Bear In Heaven – “Beast Rest Forth Mouth”

Bear In Heaven – “Beast Rest Forth Mouth” “”

Posted by Samuel R Burd on November 30, 2009 at 4:14 pm

Bear In Heaven
“Beast Rest Forth Mouth”
Hometapes; 2009

This CD is terrible. I have talked to a few people who really like it and some of the shit they say makes eugenics look pretty appealing.

“Dude, you can actually SEE the choruses getting BIGGER…”

“Have you ever been in like, one of those theaters where like, the screen is like a dome?!?!… Thats what it sounds like!”

I shit you not. Cornholes in v-necks have actually said this to me and made it out with their abilities to procreate. For some reason they seem to compare it to ambient music which is something that I just can’t wrap my head around.

When I listen to this I fail to visualize anything aside from other stuff that I could be doing. One is getting in a good tug session. Another is making one of my world famous turkey clubs with a crystal Pepsi to wash it down. The third is mercilessly beating whoever wrote this album within an inch of his life. Fortunately, anyone with brain matter can figure out that what these guys are doing can easily be achieved by picking a random delay knob and slowly turning it up in the mix… SnoreFest 2009 and these dip shits are invited:

Luckily I can find a little bit of solace in the fact that Bear In Heaven along with people who listen to them will inevitably die before I do. Yes, douchebaggery and stupidity play a very real role in natural selection. Attach a Member’s only jacket to the back of a moving vehicle and one of these retards will more than likely scamper after it.

Whatever…I don’t know why I’m getting so worked up. This band will be gone in a year and nobody will even remember that they existed. Kill all hipsters. American Apparel won’t like this at all.

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http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

I like their guitar work. Their Myspace page rocks as well. All very technical and filled with hard work.

Influences: “Talk Talk, Nicodemus, Bernard Parmegiani, R. Kelly, Lungfish.” They forgot to add Men Without Hats.

In other words, well put Sam.
JP

Wow what a talented critic! Too preoccupied with his own lack of any kind of cool factor that he resorts to chump shots. Little does he know what a genuine lot of interesting, smart and hard working people make up the band. LOL what an idiot. I’d be embarrassed to have this so called writer on my team. Self hate shows buddy, hope when you grow up you learn to do a better job at saying why you don’t like something, or if you are stuck being paid to be an idiot, I hope you get funny by then!!
ryan

They still make Crystal Pepsi?
Aw.

Feeling wounded? This cd is awful. I’m w/Sam.. Well put.
Tali

JP- Here’s a little something to take with you:

you don’t necessarily have to be self-loathing in order to think a band sucks. You can hate music genres just fine if you love yourself. In fact, the more you love yourself, the more you’ll hate others. It was a cute theory though, Dr. Phil.

Touch’e on your persistent use of the word “idiot”. Once you learn bigger words and perhaps expand your vocabulary to SAT words, maybe your opinion will be of importance, you worthless dolt.

If you really want this bands’ nuts on your chin, kindly e-mail them about it, no need to take out repressed emotions on innocent bystanders.

KTHX.
James B

That review was great, just like something you’d find on ‘Vice’ or ‘Pitchfork.’ The writer is obviously a really cool guy. It would be an honour to blow him.
JP

Ha ha, thanks for the lesson. Really.
Samuel R Burd

JP might drop us a line when he’s not a guitar tech for bear in heaven
http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

^ Dude, that’s funny.

This bullshit is lucky it even got a listen to and a mention. Keep that day job at El Mercado JP.
PeeWee

What a collection of assholes.
usually just a t-shirt

i checked this out and concur that it sucks. you know whos pretty good though, chad van gaelen, sorta similar style but good.
Juan

I checked this out bc of the Pitchfork review. I agree pretty boring. Nohing special
Atl cockslurper

Best review I’ve ever seen. I fucking hate this band !!
Thanks for the warning dude.
Hightower.
Atl cockslurper

Just kidding. BIH rocks.
See you guys on the southern portion of your upcoming tour!!
Keep kicking ass my friends
hightower.
sam’s ma

You are an idiot. What’s that like?
Wenger

It’s all about you, dude. Keep listening to all things fashionable and fabulous. You, you, you.

First band I have heard in a long time that is creating truly original music from the heart. No trends or gimmicks. You wouldn’t get it.
scotty ballgames

Wenger,

this band sucks. your being sarcastic? someone get me a metal detector.
jall

hello
R

WEAK REVIEW!

Beast Rests Fourth Mouth is an amazing work of musical artistic genius. In an era of pop driven nonsense, Bear In Heaven offers up a break from the mundane.

Let me guess, you listened to this album once, don’t understand the genre or its evolution, then you decided to write about something your feeble mind cannot comprehend. Sounds like you are an, well “idiot” as it were. Much like the weak music critics of the early 60′s handling of rock & roll.

This album is brilliant, skillful and innovative. Due to your inability to look past the narrow context of your own flawed opinions, please do us all a favor and shut the hell up.

Now that the Hummer line has been discontinued, guys like you have to write half-baked reviews like this to tell everyone you’re a douchebag.
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Bear In Heaven – “Beast Rest Forth Mouth” “”

Posted by Samuel R Burd on November 30, 2009 at 4:14 pm

The National

Black Sabbath

Daft Punk

Paramore

The Strokes

Clutch