Gossip #116
So Travis Barker almost died in a plane crash earlier this year. Since the crash all three members of Blink 182 have grown closer and have really come to realize that if one of them dies in a freak plane accident, that there’s no way All Tomorrow’s Parties is gonna ask them to reform and play “Dude Ranch” in it’s entirety! The blow the art community would suffer from the lose of just one member of Blink 182 would huge! So with that in his mind, Guitarist/douchebag Tom DeLonge had this to say about the new Blink 182 song (they’re making a new song, by the way):
“It’s got a little bit of (Pink) Floyd, a little bit of Rush, a little bit of Blink in there. It’s crazy, but it somehow sounds exactly like where we left off (in 2005). It’s an amazing song.”
Yeah, it’s funny you mention Pink Floyd, Tom, because I was just listening to “Dark Side Of The Moon” last night and couldn’t help but notice all the striking similarities it had to “Take Off Your Pants And Jacket” (though the Blink record syncs up a lot better to “Two Girls One Cup” than The Wizard of Oz). I even had to stop and make sure I put the right CD in. Yeah, we still have cds. Seriously though, there’s not a drug that powerful in the world that could make Blink 182 even vaguely resemble Pink Floyd. Trust us, we’ve tried em. Syd Barrett would be spinning in his grave right now if he weren’t still tripping his face off. Roger’s still alive though, and I’m pretty sure he could beat the shit out of you even though he’s probably in his 80s by now. As for the Rush comparison, well, we already know you sing like a six year old girl, so no surprise there. To be fair, though, I have been taking your words out of context. You know, the context of your head being stuffed all the way up your own colon, as you clearly demonstrate in this video:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB2YLPhceSM]
So Courtney Love is “getting Hole back together”. Cept she’s the only original member. Yeah, that’s right, no Eric Erlandson. Some poser named Micko Larkin is playing guitar. Yeah, you got it… basically Courtney Love took ANOTHER idea from Bill Corgan and pulled a Smashing Pumpkin. You sly fox you Courtney. First you get the guy to have sex with you (somehow), then your husband blows his brains out cuz he finds out you’re fucking a weird bald dude, then you get Billy to write your songs for you and now yer cherry pickin’ his “reform the band people liked from the 90s even though the other members fuckin’ hate me” idea. Everyone’s totally gonna fall for that one! Yeah, so now Courtney’s new record “Nobody’s Daughter” is gonna be the fourth Hole LP. Eric, let’s grab some beers dude.. call us. For the record, as much as I don’t wanna admit that Courtney Love news amuses me, whenever she opens her mouth I can’t help but perk up my ears and wait for the explosion! Yeah, I know it’s bad. She’s a really bad person that killed Kurt Cobain one way or another. Her diarrhetic borderline retarded self indulgent rants makes my skin crawl. But as much as I don’t want to admit it, when it comes down to it Courtney is just that car wreck on the side of the 101 to me. No matter what you’re gonna rubberneck the tangled mess of metal and glass. Check out what diarrhea of the mouth sounds like here:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrVp7hQ18qc]
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgorjE7BExs]
Someone…ANYONE in the vicinity of Tom Morello, please do the following: 1) slap him really hard across the face, repeatedly – don’t be afraid to work in that back hand either; 2) tie him down to a chair and make him listen to his last 3 musical projects on repeat for a week; and, assuming he even survives #2, 3) make him go house to house throughout the country and apologize for the last decade or so of his life. Yeah, Tommy we saw you on the NINJA Tour with that Chimney Sweeper’s Gentlemen’s Club rap metal band, and by our count, that’s 3 strikes. Actually, let’s be honest, you were tagged out the SECOND that very first Audioslave song leaked out of the Port-a-Potty, so I guess now we’re trying to find out just how many more nails you can possibly put in your coffin? Seriously dude, we needed ANOTHER rap metal band from you about as much as we need someone to invent barbed wired condoms. By the by, where did you find that backing band? Was Avril Lanvinge having a back-up musician sale? Look, we’ll give you this: in 1991 you were in a mostly minority band, playing rap and metal together when the PMRC had a Fatwa out against both genres (and before they became the lamest musical combo ever), with a singer shouting at the LAPD “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me” in Rodney King-era Los Angeles. Rage rebelled in a time and place where it was actually dangerous to do so. 20 years later you’re just a rich dude beating a series of dead horses. Retire. 10 years ago.
Popularity: 2%
holy shit courtney love is like half starving half fat. its pretty fucking scary. anyways, good gossip travis.