LIL' WAYNE 2000: Pitchfork Snorts A Decade

Posted by Chip Norman on August 26, 2009 at 12:00 am

lil wayne 2000 copy

With their “Top 500 Tracks of the 2000s,” Pitchfork has given us the Trapped In The Closet of “best music” lists.

Only, unlike R. Kelly’s masterpiece, Pitchfork’s “Top 500″ doesn’t get better as it goes on. (That’s not entertainment you’re feeling when you realize the rankings are sincere — it’s nausea and a needling urge to dismember.)

This list serves as a Pitchfork Media memoir better than it does as commentary on good music, most likely because this wasn’t a list put together by people who like music. This is the product of some terrorist, label stooge, and/or idiot condensing ten years of Pitchfork face-plants into 500 ranked insults to the medium of music. This “Pitchfork 500″ comes off as an ugly, red “MINE” stamp on a decade that, for all its offenses, deserves more.

Of course, Schreiber’s site is his own, and he can pick the hits any way he pleases (and he’ll tell you when you’ve had enough LCD Soundsystem). He should just be aware that doing so makes Al Gore’s wife look more Rock & Roll than he is. And while nothing could have saved Pitchfork’s article from being an absolute blight, the nerds might have retained a little dignity had they allowed the 2000s to actually, you know, finish, before revising its musical legacy into the soundtrack of a rich, white kid’s gay bar cocaine-binge. A little distance, perhaps even six months, might have given them better perspective.

Because we still remember the 2000s.

And Vampire Weekend is not better than Pulp.

But, that’s just the kind of shit Pitchfork wants you to swallow. And as fucking retarded as it is to include Vampire Weekend in a “best of” list without the word “joke” in its title — much less stacking the band on top of Jarvis Cocker’s head — this offense remains relatively minor in the overall scope of Pitchfork’s “Brought to you by Häagen-Dazs®!” hatchet job on the 2000s. In fact, there are far too many other equitably psychotic rankings to break down. About 499, I’d say.

For instance, ask yourself this for a moment: just how many Eminem singles were better, or more historically significant, than one of Johnny Cash’s last?

Could the answer truly be all of them?

Rankings mean something. “Best of” lists are explicit judgments about both aesthetic value and historical context, and Pitchfork seems to have disregarded both. But they have considered Interscope Records. And vanilla ice cream. Mostly Interscope Records (at least that much is transparent).

Now, I’m sure there were genuine, critically-motivated reasons for these choices as well. Nuanced and animal-themed, no doubt. I’ll speculate that any such defense would start with “Irony,” stray into French Feminism references, and end with a Pitchfork trip to the bank. Of course, they might genuinely love the major label tripe they propagate. They just can’t claim to be “indie” ever again. Hell, after this endeavor, they’d be lucky to get MTV comparisons. This list is early-Vh1-adult-contemporary in a library, at best.

I’ll leave the ridiculous rankings for some other glutton for punishment to tackle, and comment instead on the fundamental problems with the ‘Fork. I’ll start with cocaine and payola: idiot hipster’s shouldn’t snort it and idiot hipsters shouldn’t pocket it. That said, mention should be made of the mind-blowing number of plurality-crushing redundancies. Five-hundred picks suddenly doesn’t seem like a hell of a lot when Schreiber is intent on filling them almost entirely with Beyonce singles (only dipping into Destiny’s Child when things get tight).

Common sense dictates that a list cataloging the best songs of an entire decade should give recognition to a wide variety of deserving acts. But, according to Pitchfork, the independent music authority, this decade has produced only eight or so artists of any consequence. This conceit serves to remake these years into a sycophantic hegemony as repeat entries for favored major-label megastars eliminate any room for discussion of the legitimate best tracks of the 2000s. This results in wonders such as the inclusion of the Strokes’ fucking discography, and yet not a single nod to Greg Cartwright. A fine move for one’s wallet considerations, and batshit insanity for music criticism.

When not courting the ‘unit-movers,’ this list reads as if Pitchfork is trying to revise the historical context of their bad taste, abusing a (very) shallow hindsight to reform the 2000s into a time where every shitty animal band was not merely popular, but each its own little zoo-themed, techno Elvis. This arrogant assault on musical achievement is most noticeable in Pitchfork’s propensity toward deferring recognition of respectable acts (Wilco) to those awful brats that Schreiber and co. ‘made’ (Relevant Elephant).

And barring all postmodern, critical theory tropes typical of ‘Forkian criticism, the only justification I can see for the impossibly bad ranking decisions is that Schreiber wants to punish otherwise good bands for not having been “broken” by his apparatus. If that’s not the case, then Ryan is fucking HIGH, and his goons too afraid to say so. These rankings don’t even make sense in the context of Pitchfork’s scientifically calibrated decimal point review system. Perhaps, just as I don’t understand the algorithm for deciding the critical difference between a 7.4 and 7.7, I’m also unable to “get” this list. It’s a distinct possibility.

Of course, it might also be the case that the idiots who love “Hollaback Girl” so much better than almost anything else are the same kind of idiots who would write such diarrhea. To understand any of this, I placed myself into the pretentious shoes of a flamboyant, soulless philistine, tasked with appraising a decade’s artistic achievements. It’s simple: imagine you don’t know shit about music, and start writing about it anyway. With that perspective, I deduced the motivations behind Pitchfork’s “Top 500 Songs” list. Sounds something like this:

Ryan Shreibaby: “All right, guys. It’s time to talk about Flaming Lips’, “Do You Realize.”

Faceless Staff Nerd: “Flaming Lips is a pretty good band, you know, and “Do You Realize” is the product of spiritual quests, spider bites, flaming cymbals, and constant self-exploration. I’m speaking of that unintentional, rough draft accoutrement that catapulted them into a Kanye endorsement. But it’s what happens between all that tootin’ that really set our iPods on repeat. What’s a goon to a goblin? Nobody even knows what that means. Plus, it’s the state song for Oklahoma. Michel Foucault.”

Ryan Shreibaby: “Self-exploration, indeed. But Flaming Lips doesn’t have a silly animal reference in its title.”

Sudden Crybaby Nerd: (SOB!)

Snotty Nerd With A Lisp: “Ugh. And Oklahoma is so…maudlin. Positively illiterate. A higher ranking than “Ignition (Remix)” would simply lack the requisite Marxian irony. It would be…ugh…so very expected.”

Ryan Shreibaby: “Yeah! And those Jews ain’t doin’ shit for getting black people to like me! PUT THAT SHIT UNDER “TOXIC” BY BRITTANY SPEARS! AND MAKE SURE BLACK CRYSTAL KOALAS TOP THAT CUNT!”

A panel such as the above would explain, oh, the first 479 picks of this list. And it’s a cyclical process. For every ten entries, simply replace “Flaming Lips” with “Belle And Sebastian,” and “Brittany Spears” with “Chingy.” And so on. The formula looks like this:

10: Disco
09: Set iPod shuffle to “Indie”
08: Disco
07: Beyonce
06: Animal Name
05: Kanye West
04: Eminem
03: Set iPod shuffle to “Indie”
02: Animal Name
01: Lil’ Wayne

Despite the bleakness of this list, it’s in the final 21 picks that Pitchfork really loses their shit. To be fair, up until the top tier, Pitchfork occasionally references a song that is actually noteworthy. And that’s commendable in a list this overwhelmingly awful. Unfortunately, the nerds take one step forward and two steps back into the path of a steamroller when Kelly Clarkson arrives at #21.

