What’s up butt sluts? Ok, first off there’s no way this weeks Gossip is going to compete with last week’s cuz Michael Jackson didn’t die again. So unless you’re gonna start offing celebrities for us… cut us some slack Cheech. And we’re late (SURPRISE!) with this batch of Gossip by a day cuz yesterday was a happy 32nd for Travis and he spent the day at the happiest place on earth for his birthday. That’s right DISNEY-FUCKIN-LAND! Send all belated presents (he already got the Neil young boxset so don’t send that) to PO BOX 1268 Hollywood, CA 90078.

Dland

We here at the ‘head support women’s rights and believe, for the most, cocks = cunts. However, up until kinda recently, we thought that only donged life-forms were capable of creating the worst of the worst musical abortions (see Brokencyde, all Nu-Metal, Dance Punk etc). Then we saw this:

Millionaires – Just Got Paid

DING DING DING! Way to go ladies! You just scored another huge win for female equality by proving the girls CAN squirt diarrhea in our ears every bit as hard as your douchey male counterparts. You know Kathleen Hanna is totally AMPED right now! Oh wait, before you accept your award- this just in: someone already did this 15 years ago! A little group our favorite rapper ever…

0500_eazy_e_a

Eazy-Motherfuckin’-E, tried to pimp out. They’re called Ho’s With Attitudez or H.W.A.:

Yep, so take that H.W.A. video, smack it with the ugly-stick really hard a few times, pour in a cup of whiteness, 3 gallons of protools and stir! BAM! You got Millionaire now. The only difference is we actually kinda want to do the Funk Me with H.W.A, but don’t really get who’d want to throw a fuck into you three myspace butter-balls.

Q: How do you know if your band is a bunch of fucking posers?

A: You have a song on a Diablo Cody movie soundtrack.

Oh, hey, looks like she’s got a new movie coming out that you couldn’t pay us to go see! Actually, that’s not true, you can pay us (we accept cash, drugs or PayPal). You remember Juno, right? The totally hip “indie” flick with the totally hip “indie” soundtrack, the totally hip “indie” catchphrases and the totally hip “indie” pro-life agenda? Yeah, we wish we didn’t either. Anyway, looks like she wrote another one and it’s coming out at some point in the near future. See, I knew that goddamned Oscar was just going to encourage her to squeeze out more shitty screenplays instead of going back to her previous career of showing her sweaty, hairy vagina to sweaty, hairy guys in trucker hats. This time around it’s a horror flick called “Jennifer’s Body,” so I guess we can look forward to more inspired dialogue like “he’s the cheese to my macaroni,” only this time we see some people getting stabbed to death too. We might actually consider watching this piece of shit if at least two of the victims are cast members from Superbad. And once again the soundtrack is a who’s-who of today’s “it” bands, including Silversun Pickups, Dashboard Confessional and Panic! at the Disco. Did they just pay someone fifty bucks to listen to KROQ for an hour and write down their playlist? Hey guys, you forgot Kings of Leon! They’re really hot right now! And what the fuck, no Muse? How are you supposed to pander to the 20-something hipster demographic without Muse? You really dropped the ball, dudes.

On a positive note… The two ball-drainers who played guitar and bass in Panic At The Disco quit “in order to pursue individual music projects”. Yeah, we were stoked the first half of that sentence too. That news reminds us of the time we were getting a VD test and the doctor told us that we were in the clear with herpes but the Aids was full blown.

Limp Bizkit is going to be playing a free show at the Pearl in Las Vegas on July 18. I don’t know, even though it’s free it still seems like a rip off, if you ask us. Isn’t that a little bit like getting a FREE kick in the balls and a discount on a nosebleed? You could get the same feeling by hitting the casinos and gambling away all your life savings at the craps table, and at least then you’d get to have a little bit of fun before the crushing despair sets in.

The singer kid from Wavves is in rehab right now. Rehab is like reset on your old Nintendo dude… just take a break and start over. Hell yeah. While you’re in there, maybe take a sec and reflect on the intentionally misspelled band name. If you’re confused as to why, see the band mentioned above.

moby_with_gun

Moby is a panty sniffer! That’s right. Homeboy was at a party of Gibby Haines from Butthole Surfers and was caught red-handed sniffing Gibby’s wife’s panties. No wonder Moby is running around strapped!

Detachable Penis is still a rad song!

article-1093930-00DE641B00000190-165_468x552

Michael Jackson’s drug use was made public. Mountains of Drugs? NO FUCKIN WAY!
The ailing Thriller star was said to have consumed “mountains of medication” as he battled numerous disorders in the year leading up to his death. Many prescriptions were bought under the fictitious name Omar Adams. As well as the narcotic pain reliever Vicodin, 50-year-old Jacko gorged on other drugs like muscle relaxant Soma and sedative Xanax….Family lawyer Brian Oxman told us yesterday: “Randy (Jacko’s brother) was due to be sent a copy of the autopsy yesterday, but the coroner’s office still haven’t sent it. “But the autopsy details from you are — as you can expect — unbelievably awful, horrifying reading. “The family response? ‘Oh My God’. That’s what they shouted. They kept saying, ‘Oh My God’. “They suspected the drugs were harming Michael — but not as badly as this. They are beside themselves, it’s truly, truly, awful. What is crucial to them is not the drug types Michael was taking, but the quantities he was taking them in. “This is a huge and major concern. During Michael’s court trial he was taking 40 Vicodin a day — and this may have even increased. “It’s an insane amount of drugs to be given — and to be taken.”

Why didn’t we get to party with that guy? After reading that we’ve never wanted access to a working time machine more. The only problem that comes to our mind is… what the fuck would we bring to a Michael Jackson party? Anyone have a nephew we could borrow? It’s kinda hard to one-up the host when he’s racking up those kinda stats! Not really sure if we could of survived his party or not.

So today’s the big farewell to MJ in Los Angeles. Yep, they built a big ass float made of Demerol, Vicodin, under-roos and mickey mouse ears and got a fleet of a thousand hairless pre-teens in Peter Pan costumes riding Big Wheels to pull it through the streets of LA towards The Staples Center where a gospel-telethon themed funeral will go down. At the end it’s gonna rain candy and everyone’s gonna chew Vicodin. He was the king of Popping Pills! Where’s Jarvis when we need him?

Jarvis Cocker reaction to Michael Jackson Death on some weird Brit TV show called, “Question Time”.

Jack White Jimmy Page movie looks BOMB. Jack, we know we’ve fucked with you in the past… but if you don’t get us on the list for the LA premiere… Your ass is grass buddy!

Someone told us that Slash has lung Cancer. If that’s true, we’re super bummed. Axl you better get your shit together cuz the window is closing on the reunion bitchtits!

We know we’ve inflicted a lot of pain on you kids lately with the numerous crimes against music we’ve unearthed since the ‘head has gone back to being cybersexually active. Believe it or not, we usually listen to music we actually LIKE, but these things just keep finding their way to us like crabs find their way into Amy Winhouse’s pubes. Every time we think we’ve seen the worst of it, some new atrocity comes along and makes us want to start a fistfight with our parents for bringing us into a world where such things can happen. Buckle up kiddies cause we’re about to show you proof that civilization itself is ending – Attack Attack! video:

Where the fuck do we even start with this? We had to send this video to other people just to make sure we’re seeing what we think we’re seeing and aren’t trapped in some nightmare. Seriously, we’re about to go off and play for keeps on this one, but whatever disses we have to follow won’t be enough, so pile on in the comments cause this shit needs to be nuked across America.

Ok let’s break this down (for best results watch clip while reading):

0:01 – The video just started and we already know it’s gonna suck because there is a lone lip pierced girl sitting in the middle of nowhere. Videos that feature some gothed up bleeder looking fragile and bummed as the main character are ALWAYS shitty. ALWAYS. We defy you to find a good one.

0:06-0:20 – Yep, as we expected, the chick was a bad omen. The “song” just kicked off in soul crushing fashion with a cookie monster “yow” and the entire band sporting stage moves that look like a cross between masturbating bear from Conan O’Brien and a fucking hermit crab. Do you realize how many friends and family members could have pulled these clowns aside and been like “Dudes, your band already sucks, let’s maybe not compound the problem by playing like you’re shitting a guitar out of your mangina”? Apparently no one felt like doing that. What that means is all of these dudes seriously have zero people in their lives that care for them and probably many that want to see them humiliate themselves on television. Bleak. Hilarious.

0:36 – …and now we’ve shifted from death grunts to singing. How fresh! Way to crowbar in that transition too there fellas! Excellent song craft, doesn’t sound forced at all. You might not have gotten the memo that was circulated circa 2002, but the screamer/singer thing sucked back when it was emo bands doing it. 7 years and a pinch of death metal didn’t sweeten the mix any.

0:58 – Synchronized guitar lifts? Were you felch-fiends male cheerleaders or something? Did you start a band after you realized all the girl cheerleaders fuck football players, not pussies who like to choreograph things?

