Sorry for the lag time in between this new batch of Buddyhead Gossip and the last one (#137), but between putting up the new website, importing all the old content and making sure I’m never awake before 2pm it’s been pretty hard to motivate myself to sit down and write a new Gossip. But now things are moving, I’m kicking ass now. I posted my first crack at a Podcast with Buddyhead Radio #1, my second attempt (and I think a little bit better) at a Podcast with Buddyhead Radio #2, and now here’s Gossip #138. Plus our Best & Worst Records of 2010 List is currently right around the corner. Thanks for reading Buddyhead. If you really like us and wanna help keep the lights on, buy stuff from our Online Store or donate via paypal. Thank you, I love you all. Well, 60% of you at least.
-Travis Michael Keller
Just in time for the holidays, Anal Cunt’s singer/human-garburator (Canadian for garbage disposal) Seth Putnam announced that he is releasing a “celebrity” sex tape in support of his upcoming cock rock album on PATAC Records. While not much is known about the tape (like who the celebrity will be), photos have surfaced showing a girl lifting the AxCx frontman’s belly high enough so she can perform oral on the piglet. Keep in mind this is the same dumb-ass who, back in October of 2004, was hospitalized after ingesting “2 months’ worth of Ambien” pills and slipping into a coma. Someone never learned how to party. We think this is all just an attempt to prove that Seth has actually had sex with a real live girl and we’re claiming CGI, bitch!
Mister Heavenly might of gotten signed to Sub Pop but it’s pretty clear they don’t read Buddyhead, cuz they just broke our golden rule of rock n’ roll that states “NO ACTORS IN BANDS! ACTORS CAN’T ROCK! (Although rockers can act!)” Yeah, we know it’s a double standard but life is not fair kids, case in point here. Not only do Mister Heavenly have an actor in their band, these clowns have Michael fuckin’ Cera on bass. We’re pretty sure that there has been no dude in history so genetically predestined to never get pussy that, due to circumstances, now has the chance to basically become a mobile human pussy mop. This band will be mopping up tang from coast to coast, and finally WORLD-WIDE, as these posers go on tour. Life is weird and totally unfair.
Wyclef Jean still sucks.
Alternative Press is the Fox News of Shitty Music.
Speaking of Fox News, the singer from Slipknot, aka Number 784.9, decided to confirm the right wing theory that there is, in fact, a war on Christmas by releasing his own Christmas tune. This will be the soundtrack to every Christmas beating given by drunk Nascar fans to their stupid, loud-mouthed, letting-the-dinner-get-cold wives and good for nothing, faggot kids.
Staying on the subject of people that dudes who beat their wives are stoked on, Fred Durst found a person more vile than he is to record an intro for Limp Bizkit’s new record, “Gold Cobra”…. Yep, Gene Simmons! Wal-Mart parking lots are gonna look like scenes from Dawn of the Dead when that puppy finally comes out except everyone will be wearing “Affliction” shirts and sporting carefully trimmed chin strap beards.
There is no God. How can we be so sure? Because there’s no way a God would let people like John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Eazy E or Elliott Smith die before their time (OK maybe Eazy got what was coming to him but still he was so rad we’re letting him slide), while douchebags like Black Eyed Peas’ Will.I.Am at worst end up with tinnitus (we’re not making this up, he actually sent out a press release about having tinnitus), which is defined as a constant annoying ringing in the ears! Holy fuck, that’s just like what his “music” sounds like in our ears!? Maybe there is a God?
Speaking of The Beatles, first off fuck those new Itunes/Beatles billboards all over LA! John just keeps rolling over in his grave. Let the man rest! We think it’s about time someone knocked off Ringo and Paul before they do the unthinkable like they’re threatening and “bring The Beatles back together on stage via the magic of technology”. We shit you not, the two surviving members of the Fab Four, Sir Paul McCartney (who’s 68) and Ringo Starr (who’s 70) plan to perform alongside digital images of their late band-mates George Harrison and John Lennon! Kinda like when Princess Leia asked Ewan MacGregor for help in Star Wars we are guessing. Macca and drummer Ringo will sell out in front of tens of thousands of posers at the Hollywood Bowl to benefit Breast Cancer charities and play with backing musicians on August 27, 2011. This marks the first time in history that we’ve ever honestly hoped that Ringo would just release a new “Ringo’s All Star Band” record!
Future of the Left goes off harder than you do. Check out the new demos: http://futureoftheleft75.official.fm/. THEY ROOL!
Neon Trees, the group that finally proves a band really can be the result of a drunken lesbian haircut contest, somehow tricked whoever books for Conan O’Brien to let them perform on his new show. We watched Leno for the first time instead.
Ferry Perrell (did we spell that right?) is appearing in a Vh1 show about Rock and Roll Wives. We’re didn’t know his wife rock n’ rolled, the only thing we were sure about was that she’s the one wearing the pants in that relationship. Half the time Perry isn’t even wearing pants at all. How much you wanna bet him and Navarro go and get waxed together?
