How to draw Peter Cetera in seven mind-blowingly easy steps
Hi, I’m Meathead. As you’ll know once you’re finished reading this sentence, I’ve been extremely busy lately, repeatedly running over old ladies and Hasidic Jews with a fire truck in the hot new computer game Grand Theft Auto IV. Therefore, I don’t have a whole lot of time for other activities like leaving the house, showering, urinating and defecating in the proper receptacle (the toilet), and/or writing useful and informative articles for Buddyhead.com. However, I felt I could take a little break today in order to address an important subject.
I’ve been getting quite a lot of emails from people all over the world asking me to teach them how to draw former Chicago frontman Peter Cetera. Understandably so, as he’s quite a strikingly handsome man. Naturally, I ignored them, because I’m an asshole, but after nearly eleven years of this and no forseeable end in sight, I think it’s time to finally put a stop to this. Today, at long last, you will learn a quick and easy way to draw Mr. Cetera. I hope you will find this information useful and that it will fill that gnawing empty void in your life, at least for a few minutes.
Like most adult contemporary singer-songwriters of the 1970s, Peter Cetera had/has a head. Let’s draw it! I know, drawing a head for the first time can be quite a daunting task. Just take a deep breath, grip the pencil with both hands, and draw an egg-like shape like the one you see here on the left. Do you like eggs?
Once this has been done, you may draw the two straight lines also shown in the image. If this proves to be too difficult to do freehand, you may utilize the edge of the multi-platinum Chicago X record sleeve. Don’t use Peter’s self-titled 1981 solo album, though, because it sucks. In case you’re wondering why in God’s name you’re drawing these straight lines, they’re for the “shoulders.” Trust me, it’ll all make sense soon.
Check this shit out. Now we’re going to start drawing Peter Cetera’s beautiful face. If you’ll notice here, I’ve added two smaller eggs, a piece of broccoli, and a banana. Believe it or not, these will become his eyes, nose, and mouth! Fuck yeah!
Make sure you arrange the eggs, broccoli and banana the way they are shown in this example. Don’t try to get all Picasso on us. Yeah, he may have exercised more creative license than others when choosing the placement of the facial features of his subjects, but look at him now. He’s dead! Let that be a lesson to you. Eyes, nose, then mouth.
Let’s get real here for a second. Peter Cetera isn’t getting any younger. Time takes its toll on us all, and someday all of us (except Ernest Borgnine) will die. It’s just the way it is, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Now, that being said, let’s add some more detail to Peter’s age-ravaged face!
Wow, we’re almost halfway there! Can you believe it? In just a matter of moments you’ll be a master at drawing the man responsible for the hits “If You Leave Me Now,” “Baby, What A Big Surprise” and “Glory Of Love”! And your parents said you’d never amount to anything. You’ll show their Doobie Brothers-loving asses yet!
Now we need to add a little more detail to Peter Cetera’s dreamy eyes. Since eyes look kind of weird without any pupils or irises, let’s give him some. Remember, it’s iris, then pupil. If you can, try to draw them in the general center area of the eye, unless you’d like to have Peter looking in a different direction. However, this should be reserved for more experienced artists. Just stick to the fucking lesson. Don’t forget the eyebrows! Eyebrows are cool.
He will also need ears. You have ears, right? It’s only fair. Draw ears on Peter Cetera as shown. They should be lined up as closely as possible with the eyes. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true.
Now let’s give this guy some teeth! Peter needs teeth to sing the songs in his catalog that contain the letter “s” somewhere in the lyrics, which is pretty much all of them (I checked).
I know, at this point you’re probably thinking “This looks exactly like Peter Cetera; what else could I possibly need to add?” Let’s not get ahead of ourselves! We’re almost done, but there are just a few more small yet crucial details that must be included.
It’s time for hair! I bet you forgot all about that, didn’t you? Don’t worry, most people do. Hell, if I had a hair for every time I’ve forgotten about hair, I could weave a rug out of them! Then I’d spill coffee on it.
The hair can be a little tricky to draw, but please don’t give up. Remember, practice makes perfect. Notice the two individual strands of hair hanging over Peter’s forehead. This adds an extra level of realism to the drawing. I’m all about realism. I push it to the max. If you can’t handle that, then you can get out right now. I don’t have time for bullshit. Don’t forget the little triangular sideburn there next to his ear. He would look pretty stupid without that!
We’re almost there. Let’s add some more detail to the hair, to clear up any confusion one might have over whether Peter Cetera is wearing a bicycle helmet. I used exactly eight lines for this, and that’s what you should do. Trust me, I’m an expert. Just leave it at eight, and move on.
As you can see, I’ve filled in Peter’s totally hip leather jacket. This helps to counteract the extra wrinkles I added to his face. Sure, he’s old enough to be your dad (or probably your granddad by now), but he’s a cool dad! He may have an AARP card, but he probably has a motorcycle in his garage, too.
Now we’re all done with the basic drawing! Let’s move on to the final step!
Now we just need to add a few finishing touches. Here I’ve done a little bit of shading to give the drawing that “3-D” look that’s all the rage these days. Pretty self-explanatory, really. Just do what I did. Feel free to add your own background! I felt that a soft gray gradient would suffice, but you’re more than welcome to use whatever you want for a backdrop: a checker pattern, a hellish post-apocalyptic landscape littered with bombed-out buildings and dead children, or a barber shop. It’s up to you! That’s the magic of art.
Now that you are officially an authority on drawing Peter Cetera, you’re probably wondering where you can put this new and vital skill to use. Why, there are virtually unlimited places you could draw him, including public men’s room stalls, and probably other places as well! Your only limit is your imagination.
Well, it’s time for me to go push some more homeless people onto the subway tracks (in GTA IV, not real life, I would never do that in real life), so I’ll leave you with this video of Peter Cetera inexplicably wearing a Bauhaus t-shirt. Hope it gives you the inspiration you need to start drawing!
Posted in Bauhaus, gay, Music, meathead | 22 Comments »