Yeah.

The musical aficionados at Interfork Records would have you believe that the 21st finest song of the 21st-century’s opening decade is Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone.” They dare to call this a rock song. And the idea is, I suspect, that if you’ll buy the independent veracity of that son-of-a-bitch, you’ll keep eating the shit all the way to big number one. And boy is that a hell of a trip.

With that grand conclusion to the decade, I am left with a single question:

Pitchfork, why in the blue hell should anyone put up with your self-indulgent, festival-baiting bullshit, if we already have scores of idiots and Clear Channel to guide us?

Are we meant to believe that the cultural import for the last ten years of music should be found best in homecoming dances and THE MIX one-oh-whatever radio stations? A trip to the goddamn prom? Is that where hip independent music is finding its zenith? Does that mean overly-saturated, obnoxious, retarded-shade-wearing, major label, unit-moving, HIT MAKERS are the new indie? I’m not sure if that’s more legitimate than the old indie or not, but it’s definitely as wack as your Kid A review.

Meanwhile, Kanye West is telling children not to read books.

If Pitchfork had an ounce of integrity, the wieners would have saved their Häagen-Dazs® money and five-dollar words for a “best of” list that amounts to more than a random idiot’s sparkly butterfly (and HTML-affected) Myspace blurb:

“I listen to a lil’ bit of everything. LOL! Just whateva’s on the radio, lik Rhianna n’ shit. I DONT reely like COUNTRY though, sory! ”

And that’s as deep as the P4K perspective goes. In fact, the more entries I read, the more I realize that only two contenders were ever in the running for Pitchfork’s “Best of the 2000s.”

And here are the big winners:

2. My Parents Like These Songs
“Plastic Sheets On My Bed”
[Häagen-Dazs®; 2009]

Blah, blah, blah, Sufjawn, Sufjawn, animal crackers, bears, bears, crystal, Sufjawn, blah, blah, blah, “like watching a baby give birth on IMAX”, irony, paradox, antlers, blah, blah, “why won’t it grow?”, Sufjawn, Sufjawn, “I’m a community college English instructor,” blah, blah, Sufjawn, “Metal rules…no, really, we love it! All of it!” blah, blah, blahbityblahSufjawn, adult contemporary, Wes Anderson-ery things, blah, blah, album covers Chuck Klosterman would like, Sufjawn, retarded clothes, Sufjawn, retarded glasses, blah, “please don’t just look at the score– read the entire review!” SOB! Sufjawn, vanilla ice cream, revenue, Sufjawn, wolf, panda, animals, Sufjawn, rappers, blah, electro, gay, Sufjawn, relevant indie sensibilities, abc news, blah.

1. Extremely Condescending White Hipster Guilt
“Bombs Over Brooklyn (Please)”
[The Trust Fund; 2000]

We was sittin’ there watchin’ the stage. Waitin’ for the man they called Coltrane to come out and do his thing. It was me and my four droogs. Them bein’ Peter, Georgio and Dim; Dim being really Dim.

‘Round an hour’d passed and the place was packed straight through to the back. I’d just dropped some dollars for ‘Trane’s Giant Steps six months back. Now was the time, this was the place. The Village Vanguard. New York City. 1961.

I was only there for the first night, see, but them cats at Impulse! just made my life complete. They put out four CDs of all that sound ‘Trane put out those nights. But you know my type, man. Can’t afford to eat, let alone spend some heavy cash on music. So I only got the essential. Live at the Village Vanguard: The Master Takes is one disc, makin’ it one-fourth the cost of the box set. And you only get the best stuff.

Man, the opening beauty of “Spiritual…” It’s like a dream I had: I floated on the River Nile, smokin’ some fresh weed, relaxin’. But I ain’t ever gonna see the Nile anyhow. This track’s as close as I come, and it’s close enough. Best of the best, though, has gotta be “India.” It’s only when you listen to a perfect old jazz tune like this that you realize how much drum-n-bass is derived from this music. ‘Trane takes it to heaven and back with some style, man. Some richness, daddy. It’s a sad thing his life was cut short by them jaws o’ death.

Shit, cat. It don’t make a difference. The man produced enough good music to last me a lifetime. This Village Vanguard thing’s just another example of the genius of Coltrane.

- Ryan Schreiber

Thank you for that one, Schreibes. We never get tired of reading it. Hilarious and backhandedly racist. Why don’t you still write?

But seriously, it just occurred to me that this might not have been a (total) payola scheme. And it isn’t Missy Elliott or Outkast’s fault Pitchfork’s trying to win their approval (as if they needed it). It makes sense that the Pitchfork staff would remember this decade as one, long and awkward, “ironic” hipster booty-dance at a Kanye show that no black person would even touch.

And vanilla ice cream.

At any rate, best of luck with that whole “Pitchfork’s credibility falling down M.I.A.’s gash” thing.

Your Droogs,
Buddyhead
coltrane

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liam gallagher fka franklin bluth fka ian brown

one word for your diatribe “top”.

DESTROY KILL ALL HIPSTERS!

to paraphrase the scream “you’ve (they’ve) got the money, we got the soul”.

im with you, im joining the fucking anti hipster special forces. my life mission is to bound and gag these cunts and make them listen to fun house for twenty 4 straight hours.
Con

Funny as usual, Chip.
You missed the part where they compared Kanye West to Otis Redding.
Tall Pat

brilliant job chip
tim k.

i still can’t believe they called that Kelly Clarkson shit a rock song…and put it at 21? it should’ve never been included in the first place! that has to be an inside joke or something.
Aa

chip, i like it. i know that means a lot to you, so let me reiterate, nice one. so, ya. the onion did a good job at this awhile ago. check it.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/pitchfork_gives_music_6_8
Darryl

what a bummer.

who can take a guy with hair like that seriously?
Andrew

Thank you for writing this.
Inglewood Jimmy

I can’t believe “BAR SINGER”(CLARKSON) OVER KAREN O and on top of that bullshit 500, there’s was no “SHIMMY SHIMMY YA” (DIRTY OL BASTARD) ON THAT NOWHERE LIST ?,I’m 96 and I’ve a better ear than those losers.
yes no

This was a knock out of the park. That Pitchfork list is an insult to anyone’s intelligence. Anyone who love music anyway. Any chance of seeing the ‘head put up a list that kicks the shit out of p4k’s?
Adam

fuck irony
/ ev

Has anyone else noticed that Pitchfork’s new thing is giving low(er) scores to artists they totally would’ve “best new music’d” if they’d “known about it” or at least written the review when the album dropped?
Jus’ sayin’.
I agree with Chip’s exegesis of what was a totally underwhelming top 500 list though. It’s disheartening that fucking SEAN PAUL had a song anywhere on that list. I don’t care if it’s Pitchfork or your kid sister. Sean Paul is/was bane of music.
Jared S.

After seeing this Pitchfork top 500, I have come to the conclusion that they should never be allowed to even type the word “music” on to the internet. Kelly Clarkson?!? Who the fuck listens to Kelly Clarkson? I was unaware that hipsters even listened to Kelly Cuntson. Just when you think you know some people…..

What the fuck is up with that poser’s hair?
ColoradoRockiesAJ

Aside from maybe a few interviews and maybe some music news I avoid bitchfork like the plague,just complete hipster bullshit,it’s amazing that just a few years ago,them and all these hipster sites were all jerking off to Conor Oberst,now if you read a lot of those sites,he might as well as just fallen off the face of the earth,just goes to show that hipsters and related sites like the fork don’t really care of music,just being the kings of the supposed hipster “underground” scene or whatever,also in the picture just directly above doesn’t homeboy look like one of the goth kids from South Park!!!!
anna sage

Nice work, sir Chip.

