62-year-old Rolling Stones guitarist/dinosaur Ron Wood was arrested on “suspicion of assaulting his girlfriend”, 20-year-old “model”/russian-mail-order-bride, Ekaterina Ivanova. For those of you slow at math it’s a 42 year age difference there kids! According to reports, with what few English words she does know, Ivanova claimed that Wood attacked her during an argument about whether or not he should be placed into a convalescent home yet. The news comes just days after Ivanova allegedly spread rumors that the Stones and their walkers will be hitting the road and touring in 2010. Between his loose-lipped sinking-ship of a girlfriend and his “penchant for partying”, the word is that Ronnie Wood is in danger of being kicked out of The Rolling Stones. Basically the dude goes off too hard for The Stones! Now that’s exceeding expectations! Wood has spent several stints in rehab and got divorced last year from his wife of 23 years, Jo, who caught him having an affair with Ivanova. Yo Ron, yer 62. We’ve never said this to anyone before, but we think it’s time for you to slow er down bro. Let’s pump the brakes dudes!
We’re not ones to gossip and you didn’t hear it from us, but The Rolling Stones are playing Coachella with or without Ronnie Wood. FUCK YEAH! Woooooo! We’ll be there yelling “PLAY HAPPY!” (pronounced PLAY APPY) at Keith for sures!
We’re still trying to pin down whether we read this in reality or experienced it during some kind of nightmare, but apparently members of Anthrax are teaming up with Fall Out Boy to start a new band called The Damned Things. Boy, talk about being forced to eat a peanut butter and poop sandwich. Hey Scott Ian, we know you’ve got your hands full deciding which color to dye the bottom half of your shitty pubic beard and trying to imagine what you could possibly talk about on I Love the 80′s part 35, but have you penciled in a minute to LISTEN to Fall Out Boy? People are still not un-pissed at you yet for inventing rap metal, so this shit just annihilated any cred you had hidden somewhere from the brief time Anthrax was cool and that S.O.D. record (“Speak English or Die”) that you’re on. Yeah, we know one of those period stains in Fall Out Girl used to be in Racetraitor which you think lends this some legitimacy, but that in no way buffers the stench of lameness firing off this blatant attempt to get yourself into a band people under 30 and outside of their parents basements care about.
Looks like John Frusciante up and quit on his homeboys. Cuz our buddy Josh Klinghoffer is the new guitar player in Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Drinks are on you dude. Better figure out what sock size your dick is STAT.
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Ok we’ve had Slash’s back here at Buddyhead forever because not only did Guns N’ Roses make one of the best rock n’ roll records ever (“Appetite for Destruction”) but they were also one of the first bands we really got into. Yes, that does show our age. And yeah, there have always been “Whoa! That’s kinda lame!” moments in Slash’s career… like when he performed with Michael Jackson at the Superbowl and that whole Vevlet Revolver thing. But some of the shit he’s trying to pull on this new solo record is totally crossing the line man! For starters, Slash has just covered himself by recording a new SUPER-JIVE version of Paradise City featuring Cypress Hill and Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas! WHAT THE FUCK?!?? Yo Slash, in case you forgot the original version with Izzy, Duff, you, Popcorn and Axl is pretty fucking rad dude! In fact it’s perfect. Why do you have to fuck with the legacy man? You never heard about Michelangelo trying to recreate the Sistine Chapel ceiling later in his career did you? NOPE! Wanna know why? CUZ IT WAS ALREADY RAD AND THAT’D BE A STUPID WASTE OF HIS TIME! Might wanna check out Izzy’s new record, no bullshit jive secret guests… just riffs!
While we’re on the subject of “Guns N’ Roses”, to make up for the fact that Izzy, Duff, Slash and Popcorn aren’t around Axl has done the next best thing and bulked the lineup up to eight members! Yeah, Guns N’ Roses right now is Axl, Tommy Stinson (call Paul and do some Replacements shows bro!), Dizzy motherfuckin’ Reed, Bumblefoot, Chris Pittman, Frank Ferrer, Richard Fortus and DJ Ashba. That shit is starting to rival most ska bands and Slipknot for most members ever in a band. Axl is tripping, hard! We love it, go Axl!
Speaking of W. Axl Rose, him and his new crew that own the rights to the name “Guns ‘n Roses” are currently in the middle of an Asian Swing right now with shows in Taiwan, Korea and Japan. Basically the idea is “Hey let’s play where people won’t know we totally suck and that this is more of a circus than it is a band!