1:01-1:06 – Fucking BUNNY HOPS?!?!?!?!  This is where we started shouting at our computer and dropping the bottles of beer we were holding in pure astonishment.

1:17-1:18 – Remember 11 seconds ago when you thought the bunny hops were the worst thing that had ever happened to your eyes? Well, the fucktard with the blond streak in his hair playing guitar next to the chubby keyboard player just blew your mind. Full crab position, shifting the weight side to side like he’s stretching either for a track meet or the world anal penetration record, guitar at penis level, looking right at you and NODDING! As if he’s going “Yep, this is happening. You can’t stop it”.

1:36-1:38 – The lead grunter is running in place while reaching his hand out and screaming. That’s actually a good call tubby, you should do more running like that, you know, on a treadmill. Who knows, maybe then you’d have a chance with the girl in your own video. Why you got your hand reached out though dude? Is the director holding out a can of Funfetti cake frosting or something? Whatever keeps you motivated I guess.

1:42-1:45 – Yet another seamless musical transition. Seriously, did you guys tab out 50 shitty riffs, put them in a hat and arrange this song in the order they were picked? We’ve see Latin American coups accomplish smoother transitions than this.

2:31-2:32 – Even the girl that’s being paid to be in this video can’t stand this shit anymore, she’s covering her ears now and then firing her agent later.

2:46-3:18 – This is where we started Googling the word “Hitman”. Everything that’s happened before has been prelude to this moment. After winning the gold medal at Lame Breakdown Olympics, these dudes follow it up at the 2:46 mark firing off the notes of music which must surely trumpet the end of days. From shitty deathcore right into Jock Jams territory without even batting an eye. Golly. Cue the shot of the entire band running in place in UNISON. Where’s the clip of some French dude scoring in a soccer game? The best part is you know these fucks thought they were really onto something when they wrestled this part onto end of the song. That keyboard player totally creams his jeans every time this part happens thinking to himself “Ok fat/shitty keyboard player, this is your moment to shine”. After all of that, just as a little cherry on top, we get the “singer” guitar player
weeping about some bullshit with the autotune dimed on his vocal track like this was some cracker version of a T-Pain song.

3:24 – Ok, it’s over. We’re exhausted and pretty certain we’ve now got cancer just from watching this video. That’s all we’ve got in us, but help us get unmerciful in the comments kids. We’re pretty sure every second of this song has a dis with its name on it, so bring it. We’re gonna go huff a 30 pack of Glade cans in the hope we might annihilate the brain cells that processed this video.

  • Chaz

    That’s what happens when kids grow up on fucking rock band and not the real Metallica!

  • Travis T

    Wait a second–that isn’t the same dude playing all the instruments in the Attack Attack! video? I thought it was the same dude but he got fatter through out the day due to craft service.

  • Swykk

    Attack Attack! was really exceptionally awful; the T-Pain autotune schtick was dead-on. I wonder who actually digs this and want to hurt them once they are found. Fuck, my soul hurts now.

  • http://easyguyrelax.blogspot.com buckRUSSELL

    Black V-necks = Vagina Necks,

    The KeyBOREDist (term used loosely) is playing an unplugged [don't work] MicroKORG) – when he should be plugging in some MicroPenis, and ordering some EXTEN-Z from late night TV.

    This shit is fucking atrocious, and needs to be booked at Quarantine Fest along with their shitty counterparts:
    Every Time I Cum ( I Cry ),
    All That Remains ( In My Sister’s Makeup Drawer After I Use It ),
    Escape The Fate ( Babysitting Your GF’s 2 daughters from another dude and reconsidering all your shitty tattoos )

    In other news (aside from MJMEMORIAL HOSPI-GET THE FUCK OVER IT),
    fucking TWEAKBIRD is touring with TOOL – and those are TRUE musical Bros! (sorry Tito – you chump)

    -B. R.

  • Amy

    WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO THE JONAS BROTHERS??

  • Joe

    Thank you for this Buddyhead! I’m almost glad this happened. My jaw was dropped for most of the video, I had to peek through my fingers as my hands covered my face while they were “shitting guitars out of their manginas” Haha! How could 5 rational people watch themselves in those squatting positions and decide it wasn’t the worst decision in music history. If these guys and Brokencyde toured together, I would go see it just to say I saw the worst two bands on the face of the planet.

  • Meathead

    Actually, Attack Attack is one of those bands that grows on you. You just have to give them a chance. Trust me, watch the “Stick Stickly” video a few more times, and it’ll finally “click.” It might take ten or more listens for it to happen, but once it does, it’s so fucking good. Seriously.

  • Chip Norman

    Let up Travis, they remade that video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX4culcdV3g

  • NATAS666

    I had a friend who used to listen to this garbage…They found him disemboweled with his ears cut off in Tecate, Mexico.

  • a-ron

    Holy shit, I feel like my eyes and ears have been raped dp style.

  • john 3:16
  • Alex

    “We’ve see Latin American coups accomplish smoother transitions than this.”
    Truer words were never spoken. Spot-On as always. This atrocity of a band just needs to do everyone (and themselves) a favor and pull a Jim Jones-style Kool-Aid party.

  • Reggie

    John 3:16 – I don’t think you were a dick at all by pointing out someone in Britain “scooped” Buddyhead on breaking down how shitty the Attack Attack! Video is, in fact I think appreciate you’ve pointed out how people across the world are uniting against this shit. But, for the record: (1) I highly doubt Buddyhead saw this and decided to copy it or anything, (2) the existence of another dis on this video in no way diminishes how well the ‘head Nuked these clowns, (3) in comparison to the British version, Buddyhead’s version is much more spot on and entertaining.

  • john 3:16

    does that mean we can be friends? were cool, reg?

  • http://youporn.com This guys need to be shot

    http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2009/06/more-on-attack-attack-crabcore-explained.html

    Crabcore is a contemporary offshoot from the emocore/screamo sub-genre of hard rock music. Unlike almost all other genres and sub-genres of music, crabcore is defined not by aural motifs, tones, lyrical content, or specific instrument ensembles; but rather by physical gesticulations and contortions of the arms and legs of individual band members during live performances of their music.

  • -P

    Wow. The screaming guys pants don’t fit well. That is the kindest thing I can say about this band.

  • E-brah

    I haven’t laughed that hard to a Buddyhead post in so long. The “Head” is back in action. The only other thing that has made me laugh this hard lately is the first 30 seconds of this infamous wheelchair scene from “Mac and Me.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5le9sYdYkM&feature=player_embedded

  • Jonny Starn

    I’m only about half way down the gossip and I ‘d just like to thank buddyhead for once again hipping me to rad shit. Yup thanks. Later I’ve got to grab my fist dildo for the Attack Attack! video. Thank You

  • Jonny Starn

    Holy Shit! These guys are incredible… headbanging like thier fucking metallica while they sound like a moaning Macaulay Culkin being but-raped by MJ back from the dead pet cemetary style! Ooh those deamon growls and bitch-boy moans are so edgy!

    One part popped ass cherry (mic up the shit that falls out)
    One part sqeal and moan about how it hurts to sit down

    Now stand in the shitting position because your stretched sphincter might flow at any time

    bada bing you’ve got an Attack Attack! song!

  • sean

    holy shit monkeys, I don’t even know what to say about that Attack Attack video. That was like members of Dream Theater, the Faint and Carcass got together and said “fuck it guys, we just need to figure out how to make cash and fast…oh, and when we do the mix, let’s hyper-compress that shit until it sounds like solid rocket boosters 30 seconds after lift off”

    fuck, if Millionares, 303 and this shit is what is happening now, I’ll just ride out my days being old, pathetic and filling in my Stones remasters collection.

  • http://www.buddyhead.com Ted Jahng

    oh man, the first music vid followed by that one chip found just made me gay (meaning happy).

  • ev

    Ok I’m seriously glad you guys are updating and that the site is as active as I can ever remember it being. But ughhhh….. That Attack Attack! song was quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I mean ever. I would’ve rather listened to the death rattle of my first born for three and a half minutes. I know I listened to some horrible music when I was 13, but it wasn’t this horrible… Right?

    Also, open question to anyone else, what would you add to that Attack Attack! song to make it even worse?

  • alex

    i can’t remember the last time i laughed that hard…..i think crab core just started and ended

  • Mark

    Buddyhead RULES!!!! I love that Crab Position, hahaha

  • ian brown

    i dont have anything to add to that video to make it better but maybe if they tried this approach it would have gone over better.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4H8cW7sVuo

    i have a buddy who is in a metalcore band that sells lots of records and sucks (shhh dont tell him) and i know that he told me for a fact that he bought women’s jeans cuz they are tighter or some horrible bullshit along those lines. these guys look like they might be doing that. they have muffin tops in the making is all im saying.

  • neal m

    Jesus fucking christ! Who let this vomit out of the toilet? This aborted shit is the equivalent of having someone piss into your eyes and then tell you “don’t worry, it will stop burning in a minute”. Yeah, it might stop burning, but the memory that someone pissed in your eyes will haunt you forever.