I think my favorite thing in this whole article was the random name-dropping of “Michel Foucault” because I know that dipshit kid. Don’t we all?

What is up with kids these days? Vampire Weekend sold out two nights (Monday and Tuesday nights, no less) at the 9:30 Club in D.C., and then when my friend and I went to see Wire on a fucking SATURDAY NIGHT, hardly any kids showed up. I know Wire’s an old group and maybe isn’t considered that relevant anymore, but still. I must be getting old.
E-brah

I read Pitchfork’s review of Nick Cave’s re-releases and they used the word “apotheosis.”
http://dineendream.com damaged mary

DIE YUPPIE SCUM
curt

this is probably the best thing i’ve found written about ridiculousness of pitchfork’s lists
cassandra

wow. buddyhead is sooo good at making fun of people, i’m totally having an orgasm RIGHT NOW. (attempts at) creating drama is the new classy.
elitist vs elitist

you lost me when you said strokes didn’t deserve to be on the list. “last night” was the indie shot heard round the world and shoulda been in the top three
http://www.itsakingthing.com Brian

Pitchfork is the pits. I don’t even know if it’s hipster bullshit. They’re completely boring though. So are the bands / albums they glorify.

That haircut’s atrocious. I give it a 1.3.
Marc

I don’t know what’s more ridiculous: Pitchfork itself or the constanting bawwwwing over Pitchfork. I think i have to go with the latter.
http://whitenightmusic.com J

I heart this article so much that I want to take it to the dollar movies to watch Titanic, spring for the medium fountain drink, and proceed to attempt to put my hand in it’s pants throughout the feature.
Alex

I was blown away when I read over that list a few days ago. Keep up the good fight, Buddyhead.
ballsrad

they obviously just go by popular appeal, which works. i was somewhere just the other day and the least expecting group of people were talking about the historical influence that lil wayne, or better yet they were referring to him as weezy, has on our society today and how he has conjoined the forces of rock and rap and now black kids are playing guitar and woo fucking hoo and stuff. but anyways, now i realize why ive never even looked at pitchfork – thanks
apartment

Best. Soapbox. Eva.
Fuck anybody who doesn’t think that negativity is the new positivity.
jc

lol sounds like someon missed the point and got way too butthurt over a list from a site no one should take too seriously.
eugene

your so anti-pitchfork that it makes you uberhip. and now we bask in your radness.
Jocko Homo

I remember 5 years or so ago, the day Dimebag Darrel died. It was a pretty big story even in mainstream media outlets. What did Pitchfork have as a headline that day? Some stupid bullshit about Lindsay Lohan’s new single. Lindsay fucking Lohan!!! I am much of a Pantera fan, but if any of the P’Dork writers were not listening to New Kids on the Block in the early 90′s, many probably listened to Pantera, it was at least worthy of mention is what I am saying. Who am I kidding, they were all listening to New Kids.

Of course, this was before metal became cool for hipster shitstains who read Pitchfork.

Good article.
niggeraguan

I can feel your butt hurting all the way down here in Central America.
Lar’s dad

If I were them, I’d delete that.
waka waka

BURNING BRIDES
ICARUS LINE
NINE INCH NAILS
THE GIRAFFES( From NYC)

That is all there is to even fucking talk about with music in the last decaded.
waka waka

defecate.
waka waka

oh, and the vines. and yeah, out of their 50 songs. 10 suck. i know that. but of the 10 REALLY good ones. They are really fucking good, and yeah i know its just nirvana and the beatles combines. so what. that’s a great fucking combination like cheese and crackers or cheese and wine. or easy cheese and masturbation.
noel

one more time isn’t even the best daft punk track…LIKE OMG
Bradley

I’ll give this article credit for two things. It’s well written, and the humour style is actually pretty funny. Other than that..

I’m just a guy. I don’t try to fit into the ‘hipster’ category and whatever you guys are tying to be, or anything. I just call ‘em like I see ‘em. Do you realize that by berating Pitchfork for their ‘tastes’ and denouncing hipsters and their culture, that you’re basically doing the same thing you’re accusing them of, just the other way around? You’re saying they’re being snobs, but blasting someone because of their tastes is the epitome of being a snob. “Oh, hipsters are such poser’s, I hate their bullshit.” That statement is more pretentious and cliche than anything Pitchfork offers. If you think they’re just attention whores, passing off as music critics, then, uh, why did you write this article? Aren’t you clamoring for attention, as well? You want people to read this. You even want my comment.

You and your loyal following here, have created this Nazi-like generalization of ‘hipsters’ and attempted this over-agrressive contrarian stance against people you think are ‘hipsters.’ If someone likes a song that you think is lame, you think they’re being ironic. If someone likes an underground band, they’re just trying to be different and cool. Nothing ever amounts to the fact that maybe they just like a different type of music than you. You just make these arbitrary conclusions about Pitchfork and their fans, and consider your position elite. What’s stopping me from making a blog post about how Buddyhead just wants to a contrarian and an elitist? It’d be based on the same amount of facts as you have against Pitchfork. Fighting snobbery with more snobbery just comes off as being a dick with no real motivation, other than: 1. You disagree with their musical taste; your taste isn’t more valid than anyone else’s 2. You don’t like the fact that a site that you don’t agree with is more popular than yours.

I have no love affair with Pitchfork. I’m not even defending them as much as I am poiting out your own hypocricsy, and defending the people you define as hipsters, and people who may have different and eclectic tatses. It’s entirely possible someone could like both “All My Friends” by LCD Soundsystem and “Hollaback Girl.” Pigeonholing music to only be one Buddyhead approved genre is the exact same thing as what you’re accusing Pitchfork of. And these commentors. Good god. Mindless contrarian robot: “Yes, Chip, kill all hipsters. Down with their bullshit.” What bullshit? Do you guys even know what you’re against? You use these vague, aggressive words to denounce hipsterdom. When are people going to realize that being like “LOL look at dat stupid hipster trying to like rap” is just mindless rhetoric. Writing articles to attack different tastes and lists, while trying to be some grand savior of what YOU consider pure, is what being a snob/elitist/ is all about. By being so aggressively opposed to the ‘the hipser’ that you think is so cliche, you’ve managed to become ‘the anti-hipsters.’ Do you see the paradox here? Congratulations Chip, while attacking a culture that doesn’t appeal to you, you’ve written an article that douses you in more snobbery and prentension than you could ever stand.
Jared S.

I am an unapologetic fan of at least 8 songs by the Vines, the rest can go suck a fuck in hell. But if Pitchfuck were willing to stick some of the worst of this decade’s abnormal bowel movements on to their own top 500, then I can’t see how it could hurt.

You what else goes good with masturbation, Waka Waka?………Thermasilk…..all of you douche bags know what I am talking about. Don’t even try and pretend that you don’t.
get a hold of youself

this is like laughing at a retard for spending 20 minutes trying to tie his shoes, when you knew the entire time what the fucking out come will be- still you wasted the time to point out an absurdity that no one of any intelligence would have taken serious to begin with.

and take down that stupid fucking “beastie boys ill communication 32 remastered tracks!” ad before you crucify pitchfork for taking corporate endorsements.
http://twitter.com/FSUBVERSIVE Chip Norman

Hey, “get a hold of yourself.” Nice try at the whole “regular guy too above it all” act. You’re a hipster with hurt feelings.