And in true William Axl Rose fashion, our boy made sure to punch a paparazzi in the head who tried to take his photo at LAX before leaving the country. No cornrows finally?
According to the photo-dork: “Rose arrived to the airport with a woman in tow. As they were walking in, the woman got into a confrontation with a couple of paparazzi trying to take her photo. Rose saw the woman scuffling with the photogs and instantly started throwing punches.” FUCK YEAH AXL! GET IN THE RING! The best part is that the paparazzi caught the whole thing on tape. Check out Axl in action!
Can we talk about what a bummer it is that this dick-licker is in Guns N’ Roses?
New waver turned wanna-be cult leader, Edward Sharpe (& the Magnetic Zeros), have finally delivered some of the insanity he promised us with their new “video” called “Kisses Over Babylon”. Not since Guns N’ Roses dropped the unintentionally funny “Don’t Cry”, “November Rain” and “Estranged” videos have we seen such amazingly random self indulgence. Too bad this band makes bad era GNR sound like Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s 5th Symphony. While you’re watching this, keep in mind that “Kisses Over Babylon” is only part 2 of a 12 part movie that the band promises to wow us with. We’re not really sure what the movie is about aside from Edward running around the desert with his shirt off and hanging out in a prison where the inmates wear more makeup than a MAC makeup counter artist. We can only guess (and hope) that part 3 is where the all-male gang bang goes down. Face down ass up!
Staying on the topic of self indulgent douche chuggers making unnecessarily long videos, the dork from “My So Called Life” and his band 30 Minutes in Uranus made yet another music video/movie for their new single. Look pretty boy, just cause everyone knows your vanity project would never have been heard by anyone besides your mom if you didn’t inexplicably find fame on a teen soap opera first, doesn’t mean you’ve got to go all overkill and create these gigantic visual blowjobs to yourself. Do the honorable thing and use your looks to score some rich old dick to support you, cause let’s be honest that film career hasn’t been exactly on fire lately, and leave the music making to the musicians. Cool, amigo?
Liam Gallagher has announced that he’s currently working on music with all of his old Oasis band mates except Noel. Even Ringo’s kid, Zak Starkey, is back on drums and live keyboardist, Jay Darlington (the dude who looks EXACLTY like George Harrison), is on board too. Their new band, is half way done with a record and if they don’t think of a better name by the time they finish they’re just gonna call it Oasis even though the dude who wrote 99.9% of the songs isn’t in the band anymore. Liam also said if that’s the case they’ll never play any Noel-penned songs, which paints a pretty rough picture of a set-list filled with “Little James”, “Songbird” and “I’m Outta Time”! NO GOOD DUDE! Yeah, we’ll hang back with Noel, let you nerds embarrass yourself and wait for his killer solo record to drop. Hey, Andy Bell… at this point why not just pack it in and get Ride back together.. about as many people are gonna care about this Noel-less Oasis.
Check out this photo of Liam and Richard Ashcroft as some shitty party for Liam’s retarded clothing company in London. It kind of expains the above paragraph doesn’t it? Cocaine is one hell of a drug. The million dollar question is, which member of this cocaine rodeo is more in love with himself?
Eddie Vedder reportedly proposed to his longtime girlfriend/baby mama, “model” Jill McCormick, this weekend in Washington, D.C. Jill and Eddie will be spreading the cheddar with a wedding in 2010! SHIT YEAH EDDIE ANOTHER EXCUSE TO POUND WINE!!!
In the world of Billy Corgan the Ball Trippage Meter is fully PINNED IN THE RED! Dude, we’re sorry it’s not the 90s anymore kemosabe, but at this point why can’t you just go away and count your money? The first song “A Song For A Son” from the new 44-song long “Smashing Pumpkins” album called “Teargarden by Kaleidyscope” is almost so bad it’s worth hearing. Whoever produced it (maybe Billy?) obviously isn’t aware that the shittiest part of every Smashing Pumpkins song has always been Billy’s voice which they have covered in effects in the past, cuz on this new song it’s not only totally clean but it’s the highest thing in the mix! But the most mindblowing Corgan news we’ve heard is that him and Jessica Simpson are “seriously dating”. News that Billy Corgan might actually have sex with real live girls (no matter how dumb they are) is about as surprising as hearing that Jesse Jackson got a swastika tattoed on his dong.
