Amy Winehouse found her new kinda kick! It looks like this cavebitch is now addicted to one more thing… plastic surgery! Amy has already had her breasts enlarged frankenstein-style and is now apparently planning to get butt implants too. How about a face transplant? Or at least give her as many teeth as the rest of us humans were born with. Trivia question of the week: What dead animal do you think Amy Whinehouse’s pussy smells most like?
Ozzy Osbourne has stepped forward and admitted that he is the father of Amy Winehouse! No word yet if Sharon is the mother, either way we just can’t believe we didn’t see the resemblance before? It’s uncanny!
Speaking of weird looking, those inbred twins in The Fiery Furnaces called Radiohead ‘bogus’! Which would be pretty fucking dead on if their own band wasn’t the audio equivalent of studying for an exam. Hey nerds, why don’t you go make another record with your grandma reading excerpts from the dictionary and leave nuking people to us! Thanks, come again!
Those Limeys that think buying your band equipment from a Toys ‘R Us equals automatic gold, Fuck Buttons, just recorded another record full of sounds you could get by walking into an 4 year-old’s birthday party with a tape recorder. We saw these dudes live a while back and it was like watching a stage production of a special needs kindergarten class, except subtract a teacher who hates her life and add a few hundred dorks who’s only experience with the concept of “fuck”-ing is this band.
If you are stuck living somewhere in Nebrahoma, things are starting to slightly look up for you cause Creed has got a new album out! Now you’ve got something to pump you up before you confront your wife/sister about her sloppy eggs with a butcher knife! Bonus: the first single is kind of a ballad so it’s time to take off the snuggie and get your fat ass off the couch! Cuz if you grab that box of wine you’ve been saving, your secret stash of double stuff Oreos, and throw on this song, then you and your closest cousin are 90% of the way to poundtown, Jethro (or “pound-tucky” to use geographical names you’re more familiar with). Seriously, have you people heard this shit? Imagine the plot of The Terminator except instead of sending back a killer cyborg, the machines sent back a version of Creed perfectly designed to make every human want to kill themselves and you’re getting there.
Much like old fogies fighting over the only remote control in a convalescent home, Aerosmith seem to be having a bit of a power struggle going on in their camp. First Joe Perry’s wife said she’s never heard an entire Aerosmith record (we don’t blame her or her cheetah print pants) and then Joe Perry said Steven Tyler was quitting Aerosmith and they’d be searching for a new singer soon. But then Stevie showed up uninvited to a solo Joe Perry show at the Fillmore in NYC where he declared that he was the rainbow, motherfucker! Yeah you are, Steven! Yep, dude who looks like a lady jumped on stage and shouted, “I just want New York to know, I am not leaving Aerosmith. Joe Perry, you are a man of many colors. But I, motherfucker, am the rainbow!” The best part is Joe Perry is still saying that things are far from cool and Aerosmith is auditioning new singers. Hey at least we know to address Steven Tyler as “The Rainbow, Motherfucker” from now on.
If you guys are like us, you’ve probably been dying to know just what it would look like if a bunch of bi-sexual Latino hair dressers put together a rock band. We’re very excited to be the ones to show you:
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You know these dudes would raw dog Corey Feldman if given the chance, or at least rub gel in his hair! This song makes us wanna drive that flatbed truck at 100 mph into 55 different brick walls. Hey, we know rock lyrics aren’t supposed to be rocket surgery or nothing, but are you kidding us with the line “Too much is never enough and too little is never enough”? Was the bandanna on a little too tight when you penned that one hoss? First off, if too MUCH is NEVER enough, then it’s pretty fucking certain too LITTLE will also be insufficient. Even more egregious: you’re actually trying to slip rhyming a word with itself by us dudes? Really? You’re not Bon Jovi and this song isn’t “Dead or Alive” so why don’t you scrape that grease off your chest and see if Wendy’s will take you back?
Speaking of greased up dickheads, now instead of playing videos MTV has given some douchebags from the Jersey Shore their own show. Where’s our gun?