  • Joetard

    If someone tells you that this band is awesome, show them this picture:

    http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj53/i_am_annoyed/crabcoresquat.gif

    You’re welcome.

  • http://www.wearedios.com jojo deluxe

    so THATS the face travis makes when he’s about to get pearled. i remember now.

  • julian

    i feel like the moby panty sniffing incident is being ignored here. if thats true then that egghead is seriously repressed

  • http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

    Thanks fuckers. I just got dick cancer.

    (great blog)

  • commodore sixty four

    they look like they are squatting to take a shit when they do that dance number hilarious! thanks buddyhead!

  • Captain Gayhab

    “Q: How do you know if your band is a bunch of fucking posers?

    A: You have a song on a Diablo Cody movie soundtrack.”

    YES. I fucked hated that Juno film. And the weak ass Moldy Peaches soundtrack.

  • Swykk

    It’s also worth mentioning that Diablo Chodey is a twatbag ex stripper who writes dialogue like a younger sibling that tries sooo hard to mimic his or her older sibling’s language/culture and just doesn’t get it at all but totally pretends to.

    “ME TOO! ME TOO! I SAW FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, SPACED, CLUELESS AND NOWHERE TOO! I’LL DO THE SAME THING!”

    And as for her next abomination, at least she picked someone REAL slutty, trashy and greasy, not unlike herself, to play the lead!

  • nowaydude

    done research on attack attack! to fuel the hate. there are morons actually saying in reviews they´d pull off this shitmusic with their technocrap quite good. this is insane. it makes me wanna kill. we need a war against this shit. people go bonkers taste wise. any of these bands pose a threat to the health of entire humanity. i soon be starting to hit my head with my skateboard to forget i even witnessed this. seriously, we need to wipe those bands out before there are more. so sick… sound of mass braincell destruction

  • Sir Alec Guinness

    Tony McPhee (from The Groundhogs) has had a stroke. Lost the ability to speak. Shit sandwich.

  • http://thejamminjabber.com/2009/07/09/attack-attack-attack-my-senses-with-ridiculousness/ Attack Attack! Attack My Senses With Ridiculousness « thejamminjabber

    [...] has been skewered to death already by the likes of Buddyhead, Metal Sucks, and even The Guardian UK (seriously, read that one, it is hysterical, and is where I [...]

  • Ronnibily

    This Attack Attack video is the funniest and most insulting shit I have seen in a long time! There is no way that Brokencyde-whatever actually takes themselves seriously- I don’t believe it, it has to be a fucking joke. But these guys think they are really on to something don’t they?! I think they should tour with All American Rejects, that guy has no clue that his music is shit either.

  • http://www.buzzgrinder.com/2009/decibel-buddyhead-skewer-attack-attack-video/ Decibel, Buddyhead Skewer Attack Attack! Video | BUZZGRINDER

    [...] Buddyhead even gets in on the action. Written by Jay DiNitto > A Grand Design, Comedy, Gadgets, Music, Video | 1:00 pm More on: Attack Attack! [...]

  • ghoulie

    The worst part about all of this is that at some point during filming, dude pulled out his crab moves and the director was like, “FUCK! Do that again, but this time bob your head like you’re gagging on John Holmes’ AIDS-riddled cakkenballs. You kids are gonna be HUGE!”

    Full disclosure: I once did the same movement when imitating for a friend how my cat looks when he’s about to upchuck.

  • jiddles

    word has it that jason from frodus called up attack attack’s record label and put them on the spot about this atrocity. reportedly, no progress was made.

  • John H

    i just think it’s funny how self-righteous all of you fucking lame anonymous internet fucks are. i’m sure all of you have been in bands more popular than ours, or have had higher quality music videos than ours. you don’t know how hard it is to do this day in and day out, we’re busting our ass on warped tour and all you jealous bastards can muster up is negativity towards us for no apparent reason. yeah, you don’t like our music…but f you, we don’t care. crabcore is awesome, and our fans love it. our merch sales are through the roof, and we are really connecting with people. get a fucking life you losers

  • http://www.d8i.com/~meathead meathead

    Wow! The WARPED TOUR! Yeah, that’s something to be proud of. By the way, the reason we’re so “negative” is because your “band” “sucks.” Take your shitty “-core” subgenres and shove them up your ass, posers.

  • http://twitter.com/FSUBVERSIVE Chip Norman

    I feel you, John H. I can’t imagine how hard it is, day-in and day-out, to be one of thirteen of the biggest gays ever to pose as a “rock” band.

    You’re also the first to invent a “core” that doesn’t even relate to a particular style of sounding like shit. It’s just about popping a choreographed squat.

    Do your awesome fans who push your merch sales through the roof (and credibility through the floor) make crab squats in the audience while you do? Cuz I’m gonna film that shit and it’s gonna be on National Geographic one day.

  • -P

    John H,
    Your band is terrible. You are bad at what you do, so please stop doing it. You should be ashamed of yourself for being such a bad musician. Your music is not cool, you are not cool, and your video makes you all look like idiots. People are buying your merch to be ironic; they are laughing at you, not singing along. Unless you want to be remembered as a laughing stock, I suggest you apologize publicly for being so awful, and fade off into oblivion.

  • http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

    Guys. Ok, I’m guilty of giggling my ass off just a bit.

    Bottom line? Somebody needs to call a mom (or two). And, some convincing has to be made that certain kids can’t be touching musical instruments anymore.

    Like, you’re grounded dude. No bueno. No mas. Nobody means to crush your soul or anything but you are in music time-out.

    Oh, and the computer is off limits too. Like, for 5 years.

  • http://www.myspace.com/dethlehemmetal JT

    I’d just like to sum up the entire video with this… http://i44.tinypic.com/9jpymu.gif

  • ian brown

    i feel like crabcore is a good work out. it’s along the lines of a core workout. getting down low like that and bouncing has to be good for your glutes and you probably have to keep your stomach pretty tight when creepy crawling like that. i imagine you would expend a lot of energy and burn some calories but alas i am wrong as this video clearly shows us. crabcore is actually bad for you and gives you jr muffin tops.
    i think i know who these dudes are…
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tV5wmDhzgY8

  • ian brown

    john,
    i was in a band more important than yours called the stone roses. we crashed and burned in the end but still released one of the greatest records of all time and while we dressed in day glow colors and baggy pants at times it was still awesome and we were all out of our tits on drugs anyway so who cares? what is your excuse? unless your crustacean core metal is talking about wizards/dragons/slaying virgins and drinking their blood nobody wants to hear it. im sure life on the road is rough when you are on the warped tour riding on a bus and getting free gear and kits from your sponsors. i’m sure you are starving artists (doesnt seem like it from the video, you might want to stop hanging out near the fried dough stand).

  • John H

    @meathead

    Warped Tour is hard, you have no idea how brutal it can be. you make fun of it because you’ll never have an opportunity like this in your small pathetic life….all u get to do is sit at home and use ur parent’s wifi connection to fly around the internet and leave hateful venom in the comments of shitty, irrelevant blogs. you’re probably in your thirties, friendless, sexless, and worthless. go grab a big mac fatboy and wallow in your jealosy of REAL bands who are out there working hard.’

    @chip

    you call us gays, which is funny to me when ive probably fucked more women this year then you have in your entire sad and bitter life. the national geographic comment was funny tho, kudos

    @ian

    the stone roses is a shitty band name and u guys probably sucked. if u have to trumpet how good ur own record was, then i doubt it’s all that good. for the recod we have a van not a bus, and it’s brutal on warped. im sure u guys never did a tour this difficult.

  • Joetard

    He can’t be the real guys from the band. If he is, then fuck you for not knowing who the Stone Roses were.

  • ian brown

    i’m bummed cuz all these magazines say my bands first record the stone roses is one of the greatest of all time. of course im not really ian brown. he’s probably smokin ganja and worried about how manchester city will thrash united this year but what type of person who likes any type of good music, doesnt know who the stone roses are? i mean john (if you are really in the band who fuckin cares you are still defending your/their weak ass open e string breakdown thats been done a million times before (i know i did the same shit in 1997 when the shit you are playing was considered cool (side note: it never was cool i just wanted to be in a band). your stupid fucking new jack pussy emo crab core riffs are lame. please see refused. they rocked techno and metal/hardocre back in 1998. and it was fuckin top bro so way to come late to that party douche. i realize you are not making music to change the world and that music cannot really change the world but you can help us all out a little bit by not making music at all so the world we live in which is going down the shitter every day isnt being helped by the retarded energy that is coming out of your amplifiers and creating green house gases and melting polar ice caps. you motherfucker are a murderous cunt who creates hateful music to my eardrums. so cut the fucking shit, get a haircut, run a few fuckin miles and listen to the stone roses and get a clue.

