Gossip #128

Nothing says “tough guy” like having your lawyer email someone. Like a scene straight out of the Sopranos we opened out email last week to discover a “we’re gonna sue you” letter from Marilyn Manson’s lawyer for posting Brian Warner’s cell phone number on Gossip #127.  Hey dudes, Travis works at Velvet Margarita, you don’t wanna fuck around with Buddyhead. Usually when we get cease and desist letters they’re copy-written so we can’t post them up for you all to read and giggle over. Well, looks like Brian’s lawyer must have been sick that day of law school. Bummer dude. Someone dropped the ball. Click the image for a bigger one dudes, it’s a knee-slapper.

Courtney Love proved to us all again just how sober she is with these mind-blowing photos of her trying to smother Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Courtney claims Hugo was giving her “the sex eye” from across the room at a screening for Oliver Stone’s new documentary in NYC last week.  Court farted, “It was the third wink that sold me. He’s a sexydawg . He invited me to visit his country and I’d like to go. I’ll rock Caracas!” We think Courtney must be getting paranoid someone has the smoking gun linking her to Kurt’s death cause a) Hugo Chavez is about as sexy as your grandpa in a Rhinestone thong and b) Venezuela has no extradition treaty with the US. Venezuela better watch out. They’re gonna be bummed if Courtney fucks her way into the title of “first lady of Venezuela”. President Hugo is gonna start hallucinating just from swapping bodily fluids. Clove is toxic.

Fred Durst got dumped! HAHAHAHAHA! Fred Durst and Esther Nazarov got medieval, said “Till death do us part” and tied the knot two months ago when Fred was quoted as saying “I’ve never known true love until now, so grateful.” Which is funny cuz these two morons haven’t even been married as long as a summer vacation and she’s already hit the ejector button and is parachuting to safety. We didn’t see this coming at all! The money wasn’t worth it. was it Esther? Hope you didn’t sign a pre-nup so steak-head has to give you half and can’t afford to finance the next Shit Bizket record. The dorkiest part is that Fred Durst announced his dumping via Twitter! He wrote: “For those of you inquiring, I will confirm that Esther and I have decided to go our separate ways and we both thank you for your support.” He adds, “We remain very positive and wish only the best for each other.” Cheer up Freddy, there’s a special chick out there with fake tits and bad teeth you can fire your blanks into, we just know it!

During a recent interview on WZUU’s Big Dumb Radio Show, Megadeth frontman/hairfarmer Dave Mustaine provided further evidence that he still isn’t — and never will be — over being kicked out of Metallica. When asked if he thinks his new album, Endgame, is better than Metallica’s last album, Death Magnetic, Dave said:

“I’ve heard both records, and I think mine’s better.”

At least we know you’re not over it still. It’s out in the open dude, deal with it now. Who knows maybe you and Hetty can start throwing some back together again soon, eh? And who knows what’ll happen. Maybe Kirk will die in a freak accident down the road in a couple decades and you can finally get your gig back! Nah, that’s crazy huh? You’re never gonna be in Metallica, deal with that too bro.

Kottonmouth Kings are still a band… Welp, that sucks.

What’s with Orange County, weed and shitty music? Are we missing something?

Even though they claim they’re from Nebraska, we’re pretty sure 311 is from Orange County too.

Pitchfork released another “Top…of the 00′s” list before the 00′s are over.  Leave it to P-Dork to prejac like the chess club captain accidentally rubbing up against the head cheerleader when it comes to telling the world what the best LCD Sound System and Beyonce records are.  We’re pretty impressed that a site staffed by people so genuinely terrified of Rock and Roll could cobble together something at all, so they get some points there, kinda. We’re gonna take a page out of the P-Dork play book and go ahead get started on “Buddyhead’s 200 Best Records of the 2010′s”. ‘Way radder than having sex with girls is right!  Some candidates for the list are the Shat record that will be released in 2014, the one Oasis will put out after Liam and Noel bury the hatchet and bond over their shared discovery of whitening toothpaste in 2012, and the Miley Cyrus/Barack Obama duets record that drops in 2017. We’ll have it out by Easter of next year.

The band fronted by that actor from the Mickey Mouse Club, Ryan Gosling, is putting out a record this week. If you got excited by that last sentence, you just failed the “Dork Exam” miserably. Punch yourself in the face.

If you’re one of those dudes who’s said “Juliette Lewis is hot” before, feast your eyes on this. Really dude?

