Gossip #137: Mel Gibson is FUCKED, the internet is OVER, Sleigh Bells BLOW and some parting advice!
Posted by Travis Michael Keller on July 12, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Mel Gibson GOES OFF! He goes off so hard we realized that what we thought of before as “off” before was actually “on”. Dude is about one “Jewish instigated war” away from entering the O.J. Simpson/Phil Spectre club. What kind of man hits the mother of his kid in the face while she’s holding said dream killer in her arms? Mad fucking Max, that’s who!
We can’t hang out anymore dude cuz you’re officially off the reservation Mel. Good news is that you can finally make that sequel to “Man Without a Face” called (drum roll please) “Asshole Without a Career”. Plus now you’re really gonna find out who your true friends are cuz let’s face it, NO ONE wants to hang out with the guy who drops the “pack of N-BOMBs” phrase!
Deerhunter has a new album coming out via 4AD on 9/28 called “Halcyon Digest”. We still can’t believe that dude isn’t on drugs! Even though we know different we wanna say homeboy is trippin’ Jack Daniel’s. If you wanna get their first single from the new record as well as an exclusive non-album track emailed to you, print out THIS flyer, photocopy it, hang it up around your town, take a photo and send the results to flyers@halcyondigest.com. Punk rock is making kids work for free!
Fans of backwards baseball caps, date-raping, doing the Dew (Mountain Dew), white guys rapping, beer bongs and the word “broseph” should be all excited right about now, because Linkin Park is not only still a “band” but Rick Rubin just got done trying to polish a new turd from them. No matter how hard you rub it just won’t shine will it Rick? Yep, they have a new Rick Rubin “produced” album coming out that they’re calling “A Thousand Suns’. We’d love to have been a fly on the wall while Rick Rubin discussed those tones their DJ was getting in between vicious bites of vegan donut from the downward dog position. How has that man defied odds and not only become the world first overweight vegan but also been in the recording business for about 60 years and still doesn’t know how to set up a mic or where the “record” button is.
If you like Black Metal a lot, you should check out the band Liturgy. However, if you REALLY like Black Metal there’s a lot of shit you should also check out… things like talking to other people outside of ones you meet in World of Warcraft, fresh air, the idea of hygiene in general, sun light, books on how to meet women/men, facial cleansers, colors other than black, living in places other than your parents basement etc etc.
We’re joining this tribe! Fuck yeah, calling on the great spirit to get Led Zeppelin back together?!
Apparently bummed that, despite his best efforts, CIA/FBI hasn’t recognized him as an equally large threat to the American way of life as Kim Jong Il, Jared Leto took a page from the dictators playbook and apparently ordered his stylist to make him look “Axis of Evil goes to a gay dance club”.
Looks like we’re packing up this little site and calling it quits! Prince stated this week in an interview that: “The Internet’s completely over, I don’t see why I should give my new music to iTunes or anyone else. They won’t pay me an advance for it and then they get angry when they can’t get it. At one time, MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. Anyway, all these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can’t be good for you.” Hey dinosaur! Correction there, our little purple friend (who doesn’t want anyone looking him in the eyes)… We’re pretty sure it’s actually shitty jazz-funk fusion music that’s over dude. You haven’t made a decent record in over a 1/4 of a century. Sure at one time Prince was relevant and made good records, but times change bitch. Welcome to 2010 fruitcake!
What the fuck is wrong with everyone? Hey Rolling Stone, could you find an uglier and more untalented transvestite to feature half-naked on your cover? Larry King has a better body and the dude who played Nosferatu in like 1920 has a cuter face…like currently. Lady Gaga has taken several beatings from the old ugly stick. Chick is brutal looking and her music is even worse yet she has over 10 Million fans on Facebook, you do the math!?! If you’re one of those people you’re gonna feel really stupid one day ala Vanilla Ice. And before you give us that bullshit line about her actually being able to play piano, check out the photo below bitches!
