After several years working around the clock in our clandestine subterranean laboratory, I am most happy to reveal a great breakthrough on a secret project of magnanimous import. Through a most rigorous battery of tests and careful, meticulous examination we have engineering a computerized prototype linguistic translation apparatus which can successfully rework the ultimately inscrutable critical writing — the full meaning of which was once only appreciable to an elite tribe of administrative assistants — to a crude, yet comprehensible text for the common reader. Even with the early-stage bugs in the system, we are thrilled to bring these findings to the community at large.

Albert Hammond Jr.: ¿Cómo te Llama?
It says: At a time when indie audiences are demanding more and more esoteric touches like Afro-pop, lo-fi C86isms, or Balearic revivalism, a songwriter like Hammond feels like a well-needed junk food binge.
It means: Dr. Dog needs to offer XXL tees. ism. ism. ism. Quisiera que él me diera bebés!

Sebadoh: Bubble and Scrape Deluxe Edition
It says: Plucked from the detritus of 90s independent music, B&S may noy [SIC] be the generational touchstone of Slanted and Enchanted or Exile in Guyville (and if Liz was shadow boxing anything, it was exactly this strain of guy culture), but relegating it to the Indie Rock Era nostalgia ghetto, where a band’s “cred” usually dictated the reception of its records isn’t fair, either.
It means: 158 days until I’m 30. 157 days until I’m 30. 156 days until I’m 30. Northern Exposure.

David Karsten Daniels: Fear of Flying
It says: No one expects a modest singer-songwriter to solve humanity’s basic quandaries in 11 songs, but Daniels could learn something from Oldham: In the midst of death we are in life and might as well live, love, lust, even sin, while we wait for the Reaper’s cart to come around and collect us.
It means: At 13, I tried chewing tobacco once, but swallowed and threw up all over dad’s first edition of Absalom Absalom.

The Botticellis: Old Home Movies
It says: The main beef here, if you want to call it that, is the tendency to sometimes lapse into nondescript MOR.
It means: Pfffffffrrrrrrrrrt!

Ratatat: LP3
It says: There’s something fascinating about the mercenary nature of soundtrack library music– pay-per-use stuff that is composed behind the simple idea of a generating an aesthetic mood; music designed to make your brand cooler or your TV show more action-packed without having to rely on the pre-existing memories that come with, say, a Who song.
It means: Uncle Jim’s golfing buddy touched me and told me not to tell.

Various Artists: Nigeria Disco Funk Special / Nigeria Rock
It says: If you’re already a fan of funky West African music, I recommend these sets to you without reservation.
It means: Can’t wait to get back to listening to Iron & Wine. Sometimes its weird to be white.

Nachtmystium: Assassins: Black Meddle, Pt. 1
It says: The genre’s focus is usually on Northern Europe, but years after Profanatica, Demoncy, Von, Absu and Judas Iscariot among others proved you could make black metal in New York, North Carolina, Texas, and Illinois, projects such as Leviathan, Bone Awl, Cult of Daath, Inquisition, Ashdautas, and Wrnlrd are creating a uniquely American voice within the genre.
It means: Mom! I told you not to come in without knocking!

Nine Inch Nails: Ghosts I-IV
It says: Plenty of the individual sounds here are just gorgeous, and Reznor even expands his palette a bit to encompass marimbas, banjos, and percussively Beck-like slide-guitar.
It means: Just gorgeous! The despicable dining room rug has to go! Is it too much to get my toes done twice in a week?

Unless you have been hibernating in a cave, chances are you have rocked out to records that bloomed at Manny Nieto’s WetandDry recording studio. Righteous rippin’ bands such as Circle Jerks, Darker My Love, the Icarus Line, Wires on Fire, 400 Blows, and Sabertooth Tiger, among many others, have all recorded there. Due to the current state of things, big sweetheart Manny is forced to abandon the digs, but he is looking to relocate and will be hosting a couple of benefits to help make it happen sooner than later.

Last night was the kickoff with the first terrific show at the Scene Bar, where there was a great turnout for Manny’s own Distortion Felix, as well as the Pity Party, Moonrats, and LA Gentlemen Callers. Speaking of the Gentlemen Callers, you may know Manny’s BFF Calixto from setting up Juvee shows back in the day, or from pouring you a brewski or handing your ass to you at the Scene… Anywhoo, if you are ever strolling Sunset Blvd. in Silver Lake, be sure to look for the gigantic mural of him on the wall across from the Casbah… maybe draw a mustache on it.

As for Manny, I asked him a few questions about what’s going down…

What bands have you worked with at WetandDry?

Mars Volta recorded their 2nd LP, Circle Jerks, Darker My Love, 400 Blows, Wires on Fire (when they were all virgins and getting grounded), Vaz, The New Breeders record (out ‘08), Chokebore, Horses,
Icarus Line, The Pity Party, and other mostly way cool and loud bands. I have way earned the nickname El Beaner (as in Steve Albini), and after a record for Dave Sardy was given, also the name Carnr Asardy ;)

Who has been your favorite band to work with so far?

The Breeders on their new record.

What’s the craziest experience you’ve had in the studio?

Pissed off lesbian gals made up of Luscious Jackson, Indigo Girls, and others bum rushed me for saying, “Alright girls let’s record!” They threatened to steal all my mics! I had to be politically correct when
speaking to them…one was the man in the Indigo “Girls”.

What’s the sexiest experience you’ve had in the studio?

A super hot Latina gal having phone sex behind me on the couch while I was mixing a song called “I Wanna Fuck You when I’m High” by Alarma.

What do you see in the future for WetandDry?

Moving forward and I’m for sure going to change the name when settle into a new space.

Where is your favorite place to play?

I have always had great shows at the Silver Lake Lounge.

Where is your favorite place to go?

The Taco Truck in Echo Park

How do you like your pizza?

Pineapple and ham ;)

Anything else you wanna say?

I believe in keeping music in Los Angeles exciting, sincere, and always fucked up and cool. And that Buddyhead has always treated me well and turned me on to some of the best bands in Los Angeles.

The next WetandDry benefit gig is set for this Thursday, November 15th at the Scene Bar, with a sweet ass line up of Sabertooth Tiger, Monsters are Waiting, Aztlan Underground, Horns, and So So So. Go out and give back a ‘lil. 806 E. Colorado, Glendale, 21+