  • Aa

    …”and our fans love it. our merch sales are through the roof, and we are really connecting with people.”

    oh John H….. where to begin. connecting? fans? ok. 13 year old girls thinking that you are cute in your matching americal apparel V-necks and womens jeans isn’t connection. 13 year old girls who buy your merch on warp tour are going to see taylor swift next weekend with their mom. and they like her songs better…but… their mom doesnt want to go sweat in a parking lot for 10 hours, so they get to go to warped without her….

    if you want to test my theory, do a 21+ show. see if anyone shows up. anyone. at. all.

    not like they are anything that great, but one of these days, out there on the ‘really hard’ warp tour, stick around long enough to see bad religion. those are songs. songs shouldnt sound me changing the radio station for 3 minutes.

    the shape of punk to come. look it up.

    i cant even think straight enough to continue down this fish in a barrel masacre…. but…. i’m wondering why it has become so difficult finding your vid on youtube in the last few days? did someone realize how utterly re-god-damn- diculous you all look bobbing on invisible dildos?

    for the record, even if sir Paul McCartney and his band came out and started ‘crabbing’ it would STILL be the lamest thing i have ever seen. imaginary dildos. bad idea.

    Aa

  • Wilso

    This is all so perfect. Just when I thought a band could not make me laugh any harder than Attack Attack did with their choreographed crab shit then they take it to a whole new level with John H posting on here defending their “music”. Thanks for taking the time John, from your brutal warped tour schedule to try and justify your bands existence to buddyhead. I totally hope, John H, that you are really the dink from the band. It would be a total let down if you werent, it’s just all too perfect. I can restate all the obvious nonsense but besides calling their music crabcore the best punchline is John H: “You call us gays, which is funny to me when ive probably fucked more women this year then you have in your entire sad and bitter life.” Great logic bro. I did a little research and I think John H and the boys crabcore was inspired by this: http://www.1guy-1cup.com

  • http://twitter.com/FSUBVERSIVE Chip Norman

    John H., John H…it doesn’t count as fucking a woman when you’re boinking one of your fans. They are all strictly thirteen and below. If you’ve been gettin’ did, it’s sex predator or gay style, and that’s it. The only two options.

    Have you taken a real, hard look at your video? Have you heard your songs? NO woman – ZERO – Would get with one of you clowns. And by the way, which crab are you? And what specific crab influences your brand of crab-core? Hermit? Fiddler? I’m really interested.

    And dude, we’re not an “annonymous blog.” Buddyhead’s been burying posers like you since the very first emo got a funny idea. You don’t know what you’re screwing with. You also don’t even know the Stone Roses and admitted it. That’s a confession of how you’re out of your element and need help. You wanna be an intern? We’ll educate you on Rock N Roll so you might have the chance for a happy adult life. But if you keep making this music…you’re getting NUKED, pussy.

  • http://www.buddyhead.com Spencer Rollins

    John H.

    Dude, are you a fucking masochist or what? Do you stick needles in yr junk while dominatrixes step on yr balls?

    “Warped Tour is hard, you have no idea how brutal it can be. you make fun of it because you’ll never have an opportunity like this in your small pathetic life….all u get to do is sit at home and use ur parent’s wifi connection to fly around the internet and leave hateful venom in the comments of shitty, irrelevant blogs. you’re probably in your thirties, friendless, sexless, and worthless. go grab a big mac fatboy and wallow in your jealosy of REAL bands who are out there working hard.’”

    The warped tour is hard? Touring is hard douche bag, why don’t you just say that so that and for once in this ridiculous back and fucking forth were going through you can be right. Also, Meathead is one of the lankiest dudes I’ve ever met and you can call buddyhead irrelevant all you fucking want but as Chip said, it’s been burying posers like you for years. Disposable bands. You think that yr music will endure? I’m bummed that I say this because at least then I would be able to compare you to herpes but honestly, yr more
    like a case of tertiary syphilis. Thank god I caught you early and can get that shot of penicillin so you don’t turn my brain into swiss cheese.
    Though I would go get tested if I were you homes because with all that slaying of 14 and 15 year old tang yr dick probably looks like this:
    http://www.efukt.com/20473_10_Percent_Penis,_90_Percent_Balls.html
    By the way most of the chicks you guys are fucking have probably already been railed by Fat Mike, that Bret guy from The Used and every single member of Shat.

    @chip

    “you call us gays, which is funny to me when ive probably fucked more women this year then you have in your entire sad and bitter life. the national geographic comment was funny tho, kudos”

    See above. And this is an argument, don’t agree with us and please don’t use the word KUDOS.

    “the stone roses is a shitty band name and u guys probably sucked. if u have to trumpet how good ur own record was, then i doubt it’s all that good. for the recod we have a van not a bus, and it’s brutal on warped. im sure u guys never did a tour this difficult.”

    And Attack Attack! is a good band name? Considering the fact that there’s already a shitty band, not as shitty as yours,but they’ve already cornered the market on that shitty name so I would not be talking shit on other peoples bands especially ones who have artistic credibility and have influenced bands that have outsold yr band by MILLIONS. Bands like Oasis, who even if you continue to push out shitty records till you have to crab walk in a wheel chair, will still outsell and have a swagger that is unattainable by most rock and roll bands who are actually good. Please become educated on music before you try talking shit on people who even in their fifties would blow you off the stage with maybe 10 minutes of music. I’d rather listen to a band Disturbed cover band with Brandon Boyd singing lead then have to endure two minutes of yr crabwalking bullshit.

    My computers dying because I’m so poor and will never be as successful as yr band so this will be continued very soon.

    Also if you want to talk shit
    spencer@buddyhead.

    hit me up and I’ll hip you to something called metal.

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    im so sick of elitest douchebags like you guys trying to cram boring-as-fuck old rock bands down my throat. I went to the Stone Roses myspace page and that shit bored me to tears, I’ve never heard something unoriginal and uninspired in my life. Bands like that are a dime a dozen. i find it funny that ppl like u often accuse us of being a ripoff, but then choose to tout bands like fucking oasis, THE most unoriginal band of all time.

    @ian

    refused are a huge influence on us, im sure we would tour with them if they were still together.

    @Aa

    we’ve played 21 and up shows, and yeah, they’re not always that great…but i dont fucking care. yeah, our audience is young…so are we. so fucking what? i’m glad that we dont play to jaded, sad people such as yourself.

    @ Chip

    no women would get with us? i have proof that says otherwise. you’re just jealous, and that’s ok. i’m sure you’ll come to terms with it one day.

    btw – oooo, i’m so scared. this shitty blog is going to “bury” us? hahah. the only think you’re burying is ur nose in ur moms pussy. “nuked”

    and lastly, @ spencer

    your long winded rants are pointless, we’re working hard and writing our music and a decade from now when we’re a household name ill be the one laughing. for the record, i love metal. i grew up listening to metallica, iron maiden, underoath, the locust and shadow’s fall. i know my shit, so lay off. cliff burton and Neil Murray are like gods to me. i’m very studied in my music so fuck off.

  • http://www.myspace.com/metavari Ty

    Totally agree with everyone’s thoughts except that I don’t want this jackass to like refused.

  • http://twitter.com/FSUBVERSIVE Chip Norman

    Whoa, whoa, whoa! I just found out that you idiots are supposed to be a “Christian” band! GOD IS PISSED.

    In fact, I couldn’t hear it over the electro-fag, scream-o, end-of-the-world non-sense, but here are some of your lyrics:

    “Lord I will be anything for you.

    Hallelujah,Hallelujah, saved by grace. x2

    Hallelujah, I’ve been saved by grace,
    Hallelujah, saved by grace.
    and this is why, I’ve been saved,
    by His grace.”

    Hm. “the only think you’re burying is ur nose in ur moms pussy.” Does your youth group leader know you’ve been talking like that, tubby? We’re definitely going to have to call your mom on this one, young man. It’s gonna be no more internet or trips to the mall for WEEKS.

    And we “elitist bastards” have something called good taste. Of course you think the Stone Roses are boring: YOU’RE IN THE WORST BAND EVER. To be fair Attack Attack! is anything but boring. Seriously crybaby, out of every bad idea in music history, it’s you and Brokencyde piled up at the top.

    You’re like a X-tian, mallpunk version of that “I’m Blue-dah-buh-dee” song. YOU CREATED A GENRE OUT OF SITTING ON INVISIBLE DICKS WHILE PLAYING AWFUL MUSIC! You think anyone would expect you to like the Stone Roses and still be porkin’ 12-year olds at the Warped Tour? GET REAL! FUCK YOU!

    Actually, thanks for encouraging us to come back. Dorks like you are our freakin’ bat signal.

  • Kelly

    This is what happens when jocks start playing music
    ELIVIATE THE STRESS

    WATCH IGGYS :BUTT TOWN VIDEO

  • http://blacklab.tv Core

    wait, Diablo Cody doesn’t shave her beav?

    Welcome John Holgado, way to stand up for yourself. Keep it up.

    I’m with you. At Denny’s. And waffle House:http://twitpic.com/8xch5

    You gotta fight. And maybe run. But keep up the aerobics, seriously.