George Michael can’t not go off! Dude is a train wreck. We’re hoping he’s added “driving” to his list of “SHIT I SHOULDNT DO ANYMORE” along with “public toilets” and “inspiring Limp Bizkit” cuz last Sunday morning at around 3:30am he was arrested for crashing his Range Rover into a Snappy Snap store. A police spokeswhore only had this to say: “Officers attended and a man in his 40s was arrested on suspicion of being unfit to drive. He was taken to a north London police station and later bailed to return on August 13 pending inquiries.” Now that’s what we call a party!
At this point, we’d rather be hooked up to a semen I.V., let Stevie Wonder shave our balls with a straight razor, or watch 2 Girls 1 Cup with our parents than hear another goddamn Sleigh Bells song. Someone please knock that chick up so she’ll go on maternity leave, like permanently. Everyone who’s championing these two Funkadelic-Riff stealing dorks needs to get bitch slapped. Yeah we’re looking at you Pitchfork, Stereogum, New York Times, etc. Strut that ass and walk the gutter!
Blonde Redhead announced they’re coming out with a new record. The fact that we kind of got excited by that news made us feel old. Kazu is still fucking mint though, which is good news esp since a horse did the locomotion on her face like 8 years ago. However, we’re pretty sure she also smells like stale jasmine incense and wasabi. Whoa that’s a full rainbow!
Wanna buy Dave Matthews personal tour Bus? It’s a 1999 Van Hool T-945 and is going for a cool $79,000.00 HERE. We heard they’re giving you a complimentary world’s whitest person award if you win the auction. That’ll go great with your khaki shorts and teva’s champ! Double Rainbow, Oh My God!
Is anyone else blown away by how many middle-aged broads are totally aching to commit statch on that Justin Bieber kid? Bieber Fever! Wake up! He’s even too young for your daughters you old sluts! He also looks a lot like your daughters… http://lesbianswholooklikejustinbieber.tumblr.com/
Korn just played a show in a crop circle they made in their home trailerparking lot of Bakersfield. “The setting and the mood took us into a totally new direction musically,” frontman Jonathan Davis said. Guitarist James ‘Munky’ Shaffer added: “I felt like we were on some new frontier musically for Korn. This is definitely going to add a new dimension to our live shows.” When asked how playing in a crop circle could possibly lead them in a new direction musically bassist Fieldy apparently looked up from his coloring book, swallowed that booger he’d been workin on and said “we just wanted to see if we sucked as much in a crop circle as we do on a normal stage. We do. We’re really excited to see what kinds of settings other than rectangular stages we can suck in”
A storage unit in Franklin, Tennessee being rented by 17 year old Hayley Williams of Parawhore and that 36 year-old tool from New Found Sum 41 was broken into over the weekend. Among the items taken was a rare Minor Threat “Out of Step” test pressing said to be worth over $5,000. At least now someone might listen to it.
3Oh!3 has a new album out. Was that as infuriating for you to read as it was for us to write? If not, you need start watching Dr. Phil pronto kemosabe, cause we can’t help you. Among their album full of odes to date rape and bros icing bros, they got that trash-gash Ke$ha to look up long enough from whatever cock she was snorting coke off of to guest star on one of their songs. Could someone out there check their Bible and see where this falls in the sequence of events leading to the end of the world? We just want to know how much fucking time we have left here.
Happy Birthday Courtney Love, you don’t look a day over 160 baby!
On a final note - If you’re an indie band sending press materials out for review, here’s a tip: don’t say ANYWHERE that you’re influenced by Pet Sounds/Beach Boys/Brian Wilson. Nothing screams “poser” louder and chances are your shitty record sounds a lot more like a collection of 3rd generation Grizzly Bear rip-offs than anything the laziest musical genius of all time came up with. You were probably listening to New Found Glory 3 years ago until you read some asshole Pitchfork writer name check that record while praising a band for using excessive reverb on the vocal harmonies. Pick a different pretend influence. Thanks, Love, Buddyhead.