And, no, we will not take that Beastie Boys ad down. One of them has cancer. Stop being a dick.

And the problem isn’t that Pitchfork has advertising, it’s that their ads write their articles.
Michelle

I agree that they should have at least waited for the decade to end…that’s about all I agree with you about.

Bradley really said everything I wanted to say and probably better. I agree with Pitchfork about 70 percent of the time or so, and I enjoy their writing style so I read the site and take it for what it’s worth– which is about as much as any music criticism is worth. It’s just one person’s opinion. Get over it. If you don’t share their taste in music, then you find a music publication that is more in line with your tastes. Nothing about your opinions is more valid than theirs, and making broad, juvenile accusations about cocaine us and whatever other “hipster” stereotypes you employe is not doing anything to strengthen your argument.

And, as a huge Pulp fan, I do agree that Pulp is WAY better than Vampire Weekend, but Jarvis Cocker solo is NOT Pulp. Yeah there are a lot of flash in the pan blogger-hyped bands on this list that probably have little to no staying power, but that to me defines this decade. The idea that a band could gain any acclaim via such grassroots measures through this relatively new medium is a very recent phenomenon, and who better to highlight this anomaly in music history than the most powerful of these web publications?

Yeah yeah, the Top 40 pop crap I could do without, too…but this isn’t *my* top 500 and I can’t imagine anyone writing a list that I would agree with totally.

Re:The Strokes… They were the soundtrack to my college years…They were a breath of fresh rock and roll air after the late ’90s raped my ears with rap-metal and neumetal and shit like Nickelback and Staind and Hoobastank and Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit and barf… The indie shot heard around the world, indeed.
Bradley

Chip, so does that make you an anti-hipster with hurt feelings because we dissed your article? It’s pretty clear you are what you’re making fun of. If you’re going to make fun ‘hipsters’ then you have to deal with the fact that you’re in just as cliche group, the anti-hipsters. Get over the self-importance of having your own blog with fancy designs, give up the “death to hipsters” schtick that is really played out.
http://www.wakkarecords.com The Jackyl

I give Pitchfork a 1.7. Too derivative of the Pixies.
tw

I like you
sean

The problem with the Pitchfork list, Bradley, is that it goes way beyond matters of individual taste. It is wincingly hipster-conscious. And they need to be called on it.

I agree with Chip that things really start to break down in the top 20. Ok…a truly great Walkmen song at #20, then…R.Kelly? really?? fruity disco (Hercules and Love Affair) in the form of a terribly bad retro-disco piece of shit forcing me to relive that ubiquitous 70′s bass line that made me sick to my stomach when I was 5 years old…then, some chick with some tepid light weight crap (Annie)? I mean, that song is better than every song off Aimee Mann’s work on the Magnolia soundtrack? It’s better than “Beautiful Day” by U2? It’s better than every Wilco and M. Ward track of the decade? I mean, really??

This is why their shit needs to called out, and Chip did a great job of it.
Adam F.

Pitchfork apologists can say what they want about the “head,” but it comes down to this:

pitchfork readers are getting turned on to outkast and lcd soundsystem whereas buddyhead readers are being introduced to wires on fire, moccasin, the duke spirit, etc.

music is subjective blah blah blah i’ll stick with buddyhead
stickman

“And the problem isn’t that Pitchfork has advertising, it’s that their ads write their articles.”

Yup. Love to see Buddyhead out the RIAA payola schemes to ‘zines and other reviewers. You guys must know someone at UMG who would love to blow the whistle on their shit or an ex-reviewer who got slipped some cash.
Wayne

I have to check out who Jarvis Cocker is to find out why Vampire Weekend is put ahead of him. But then again so many wacky tracks are ahead of Jarvis and VW so it doesn’t matter who’s musically better between the two.
liam gallagher fka franklin bluth fka ian brown

i feel like someone who responds back using the name bradley is pretty pretentious and elitist.
the fink

no anna, yr not tripping… wire is still relevant and vampire weekend is about as important as frog farts.
http://livingears.blogspot.com Scott Curtis

Wow you sound so intelligent. What a waste of writing that was. You didn’t discover anything good in 500 songs? Sucks to be you. I think you said they ‘lost their shit with the top 20′ but I’m not really sure how so. Some of the biggest songs of the decade, many of which are really quite unique and certainly enjoyable. I guess you wanted to see all your favorite songs in their list? Maybe if they had a top 500 CKY related songs or some dumb fuck punk band that was never that good you would have enjoyed it more?

The only problem I had with the list was No Age’s Teen Creeps being so far down.

I used the list (the bit I read) to discover some new shit.

What pitchfork does that this site doesn’t is actual criticism. You guys hate on everything or love everything just because that’s how you feel; there’s no real basis.

Seems pointless to argue someone else’s list.
liam gallagher fka franklin bluth fka ian brown

boring academic student trust fund kids have ruined music as well as the other usual suspects (fat people, jocks, bro’s, white people, black people). this isn’t about class and privilege either. when you open the door to people like chuck klosterman who somehow is a great author and critic you are asking for trouble. these fucking kids need to get off the coke and get in the labs and start finding cures for cancer.
Michael Daddino

Ha ha ha even giving a moment’s notice to crappy late Johnny Cash is so so so soooooo much more clearly an example of “condescending white hipster guilt” than big-upping primo Outkast. (And the A Clockwork Orange refs–oh, OK, you must be Mormom. And twelve.)

And the whole my-parents-music-EW is like one of them optical illusion-y things: the more you chaff against your against parents, the more you ARE your parents. At least no-one can tell the difference between each one’s insufferabilities without their glasses. Don’t kid yourself otherwise, kid.

Those are your zen koans of the day.
just a guy

Nice job, Chip. But hey, I’m just a regular-guy-hipster over here.

Here’s an experiment:

1. Go to Pitchfork
2. Look at the News headlines
3. Look at today’s Reviews (Foot Village, Kreng, etc.)
4. Look at Pitchfork.tv (Sunset Rubdown, Peaches, etc.)
5. Look at Best New Music (Yacht, The Antlers, etc.)
6. Look at Forkcast (Times New Viking, Avner, etc.)

Do all that? Okay. If you notice, there’s not 1(!) mention of any R&B/hip-hop. Not 1. Why then, does Pitchfork feel it necessary to devote half of its top ten of the decade to hip-hop when it obviously doesn’t give 2 shits about it? Think about it.

It’s about calling Pitchfork out on its own bullshit. Not about being “hurt” that any song/artist didn’t make the list all you regular guys.
The Heroic Dose

You are my new fucking hero.

I once called out Pitchfork for getting a bunch of facts wrong in some hip-hop review (I think it was one of the ones where they tried to convince people that Cam’ron was worth listening to); they credited Prince Paul for an album he didn’t work on, and misspelled Erick Sermon’s name (and got his function in EPMD wrong). Instead of copping to their mistake, one of their cunt editors sent me back an email saying “you should read more closely,” and re-edited the article to change the mistakes I had pointed out. Fuck Pitchfork, fuck the hipster community, and fuck their misappropriation of music that actually MEANS something to some people.

First they took hip-hop from us. Now they’ve set their sights on Metal. Not cool, not cool. Mastodon’s great, but liking them doesn’t make you a metalhead.
H8

If you’re too dense to know that this list sucked just fucking go kill yourself already.

Seriously, fuck you.
Dexter

Seriously, it’s just a list. P4K turned me on to some great albums this decade, and while I don’t agree with everything on the list, it’s still just a list. Make your own, get over it and call it a day. Hipster hate, Pitchfork hate, blah blah blah, I have no fucking life… hate something worth hating for shit sake….
Stephen

This thing was fucking sponsored by Haagen Dazs people. What else do you need to know? Pitchfork is 100% mainstream, big money oriented. They are a happily willing participant in selling and promoting the focus-grouped product of multinational corporations. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, let’s just keep it real.
just a guy

Dexter, I get your point and for the most part, I agree with it. It’s just a list, get over it, get a life. However…

As the world of print disappears for good, a site like Pitchfork wields more and more power to, quite literally, make or break artists. Whether one likes it or not (or admits it), a whole shitload of us check out Pitchfork for all sorts of information (be it as critics, artists, fans, etc.). I know artists who have been, both, devastated and elated, as a result of what Pitchfork has had to say about their art. So while I agree, that yes, it’s just a list and folks should get over it, it points to the notion that perhaps there’s something more contrived than mere criticism going on over at P$K.

And yeah, I get it, man…all you have to do is not tune into Pitchfork for it not to have an effect on your own world. But the bottom line is, Pitchfork is a force that really does affect the way people seek out/listen to music. And for those who create music, write about it, market it, critique it, release it…it is their life. And so if an entity with the power it knowingly has, such as Pitchfork (or a blog, radio station, Buddyhead, etc.), comes along spewing bull$$hit, I’m all for somebody calling them out on it and, perhaps, giving a faithful reader/listener/follower of that entity something to think about.
jz

Sorry Buddyhead–you’re hipsters too. If you’re reading this, so you are. We all are; nobody is. Get over it.

Antipathy is not sincerity. This rant is funny and points out some flaws in music criticism in general–flaws inherent in P4K as well as Buddyhead–but is mostly based in irrational assumptions and in-jokes. Still, it’s better to have a counterpoint than not, so thanks for the effort.

@Adam F: You wanna argue that the Duke Spirit is better than Outkast, go right ahead, but what’s the fucking point?

At this point in music criticism/social evolution, everyone realizes that lists are not gospel (if they ever were). Go make your own and stop whining.
89vision

All I have to say is that they really should have waited till the end of the decade. There’s still 4 months left in the year!
jz

“So are you.” Dyslexia is a powerful drug.
Patrick

Scott Curtis:

Pitchfork is NOT music criticism. Music criticism entails a detailed knowledge of music theory, a knowledge of the history of music, but most important of all, taste.

A typical Pitchfork reviewer spends three paragraphs talking about what they did the day they bought or downloaded the record (or they talk about their feelings), and then goes into some overwrought, incoherent bullshit postmodern dialectic (har-d-har) about why the band is somehow relevant and use every big word they can cull from a thesaurus to prove it.

It would be awesome if they could apply these theories to the actual music, or be concise, but they can’t. If I want references to the “madeleine” I’ll read a fucking book.

The only thing I ever liked on that site was the David Cross article, which he wrote mockingly about how absurd their reviews are.

To quote Truman Capote, “It’s not writing, it’s typing.”

Good article, Chip.
getoverit

@’just a guy’, I think youre being a bit paranoid. Yes PF has sway in the industry. Yes it can hurt/help an artist based on PFs opinion of them, but what are they supposed to do? Like everyone? They have opinions just like other sites and I find it hard to believe that Hagen Daaz wants PF to give The Antlers’ new album a good review. I think its a little too convenient for you that just because you dont agree with them, they are automatically motivated by corporate greed.

Another thing I find funny about everyone’s complaints is that people demonize PF for being too hipster, yet their list contains Franz Ferdinand/Modest Mouse/Beyonce. Hardly hipster. Can someone PLEASE answer me this: what does it take to NOT be considered hipster? Is everyone supposed to continue to dwell on Pearl Jam and Tom Petty? It seems to me that liking a band that someone, ANYONE hasnt heard of makes you a hipster. The only way to NOT be a hipster is to listen to bands that everyone knows or country.

Heres my final peice of this rant: Pitchfork knows kitchy indie rock/pop/folk/techno really well, theyre fair on hip hop and fairly shitty on hard rock /metal. Theyre not going to like all genres, so dont expect it.
Muffinssss

This is the stupidest shit i have ever read.

I know you probably dont like hip hop, which is fine, but to discredit the rap and pop artists on the lists is just wrong.

Also, you’re an idiot if you think Johnny Cash’s late discography is more relevant and important than Eminem’s. He’s the premier pop artist of the decade for fuck’s sake..

Plus, Rap & Pop are oriented towards singles, which causes a disproportionate number of strong songs to be released. Of course they will dominate this list.

Sorry that you hate Vampire Weekend and shit, or any song that lacks a guitar. You probably don’t realize that you are experiencing an extremely small slice of all the music that is out there. Maybe if you’d take the time to listen tot he songs on the list rather than rage against the people who compiled them, you’d enjoy life beyond getting your dick sucked by your website cronies.
abeewon

telling people they should die over a difference in music tastes in juvenile as all fuck. that said p4k shouldn’t review rap records. for the most part you need to let it go, worry about something that matters. lastly, as a life-long rap fan am I ‘hipster privileged coke fiend’ cause I think BoB is the best song of the decade? and I know your minion is foolish for thinking ODB came out in the 90s?
Patrick

If you think BoB is the best song of the decade, you haven’t listened to a lot of hip-hop. I like Outkast, though.
http://no-funeral-zine.blogspot.com Brian No Funeral

Pitchfork is not allowed to talk about Jesu until they can demonstrate to humanity that they know who Justin Broadrick is, what bands he used to be in, and why those bands are important to the histories of metal, grind, and industrial. Until such time, the inclusion of Jesu on their countdown list is proof of Pitchfork being the name-dropping douche-drinkers Buddyhead accuses them of being.
abeewon

been a fan of outkasst since southern playalistic came out when I was in 10th grade, speculation is played
http://no-funeral-zine.blogspot.com Brian No Funeral

Idolator should get cancer of the ass:

http://idolator.com/5268522/buddyhead-sticks-a-pitchfork-in-it

Also,

Outkast is shitty pop music for corny white people.
http://no-funeral-zine.blogspot.com Brian No Funeral

http://idolator.com/5268522/buddyhead-sticks-a-pitchfork-in-it
Steve

If anything, the popular music included in that list is an indication that Pitchfork isn’t a bunch of elite hipster snobs. The ones getting upset are the snobs. I don’t agree with a ton of stuff in that list, but I believe the pop music mass-appeal factor does have it’s place in music criticism.
http://livingears.blogspot.com Scott Curtis

@Brian No Funeral

You sound like a fucking twat.

To like a song you do not need to know every detail about the artist who made it. Sure pitchfork should probably know something about the artists they cover but it does not have to be included in a review of the music.

You’ve never heard a song and just though, “That was fucking great”

This site is for a bunch of douches WAY more up their own asses than pitchfork who think they need to be against everything. It’s cool though, I was 14 once as well.
http://philipwalmsley.wordpress.com Phil

Agreed with @Steve. I thought the list was fairly representational of a decade of pop music (in the greater sense) that has reached a lot of people, not some limited release 7″ b-side that only 100 dudes heard. The 00s was when Jocks all of a sudden had access to Beirut, and Nerds got into Freeway. The walled genre garden is now more of a low fence you can just hop over. So I think the list makes perfect sense, from a macro view. Of course there are artists that should/shouldn’t be on the list, but whatever. If it irks you that bad, make your own list.
http://philipwalmsley.wordpress.com Phil

@Scott Curtis:

“It’s cool though, I was 14 once as well.”