After every single member made an unnecessary solo album in the last couple years (yeah they even let Lurch on bass loose from his cage long enough to record his record), someone gave the Strokes money to record another album. If you’re booking entertainment for a county fair somewhere, and Matchbox 20 is out of your price range, looks like you just found yourself a headliner.
Speaking of people who are famous only because their parents did cool shit… Mark Ronson is producing The Black Lips record. We hope they like having some gay ass horns on their record. We also hope Mark likes getting pee in his mouth, cuz those dudes do that kinda shit. They also say faggot more than we do (which is a lot) and they’re not scared to slip you the tongue. We love The Black Lips.
Speaking of The Black Lips, for Christmas we want a few tickets to their Bruise Cruise Festival. And next year, how about letting Travis DJ? Whatdoyasay?
In case you were wonder what was going on with the singer of The Cult, this is why Ian Astbury is fat now:
Fuck Muse.
Damon Albarn’s shitbox side-project, The Gorillaz, are going to release a free record on Christmas Day that they recorded solely on an iPad. Unless Damon found an Anti-Suck app for his iPad we’re gonna suggest he give the other three dudes from Blur a call and stop with the cartoon rap music. ENOUGH ALREADY!
We’re not sure what type of herbal tea is most commonly consumed by the bed wetters that are the indie rock press in this country, but whatever it is, Kanye West must have put some kind of magical roofie in that shit cause it seems like every white dork with an iPad thinks his new record is the next Sergeant Peppers. Pitchdork gave it a 10 out of 10, basically calling it a perfect record. Kanye titled his new record “My Dark Sexual Fantasy Involving Me and a Clone of Myself Surgically Placed in a Permanent 69″ or something tastefully concise like that. Someone send us that cd, cause we’re sick of the rings our drinks leave on the coffee table. If you like Kanye West and believe in karmic justice, punch yourself in the face HARD once for every song of his in your Itunes.
Speaking of Hip Hop, BET and the Rap/Hip-hop community dropped a self-nuke by having Antoine Dodson (and the white kid who made the song) perform “The Bed Intruder Song” live at the 2010 BET Hip Hop Awards! It’s pretty awesome when one of the best rap songs of the year is a total joke/parody “sung” by an amazingly charming, red hot flaming gay dude via the evening news and then chopped up, arranged and tuned by a teenage white kid from the suburbs. So you can run and tell that, run and tell that. Run and tell that, homeboy. Home, home, homeboy! Make sure and check out both “Antoine’s Youtube page” (“I live!”), http://www.antoinedodson.net/& http://www.bedintrudercostume.com/ where homeboy is sellin’ a Halloween costume of himself in the original bed intruder song news clip. Can you say “born to be famous”?
These New Puritans are overrated. Unless the rating system is based on how much your lead singer looks like a Pterodactyl.
Apparently those virgins in My Chemical Romance didn’t take our advice and change their name to “Al Qaeda in America” (it’s about accuracy people), or any sane person’s advice to never release back to back concept records cause they’re back… with another concept album. This time around the boys gave themselves clever pseudonyms like “Party Poison” and “Fun Ghoul” (really dude, “Fun Ghoul”? How about Dorks #1 – #5?) and took on the controversial and never before addressed concept of corporations being bad sometimes. The good news is these dudes are still waaaaaaay too big a bunch of pussies to get laid on the regular, so the Universe isn’t THAT unfair. By the way, nice hair, chubs!
One of the dorks in Blink 182 got a TV show where he interviews people with the haircut of a 7 year- old. Check out this clip of him trying to get Ozzy to speak English.
Normally we’re not really ones for reading books, but if you haven’t checked out the new Keef Richard’s 600+ page book called “Life” you are missing out on some good shit.
Frodus has a new ep out, get that shit so they’ll do another album and Shelby can finance the bicycle- and- steam- powered airplane he’s been planning.
For once we’re excited that American Idol is gonna be back on soon. We’re taking bets on how many different tone deaf middle- aged Asian men Steven Tyler is gonna inform that he “is the Rainbow, Motherfucker”. We’re also wondering if he is gonna throw out contestants on principle if they show up without some type of scarf and/or wearing pants that have fabric on the sides of the leg? Get the popcorn!
On the subject of washed up 80′s self- parodies: the remaining members of Velvet Revolver aren’t aware at all of how bad they suck, because they (according to Slash’s Twitter page), are “auditioning singers this week”. It’s looking like they’ll replace ex-singer/diva/douche Scott Weiland with Jesus-freak/Alter Bridge singer Myles Kennedy. Yo Duff & Slash, how about you guys skip putting out another embarrassing album and do the one and only thing the world wants you clueless fuckers to do… CALL AXL!
Click on the photo or click HERE.
It’s holiday shopping time… we think you should buy everyone on your list either a pair of Buddyhead + DVS shoes, a Buddyhead flask or a Buddyhead T-shirt.
The best thing about Tommy Lee is that sometimes he does our work for us:
And now Tommy Lee on Airport Security:
