What’s Black and White and Pissed All Over?
What’s Black and White and Pissed All Over: Jack White vs. Dan Auerbach!
Question: What do the White Stripes and Black Keys have in common?
Answer: They’re both (White Stripes past tense) two piece blues revivalist bands fronted by charismatic singer/guitar players. And either they’re both abusive dicks or they have bad taste in women!
So Jack White’s ex requested a restraining order against him, claiming he’s an unfit father and has a frightening temper. This is part of an ongoing custody battle with their kids.
Whether or not her accusations are true, one thing became clear; Jack White HATES the Black Keys, esp. singer guitarist Dan Auerbach. Which is really too bad since both of their kids go to the same school! Homeboy went off on Auerbach in some hilarious emails that were leaked last week.
Buddyhead is totally on Jack White’s side on this cuz let’s face it that midget from The Black Keys totally does ape his riff & style. But I can’t help but think what a bummer it is that White uses email. Don’t you imagine him using a telegraph? You know, keeping it old school like his music? It’s even funnier imagining White dictating frantically to some old lady on a teletype!:
“My conce[r]n with Auerbach is because I don’t want the kids involved in any of that crap. STOP. That’s a possible 12 fucking years I’m going to have to be sitting in kids chairs next to that asshole with other people trying to lump us in together STOP. He gets yet another free reign to follow me around and copy me and push himself into my world.STOP”
You can understand White’s frustration. The White Stripes came first, and The Black Keys emerged shortly thereafter. And to add insult to injury the fact that they also choose the exact opposite of “White” for their band name is either a dig, shameless copycatting, or uncanny coincidence.
But if one thing is known about White (or as Noel Gallagher calls him; “Zorro on Donuts!”), is that he’s a hot head. Remember the Von Bondies feud? Uh-oh! Hey Dan, hate to see what Jacky can do to your face with his right hand. Check yourself, before he wrecks yourself.
I can only imagine White and Auerbach at PTA meetings with ole pasty-face shooting dagger eyes at his retro-dork competitor. Ain’t no “We’re Going To Be Friends” happening here!
But things get weirder; In addition to getting slammed by White, ole Auerbach got accused of the same shit by HIS Ex-wife! They’re also going through a custody battle and she says he’s abusive too! Hey bro, if you’re still trying to rip off White’s sound, kind of a bad idea to ape his personal life too. You’re gonna be selling all that vintage gear if you don’t get your shit straight man! Guess the writing was on the wall when you were writing songs like “Psychotic Girl”, and “Next Girl!”
So are they both assholes, or are their ex-es co-conspiring to claim their fortune so they can run off together? Who knows!
I always dug The White Stripes, and White has done some cool shit since ole Meg went cuckoo and went into a cave to day drink. And The Black Keys are okay, even if they’re a knock-off. But neither inspire any passion for me to take sides (EDITORS NOTE: Travis is fully backing Jack Gillis on this one and does not like The Black Keys one iota!), like some idiot kids tweeting that the As I Lay Dying singer that he was still a cool dude even after offering a hit man at his local gym to kill his wife? Idiots! Good luck in prison Christian-Metal dude!
But wouldn’t it be funny if White’s kids and Auerbach’s kids got a band together, or even funnier… dubstep DJs? White would for sure go all “Seven Nation Army” and start slinging boutique vinyl records at Auerbach’s head. Aren’t rock star feuds fuckin’ great?