Boomsnake – “Re/Visions”
Boomsnake
“Re/Visions”
(Grizzly Records; 2010)
Boomsnake indeed… I feel disgruntled and cheated. The only reason I decided to review this particular record over a plethora of other (probably better) ones was the awesome title. Think about it. Boomsnake. Boom. Snake. Its a combination of the phallic and the destructive. Essentially, that’s a giant Godzilla cock rampaging through the city on a path of wanton destruction. Simple too, barely dual-syllabic. It’s the perfect moniker for every adolescent fuckromp fantasy. But of course, nobody that cool could be bothered to think of or trademark the name. So these jokers grabbed it, straddled their echoed-up acoustic guitars and boarded the first train to Suckville. It doesn’t even matter that straddling a guitar as a vehicle negates the need to board a train. Christ, what are you the fucking metaphor police? Jesus…
But enough of this pseudo-Freudian bullshit, the long and the short of it is that the record is subpar, for these reasons:
- The singer is such a blatant Thom York rip that the limey is almost justified in hunting the fucker down and ripping out his larynx on the grounds of copyright infringement. I mean, this guys schtick is so precisely modelled on his hero’s vocal contours, he makes Matthew Bellamy’s vocal style sound original and interesting. Listen junior, ever heard the term ‘find your own voice’? This applies literally!
- What? The drummer is ripping off Phil Selway? And the guitarist sounds like a bored Johnny Greenwood? I’m picking up on a theme, guys…
- Heavy drums no distortion? Come on dude, if you didn’t play in a band called Television in the late 70’s, this is a no go! Either ditch the skinbasher and pick up acoustic guitars OR TURN IT UP.
- Finally, the songs just kinda… I’d say blend but it’s just not caustic enough. Put it this way… think of all your least favourite icecream flavours. Mint, praline maybe? All those crappy sorbet flavours that look like the Gay Pride flag when they’re together? Yeah, well, mix them all together and then take a leak in it. Now mentally convert this into a sonic texture and you’ve got the unrapturous homogeny that this record dishes out more or less consistently. Ok maybe there’s a little nugget of chocolate at the song ‘Sticks, Stones and Animal Bones’ That ones kinda’ cool. Credit where credit is due.
I will also fang them this bone: their artwork is the bombdiggety. Stereos turning into vital organs and shit? Fuck yeah! But alas, most of the tunes still huff donkey dong so do yourself a favour: go out and buy that ‘In Rainbows’ B-side album. Boomsnake indeed…
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