Korn….. oh fuck, excuse my typo…. KoRn, are the biggest bunch of washed up, irrelevant douche-tards on the face of the earth. I love reading new quotes from Jonathan Davis trying to sound like Korn is gonna save rock, blah blah blah. Fuckin’ stop maing “music”.
http://www.culturebully.com chris
I wish Mel could just go back to being that old guy who did the movie Payback that some people enjoyed but most people long-since forgot about. Mel was at his best when few people actually cared whatthefuck he actually did. Now that he’s in the least acclaimed role of his career (center stage playing the lead role of Mr. Racist/bigot) everybody’s on his shit again. Payback. That’s all I ever wanted.
Oh, also, Whoopi Goldberg is a self-loathing douchebag. My sources haven’t confirmed this, but I’m going to stick with my gut on this one.
Pisser
THE ONLY THING MISSING HERE IS THE VINNIE PAUL HELLYEAH JAGERMEISTER VID
XIAN
“Among the items taken was a rare Minor Threat “Out of Step” test pressing said to be worth over $5,000. At least now someone might listen to it.”
This made me laugh out loud.
http://facebook.com/hateyouhumans Adam Superfan
Liturgy is FUCKING GREAT, good call again, Buddyhead!
boner
not bad. it’s an improvement at least.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
Shaddup vacant. You have no clue. I like if not love Jon and Munk.
Towelie is so pissed Vacant got first post and not him… you’re slippin’ dude.
http://www.solpilot.com Freddy
I just checked out that justin bieber lesbian look alike site, fucking hilarious!!!
vacant
@Towelie- Well if you love those dorks so much why don’t you marry them? I’m fairly certain by examining pictures of Jon Davis, that he is deep into the buttsecks.
vacant
I’ve decided to be fair, slightly, to Korn. The first record was alright, I liked their sound, but they’ve never fucking progressed in a near 20 year career. Every Korn song is the same predictable turd, and every song sounds just like even other song they’ve ever did. Plus, their fans are creepy. Even more so than NIN fans, and NIN fans are lunatics.
Jonathan Davis
Yo @Towelie, I’m gonna spread my cheeks for you, mmmkay? Stick that thang into my ass tang!
http://likegasoline.tumblr.com/ Dan
That monkey/piano comment just made my day. Fucking amazing gossip post! Thanks for that!
boner
Towelie needs to get out of the house more.
Bob Vila
Whoa! Double Rainbow! Its so vivd and bright! What does it mean?
http://apocalypsepie.com Luci
Someone really needs to cast ol’ Lovebucket in a zombie film. COURTNEY NEEDS BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS…..
(note: if brains are unavailable, three week old hobo semen or your soul is an acceptable substitute)
Socko
Two quick questions:
Is that Double Rainbow song the new one from that Owl City guy?
and
WHAT THE FUCK is a slab of vynil worth $5000 doing in a STORAGE UNIT in TENNESSEE in JULY!?!?!
commodore sixty four
i hope whoever gets dave matthews tour bus empties out the shitter in the parking lot of one of his shows.
http://buddyhead.com Jameson
BVA
LITURGY – Are hipsters trying to ruin black metal now? Is that gonna be the new thing?
3OHIO3 – I’ve had the extreme misfortune of hearing that song w/ Keesha many times and I’m convinced that she’s at least borderline retarded.
KORN – Is, was, and always will be THE biggest and most repulsive anal abortion to ever exist. Providing the soundtrack to many a dog-raping.
THAT DUDE ON THE ROLLIN STONE COVER – Has a cute butt.
THAT PARAWHORE BITCH – What kind of asshole pays thousands of $$$’s for a TEST PRESSING??? And then leaves it in a (albeit ac’d) storage unit? I won’t get into how cliche it is to like Minor Threat as your token early 80′s HC band or how gay record collecting is.
BLONDE REDHEAD – Is the scariest band I’ve ever seen.