  • Wilso

    John H. are you seriously trying to pass yourself off as an orginal band when you cover a katy perry song? Man, you really missed the mark trying to prove you knew “your shit” by mentioning Underoath. This all was starting to really bum me out but then I watched your synchronized crab hops again and I got a good laugh so “Kudos”! “no women would get with us? i have proof that says otherwise. you’re just jealous, and that’s ok. i’m sure you’ll come to terms with it one day.”-John H. Keep spreading the gospel bro.

  • julian

    second coming is good too fake ian

  • http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com WhereisAaronNorth.com

    h ttp://img15.imageshack.us/img15/2326/lolbbr.jpg

  • http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

    “I’d rather listen to a bad Disturbed cover band”

    Dude, that shit is teh funny.

  • Stephen

    I really don’t give a shit what anyone says about Buddyhead being over or old or any other shit. This post was up there with the best of the Head and man I have not laughed that hard in a long long time.

    Keep up the hard work guys!

  • darren

    whoa john h.
    youre a bass player and youve never heard of the stone roses? so youre not familiar with mani?
    terrible.
    and youre bringing columbus down too.

  • eatabagofdicks.com

    only crist novaselic could pull off playing his bass below his dick. GIVE IT UP!

  • nick

    “i grew up listening to underoath”

    hahahahaha Ohio kids.

    Anyway, I don’t know if any of you have seen this, but it might be worse than Attack Attack (MUST WATCH)
    http://confide.buzznet.com/user/video/4169401/confide-such-great-heights-cover/

  • marcus

    “the stone roses is a shitty band name and u guys probably sucked”

    Where’s my gun?!

  • why is this hapening

    is there a clause in record contracts for bands like this that say at least two members MUST sport a Jennifer Aniston circa 1995 haircut???

  • james

    So I headed over to their myspace and holy shit, what a sad group of mutants these kids are. It’s like a freak show.

    http://www.myspace.com/attackattack

  • Nathan

    Holy fuck this is horrible.

    And according to Wikipedia, they’ve got a mutant named “Caleb” in their band, which, for one, doesn’t surprise me even a little bit.

    I will give you one thing, John H. — your band might be more “original” than a band like Oasis, but “original” is not synonymous with “good.”

    And fuck me, The Stone Roses sound like every other band? Jesus, do your research man. What you should’ve said is, “Every other band sounds like The Stone Roses.”

    I’m with whoever said it makes them sad to know that these clowns actually like Refused. Just that piece of knowledge has ruined The Shape of Punk to Come for me. Thanks a lot, asshats.

  • Nick Taxidermy

    Hey John, are Christians supposed to be porking lots of girls? I don’t think that’s really what the bible was about.

    except Song Of Solomon.

    you a Mormon, maybe? or just a rapist?

  • Aa

    dude thinks that if refused was back together, his band would tour with them…hehehe…

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    you dudes are just mad because the stone roses fucking blow. why don’t you go back to listening to your boring, underwhelming music and leave the innovative and hard-working bands of today alone.

    btw i’m not a christian. our old singer & guitarist were, but i’m not and never have been. so fuck off

    i’m gonna go jam “deadly rhythm” and laugh about how you bozos think i need to know who the stone roses are in order to be a bassist. nobody i know listens to that band, move on you old fucks!

    as far as the girl haircut thing goes, it’s just like back in the day when punks started sporting mohawks. prejudiced, closeminded assholes gave them a hard time..what we do is no different. so step in line sheep <3 your friend John

  • N8Pratt

    Heh, I feel way outnumbered here defending this band, saw them at Warped in Toronto (I aint a twelve year old fan girl who wants every emo’s balls), and I’ll give them credit for their live performance, most new bands sound like crap when you compare their live performance to their cd release…but these guys actually nailed it. Was an insane show, but my point is thy are fairly new…I remember when Underoath first started people said it was like putting a weed wacker to your ear for three hours and having a fat yelling in the background….but now they are one of the most popular bands in the hardcore/metalcore scene. I guess it’s all just a matter of preference to what music you like, but nonetheless, for being a new band who just got a new vocalist, they are gaining popularity at a freakishly fast rate. But I do respect buddyhead’s review…cause god knows ive been saved multiple times from crap music from this sites reviews.

  • neal m

    John H, the sad truth for you is that no matter how defensive you get, no matter how “rad” you and your Warped Tour buddies think you are, and no matter how much ass you have scored this week,this time next year you and your “bro’s” will be back at your old jobs at Wendy’s and Hot Topic. And we elitists will still be listening to cool bands(like the Stone Roses)and laughing at silly little boys with silly little songs(like yours).Now get back in there and make me a fucking cheeseburger!

  • lolling

    lololol

    I love the “you guys suck so much and you’re so pathetic, I’m going to devote my precious time on Warped Tour (’cause it’s crazy hard, remember) to defending my band on the internet in blog comments. But you guys are pathetic and jealous.”

    Welcome to Warped Tour 2K9, guys. Sponsored by Target, hydrated by YooHoo, backed by Warner Brothers and Sire; peddling whatever bands it can find shallow and low enough to care more about how many thirteen year old girls would be line up to be statutory-raped than whether or not they produce anything that matters. Marketing supersedes music, image supersedes sound.

    Stay home and listen to D4.

  • ian brown

    john what makes you think refused would want to tour with you? i think their socialist/communist manifestos and existential philosophy doesn’t really fit in with your bed wetter lyrics and subject matter. i dont even think your pre pubescent music would relate with the sesame street genre. i doubt you are quoting nietzsche and sarte in your music or getting down to john coltrane and mingus. im sure everyone in refused weren’t into that either but they most certainly would not have toured with you. i mean you could try to trick them because they are foreign but they spoke english pretty well and i think they would have probably declined your invitation. another thing you said was how much you get laid. sad you need a shit band to sleep with underage women. imagine if you didn’t have some awful band, where would you be? would you use your vast knowledge and sparkling personality to lurk and creep up on these same women at the mall hanging out at the hot topic? there are cool new bands out there just not yours. i mean who wants to dwell on the past and use that as an anchor? not me for one, but when there is a cadre of awful bands out there like yours polluting our fresh air and committing audio genocide it’s tough to look forward and think that music in all forms and genre’s including metal/punk/rock/crabcore is really going anywhere. you have to make a living just like anyone else i realize that but couldn’t you just maybe think about listening to better music so it will influence you to write good music? you guys seem pretty young and there is still time maybe to change your name or at least chop off one “attack” and start writing songs with substance and value and soul. im willing to work with you. a music reeducation program will do you just fine. maybe you dont even need music to inspire you. maybe a good book or some type of artist ya know? make your souless music and make some dough but then reinvent yourself. you’d be doing everyone a huge dishonor if you did not cease and desist from the total suckage you are spreading. i know you dont see it, but your music is like an audio STD. you just go from one host to the next infecting all these young impressionable kids to your sub mediocre music. To them it feels really good at the time but a year later when shit is growing out of their dicks and vaginas and they are urinating napalm they are gonna be really fucking pissed at you for trying to trick them. Once those pubes start coming in and the voice stops crackin and they hear shit like black flag and the stooges and a million other rad bands they are gonna be posting on this same page or one just like it talking about how bad you are. Also, just cuz you sell a lot of records doesn’t mean you are good. If that is the case then GREASE the soundtrack is without a doubt one of the greatest records ever. It probably is in the gay community which is fine. Please be reasonable and here us all out. We may be ATTACK, ATTACKING! you but we are really only doing it cuz we care. Just like when someone hits their significant other, we are doing it cuz we love you.

  • Hugh Jass

    Crab cakes are delicious, crab core, not so much. And yes, Detachable Penis is totally still killing it.

  • Demosthenes and Locke

    This has been incredible. Johnny-boy, post your little heart out.

    Fun exercise, everyone: Read John’s self-important replies while actually watching the video. It’ll blow your mind.

    John, my friend, the next time you try to justify anything you do by thinking to yourself, “People go to our shows! People buy our t-shirts! That means it’s good!” think of this: Millions of people eat fast food. Not because it’s good for them, but because it’s cheap, easy, and appeals to the basest of desires for salt, fat, and grease. You are fast food. You are a nutritionally inert glob of grey, microwaved meat with a 99 cent price tag. Have fun.

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    you choose to equate our music to fast food – but tons of kids are listening to our music at home and getting something from it. everybody has to start somewhere, and our music means something to some people whether you like it or not.

  • tim k.

    courtesy of Jesus h. Hhris

    I fuckin’ love that one rock video where
    that fucking jack-ass mohawked millionaire
    prances around by far the worst sausage party on earth,
    where by mere chance he’s caught on film shaking hands
    with an incredibly diverse collection of patriotic skins.
    I like the message it sends:
    With a Rebel yell, Just Do Exactly What You’re Told.
    One million douche bags can’t be wrong?
    “When did punk rock become so safe?”
    You’ll excuse me if I laugh in your face
    as I itemize your receipts
    and PowerPoint your balance sheets.

    I hear this year’s Vans Warped Tour is “going green!”
    I guess they heard that money grows on trees.
    Hope they ship all those shitty bands overseas
    like they did the factories.

