Kanye West is a faggot. The other night MTV had another awards show (for videos they don’t play anymore) and Kanye surprised everyone and out-assholed himself cuz he can’t handle his Henny (check the bottle in the photo above). In case you were preoccupied with less time wasting endeavors like throwing darts at your own dick, Kanye decided he’d shatter stereotypes about young black males and steal something from a white woman. Seeing as how we’re not 12 year olds who cut themselves, we missed the VMA’s this year too. Sorry dudes. Here’s what dipshit did… Yep, K-West, complete with hieroglyphics carved into a haircut that compliments the one his tranny arm-candy sports, ran up during some talentless country bleeder’s acceptance speech and stole the mic from her to tell everyone that Beyonce had a better video. Role Model is right! Someone get a tampon quick before this pussy bleeds more!
But just to be clear, the only reason we’re even talking about Kayne interrupting this hillbilly chick is because now some monster named “Hollywood Yates” who is actually an American Gladiator wants to crush Kanye’s skull. AWESOME! Dude is supposedly a “huge country music/Taylor Swift fan” and a “pretty big name in the rodeo circuit” as well. SHIT YEAH! Hollywood Yates wrote an open letter to TMZ and in it he sounds like he’s pretty dangerous. We’d be looking for a place to hide if this dude was telling everyone he was gonna twist our arms off! Hey Kanye, yer bummed dude.
“Hey this is Hollywood Yates or WOLF from American Gladiators.
Just thought Kanye might want to know I hang with alot of the Country Artists and I will bump into him somewhere… HARD and several times!!! He is an ass and needs taken down, maybe Criss B can be there too. School is about to open and lessons about to be taught!
Ya’ll Take care! Hollywood/WOLF”
We can’t wait for “Hollywood Yates” to bump into Kanye “HARD and several times”. Sounds like some prison fantasy shit, but maybe it’ll knock some sense into that crybaby. No grown man should care who’s winning a Moonman or not. Get real! The funny part is we’d rather listen to Hollywood Yates cover “Rusty Cage” by Soundgarden (although we’re pretty sure he’s doing Johnny Cash’s version here) than any of Kanye’s crybaby rap songs about his mom and his ego. The best part is Kanye is “going on tour” with that Star Trek convention reject Lady Gaga. They’re calling the tour “Fame Kills”, which is the only positive thing we’ve heard from either of these camps so far. Let’s hope it kills both of these idiots.
Speaking of people who need to learn how to shut the fuck up: The never to be out-douched, Billy Corgan started a God-blog @ www.everythingfromheretothere.com and is seeking writers for his new spiritual site. We couldn’t make up shit this good! Hey Billy if you’re paying people to write for your little website then sign us up cuz we need cash. Here’s our first post:
“Maybe there is no Heaven. Or maybe this is all pure gibberish — a product of the demented imagination of a lazy drunken hillbilly with a heart full of hate who has found a way to live out where the real winds blow — to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested… Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll.”
Oh and Bill Corgan also announced that “The Smashing Pumpkins” are recording on analog tape for their new record. Yo dude, no one gives a fuck what you’re recording on. You could record your new record on gold and “The Smashing Pumpkins” is still just gonna be you ard three 20 year old dorks. Shut the fuck up for once, cool?
The Stooges are getting back together with the Raw Power line up. Our favorite guitar player and the dude who wrote the best rock album ever (“Funhouse” by The Stooges), Ron Asheton, died at the beginning of the year so Iggy and the boys have called up James Williamson who played on “Kill City”, “New Values” and “Raw Power”. That’s cool and all but what we’re really wondering is: who’s fucking Cat Power?
Good news if you hate music: Chester Bennington from Linkin Park has a new band! It’s like Christmas in September for 1000′s in Nebrahoma right now. Homeboy says it’s supposed to be Depeche Mode influenced. Yeah slick, what part of this garbage sounds like DM? Your sound is about as influenced by Depeche Mode as the average episode of Diff’rent Strokes was influenced by Depeche Mode. Their first single is called “Crawl Back In”, which has to be a personal song for Chester the molester cuz we’re sure that he’s singing to this turd of a song like it was crawling out of his ass. Stop turtle-heading and get back up there! Killer video by the way amigo, America is super amped to see you in a hoodie sans-shirt, squatting and making “monster-hands”. Your band looks like the dudes who demo shit at the Riverside, CA Guitar Center. And this video looks like something that would happen in a yet-to-be-made sequel to “Revenge of the Nerds”, where the nerds are being edgy to impress some sorority sluts. Someone send us this clowns’ phone number.