ON A FINAL NOTE – If you’re in an “indie” band, cut it out and get some taste and some balls.
http://enoughalready!!! bigbabyfuncake
yup, leave it to that clown mel(vin) to screw up the whole mad max franchise. i mean, i can’t even watch road warrior now w/o thinking about what a double douchebag he is. plus, props on the prince dis, too. actually, this whole post was a royale steaming dump on every who’s number was up. cudos indeed.
http://enoughalready!!! bigbabyfuncake
‘everyone’ (oops, typos keep us human)…
Ryan Fucking Mc
i’ve watched that Double Rainbow vid like 12 times and I am still rolling
Thanks Buddyhead
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
I am severely annoyed at Vacant and Attention Hard On right now.
barnowl
Hawking rare Minor Threat vinyl is like pushing first edition Tibetan Book of the Dead — kinda defeats the purpose. Bill Hicks would get it, but we’d have to explain the whole Minor Threat thing to his carcass.
Jesus, years later and Buddyhead still desperately needs a copy editor. An appallingly drunk copy editor could make a difference. But the legendary Explosion voicemails draw me back every time, despite the grammatical minefield. At least buy the next comma you see a strong drink.
Hed below as I wrote this: “Frodus Get Back (together, that is.)” Fuck, I’m old.
boner
Towelie needs a hobby. can’t the Head hook him up with some “street team” bullshit or something? my concern is growing. lighten up, guy. life is a bowl of cherries.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
barnowl: I appreciate the Book of the Dead reference.
I disagree on copy editing comment. I actually think they clean up quite well coming from an academic writing perspective. I mean, I have the Chicago Manual of Style sitting right next to me. I am not bothered by little shit especially when I “get it” and smile.
Travis does well. I’ve been there. It’s all good.
boner: It’s called not suffering fools lightly and your lucky number is 86. Keep away.
bert
Gibson should remake Lethal Weapon 2. “Sorry Rog, I gotta side with the South Africans on this one.”
C
Love this KoRn shit. The album is ‘Remember Who You Are’ so these fucking mutant aliens are going back to playing in crop circles or something. They need to get probed by their bro in Limp Bizkit.
surforia
I can’t look at that picture of Courtney Love without wanting to barf.
http://www.myspace.com/dirtydirtywedding Jeff Boyd
The whole way through this, I didn’t stop laughing. Great work.
STRUT THAT ASS
YEA I’LL WALK THE GUTTER….WHY DON’T CHUUUUU???????????
hahahaha this video made my day.
Also why no talk about the new Autolux record? It’s the audio equivalent of doing heroin.
Jesse
FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOMMMM
larry bindle
towlie is a GITBAG. Go wipe yer sister, Helen Kellers’, mouth you run of the mill human cock ring.
Fuck all you pussies. Mel Gibson calls it like it is. Fuck that stank he was punchin’. Slipwhore deserved it. Next time try the Dr.Martin dental plan to get her wisdom teeth out. Dump her in the alley with some Black Jew batwing bandaid and light them all on fire.
And one more thing, I don’t get how you talk all that Prince smack then feature him playing the piano.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
Hey larry bindle, I’ll suck your cock for ten bucks. All 4.5 inches. I’ll even throw in a beer while I show you how it’s done.
Duke Rabbit
NFG suck donkey balls! beach boys were an influence . i grew up a loner 5 yr old listening to K EARTH and i even liked the crocodile rock(even the Alvin and the chipmunks version was good in my ears)!so u cant call me a poser!but i don’t have a band o a press release to send anyone.Cheers BH!
Nick Taxidermy
Liturgy slay. you’re late, though. we already know they’re rad.
larry bindle
Towelie your over estimate the size. Stick with the peanut butter and your chihuahua. His litttle mouth sure makes it look big. The glass dick you suck might make you think your gay but its just a phase.