    Music’s power to describe, compel, renew…
    It’s all a distant second to the offers you can’t refuse.
    Anyone remember when we used to believe
    that music was a sacred place and not some fucking bank machine?

    Not something you just bought and sold?
    How could we have been so naive?
    Well, I think when all is said and done,
    just cause we were young doesn’t mean we were wrong.

    And I’ll rock back and forth
    on this two-bit hobbyhorse
    ’til she splinters and gives way.
    I’ll tend the flowers by her grave.
    And whisper her name.

    If anyone out there understands
    can I please see a show of hands
    just so I know I’m not insane?
    Ever get the feeling you’ve been played?

    Well, that’s rock for sustainable capitalism and you know,
    we may face a scorched and lifeless earth,
    but they’re accountable to their shareholders first.
    That’s how the world works.

    “you choose to equate our music to fast food – but tons of kids are listening to our music at home and getting something from it.”

    Coronary disease anyone?

  • Ricardo

    I think we’re taking this the wrong way. This is clearly a joke band, like Cannibal Corpse. I would love to play in Attack Attack! (is it one exclamation mark or two? I can never remember which one was taken before these guys came along) I mean, I’ve done some goofy shit in my day, but that shit looks like it would be so much fun. I probably couldn’t keep a straight face, though.

    As for the “music.” It needs a bit of work. There’s nothing that screams “parody” like with your video. Granted, it’s awful, but doesn’t quite seem intentionally awful.

    So, thanks for the laugh, guys. I play music for a living, so it’s a good chance to sit down and remind myself not to take things too seriously. Did you guys come up with this stuff doing sketch comedy, or is this your first foray into the world of making people laugh?

  • J. Burns

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LRKw_eLSko

    Doggs, I found a band that is even WORSE than Attack Attack!

  • Aa

    oh john, you silly goose.

    –” but tons of kids are listening to our music at home and getting something from it. everybody has to start somewhere, and our music means something to some people whether you like it or not.”

    you’re right, lil buddy. McDonalds cheezyburgers mean something to those same people, too. and everybody does have to start somewhere. you’re right about that too. it is unfortunate, however, that you have to find out that you work at the McDonalds of music on the interweb. but. now that you know, it’s kinda on you to stop with the musical diarrhea.

    Aa

  • horse dogg maniac

    Remember the Ice-T/Soulja Boy feud of yesteryear? Yeah, Ice-T told Soulja Boy to eat a dick, but what he was really saying that Soulja Boy needed hone his craft if he wanted to become a better rapper and outlive the ringtone fad. Ice-T might have been onto something, Soulja Boy’s new record has sold about a tenth of what his last one did. In ten years people will still be jamming “Original Gangsta,” do you think they’ll still be jamming “Crank Dat?”

    Do you see what I just did there?

    You claim to be influenced by Refused, but I can’t hear any of it. Refused would probably spit in your face if they met you. The fact that you’re unfamiliar with Buddyhead shows exactly how shallow your roots are.

    Anyway. I hope for a marked improvement from you guys soon before 13 year old Christian mallcore girls outgrow you.

  • Dan

    Oh, Johnny. I just wanted to thank you for your contributions to my day today. What started as a normal Monday at my work became one to remember. My editor forwarded me your beautiful creation, and shortly it had spread through my magazine like wildfire. We all had a right, good laugh at your crabcrawling, bunny hopping, and porky singer’s running in place (that was my favorite bit, most preferred the guitarist’s T-Pain crooning, tho).
    Please continue doing what you are doing.
    Such as:
    a) Making fantastic music videos that give people like us endless joy and entertainment.
    b) Coming on blogs and insulting those who have the audacity to criticize your very serious, very important band. Make sure you continue bragging about all the pussy you get, calling people you’ve never met fat losers, complaining about the trials and tribulations of playing 30 minutes of music once a day (actually, could you guys IMAGINE playing an entire set of this band’s music on a day-to-day basis? Remember, this was the single, the best song they could come up with. Imagine how awful the rest of the album is. That IS brutal.), and just being an altogether intelligent, lovable, well-spoken guy who somehow has never heard of the Stone Roses (and being young ain’t an excuse, pal. I’m in my early twenties, and I would be shocked if ANY of my friends didn’t know the Roses).
    c) Acting, dressing, and sounding TOTALLY alternative to what’s out there. You guys are really breaking new ground.

    Your newest (and possibly oldest) new fan.
    Dan

  • Please stop John!

    These people are smarter than you

  • Manos

    Kudos on the wikipedia reference.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attack_Attack!

  • Steph

    Hi John, here’s a quote from Dennis from Refused you might find interesting:

    It’s horrible; they should be shot. Seriously I hate that band. Did you ever listen to them? I don’t like to talk shit about bands, there are more constructive ways to work, but sometimes you just have to say, ‘Stop…please stop this. If someone listened to The Shape… and really understood what we were thinking about they wouldn’t be in Crazy Town and they wouldn’t think the shape of punk to come was to add a DJ to a metal band. If they really loved Refused, they missed everything that was important about that band.’

    Crazy Town are better than you.

  • Socko

    John H is on our asses about bitching but we’re not the ones finding a reason to cry while standing in front of a $3000 Mesa halfstack courtesy of mom and dad (seriously, what 19 year old has that kind of money to spend on that shit?). You guys are going to be a punchline very soon now with those Peppermint Patty haircuts and girls jeans. If you’re crying now just wait til your 14 year old fans outgrow your dumb asses and go on to the next trend and you’re working at Arby’s cause nobody in their right mind will hire an inarticulate fuckwad with six lip rings and a Hello Kitty tattoo on his face.

  • Imhotep

    It’s incredible that you suggested your band was innovative. Chugging one chord, auto tune, and the scream-then-sing combo are all sooo innovative. You guys are so innovative that you decided to bring all these trends back. Nice!

    Also, I’m sure Refused would love to tour with you after Dennis said such lovely things about your band.

  • Demosthenes and Locke

    That ‘whoosh’ sound is John missing the point.

  • Benjamin

    John, you have absolutely no room to call anyone sheep. You admitted your haircuts we’re no different than punks with mohawks, that makes you the sheep. You’re just doing what’s cool right now, image-wise and musically. Actually you’re far more comparable to the hair metal bands of the 80s.
    I don’t give a shit if you know who the stone roses were or listen to Refused, blending together the biggest trends in music right now is not original. Loose the autotune, triggered drums, breakdowns, techno dance parties, and stupid haircuts, and go write a good song.

  • Armagaedon Now

    I laughed, starting crying and then threw up in my mouth. Watching that was like trying to wipe shit off your tongue; no matter how hard you scrape you just can’t get the taste of shit of your tongue…Thanks

  • http://twitter.com/spokkeh spokkeh

    Shit Shittily.
    This band made me shout out loud, “Attack Attack!”
    …I ran out of one liners.
    Anyway if this takes off it’s over. I’m burning my drums and guitars, never buying another record, quitting my music course and locking myself in my room with my Frank Zappa collection.

  • tapedelay

    Dear John Holgado,

    Despite your ignorance concerning musical history outside of metal and screamo etc… I have in fact, upon my introduction to your video being outlandishly criticized, grown to love it. You have invited a great amount of detractors with your responses to this post, but I support you. However, your band will become a footnote in the great ceaseless continuum of music I’m afraid.

    I watched an interview with your singer, Nick Barham, in which he claims his favorite band is Blink-182. I would advise your band to open its collective mind and explore genres outside of your usual canon. Blink-182 will never be regarded as great except in their influence of bands like yours who will likewise become known as a product of the Ipod generation. Your music is the opposite of timeless, and in that manner becomes endlessly fascinating. You are a pure product, sponsored yourselves by other products, and in turn procreate an endless succession of product unless the people decline to buy, which in a perfect world, they would learn to.

    I understand that perhaps you were once pure artists in the sense that you were free to create whatever music was pure from your hearts, as all children are. But now you will forever be whores, remembered as whores, if remembered at all.

    Enough of my rant. I implore you to take a short visit with one of the greatest and most influential bands of all time. I have a sneaking suspicion that you have never listened to them. Perhaps from here you will outstretch your interest into their oeuvre and beyond. Enjoy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nt4IBGu8G0

  • Socko

    Nicely done, tapedelay. I just hope Mr. Holgado’s Taco Bell and Rockstar Energy Drink addled mind can wrap itself around your eloquent point.

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    if you are all so enlightened about music and song crafting, why dont you go out and create something timeless and meaningful yourselves? oh wait, your too busy leaving comments on a blog. trying to tell me how to do my thing.

    go out and be the next “stone roses”, im sure your all so gifted and talented.

  • Demosthenes and Locke

    I get plenty of satisfaction being a grown up with a grown up job, thanks. It’s something you’re going to have to learn about soon enough, Johnny.