Ha! Hiyo!
inks

Hilarious article. Hip-hop and R&B have been streets ahead of everything else this decade, it’s not surprising they feature so strongly in Pitchfork’s list. But wah! Where’s my rock music! It’s dead, man. Also, using the word ‘hipsters’ as a mode of criticism is seriously fucking redundant.
http://buddyhead.com Chip Norman

I’ll be damned. Who knew so many nerds cared that much about a vacuous, press-release regurgitator? I could understand if this nerd-uprising was a result of nuking Stereogum, because they at least try to care about bad music(bless their precious little hearts). Pitchfork, on the other hand, is just a run-on newsfeed of awful. Sometimes I can’t tell whether I’m looking at their headlines or latfh.com. So, why all the anger Williamsburg? And what’s the deal with every member of “team book fair” missing the point by a mile with these comment? Thought ya’ll were smart.

1) I interview as many rappers as I can. Look at the front page. I don’t hate hip-hop, you just missed the point.

2) If commenting on a mere “list” is a hilarious waste of time, then why should we – or Pitchfork – waste our time reviewing an album of music? Isn’t a record just what it is; to be taken or left? If that’s the case, taking the time to leave boring, off-point criticism because I hurt you in the indie is especially useless, wouldn’t you say?

Of course, you wouldn’t. You simply don’t like what I said, and especially don’t like that I’m right.

Rock and roll is not “live and let live.” The spirit of rock and roll is in confrontation. I understand that you’re coming here and seeing us say so many meeeaaan things that it must feel like stepping into the Old West.

And that’s about right.

Think about having to watch the Breakfast Club sans John Bender. There’d be nothing but two nerd-virgins, a jock, and a nightchild bullshitting each other for two hours about boring non-sense, never learning anything because everyone’s too afraid of what others might think. And that’s EXACTLY what the “blogosphere” is! WE’RE BUMMED!

And so, John Bender’s coming out of retirement. And nerds are going to get nuked. SORRY. Convince Pitchfork to stop being gay, and we’ll put away our launch codes.

Pitchfork and all of the other spineless, “snarky” little “blogs” that followed Buddyhead’s lead, have watered down music criticism into a milquetoast and noodle-wristed bridge club. Even worse, rock and roll has turned into a weak-willed vapor in response to this bullshit critical shift. We want it back. And that means we’re gonna call you on the shit you’re fronting.

Getting nuked hurts. It means you’re wack and had to face it. And it stings, because you’ve never bruised a knee. You’re all feelings and bone, and don’t yet know that you’ll heal stronger, less likely to buy douchey clothes. You’ll learn to love blunt music writing with no respect of persons or grammatical rules. You’ll thoroughly enjoy watching interviews that go off, instead of being put to sleep by a librarian and his “thoughtful, penetrating questions.”

You’ll love music again, or at least learn to stop running your mouth about it. Listen up, and you’ll have a shot at being like the always intelligent Anna Sage, this Patrick dude who knows what’s up, Sly Stone circa ’67, or even all the other weirdos that like our shit but really freak us out. (No way do you go off like Chris Checkman, though. Don’t even try!)

In short: Internet nerds, it’s time to take your medicine.

Now someone give us money.
this is a lame…

attempt to revive this site. everyone that read this in high school and thought it was funny because you ripped fred durst is gone. talk about music without using “bro”, “boner”, etc, or else shut it down. this is like the perez hilton of music blogs.
Joe

I’ve been critical of some of Chip’s other articles, but this was right on and also hilarious. Well done Chip Norman! Somebody needed to call them out, that top 500 list is a joke.
joe

wow, cheap shots, personal blows and inability to handle another web site’s opinion. good job and take care.
Steve

I bet I’m not the only one to say this, but I wish I had read something else on this site before commenting. I would have known that it wasn’t worth my time.
Fuckhead

why are people coming here and defending pitchfork? fuck that hipster bullshit site.
little joe

what did you expect? You’re talking about a website that didn’t include any Bad Brains or Die Kreuzen albums in their top 100 of the 1980′s. And Husker Du was way down. That’s criminal to me but fuck it.

I guess it’s just the difference of reference points. I’d choose Bad Brains/Kreuzen/Huskers as more influential than say Talking Heads or The Smiths but that’s just me.
R.Flores

I did a few post earlier today but they didn’t make it, I don’t know if they exceeded the character limit or if my internet link messed up. Anyways I’m going to try to keep short and simple this time around.

@ Bradley: You can’t say “I have no love affair with Pitchfork. I’m not even defending them as much as I am poiting out your own hypocricsy…” after you said “You don’t like the fact that a site that you don’t agree with is more popular than yours.” Own up man, if you like reading Pitchfork (nothing wrong with that, to each its own) don’t be afraid to put it on the table and say “I enjoy reading Pitchfork and I disagree with what you’re saying.” Don’t be quick to point out someon else’s hypocrisy if you’re only going halfway with what you really want to say.

That said, I do agree with you on the fact that someone’s musical taste isn’t more valid than anyone else’s. This has been true for decades and will remain true for decades to come. As for clichéd “hipster” criticism creating the polar opossite called the “anti-hipster.” The existence of polar opossites is unavoidable. For better or worse, the world seems to depend on the interaction of opossing forces in order to keep turning.

Now, rebuttals aside, I LIKE BUDDYHEAD. Why? Since I started reading the site (probably since 99 or 00) they have ripped apart some albums I love but they have also praised other albums I love. All this time they have done this by being unmerciful, honest and true to themselves as critics (even if they often go off the aggressive end). I’ve tried reading Pitchfork, believe me, I have. Pitchfork has also ripped apart and praised records I love as well. But where does the difference reside? Pitchfork has done it through the use of overwrought and often ridiculously convoluted opinions that read more like an English major’s attempt at sounding extremely literate than a review of a Rock & Roll record. I don’t want to know if a song reminds you of particular scene of one of Jean-Luc Godard’s earlier films, I don’t want to know if the placement of certain vocal melodies and guitar riffs recalls the structures used in the Baroque era of classical music, I don’t care if an album was as relevant to the independent music scene as Gabriel García Marquez’ work was to magical realism in Latin American literature. If I wanted to read an essay on the differences of the early work of an artist compared to his contemporary work I’d go looking for an essay, but that’s not what I want to read record review. I want to know how a record made your feel, I want to know why you were turned on to it or off of it, I want to know why you think half of it’s a party and half ot it’s a bummer. I’d much rather have someone tell me “This song made my stomach churn” than someone tell me that “This band’s guitar player layers his arrangements into constructions that recall the character building skills of the best british novelists of the Victorian era.” This is ROCK & ROLL, this is pop culture. You are dealing with a medium that’s supposed to able to reach everyone, that’s what’s so special about it.

Leste Bangs (perhaps rock history’s most revered critic) once said: “The first mistake of art is to assume that it’s serious.” What happens when the people that are supossed to be the “tastemakers” of any kind of art form forget things like this? Self important posturing, that’s what happens, and Self Important posturing is the one thing that plagues Pitchfork reviews. Writting with the intent of proving you are an “oh so smart” indivual does no give your opinion more or less weight, it does, however, manage to fail reaching the wide variety audiences that rock & roll meant to reach in the first place.

