Andrew W.K. – 55 Cadillac
Andrew W.K.
55 Cadillac
Skyscraper Music Maker
Andrew W.K. attempts to break new ground with 55 Cadillac, his first-ever instrumental piano album. Apparently, so am I, as I’ve stumbled onto this crap by pure luck and passively subjected myself to it from beginning to end. And now, when someone comes up to me and asks “Hey man, what did you do that day?,” I’m blessed with the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity of responding with “Oh, you know, listened to some Andrew W.K.,” topped off by an icy cold shower and a slit of the wrists.
In an interview with Punknews.org, Andrew managed to describe his songwriting process in a rather coherent manner:
“I thought of it as being very easy. Like here, I don’t have to play the song the right way. There is no right way. The song doesn’t exist! In a different way, making up a song as you go along has its own challenges. There’s really no right or wrong way to play a song at that point. The challenge is to hold it up. It’s the consciousness that starts to emerge and I hope when people start to listen to this album, that I don’t know what’s coming next as much as they do.”
Buddyhead translation:
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I’M DOING.”
55 Cadillac isn’t nearly as atrocious as I imagined due to the fact that a) he doesn’t sing b) it doesn’t include anthems for knuckleheads who spend their afternoons drinking Surge, watching Encino Man on VHS and trying to beat GoldenEye 007 without utilizing cheat codes. As a result, shitheads no longer feel inclined to commit statutory rape nor star in certain television programs. Hey Andrew, take comfort in the fact that the I.Q. average of your fanbase is as high as it’ll ever be.
Still, this record fails to intrigue anyone whose name isn’t Andrew Wilkes-Krier, and much like the rest of his discography, it has no redeeming qualities. If I want to listen to a man-child press some piano keys for no other reason than to fulfill contractual obligations, I suppose my first (and only) choice would be this “Party Hard” lunatic with chicken-grease hair whose greatest career achievement is a guest spot on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. To be fair, Andrew deserves props for coming up with material that has nothing to do with overzealous behavior (2001’s “Party Til You Puke”) and social preservation (2003’s “Long Live The Party”) this time around. Although, if he felt compelled to put pen to paper, there’s no doubt in my mind it’d be about a goddamn party.
Sadly enough, the record is merely another uneventful milestone in his clusterfuck of a career. Since the release of 2001’s I Get Wet, he’s continued to fail upwards via VH1 talking-head commentary and as a self-help motivational speaker on campuses nationwide. So, let me get this straight. Andrew talks to NYU and Yale students about who-knows-what, and campus administration allows this perversion to occur? If I saw this guy roaming my school, I’d be more concerned about contacting Animal Control than hearing him patch together a subject and a predicate, let alone attempt to understand its relevance to my educational interests. However, if he can provide a guiding light for the naïve youth who don’t know any better, good for him. I mean, it’s not like, say, Adolf Hitler hasn’t done the exact same thing. If anything, this bum is the last person on planet Earth to be of assistance to anyone, as he needs to help himself first before motivating others. For starters, he should pull out a $20 from his filthy jeans and use that money to buy himself a nice flea bath, a trip to Supercuts and a second T-shirt.
Andrew is a lot like that friend who crashes your place and promises to leave by the end of the month. Before you know it, it’s three years later, boxes of Lucky Charms are strewn across the floor and a pile of human excrement resides comfortably in the sink for reasons that will forever remain a mystery. At a certain point, you question yourself why a higher power would allow such an individual to exist.
Listen to Buddyhead. Say no to Andrew W.K.
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Remember the days when Buddyhead liked things other than Oasis and ‘going off’?