The video cannot be shown dickfore at the moment. Please try again later.
Paramore just sold out Wimbley Stadium. That’s a shitload of limey idiots that are basically gonna watch the musical equivalent of this for a couple hours:
The video cannot be shown dickfore at the moment. Please try again later.
Johnny Rotten is getting PIL back together, cept he’s the only original member. That’s like jacking off in the backroom and telling everyone you just had a gang gang in there. No dice dude. We’re glad you’re an Oasis fan Johnny, but lose the Warped Tour haircut dude. And let’s have you get outta the closet too, Malcolm already spilled the beans on Steve Jones’ radio show.
The singer of Fucked Up owns every Buddyhead release. You’d think that would make his band less of a snorefest, but I guess Shat just can’t be taught. Yo dude, you promised us phone numbers. Cough em up!
Patrick Swayze might be dead, but his music will live on FOREVER! VIVA SWAYZE! And we ain’t talkin’ about that poser rich kid from Malibu.
Perez Hilton is still alive. Bummer.
Trash-ley Simpson has apparently decided to see if she can be even worse at something than she is at singing. Let us give you a hint, she’s not in porn yet. That’s right, you guessed it: She’s acting. Well, you know she’s gotten a little bit of acting practice in by pretending Pete Wentz doesn’t fuck like a gay elf (Hey Pete the clit is at the top, it’s not down by the vaganus dude), but we’re pretty sure she’ll still be the worst actress on the re-shitting of “Melrose Place”…and you know that’s like the acting equivalent of coming in last in the 100m at Special Olympics. Can someone please step in and make sure those two mongaloids don’t have anymore children?
While we’re on the subject of boring rich white people… Vampire Weekend are putting out a new record called “Contra”. We can’t help but wonder what kind of band tension is brewing seeing as how the rest of the band has to be kinda pissed the singer dude is on the cover by himself.
Two other rich idiots spawned another baby rich idiot this week. Joel Madden and Nicole Richie’s vagina spit out a baby boy and named him Sparrow James Midnight Madden. Sparrow is right up there with Blanket for names most likely to get your ass beat in high school. Why are rich people so fucking retarded?
2010 Van Halen tour. Doesn’t that just sound like an oxymoron? It’s kinda like saying “2010 model Horse Drawn Carriage” or “Cutting Edge Wooden Denture Technology”. Cash in the 401K’s and learn to golf dudes.
Check out the new Mastadon video. It rules!
Pavement are getting back together. Dudes who have man-purses are AMPED!
The Mars Volta have a new album out called “Octahedron”. For those of you who only speak English, “Octahedoron” is pig-latin and translates in English to “giant pussies with giant unruly afros”. Check out their official video for “Since We’ve Been Wrong” in which Omar sings.
Word is Avril Lavigne and the Sum 41 are getting divorced. Single midgets everywhere are buzzing about this. Our question is, in a Canadian divorce, who gets custody of the moose?
Courtney Love blocked Buddyhead on Twitter. Too bad she didn’t block the shotgun blast that killed her husband.
Best Twitter post from Courtney Love we saw: “I have been sober for over 6 years as everyone knows. We think she means “Everyone knows 6 years ago was the last time I was sober”. Oxycontin’s a hell of a drug.
Radiohead’s drummer Phil Selway is planning on releasing a solo album. Why are all English drummers bald?
Axl hasn’t gotten the real GNR back together yet.
The video cannot be shown dickfore at the moment. Please try again later.
We can’t figure out who’s more fucked up in this video… Steven or Chip Z’Nuff! Chip GOES OFF! But it looks like Steven Adler is finally getting PAID again though. After his recent tour and these ads we keep seeing it looks like Steve finally has some more money for crack and Long-Island iced teas. Let’s party Adler, pick us up, we’ll score downtown and then egg Dr. Drew’s house!
We’ll leave you with another G’NR related item: Buddyhead introduces the Buddyhead rapper shredding his new jam “Axl Rose”. Step correct:
