music history is upon us, kids. They’re well on their way. Exhibit A:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxGMU1slnwo]
We’ll keep you posted.

The Juliana Theory are still a band. Yep, Brett Detar and his wireless headset mic are still out there sucking. They’re like the Crocket and Tubbs of lameness, except no one is getting laid. Follow the singer douche on Twitter @ http://twitter.com/brettdetar and send him “links of interest” like: www.meatspin.com.

Dylan has a Christmas record coming out October 13th. Isn’t he a Jew? Religion’s chin, our dicks.

Pink is a dude, right?

Lady Gaga is a dude too, right?

Jack White DOES have a sense of humor! Homeboy fucked Kanye West up by storming the stage while the director of The White Stripes’ new film “Under Great White Northern Lights”, Emmett Malloy, was talking about shit no one cares about. We’re not saying shit about Jack cuz we not only think he’s rad, but we remember what that dude’s face from The Von Bondies looked like after he decked the shit outta him! By the way, don’t punch us for selling Alison’s bra dude. Chip’s gotta gun and we don’t wanna make him use it.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urxx386W6Oc]

Kanye West is still a faggot. We’d like to see Kanye collaborate with Evan Weiss’ new gay-punk band “Hunx and His Punx”. It’s only a matter of time.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ZnUBB1QWc]

Megan Fox is on the cover of Rolling Stone. No one’s read that magazine for over ten years now, but for some reason it’s still a bummer to see actress sluts on the cover of a magazine that at one time was one of the biggest counter culture voices. If you “write” for Rolling Stone in 2009, figure out how to get your toes around the trigger of the shotgun like Kurt did.

Chloë Sevigny goes off “first year of college style”. We heard her drink of choice is vodka with GHB and a twist of lime. Whoa!

Jay-Z says ‘Noel Gallagher’s views on hip hop were archaic’. Jay-Z has his DJ play Wonderwall every show now, which is mind-blowing on several levels. We think Jay-Z’s music is totally archaic and shitty, but if he likes Oasis he can basically do whatever the fuck he wants as far as we’re concerned.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yM8wXZ9MGIE]

Stone Temple Pilots frontman and douche-bag extraordinaire, Scott Weiland, took a few too many Oxycontins and “experienced a mild seizure” on a plane flight from LAX to Miami. Bummer dude. Everyone on the plane was punished for Scott’s O.D. and the plane re-routed to make an emergency landing at Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. Someone should make a game that is similar to “Clue” where you guess the next place and drug you’ll find next to Scotty’s name in the news. For example, instead of “Professor Plum in the Library with a Candlestick” it’ll be “Scott Weiland in the Men’s Room of a Rest Stop on the I-10 with illegally prescribed Vicodin”. Make your predictions in the comments, kids!

Bobby Brown really must need the money now that Whitney dumped his cracky ass, cuz he is gonna be on the next season of that shitty show Celebrity Fit Club. We don’t even own a TV and we know that show is budget! Damn Bobby, we know it’s your fuckin’ prerogative (so don’t give us that shit again), but you’re not even that chubby, bro. It looks like maybe he laid off the crack and started eating again. No big deal. We advise you to re-book that tour of Red Lobsters you had set up and then cancelled a few years ago. No, we’re not making that up… dude was really gonna tour Red Lobsters! Wrap your mind around that event! Totally epic!

In response to our diss in the LA Weekly, “Marilyn Manson” tried to say he doesn’t rock sideways hats… sha right! Busted with photographic proof above there Mr. Douche-noozle! You can’t fight Buddyhead and win bro. You lose again! So get this: Our poser-tastic friend who only knows one Led Zeppelin song (and it’s “Stairway To Heaven” – NO SHIT!) is also claiming to have the swine-flu on his Myspace blog. Yes, he’s still a grown ass man using Myspace!
“So I have officially been diagnosed, by a real doctor, with THE SWINE FLU. I know everyone will suggest that fucking a pig is how this disease was obtained. However, the doctor said, my past choices in women have in no way contributed to me acquiring this mysterious sickness. Unfortunately, I am going to survive.
M”
And yes those look like two herpes-sores on each end of his mouth to us… dude’s fully toxic. Yikes! Call up Brian Warner on his cell phone @ 323-xxx-xxxx (we had to remove this number cuz we got a letter from Brian Warners’ lawyer) and tell em that a simple prescription called Valtrex will nuke those herps right off his weird pasty face. Also tell him Jeff Wood is looking for him.