Randy Quaid is a fuckin’ badass! Homeboy appears to be living out his role as the deadbeat cousin in the “Vacation” movies cause he and his piece allegedly bailed on a Santa Barbara hotel bill earlier this month. Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, were arrested Thursday near Marfa, Texas for taking a full discount on the $10,000 at an unidentified hotel. The mouth piece for the Pigs says Evi Quaid apparently put up a struggle during the arrest but “was quickly restrained.’ It was not clear whether the couple would be extradited to Santa Barbara, but we sure can’t wait to see this shit on Cops

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Speaking of old dudes that are still going off, AC/DC have been forced to postpone six tour dates because front-man Brian Johnson is recovering from a “medical procedure and his doctors have advised him to take time to rest”. Rock n’ roll translation: Brian hasn’t slept in weeks cuz he’s been going off so hard, now he’s gotta take a break and rest up. According to the band’s official Website, their October 1st show in Phoenix will be postponed, along with gigs in Las Vegas, Louisville, Kansas City, Des Moines and Milwaukee. The tour will start up again October 16th in Washington, DC.

Jack White has signed on to produce the next album by The Rolling Stones. Keith Richards and Jack have been occasionally jamming together, writing songs together and even sending songs each has written back and forth through the mail to each other for a few months now. The deal is if Jack can show those old fogies how to make a decent record again, they’ll show him how to dress so he doesn’t look like Michael Jackson dressed as a circus clown.

The living members of Alice In Chains like to use violent jail rapes as an analogy for people downloading their new record. Wow, really? Do you dinosaurs even know what downloading is? We’re pretty sure these dudes think “downloading” is some kind of slang for taking a dump. Tim Virgin of Chicago’s Q101 radio station interviewed Alice In Chains when they played an acoustic set at Hard Rock Cafe on Saturday, September 19. The band were asked for their thoughts on their new album, “Black Gives Way To Blue”, being leaked on the Internet two weeks prior to the CD’s official release date. “You know it’s gonna happen ’cause it’s part of [how the industry works nowadays], but you just hope it doesn’t happen too far in advance,” drummer Sean Kinney replied. “It’s nothing unique [to this band]. [But] we hadn’t been through it [before], ’cause we hadn’t made a record in 14 years, so I think that’s the initial shock. It’s like, ‘What?’ We were talking about it earlier… It’s like going to prison — you’re know you’re gonna get raped, but you’re not ready for it. You think you’re all prepared for it, but you’re not really prepared for how violent that rape is. It’s like, ‘Wow! He’s really giving it to me.’”
Look here champs, you hair-farmers should be stoked ANYONE is downloading your record. In fact you should be forced to personally thank every single one of the people who download your new dingle-berry of a record. If you are amped about Alice In Chains putting out a new record, yer massively flunking the “Live in the Now” Test. Slam your weenie in a drawer.

So that chick who’s like the Michael Jordan of boringness, St. Vincent, decided just having the complexion of a vampire wasn’t good enough and got one of her mast-snore-pieces on the sound track for the new Twilight movie.  So we guess this means you can wear your American Apparel clothes in Hot Topic and vice-versa now? God we hate the mall.

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If you care about music made by people who look like contestants on Project Runway, do we have some fierce dish for you! Looks like the child rapist from Blood on the Dance Floor managed to piss off his equally gender-defying friend. Fortunately for us and for comedic history, Macho man #2 has fired back with an internet video and, kids, it’s the funniest movie of the year so far. First of all, this dude actually took time to PREPARE HIS REMARKS like he was addressing a joint session of some kind of tranny Congress. Despite this, dude comes across about as coherent as RuPaul after downing mojito #10. The best part arrives when we learn that the rapist dork is also a HAIR DRESSER. We’re not sure how this amazing morsel of information slipped by us in the last gossip, but it’s 100% true. You know Rock and Roll is on the ropes when one dude is calling another dude a poser cause his hair styling isn’t up to par.

The Backstreet Boys put out a record this week. You’d think we’d would have put “10 years ago” right before “this week”, but that last sentence is accurate. Yeah, we’ve been checking calenders for the year and newspapers for headlines like “Time Travel Invented: Backstreet Boys Used as Test Subject”, but this is really happening. Those dudes must love 13 year old tang somethin fierce. Too bad your only fans now are desperate 20-something she-hogs who have been “saving themselves” for Nick Carter since 99 and are trying to get rid of that gut by any means necessary, kinda like this one:

Hang it up dorks. Or get into it and slap that thigh to ride the wave!

Yo! Hey old guy with the frosted grey hair and those retarded shades on! Yes you, Wayne Coyne. Why do your sunglasses look like goggles? Are you going snowboarding? OK, listen up… Here’s the deal… Everyone, by now, has seen you do the thing where you get inside that giant bubble wearing a Britney Spears headset microphone. We don’t need to see you do that ever again. It’s wasn’t even that cool the first five hundred times we saw it anyways man. Why don’t you play the good songs off of your early records instead. And one more thing… Is that the only suit you own? We gotta get you a few new suits. Buddyhead is willing to throw together a benefit concert so that we can buy the singer of The Flaming Lips a new wardrobe, we can make a difference together! What rockstar only has one suit? You’re pulling some Charlie Brown shit by never changing your clothes and to top it all off you’re looking like a homeless magician. Pull it together man!

Buddyhead’s Bi-coastal Halloween show is hitting LA and DC Halloween weekend. There will be going off. More details very soon.