As for the list, it’s just a list, yes, but if you’re supposed to be a “leading authority” in the independent music scene, than get to work on putting out a list with a decade worth of acts relevant to the INDEPENDENT music world, leave Usher, Britney Spears, Outkast and Kelly Clarkson to the lists made by VH1, MTV, Rolling Stone or even Billboard for that matter. A top list of songs of the independent music scene is supposed to turn those who missed out on to interesting new undiscovered music, and I doubt that “those who missed out” missed out on Jay-Z and Pink.
R.Flores

I apologize for my typing and syntax mistakes, but it’s 11:30 pm in Mexico and I’m very sleepy (yeah, you can call me grandpa for feeling sleepy at 11:30 pm, I don’t mind).
Pisarro

Oh no! Oh shit! Oh holy fucking shit! WE’RE ALL BEING SCHOOLED ABOUT REAL ROCKA ROLLA ATTITUDE BY SOMEBODY ACTUALLY NAMED “CHIP.” Watch out, Pitchfork! He’s going to pop his Izod collar at you! And then you’ll go back to doing whatever it was you were doing before!
ben kingston

lol: buddyhead. what a joke. it’s like you’re trying to write long-form headlines for fark.
lee

@ Michelle and @Wayne, it’s not the Jarvis solo but Pulp’s exquisite swansong Sunrise that P’fork placed below Vampire Weekend’s Osford Coma. And to make things lol-ier, the VW’s track was also placed ahead of Beck’s beautifully written song, “Lost Cause”. C’mon. Like, C’mon! That seem a bit patronizing.
I don’t even care if mainstream pop or Idol songs dominate the list, if it’s excellently written and everyone has heard of it, so be it. My problem with P’fork’s list is they seem to contradict to their criteria of choosing the track’s position. I would have given that list respect if, they remove Animal Collective and YYY from the top 10 and replace it with Gnarles Barkely’s Crazy or Rihanna’s Umbrella, OutKast’s Hey Ya or TI. All excellent songs, all commercially successful. The inclusion of mainstream songs seem forced so P’fork won’t be accused of pimping Animal Bands. It’s like purchasing so many unnecessary items in the grocery so it won’t be obvious you bought porn or condom. How can M.I.A.’s Galang be better than any of Amy Winehouse’s tracks in Back to Black or or R. Kelly’s Ignition or Kelly Clarkson’s “rock song”, Since U’ve Been Gone greater than Em’s Academy Award Winning “Lose Yourself.” That is just silly.
Niall

where’s buddyheads top 500?! huh huh
http://no-funeral-zine.blogspot.com Brian No Funeral

@Scott Curtis

Hmmm… Unprovoked attacks, specious logic, and childish name-calling; yet I’m the one who sounds like a twat?

Don’t you have another youtube clip to post on that waste-of-time you call a blog?
ACB

excellent
Patrick

R. Flores, yo rite, man. Good on you.
buenaventura

the worst thing about pitchfork is its double standard: very harsh and extremely dogmatic judgements about original music with artistic value. on the other hand, when it is about commercial and derivative music they praise and go nuts about every fuckin’ stupid “ringtone”.

some top40 singles are cute sing-a-long songs and not all of them will be irrelevant in the years to come. but i do not think that they could be labed as “a definition of music in 2000′s”.

not even if I make a “top5000000 songs” list i will include some of the crap they shoved in their “top20″.
http://livingears.blogspot.com Scott Curtis

@Brian No Funeral

yeah you sound like a twat.

Cool blog yourself bro. Looks rly kewl when u use red/black motif to express outwardly the ‘way u feel inside’

I went through a hardcore/metal phase as well. Like I said, I was 14 once. :\
Jopo DiPojo

“The Black Crystal Koalas”….

Glad to see I’m not the only person sick of animal names.

Great anti-Pitchfork article.
http://www.greatmindsrecordings.com Toddrick

Amazing.
ron paul

@ scott curtis
what do you mean you were 14 once? you could still pass for it you syncophantic waste.
smallpoxchampion

ugh, pitchfork is the worst.
the leanover

the whole premise of this post is gravely flawed. if pitchfork is such a worthless website with worthless judgements of music etc, why did you care enough to take the time to write such a long, elaborate, and passionate post about it’s list? if the site sucks so much, and their taste in music is so bad, why do you even care about what’s on their list? why would you even waste your time writing this post. clearly their selection deeply upset you. i bet they just didn’t have any of your favorite songs. but i’m sure your top 500 list is much better than theirs, and everyone would like yours more.
free hat

I used to think chip was a poser hangin off the buddyhead train, but he actually kind of won me over, good fer yew!

@the leanover, didn’t you just exemplify what you’re contending? you are so funny ha. ha. ha. i can smell your urban outfitters coupons through my screen.
Deedees

oh man, your perspective is so skewed. you’re so deep in your own irony you can’t even see it. take it easy.
robness

I like this line from the Onion:

“overwrought, masturbatory posturing intended to make insecure hipsters feel as if they’re part of some imagined elite beau monde.”

Make your own list Buddyhead! As you know well, it’s easier to criticize than it is to create… if making a list of rad shit that other people have created could be called creating. How hard should that be with your impeccable taste? Let us bask in your radness, to appropriate the words of a previous commenter.

Years ago, I started visiting buddyhead to discover new music and get some laughs. You guys haven’t shed light on anything new in a LONG time.
R.Flores

It’s been mentioned quite a bunch of times throughout this post guys, at least enough for you to take notice.

Get to work on a Best of the 2000s by Buddyhead. 2009 isn’t even over yet so you’ve got time, plus 500 songs is just ridiculous, a 100 should do.

But seriously put that shit out there dudes. I respect your opinions (I made it clear on my first post on this article) and I would totally dig into that list for sure.

I know you guys have nothing to prove and that actually posting a list will somehow make it seem like you succumbed under the “weight” of the criticism of the Pitchfork fans. But you and the people that have been reading this site for a while now know that the real reason (if you do put up a list) will always be that you did it ’cause you fucking could and ’cause you care about hipping people to good music (I sill owe you one for formally introducing me to The Replacements).

So yeah, do it dudes … FOR THE CHILDREN.
http://myspace.com/weareconvertible jfwhiteside

Bravo, Chip! Yeah the truth is that money talks. Even funnier is that the generation that came of age during the 2000′s is so in denial about any of what just happened over the last 10 years. I mean if you really think about it there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being hipster- just own up to your vacuous middleclass hedonism people. If you ain’t capable of producing anything worth talking about don’t pretend like there was a whole bunch going on. That’s like trying to make conversation with your dad after walking in on him and the girl next door.
It’s so amazing that there’s a whole generation of people out there who are so neutered when it comes to living in the present. like the shadow of everything in the past is too big to crawl out from under, so that everything has to be overtly referential or precisely contrived just to be on the “safe side” of future historical recollection. unfortunately all this cynicism spawned its own movement (“indie”) and that movement got bought out and co-opted by big money interests. And you know what the hipsters did? They sold out real fast (really nothing wrong with that…). The worst part is that they’re still in denial about it, like they have some precious values to hold on to. The only values they know are denial and that money talks.

