So there’s been a recurring douche comments on the recent Gossip pages that we feel like we should address to save everyone a little bit of grief. But our question to you is… WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU READING SOMETHING YOU KNOW SUCKS? Who’s holding a gun to your head making you read this aforementioned website? Also, the great thing about the interweb is… ANYONE CAN DO IT! You can do it too! YOU CAN DO IT! If you don’t like what we’re shitting out over here at Buddyhead, you can create you own dot com because opinions are like assholes, everyone is getting fucked there. Err… everyone has one. So yeah, go set up your own website and show us how it’s done champ, then people will send you free cds and wanna blow you cuz you’re a music journalist and you can stop writing in our comments section that no one reads. We’re gonna try and get this page updated every Monday now… TWO IN A ROW SO FAR! That’s like two holes in one for Buddyhead!

Is that really Faith No More? I mean, Faith No More sucks. But now they really suck! Who let the Math Teachers out? Yeah, Faith No More waited 20 years to reunite without the original guitar player, Jim Martin! Yeah, the guy who wrote the two records they’re playing live said NO THANKS to the reunion! And Mike Patton is the second singer! That’s like Henry Rolins doing a Black Flag tour without Greg Ginn (if Black Flag we’re a rap-metal band we didn’t care about!)… That’s when you call the “reunion” off boys! Check out these videos of them and just try to not think “Dad? What are you doing on stage?”

If you’re old enough to remember when anyone actually gave a shit about Sugar Ray (right around the time people still used pagers), they’re actually putting out another album next month called “Music For Cougars.” They were going to call it “Music For Dumb Chicks Who Think It’s Still 1997″ but I think 311 already called dibs on that title. Seriously, if you’re so out of ideas that the best you can come up with is writing about how you “just want to fly,” you should not still be recording new music 12 years later. What could Mark McGrath possibly have to say at this point that warrants a new album? Take a cue from Lenny Kravitz. I saw him working at Del Taco a couple weeks ago and he seems to be doing all right.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlTE5j7aEf0]

Sweet sassy molassy, have you guys heard/seen 3Oh!3? We accidentally did, and, yes, we’re STILL furiously scrubbing our computer speakers and screen with OXY CLEAN and a toilet brush because of it. Boy, it’s been a long time since we’ve seen a band work so hard to slurp so much sack sap. Is there like a Jive Olympics coming up that we don’t know about? If so these dudes could totally take the gold in the “suckin a golf ball through a garden hose” event! By the way, sick name you fucking nerds! We always love it when bands choose names that look like the password some wigger would use to log onto a porn site. “Do the Helen Keller”, dudes? Really? Actually, come to think of it, it might not be such a bad idea literally do the “Helen Keller” since that would assure we’d never see this video or hear this song again. Never thought we’d see the day when we’d be jealous of that old bitch. We got a better idea though, why don’t you taint tongue-ers call up Brokencyde and do the “Jim Jones” with them? The Kool-Aid’s on us. We’ll even spring for Great Blue-dini. Yes, we have paypal!

Speaking of Paypal… get your paypal cards ready to send us money! We’ve got a bra for sale and bidding starts at .69 cents! Here’s the back-story… Travis DJed The Kills, The Horrors and Magik Wands show at the Henry Fonda in LA on May 22nd 2009. For the record, he DJs a lot of rock shows there and doesn’t mind if people buy him drinks while he’s playing music no one wants to hear but him. Anyhoo… The Kills show… We wanted to like The Kills but you’re only as good as your drummer, right? Well The Kills have no drummer. NO GOOD!

Like I wanna see you two clowns stumble threw a pack of cigarettes and a pocketful of shitty riffs. The highlight of the show for us was FOR SURE when the singer of The Kills dedicated one of their Yeah Yeah Yeahs covers to Travis while the singer chick took off her bra and threw it up to the DJ booth. Sounds sexy right? Not so much. Check out this fuckin’ bra!

Hey Grandma! I found your bra Grandma! The chick from Discount was wearing it. Yeah, I got your bra back Grandma. You can buy it off Ebay, it even comes with what looks like cum-stains! And seeing as how we’re nice people, we’re donating all the money to skinny white kids who do Heroin and chain smoke. Yeah, we don’t care if homeboy fucks Kate Moss and Jack White thinks home girl is cool. She’s still the chubby SxE pop punk chick from Discount and he’s an old guy with spock-hair and girls jeans. DORKS! Click here to buy the singer of The Kills bra on EBAY! We swear.

The singer of The Black Lips thinks that band Wavves are total pussies. RAD right?!? Let’s have a skinny white dude fight, Buddyhead will host the fight, we’ll get rockstar drink to sponsor it, Steve Aoki is gonna DJ in between punches and we’ll make shitloads off pay-per-view! Who’s in? Black Lips guy? Pussy who can’t handle MDMA from Wavves? Anyways, yeah sure we said last week we really like the dude from Wavves cuz he flipped out but our money is on the Black Lips dude. Check out what Black Lips guy had to say:
“A friend of mine gave him MDMA (ecstasy), and he just couldn’t take it. It wasn’t so much of a breakdown as it was him being a baby. And that’s why I don’t like him. I’ve heard stories from others that he’s like a real dick. And just like a baby, thought he was really cool. But then when it came down to it, when the pressure came on he just couldn’t take the heat. Some people can’t do this. That’s cowardly to me. If you’re gonna do this, you put your all into it. Otherwise, just stay at home. He’s like a little puppy. There’s so many people that would wanna be doing that: being able to get flown over to Europe, and have people like your records and buying them. And then just blow it on your first show in Europe– someone like that needs to not do this. He needs to go back to school or move back in with his parents and sit down and think about things. He shouldn’t play music. He shouldn’t tour.”