  • Manos

    John, you’re sincerely showing your age here. A lot of people who post on the Head are musicians, but we also work when we’re not playing shows or touring like most other musicians. Saying people are too busy leaving comments on a blog instead of creating music is pretty hypocritical on your part considering you’ve come back here day after day responding to comments. If you don’t care what anyone thinks, perhaps you should just move on. You’re only adding fuel to the fire.

  • tim k.

    “if you are all so enlightened about music and song crafting, why dont you go out and create something timeless and meaningful yourselves?”

    as other people have indicated, that stone roses album you have no idea about is considered pretty classic. i work in a record store and it is quite a popular item, even several years on from it’s release. however i have yet to see any of your shitty band’s releases pass before my eyes. and i’ll rue the day when i do!

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    that album might be important to self-important record store posers like you, but to me its a urinal cake. all of these “musicians” who post on “the head” should divulge what genius music they’re working on, im sure its mindblowing stuff

  • daboy

    it’s my fuckin’ bday 2day & I can’t stop humming the riff to this abomination they call a band(attackattcak!)…thank you buddyhead for the barell of laughs & fuck you for the ear & eye cancer I’m sure I have just developed just by watching attackattack!

  • tim k.

    you might want to settle down there john. i believe one of the people involved with this site at one point went on to play with NIN? you haven’t heard of the stone roses, but i certainly hope your limited knowledge of music has at least got a grasp on nine inch nails!

  • tim k.

    p.s YOUR ENEMIES FRIENDS! that band alone leaves me indebted to buddyhead forever.

  • jeph

    Commercially, this is seriously the best thing that could have ever happened to this band. There are far more people aware of this band than there should be.

  • N8Pratt

    nonetheless….the bigger this wall gets filled with comments…..the more publicity the band gets. This is actually probably working in their favor alot right now.

  • Franklyn

    Man, it must suck to be a kid in the Midwest (sans Chicago) and have to deal with the utter mediocrity in terms of local music. Kid’s with 12 lip rings stealing theirs sisters’ jeans and wearing all over print neon cartoon shirts. That’s just some shit that I never see in the city, and if you do, you know those clowns need to get mom’s minivan back before midnight. It’s weird, kids that like this just found out a few weeks ago that wearing over sized jeans with chains and sporting ICP shirts just went out of fashion. There’s like an 8 year gap between reality. Hey John lip-ring kid, did you hear? We elected a black guy president!

  • Ricardo

    Why don’t I create something timeless? Because I’ve played music long enough to be completely fed up with the whole rock music scene. I’ve played with enough bands that created something special to know that nobody where I live gives a shit. I’d also have to either take a huge hit in pay, or get a day job if I wanted to pursue an original rock band again. I don’t like day jobs, and I’m certainly making a pretty damned good living playing some incredible music with some incredible musicians.

    Of course, I could find some shit musicians and play what they were imagining. I’d probably get a record contract from Rise almost immediately. I’d hate myself every day, knowing what I could be doing instead, but I’d be playing on the Warped Tour and railing a different ugly Warped Tour chick every night.

    Enjoy it while it lasts, John. The internet will grow bored of you shortly. The teenagers who think your music is awesome will do quite the same in a couple more months, and then your record company will drop you like a bad habit. Hopefully, by then you’ll have matured to the degree necessary to actually survive as a musician. Otherwise, have fun telling everyone that you used to be somebody, with the best days of your life clearly behind you. You’ll become a pariah to the music community, because nobody will want to hear about what you used to be. I’ve seen it, and it’s not pretty.

    So, use this as an opportunity to improve. If you think this is the best you can possibly be (as you clearly do), you’re sadly mistaken. This is easily forgettable, but if you take this to heart and try to progress as a musician (plus, you really need to get a few members of your band on a diet), there might be a chance that you can create something that is actually good. Good luck, and I hope that I don’t find myself competing against you some day for a bass gig.

  • R.Flores

    Oh dear John, your head is too deep in your ass at this point in the discussion that it is pointles to try to crticize you and your music and the so called “subculture” you’re so proud of in a constructive manner. ‘Tapedelay’ sure made an effort and I think so did I on the other post ( http://www.buddyhead.com/crab-core-redo-attack-attack-make-new-stick-stickly-video/#comment-7229), but still you keep up, calling shit on people commenting on this blog when you’re quite probably keeping up to the minute on this one.

    At least you got one thing right: Independent record store employees sometimes are “self-important posers”, but I doubt Tim K. is, the self-important record store clerks usually post on Pitchfork not on Buddyhead.

    Anyway, you’re trying to call shit on the people that run this site? They’ve been around since 1997, they’ve put out releases by bands like At The Drive In, The Dillinger Escape Plan, Ink & Dagger (A band that aparently changed the life of some dude that plays on one of your probably favorite bands called The Used or so he says in that AP magazine), hell, they even put out a compilation with exclusive tracks by Weezer, Mudhoney, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs! and several other widely acclaimed bands you might or might not know.

    One of the website’s founders even played guitar in Nine Inch Nails (yeah I know someone else already said that) for sometime and toured around the world several times with bands such as A Perfect Circle (yeah kid, that huge side project that features the singer from TOOL and some guy named James Iha that just happened to play guitar in the Smashing Pumpkins) just to name one. The dude’s also put out records with another known indie band called The Icarus Line.

    As for me, yeah, I’m a musician as well, yeah, I had a band, no we didn’t play warped tour (kind of hard when you reside in Mexico and your lyrics aren’t in english even though everyone in the band could speak that language fluently, it’s called cultural identity you know?) but we did go through the whole independent recording and releasing process and what not. Today every member of that band I played in has a proper college education (I myself have a B.S. on Mechatronics Engineering and also am about to become a certified Professional Photographer).

    So yeah John, don’t try to call shit on everyone that signs on this blog or that supports this site when all you have to show for yourself is a badly made video where you and your friends bunny hop and do some “static running”, while squating like crabs and playing the same breakdown every other generic metalcore/deathcore/screamo/harcore band uses and then jumping into a dance/techno/tacky gay bar jam sounding outro where one of your singers does his best effort to look like he’s impersonating one of the members of Boys 2 Men (I wont blame if you don’t who they are, you might actually be too young for that one, but look it up, you’ll have a good laugh) while trying to sound like T-Pain.

    Come back when you have the proper credentials to call shit on EVERYONE that frequents this site. In the meantime go and watch any of the two versions of your band’s video on repeat for a couple of ours and then ponder on your future and your role as a functioning member of society.

    Take care kid, and good luck when the emo/screamo/deathcore/technocore fad lets out its final gasp of air.

    Peace out.

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    so you’re saying that dudes from nine inch nails (i didnt know anybody was actually in that band except for trent reznor), at the drive in, etc, are all posting in the comments on this site? or is it really just washed up guys who never made music good enough to actually get them anywhere? yeah, that’s probably more accurate

  • Socko

    Big talk from a guy whose band’s current claim to fame is a Katy Perry cover.

  • Ricardo

    Clearly, this is over. John, I’m sorry but we really did try to help. Some day you really will wish you had listened to us. As for now, you’re a teenager and we’re just people who are telling you what to do, so clearly we’ve never been in exactly the same position. I say “thank god.” I have successfully avoided the freakishly immoral practice of record contracts and corporate tours for quite some time now (which isn’t always easy, when other people you’re playing with are blinded by the mainstream media ideals that those things represent). I’ve made music on my own terms, which technically makes me much more of a rebel than you, doesn’t it? But you’re never going to listen to us, are you? You think you’re situation is different (as does every teenager, really). News flash, it’s not. Watch “That Thing You Do!” some day and keep an open mind. Oh wait, I keep forgetting. Teenager.

  • Benjamin

    John, you’re avoiding this whole argument by trying to diminish the status of the people attacking you. That doesn’t change their point, you should really take some of their advice, some of these people are actually trying to help you. Because they’re right, in all likely hood in about five years when the scene dies no one will care about Attack Attack or any of the other bands in your genre. You got your foot in the door with Attack Attack, now go make something of yourself and join an original band

  • Aa

    one hilarious point i think we all missed is that John is the bass player. as thoroughly useless as this music is, John probably didn’t even write it. he just tunes to drop D and follows the guitar players fingers. he’s just happy to be in a van, instead of working at in-and-out burger for the summer.(he also giggles when he says in-and-out burger. ya know, cause its like sex and stuff…) his defense of this awful music and invisible ass-dildo-squat-dance is really cute, actually. i liken it to a 7 year old defending the existence of santa claus, and using the presents as proof of his existence.

    here is a little experiment. John, if you do this honestly, people will hate you a lot less. trust me. ignorance is somewhat excusable…… people will still hate the awful sounds that you and your buddies make, but……

    =ok=

    name the bands the following people are/once were in. i will try to make it really easy. i’ll also try to use a wide variety. dont cheat.