Well talk about shallow, pretentious and contrived. of course there’s real honest people doing awesome art right now, but they’re going to go unnoticed until they get leeched on by The Denial Generation, and anyone else who has loads of cash to try and pay their way into credibility. Pitchfork has seen the beginning of the end…
liam gallagher fka franklin bluth fka ian brown

@myself

we broke up.
liam gallagher fka franklin bluth fka ian brown

i bought “this is a radio clash” on vinyl single. it has two versions of radio clash and on the other side has remixed versions including a kind of dub rap version and a hip hop version etc. it’s probably one of the best records i’ve bought. i can go back and forth with that song when im spinning parties from grandmaster flash to the funky four and all the other old hip hop stuff and even throw in some dub like the scientist etc. shit goes off. it’s fucking top. what is my point? i dont really have one other than that one song redone five different ways is better than anything new today. so fuck grizzly bear and barcelona (not the football team) and real madrid and brazil and all the other wack jug bands running around with beards and closet symphonies and pocket suites and cocaine eyes and beards and student types and all that other boring played out shit. rock n roll is fuckin dead man. all you cunt hipsters look like the fucking eagles. and you know what, the eagles were by far one of the biggest attrocities to humankind ever put on wax. you can keep playing it all you want and recreating it in so many ways but its fucking over. everything going forward is a revival act. look at classical music. who the fuck cares about modern classical music other than dorks like me and people studying it? blowing farts in your hands is way more original than anything going on now. just listen to the old stuff and remember the good days. nothing wrong with that. i like new bands but it doesnt make me want to shag like the stooges and al green. listening to gladys knight and the pips is like eating vanilla ice cream with a satin spoon. wot fuckin band today makes you feel that way? none, zero, zilch. so fuck it man. but i agree, pitchfork sucks and forza buddyhead.
epretentio

not bad as a reaction. it was an incredibly idiotic list. honestly, the idea of ranking such a decade that was so chaotic in terms of music style is fucking stupid in the first place. not to mention the fact that rankings of any sort (other than personal) are completely fucking idiotic.

you attacking pop music is not cool though. you lose credibility yourself when you specifically target certain artists or genres, or try to claim that some are more significant than others. that’s not the right way to counter the fact that pitchfork just did that big time.

it comes off as you being almost as pompous as pitchfork.
Brock

Hi,
Since you seem to know almost everything, what’s the best song from this decade?
liam gallagher fka franklin bluth fka ian brown

best song from this decade is “America Fuck Yeah” off the team america soundtrack.
C

Brock. Hi chief, you know the decade’s still technically not over, right? While no song in the next 6 months could arguably hold the cultural impact or just be so good as to ingrain itself in people’s heads as something totally representative of this cornhole of a decade, a big point BH was making was how Pitchfork honestly couldn’t wait another 6 months to spread their flaccid e-cock all over your face with the definitive, self-indulgent compendium of 00 bullshit. That they jumped the gun on doing this just further illustrates the point that they’re so enamored with the stench of their own feces that it glaringly takes precedence of the substance they’re actually claiming to review. If BH dropped the song of the decade, NAY, THE CENTURY, on your ass in these still developing stages, they’d be, well, Pitchfork. Cool, bro?
stsosk

@This is a lame… — Aug 27th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
“attempt to revive this site. everyone that read this in high school and thought it was funny because you ripped fred durst is gone.”

Nope, I’m still here.

PS How many of your fellow volunteers from The Pitchfork/Hipster Defense League left comments I wonder?
cHip dick up my ass

blah blah blah ______clever/ funny easy targets. my whit is a mask for my unoriginality. hipster hipster bullshit my cunt is bleeding- (the only thing worse than the “word”- hipster is the self-conscious tards that use the word “hipster”). man…. i remember when buddyhead used to be legit. even if it’s the size of a packaged baby carrot grow a dick and write something with worth our time.
E-brah

Pitchdork just gave the Entrance Band a 2.2 on their album. Are they TRIPPING? Good lord…I thought that album slayed.
Alex deLarge

Had no idea that the Clockwork Orange/Coltrane thing was real until I just Googled it. What the fuck was he thinking?
alex

i agree.

it’s now time, i think, for a 25 best and worst. the world needs it. i’ll send you my easy to fill out worksheet again if that helps… though last time it only garnered me a reply from travis suggesting, in a roundabout way, his desire that i die, and do it soon.
steve

thanks, but its pretty obvious.
pitchfuck’s already been a bunch of retards even before they made a bad list “best of” BS 500′s. honestly most of those guy turn out to be a bunch of posers

and btw, e-brah dont be surprised
they gave a rating to most of NIN’s cd’s and NIN was my fav band
http://dirtymcgurty.com Dirty

Only Pitchfork is allowed an opinion! How dare you write an opposing view that’s so condescending! UGH!!!!

Yeah bitchforks, Buddyhead’s just going to stop doing what they do because you are so fair and enlightened. Just like you said, if you don’t like it, don’t read it. Fuck your opinion, it sucks. That’s my opinion. Eat a bag of dicks.
R. Kelly

Uhh yeah, they didn’t wait till the 2000′s were over because the whole feature is called “the decade in music”. 2000-2009 = 10 years. You fags can still count right?

Now matter what they would have put someone was going to bitch about it. Some of these too indie for thou buddyhead readers complaing that my masterpiece “Ignition (Remix)” is up there need to get a fucking life. It’s a great pop song. Not everything on their list is going to be some obscure artist you dipshits.
Bo-T

I love how people complain about how elitist Pitchfork is, and then in the same breath complain about how much pop and rap there is on the list. Projecting a bit, aren’t we?

Also, WTF is up with this Duke Spirit is better than Outkast talk? Duke Spirit is decidedly mediocre band. Fun, to be sure, and I would gladly pick up a CD of theirs if I found it in a clearance bin. But the only thing you are saying by claiming that Duke Spirit is better than Outkast is that even a mediocre white band is better than a genius black rap group.
Susy

YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE HOW PEOPLE RUN THEIR MOUTH ABOUT HOW HORIBBLE MUSIC IS , AND THESE ARE THE SAME MOTHER FUCKEN IDIOTS THAT ONLY LISTENED TO SHITS ON THATS ONLY MAINSTREAM RADIO STATIONS. THERE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY GOOD MUSIC NOT BEING EXPOSED. MY PUTZ OF A EX BOYFRIENDS SWEARS HIS ALL DOWN WITH HIP HOP AND GOOD MUSIC, BUT YET HE LOVES HIM SOME CRAPPPY ASS PUSSYCAT DOLLS…HE JUST INFORMED HE HOW MUCH HE LIKES BRITNEY’S “CIRCUS” SONG SO MUCH. IPEOPLE APPARANTLY LIKE GARBAGE,SO DAMN OVERRATED. FUCK MTV!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK MADONNA! FUCK ALL THE POPPY TART CUNT BALLS THAT CANT EVEN WRITE A SONG!

GOOD MUSIC STILL EXISTS,,,,,,AND ITS NOT ON MTV PUTOS!
ANON

But the only thing you are saying by claiming that Duke Spirit is better than Outkast is that even a mediocre white band is better than a genius black rap group.

And, don’t forget, Pitchfork is racist by the route of guilt for preferring the latter. Riiiight.
Don’t Steal Our Shit

You guys are just angry because goth music sucks
Deborah

Well, it seems like the people that commented are just as ignorant as the creators of this article itself. Hmm. You guys are insane. You’ve taken all of this ABOVE & BEYOND, i don’t think you can go any lower than you are now. Who the fuck are you guys to be acting as if your perfect?
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com zzz

the pitchfork ad guy’s email account was hacked many years ago and it was proven they give good reviews for labels who buy ads and slip a little extra cash. it’s not surprising but it is a fact. that’s why i’ve never understood why anyone in the world would give a flying fuck about payolafurok.
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