Fro-mar Rodriguez Lopez Sanchez Guillermo Del Toro IV put out a solo album. Not just any solo album, his fucking FOURTEENTH solo album in 5 years! He must just be recording farts and burps at this point. Dude, just cause you seem in the dark about it, let us hip you to a little concept called “restraint”. It’s on dictionary.com, so you can just cut and paste it into the search. The cool thing about it is that you can apply it to both your music and your hair. We’re nominating the video above for WORST VIDEO OF THE YEAR! Sorry, Sonny. We love you but we gotta call a spade a spade here. Oh, side note for you commenters: yes we liked At the Drive-In a LONG time ago, but kind of like when a cute baby grows up and uses its new found motor skills to smear its shit all over the walls, the good old days ain’t enough to make us want to pretend anymore. Sorry.
Beyonce, Lady GaGa, Kings Of Leon, Taylor Swift and Black Eyed Peas are among the acts nominated for next year’s Grammy Awards. Buddyhead is here to remind you that Led Zeppelin, Neil young, The Doors, Jimi Hendrix, Sly & The Family Stone, Bob Marley, Queen, Buddy Holly, Diana Ross and The Who and David Bowie have never won grammies. Yeah, that’s about how much that shit matters.
Barbara Walters thinks that Adam Lambert and Lady Gaga are two of the most fascinating people in 2009. This is why we don’t have TV. Fuck you Baba Wawa!
Where the fuck have we been? Viggo Mortensen banged Exene Cervenka in the 90s when she was totally gnar gnar binks? Viggo, you could break your piece off inside any chick and you picked her? Come on dude you’re a fuckin movie star, pull it together.
In case you’ve ever wondered “Hmmm just how high is Pete Doherty?” lately, the answer is REALLY HIGH! Homeboy just played a show in Germany and in between songs he sang their national anthem, which would have been fine cept he belted out the banned Nazi-version of their national anthem. Oops! You know at this point his manager probably doesn’t even make statements to apologize anymore. why waste the keystrokes? If we were him we’d just issue an obligatory statement like: “Come on man, you know how those crackheads are!” Meanwhile we are busy trying to remember what band this clown was in for us to know and care who he is… oh wait he was inside Kate Moss. That’s what it was. Check out the video below for proof of the dipshittery:
Those southern skid marks from Kings of Leon are putting out a clothing line, great! Just what we need, dorky midwestern mall kids to now dress like metrosexual Ku Klux Klan members.
McRib is back. We’re convinced the only reason it goes away is cuz McDonald’s loves to fuck with black people.
Bummer news: Ronnie James Dio (the metal midget from ELF, Rainbow, Black Sabbath and a ton of shitty solo Dio records) has got early stages of stomach cancer. Buddyhead is sending out positive vibes to you, pull through man so that when you recover you can play a Buddyhead show, make us some money and we’ll call a truce for you trying to sue Dios. Deal? Do your good deed for the year and send Ronnie some love in the form of a GET-WELL email via getwellronnie@black-sabbath.com, make sure to put “BUDDYHEAD SENT ME” in the subject and Joe Siegler, the webmaster over at Black-Sabbath.com, is actually gonna print the emails out and take them over to Ronnie and Wendy Dio. Or if you still do the snail mail thing, send Ronnie a real GET-WELL card through his official fan club address:
Dio Fan Club
c/o Buddyhead Gossip #132
12400 Ventura Boulevard, Suite 624
Studio City, CA
91604
Speaking of cancer, we here at the ‘head have stumbled upon a musician that rips so profoundly we’re trying to get an experiment funded where we play his music to cancer patients to see how quickly they get better. His name is Vince Falzone and he’s at the top of our “Dudes We Need to Kick It With” list. This is his legacy:
When F-Zone isn’t making panties evaporate like dandelions in the wind with his jams, homeboy is acting, so Spielberg, if yer reading this, check out his resume: http://www.sag.org/iactor/VinceFalzone. Note that under special skills dude lists “archer”, so we’d discourage stepping to him. Fuck’em up Vinny.
And in case you haven’t done your holiday shopping…. we suggest you put your green in our pocket with some one-stop-shopping for ALL your loved ones in the Buddyhead Online Store! Give em the gift they won’t forget, Buddyhead merch! http://www.buddyhead.com/store