Speaking of the Black Lips, word has it that tranny reporter John Norris of MTV News got canned a few months back for doing a wack interview with these hillbillies when he should’ve been doing wack interviews with Lady GaGa or something. Bummer. Hope you find a good shim bar to work at between fake journalist gigs.

What’s with all the rap metal coming back? Just at the Download festival alone we had Faith No More, Limp Bizkit, Deftones AND Papa Roach! Fuck, that’s a lot of meth and hot topic gear. Anyone want to join the rap/nu-metal band we’re gonna start to cash in on this shit, it’s called “RaYpT”? It’s gonna be B.Y.O.D.S. (Bring Your Own Dreadlock Shampoo) though, so don’t be expecting any handouts.

So, longtime gay lovers, Jimmy Chamberlin and Bill Corgan FINALLY broke up. As well as ending their romantic relationship, the boys also ended their musical relationship. Yep, Jimmy quit the Smashing Pumpkins (again). Billy should just call the Smashing Pumpkins, “The Original Smashing Pumpkin”. I mean, it’s just Billy Bald now all by himself. Dude, did anyone ever tell you that you look like Moby? Who’s vagina is bigger? Yours or Moby’s?

Hey, Hercules and Love Affair – This just in: disco sucked the FIRST time. Plus, back then it even had a few things going for it like a good chunk of the American populace being way too busy blazing weed up and snorting fat lines of cocaine, like both activities were pro-sports, to realize that boogieing down to Wild Cherry in orange silk shirts loosened 4 buttons deep would haunt them for life like a drunk hit and run. What the fuck do you guys have? Well, we guess you’ve got Pitchfork claiming you wrote the best song of ‘08. What, did those bedwetters only hear one song in 2008? How the fuck did you guys win? That sounds about on par with People Magazine naming Stephen Hawking the Sexiest Man Alive. Sit on a lava lamp and make it disappear, posers.

You too Of Montreal.

At The Drive In are talking to each other about a possible reunion. How about not doing that! You dorks have enough cash to buy girls jeans for the rest of your lives. Don’t make us hear the “This Is Forever” song or the “One Armed Scissor” Nu Metal song again. And break up Mars Volta (the one good part, Jon Theodore, quit) – The jig is up!

Yeah this isn’t funny, but that shitty Kings Of Leon song “Sex is on Fire” definitely isn’t the only thing flaming about that band. Plus in case we haven’t said this enough: THEY’RE DAD IS IN THE KKK AND HE’S A PREACHER. Yeah, these dudes are RACIST JESUS FREAKS! Friends don’t let friends listen to Kings Of Leon.

Eddie Veder has been spreading the cheddar! Dude is porky!

Trent Reznor made a statement that he will no longer be spending time “Twittering”. He said it was getting in the way of his “art”. He’s going to now focus his attention back on videogame playing and looking at online porn sites like Bangbus.com. Trent, we’re glad you’re back on the dark side. Welcome home! See you over on the Jugs Messageboard! You can even use our password, it’s: 3Oh!3

Dear Iggy Pop and The Stooges of the 21st century,
Ron is dead. Shows over boys! It was a good run! Congrats Stooges! Here’s the deal: Iggy can make shitty solo records till the cows come home. He’s already been spray painting turds gold and passing em off as solo albums for so long already who’s gonna notice? Plus after the whole “Sum 41 incident” he’s filed away under “lost cause”. Mike Watt gets to attend every BBQ in San Pedro from here til forever. And Scott Asheton gets to worry about which one of our friend is hittin’ his daughter from behind. But we must say, that reunion tour you did with Ron the last few years was fookin great! We felt like we were 13 watching you guys up there… doin’ it! Aside from Mike Watt thinking a Stooge tucks his shirt in and plays bass at his nipples with his fingers, it was GREAT! Cuz the songs you dudes wrote 32 years ago are undeniable… how can you fuck that up? But, that fourth Stooges record you fogies tried to slide past us called “The Weirdness” is toilet water!  That was an abortion we not gonna talk about. Come on! You fuckers ruined your legacy and made your discography look lame and shitty. No, not “FREE and FREAKY in the USA”… LAME and SHITTY! If anyone gets that reference, we’re sorry you checked out the “weirdness” too! Ok, aside from not making any new Stooges records, pretending “The Weirdness” didn’t happen… there’s one more rule for you clowns. You can not reboot The Stooges for a third time by letting Vice President of Technology Standards with Sony Electronics, Inc, James Williamson, play guitar. Sure he played on Raw Power but Raw Power sucks. The Stooges were Ron’s band and the fact that your fuckers ever made him switch to bass is prolly why the dude is dead! Not cool! And for the record, Kurt Cobain was wrong! He wrote in his journals that “Raw Power” was the best Stooges record! Maybe when heard through heroin. In our reality “Fun House” is the best Stooges record hands down! THAT’S WHY THERE’S A FUNHOUSE BOXSET POSERS! Ain’t no raw power boxset! We love you guys, but what the fuck is happening here?

Love,
Buddyhead

PS. Hey Scott Asheton, one of our friends met your daughter at Coachella and she won’t stop blowing up his phone. Dude, we hate to be the ones to break this news to you, but he’s totally gonna pork her Iggy Pop 1970 style while listening to “Fun House”. No one wants they’re daughter porked “Iggy style”! But hey man, you were in The Stooges! Pretty sure, that’s karma!

Now buy the new Dios EP “Cosmic Rays” on the right of this page! DO IT!

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