When Cock Teller gives you a break from the rimlock and the effects of the Nyquil PM wear off go out and find you a girl. Not the back pages of the Weekly or Express. I mean a real woman with a VAGINA. Try an eating disorder meeting. They’re all so low on self esteem even you can get one. The only problem is they don’t swallow. I’m sure you can help them with that.( I’ll give you that one for free)
http://myspace.com/weareconvertible jf whiteside
thanks for the last post about brian wilson. bout time someone said it…
someone
I like Native American shit, but pretending you want Led Zepplin to reunite “to heal our ailing planet” is so transparent. You don’t want them to reunite to save the world. You just want them to REUNITE so you can ROCK THE FUCK OUT. Everything else is secondary.
I don’t blame you, who doesn’t want that, but please to be honest about it already. Thank you.
Russell Heinrichs
Is that the tour bus that Dave Matthews band emptied the contents of the toilets onto a passing tour boat in Chicago, covering a whole lot of people in poopie and chemicals?
Rob
We are almost at the point where Mel doesn’t just deny the holocaust just like like Papa Gibson but actively endorses it with a film “The passion of the Reich”.
Duke Rabbit
walk the gutter dad!
AlSoCal
Struttin’ That Ass, Struttin’ That Ass, Struttin’ That Ass… Barney Fife is one goddamned funny guy when he’s off duty.
sam
what’s up with all the sleigh bells hatin’
I mean, yeah they aren’t awesome, but aren’t there other WAY more boring/lame indie bands to hate on? Like Grizzly Bear?
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
Regarding Mel Gibson… I could be way off but, the dude is just being a typical Aussie. I could care less about the guy but this crazy talk shit is normal.
In my opinion and experience, Aussie culture revolves around talking shit especially when fueled by alcohol. They rarely if never back it up. Way too laid back. Americans really don’t get that because things gets ugly quick here. We are way more serious.
Russian culture revolves around lying especially when fueled by alcohol. If I meet a hot chick at the bar and she breaks out that Russian accent, I run. I’m out.
My only issue here is the dude’s taste in women. And, why the fuck is she recording him?
I love the following recording though. Travis K. tweeted this and deserves all the credit besides they guy who captured it. Check it out and apologies if you’ve seen it. This is exactly what I mean:
It explains everything.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
Holy shit, I didn’t realize Gibson was born in New York. Scratch the last post. He truly is an asshole, heh.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
And furthermore, I would have gladly smiled and sucked Mel’s dick. Fucking Jews. He does have a point, you know. Those Jew Bastards started EVERY FUCKING WAR IN THE WORLD. And when World War 3 happens, don’t come cryin’ to me because I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE JEWS IN THIS POST. I hate Jews almost as much as I hate the blacks and the gays. Sorry guys, I’m just telling the truth. Gonna crank some KoRn and hit the sack, if you know what I’m sayin.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
Oh shit, I’m sorry guys. I didn’t mean what I just said. I was drunk and venting….. Accidentally hit ‘enter’. I wasn’t really gonna post that. Shit. I’m just having a bad night.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
My boss is a Jew and he fired me, okay? I was just venting.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
The last three posts are not me.
Welcome to high on the radar once again asshole.
Amber
TRAVIS GET OUT OF YOUR MERCEDES AND START STRUTTIN THAT ASS!!!
Abe
HAHA nailed it on the Pet Sounds/Beach Boys/Brian Wilson take. 1 out of every 3 bands name drops him, and for what? It’s not like dude is giving out free hits of acid to your lame band.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
I’m so confused on her lately, those three posts were indeed from me. I was so drunk the other night and listening to Korn that I forgot I posted that shit. Sorry guys!
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
^ Again, this is not me.
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
^Actually, disregard that last post, I’m just drunk again, listening to Limp Bizkit and masturbating in my own feces. I love commenting on buddyhead.com and starting elaborate arguments with myself just to fuck with Jewish people. Fucking Jews…
http://twitter.com/toweleeeie Towelie
^ Obviously not me.
I really want to go Vallely on you dude.
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