We’re really glad this dude doesn’t have a gun! Ricky is a Pop Evil fan for sure. Scary shit!
Speaking of douchebags, these douchebags are taking back the word! Fight the power!
Holy shitballs, we’re so fucking sick of Lady Gaga. We’re even sick of making fun of her, but she just keeps… existing. People, this shit sucked the first time when it was called Cyndi Lauper but at least that period piece looked female and had Prince write a song for her. This Lady Caca bitch has Kanye West and the special effects team from Star Wars doing her wardrobe. The only people excited about this moron are comic-con dorks and dudes who are into trannys (hence why Kanye West is hanging around it). Her before and after (surgery) photos look like they’re of a head-on collision victim.
Speaking of chicks we wish would play the quiet game permanently, Katy Perry apparently did a duet with 3Oh!3 and we’ve been unfortunate enough to hear what this nightmare team came up with. Hey Katy, if you want to be famous for bragging about your lesbian exploits and showing everyone as much of your dirty pillows as possible, why don’t you save everyone a whole lot of effort and take off that crappy watermelon patterned dress and just jump right into porn? We heard that the world famous Bang Bus is hiring!
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On the subject of the frat brothers in 3OH!3: those malorki are putting out 8, COUNT’EM 8, remixes of that Hellen Keller song they wrote to help facilitate date rape earlier this year. Christ, talk about trying to squeeze blood from a turd, we’ve seen less desperate moves from a crack addict whose dealer got pinched. We’d like to meet the uber-chaches who would actually pony up money for 8 remixes of one of the worst songs ever. Buying 8 half hour long tug jobs from Edward Scissorhands sounds preferable to us.
However some GOOD things come in 8′s cause apparently that gay-bashing cock holster and ex-miss California, Carrie Prejean, has 8 sex tapes out there. You might remember her as the Miss America or whatever contestant that majorly prissed-off Gay Hitler (aka Perez Hilton) by saying she’s opposed to same sex marriage. Looks like that’s about all she’s opposed to cuz homegirl has EIGHT SEXTAPES! That’s gotta be some kinda slut-record! You better be taking notes Katy Perry cuz this chick is totally lapping you in the Slut-Olympics! By the by, someone make all of those sex tapes appear in the comments, pronto. DO IT!
Back to total fucking morons who know NOTHING about music but are somehow allowed to make music, My Chemical Romance are coming out with another record that’s sure to sound a lot like a homeless man pissing in your ear. Frank Iero, who happens to be the dipshit who plays all their weak leads on guitar, had this to say about their new album: “I thought the band was going to break up but we harnessed everything that’s great about this band into shorter songs. Almost protopunk, like the Stooges or the MC5.” Look here dork, The Stooges and The MC5 didn’t shop at Hot Topic plus they had two things you guys will never have… testicles and RIFFS!
Looks like Bob Dylan’s new Christmas record really is a joke. Old Zimmy got us again! Ever wondered what Bobby D would look like with a Tom Petty wig on? Watch this video and find out!
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Score one more for the good guys! Watch this video by clicking HERE called “Actor Nearly Chokes To Death On Camera” and know it’s ok to laugh!
Advertising has its pros and cons. On the pro-side it helps pay for this site. On the con side we’re greeted by the lunch lady with a makeover who fronts The Gossip whenever we go to our own site. We’re not sure if those are her thighs or if airbags somehow deployed in her pants. Either way, we don’t care how much you’re paying us… that shit is hard to look at!
This video might provide some insight as to why Rivers Cuomo and his servants in Weezer are writing albums that sound like collections of Jonas Brothers b-sides. Check out this bitch lose it over these zit factories. Yeah, that bitch is a dude.
McRib is back! Now you can find the closest McRib to you by clicking HERE! We knew the internet was good for something.
Limp Bizkit have launched a new website for their upcoming album that HAS to be seen to be believed! Check it out: http://www.limpbizkit.com How many spins can you sit through?
Like Buddyhead? Want us to update more? Then buy some shit from our new webstore! We’ve got new designs up now! Click here to shop til you drop!