So they released the track-listing for the Original Soundtrack: Twilight “New Moon” movie. And although we don’t know most of the bands on here, we do know Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. And although we’re really happy for them that they made it on this sountrack, we’re even happier for ourselves cuz it looks as though drinks are on Robert and Peter for the next few months! Woooohooo!
New Moon tracklist:
1. Death Cab for Cutie: “Meet Me on the Equinox”
2. Band of Skulls: “Friends”
3. Thom Yorke: “Hearing Damage”
4. Lykke Li: “Possibility”
5. The Killers: “A White Demon Love Song”
6. Anya Marina: “Satellite Heart”
7. Muse: “I Belong to You (New Moon Remix)”
8. Bon Iver and St. Vincent: “Rosyln”
9. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club: “Done All Wrong”
10. Hurricane Bells: “Monsters”
11. Sea Wolf: “The Violet Hour”
12. OK Go: “Shooting the Moon”
13. Grizzly Bear: “Slow Life”
14. Editors: “No Sound But the Wind”
15. Alexandre Desplat: “New Moon (The Meadow)”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKMTOrNIfjw]
The Dillinger Escape Plan are out here in the California sunshine (aka Seal Beach), recording their new album. We’ve got a copy of their new single for you to hear right now. Check out “44% Burnt”! Slammin’!

Danny Lohner (ex Nine Inch Nails/ ex Travis’ roommate), is taking a cue from his boy Wes Borland and is now wearing dresses! Underwater too! SHIT YEAH D-LO! SHARK WEEK! FUCK ‘EM UP!

Speaking of Wes Borland and Danny Lohner aka people from Florida and Texas… check out our new favorite website = People Of Wal-Mart.
http://peopleofwalmart.com/

Beck is still a total freaky Scientologist who thinks his bones are gonna shatter at any moment (even though every doctor he’s ever seen tells him that he’s perfectly healthy). Plus, Beck is to music what serial killers are to murder. He’s white + he raps = NO GOOD!

The Charlatans’ Tim Burgess got a Factory Records/New Order tattoo. Wow man, nothing really screams record-collecting nerd like that does! Bet one of the dudes from that band “Orgy” also sports one of those… you’re in good company slick!

Chip’s life-partner, Jared Swilley of the Black Lips, has a brother (“Liittle Swilley”) who is in a “crunkcore” band. Weird, eh? I guess every family has the “cool hick brother” and the “dorky drunk hick brother”. Yeah, Little Swilley just embarrassed the family and remixed the Black Lips’ song “Bad Kids” with all sortsa ‘crunk’ auto-tune jiveness. We haven’t heard this yet, so a free Buddyhead shirt goes to the first person to find Lil Swilley’s myspace band page. GO!

This video is titled “Juggalos And Maggots: Why can’t we be friends?” even though we would have called it “Where’s Chip’s Gun When We Need It?” Yes, Chip is runnin’ round strapped! Hopefully these two are blasted on some crazy cocktail of a bunch of different really hard drugs so they at least have an excuse for being huge tampons.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssTA32P3ufM]

Korn aren’t the smartest dudes around (SURPRISE!) and they’re not getting along (SURPRISE!). Munky says that the Jesus-freak dude who left the band, “HEAD”, came crawling back to the KORN train, and that they told him to step cuz he didn’t snort rails anymore! Check out this video of Munky trying to tell the story. You really want to reach out and help him complete those sentences don’t you?
[yotube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2JlkAi1_-o]

Check out this video of “Head” taking about Jesus coming down to take the crystal meth outta his life and waking up in the morning, eating PB&J and snorting metch. Shit yeah, now that’s living the dream! Tastes like a party! This dude makes some killer grumpy faces in between talking but what we really wanna know is, “WHO is this dudes’ barber?!?!”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf5WYigZHME]

And finally here’s Korn’s bass player, and lead-speller, “Fieldy” rapping about doing drugs. Someone get these dudes a reality show.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXhOfQ6_MQY]

Buddyhead is gonna throw a bi-coastal Halloween show this year… one in LA and one in DC! Get amped kids, you might get laid this year! Details to follow soon.

We were flattered and surprised at the same time when we heard that Metallica front-man, James Hetfield, actually reads Buddyhead and “thinks it’s funny”. We didn’t believe it till we saw this video of him laughing. Hetfield thinks it’s funny for sure.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paLlsEnOJyg]

If you like Buddyhead and the joy we are bringing into your world every week, then BUY the new Dios EP “Cosmic Rays” right now so we can buy some ramen tomorrow. Booyah! Send all legal letters, death threats and love notes to travis@buddyhead.com. Also, get your parent’s credit cards ready… Buddyhead merch will be for sale next week!

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