    1. nico
    2. peter buck
    3. wayne coyne
    4. john deacon
    5. kim deal
    6. brian jones
    7. pete best
    8. david sandstrom
    9. ian mackaye
    10. adam clayton

    ok. have a go. and this isn’t some elitist music geek list. this is a list that people who seek out and listen to music just know. there might be one or 2 in there that you may legitimately not know, but for the most part, anyone who cares about music (as opposed to rooster hair, girls jeans, and butt squat dildo dance moves)knows at least 7 out of the 10….i’d say 8 out of 10, but i put one in there that you should know, based on things you’ve said in other posts. didn’t want you to go 0-10. 3 play bass.

    well then. now that we all know that you have absolutely no frame of reference, we don’t hate you. we still hate your shitty band, but we dont hate you.

    kisses.

    Aa

  • Ricardo

    Hey, now. Easy on the bassists. I have been in bands where I was the principle songwriter, and those were bands where actual chords were involved.

    Also, your list isn’t really that useful. I am a professional musician who has a music degree, and I would totally fail your list. Of course, I just focus on playing and interpreting the music.

  • Aa

    you, my friend, are the exception. well, you and sir Paul, and a few others. maybe John is too. but i doubt it.

  • tapedelay

    What a saga this is. You know, to be honest, I wish I could experience what John is going through. I’m sure he’s having a great summer. Perhaps the burnout is soon coming, but at least for the moment, the kids are young and doing what they love. They are lucky children and it’s sad that they will have to grow up so fast.

    If you won’t follow our advice John, at the very least, in your travels, stay off drugs. If the transience of your scene doesn’t ruin your career, drugs certainly will. Just like the whims of your fickle audience, you will not be able to control an ever growing influence on your body that drugs will take. And I am not referring only to hard drugs like opiates and cocaine, but even alcohol, weed, benzos, and redbull will create dependencies. Just be careful John. I wish you the best.

  • Chaz

    John I would skip Tape’s last bit of advice and drop some acid or at least smoke some dope. Get a collective of your underage bitches, throw a party and then trade off playing your shit pile of a record and any Stone Roses’ album.

    I think this is all the insight you will ever need.

  • Krez

    Hey John H.

    You really think your music is good? Really? Sorry but the sound of me shitting explosive diarrhea is more pleasing to the human ear than your music. I’ll give you the fact that Oasis is a pretty unoriginal band, but so are you guys. Seriously WHAT THE FUCK is the difference between you and the millions of other shitty screamo bands out there. Nothing. You’re a piece of shit and so is your band.

  • http://www.constellationrux.com davidcxr

    this shit was so bad i think i have cancer now

    thanks a lot, buddyhead

  • James Jamerson

    Hey guy in the band,
    Your right, crab style choreographed hopping will always be cool!

    But your hardly even in the video, just a couple of crab hops. And that’s a good thing the less you dorks are in the video the better.

    The band reminds me of one of those Japanese pop bands(j-pop).

    Thanks though that was a great laugh. That video is fucking hilarious.

  • holy fucking shit

    these peices of dogshit and wastes of humanity need to be fucking shot while being sodomized by a razor dildo.

    or we could just go back in time and kill their parents

  • John Holgado

    hey guys, i’m sorry. i just quit the band. everything you said is right, i need to stop raping 14yearold girls. it’s bad kharma dudes.

  • garry glitter

    *John Holpaedo

  • Franklin Delano Bluth fka Ian Brown

    i agree with tapedelay this is like and epoch, something homer would have written. i have a list of people in groups for john that he can try guessing too that are a little easier i think for him. John, what bands were these people in?

    Bruce Springsteen
    Bob Marley
    Al Green
    Elvis
    David Bowie
    Tom Jones
    Frank Sinatra
    Elton John

    i feel like he might not get these either.

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    I’m done with this. I like what I like, you all like what you like. Fuck off, posers

  • Chaz

    John, have you tried to get your hand on some skunk yet?

  • Franklin Delano Bluth fka Ian Brown

    merriam-webster defines poser as this.

    Main Entry: 2poser
    Function: noun
    Etymology: 1pose
    Date: 1888
    : a person who poses

    i’ve watched your amazing video over and over and from what i can tell you and your band actually practice posing. this isnt synchronized swimming bra. you dont get points for synching up your dance moves and if you did you wouldnt get 10.0 from the judges.

  • Arsonist

    wow bro, way to handle negative criticism!
    are you such a bitch every single time someone says your band sucks? i’m just asking because i’m GUESSING that happens pretty often.
    aw, you had a tough time on the vans warped tour? you play shows to 14 year old little children who buy your shirts from mommy and daddy’s money? you behave like one of them whenever someone mentions your band name in a context that doesn’t necessarily reflect what YOU want to hear?
    bro i understand that you’re a little teenage bitch (growing up on underoath and shadow’s fall? whoa), and that’s fine, since you obviously have absolutely no idea of how small bands work and should work. i’ve been going to gigs for over 12 years now on a near weekly basis and see (and book) small ass bands touring their asses off 4-5 months a year doing INTERCONTINENTAL tours and not so much as a peep comes out of their mouths. these kids are glad to be on the fucking road, and if anyone comes along who doesn’t like the music they do, they simply don’t give a fuck. only poser little bitches like you actually have the NERVE and purposefully go to a place (such as this site) just for the sake of DEMANDING that all negative criticism stop, usually with some bullshit which paraphrased basically means ‘my band is so much cooler than you’. after having such a mentality you’re actually SURPRISED that more and more people find you (and since you represent your band, then that too) an obnoxious PRICK? fuck, bro, i don’t know which bands’ members that you oh so like to gloat with had similiar mentalities to yourself. i’m pretty sure none of them had such little humility as yourself to present themselves as even a BIT more than any other living person based on an appearance on the fucking WARPED TOUR or the popularity of their youtube videos.
    fuck off bro, get a life. learn to deal with this shit. you want to play big rockstar? there’s 2 sides to every coin, you uneducated piece of shit!

  • Ricardo

    Well, that’s pretty ironic. We offered him some good advice that he just didn’t take.

    I’m clearly a poser. What do I know about music? People just pay me to play it for them and have been doing so for about seven years now. I’ve played with people like you’ll be in five years if you don’t shape up and lose the gimmick that is crabcore. They’re not good enough to continue playing music for a living, but they’re stuck in a past where they could. Just because we’re not telling you what you want to hear doesn’t mean we’re wrong. Some day you’ll be mature enough to actually be able to take criticism, and hopefully it won’t be too late.

    p.s. I would definitely like to congratulate you. You’re much more articulate and intelligent than you look.

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    It’s pretty clear to me that people who frequent this site (other then myself, obviously) are tards. Keep up all your shit talking, it’s making us all laugh pretty hard. POSERS.

  • Brent

    Posers are spoiled kids from the suburbs of Ohio who are about 7 years too late in terms of music/fashion. Way to keep it real bro.

    On a side note: That one mutant (I know, which one right?), the lead singer, kind of looks like the Chicken Lady from KITH
    http://www.myspace.com/attackattack
    http://blog.holidays.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/11042007.jpg

    That or Leatherface.

  • Chaz

    I wonder how he found this site anyway? Must have been using Google to search his band name?

    More than likely it’s someone the posts here having a good pull on everyone’s dong.

  • http://www.myspace.com/misplacedjester Jared Singleton

    “It’s pretty clear to me that people who frequent this site (other then myself, obviously) are tards.”

    Wow, John. Talk about being the pot, that is calling the kettle black.

  • J

    I am against the Iraq War and all, but I am in support of forcing all “children” who attended the Warped Tour this year into compulsory Military Service.

    These bands, (especially Millionaires and Brokencyde) are just disrespectful. I don’t think its really jealousy here amongst us, I think its shame. Its shame because there are so many talented musicians out there who work hard, study hard and try their hardest to create something honest and original. Meanwhile, these fucks just take some riffs that are the fashion of the day, regurgitate them, dress it up in “alternative” clothes and make bank. Its really sad the state of music, especially in the United States. Heck, Canada is coming out with alot more interesting music now a days.

    Back to the kids, these fans of the warped tour are a joke. They don’t care about underground/independent music. They are actually teenyboppers who aren’t exactly the most popular in school, so they latched on to Hot Topic in order to carve their identity. I saw a petition this girl posted on the web where she was writing “OMG Wouldn’t it be so Rad is Boys II Men played on Warped Tour?” Lame.

    This tour needs to be shut down, it is an embarrassment.

  • http://www.myspace.com/misplacedjester Jared Singleton

    I hear you Chaz. I am beginning to have my doubts as to the true identity of John. One would think that if said band were ” working hard” on the Warped Tour, they wouldn’t have time to waste on us “jealous” bloggers, who never made music ” good enough” to get us ” anywhere”. And by the way, I am a musician, and have been for years. I’ve never been in a “sucessful” band, but who cares? If Attack,Attack! is the level I would have to lower myself to, in order to be ” sucessful”; then I could give a flying fuck. I would rather Super glue my dick to a bullet train.

  • Jay

    Yeah I’d like some proof that this guy is actually in the band

  • garry glitter

    *fully approves of this band*

  • MFB

    Where is the new news? I am sick of this old news gossip Attack Attack whatever vomit lol.

  • anna sage
  • Ricardo

    Well, whoever it is who’s playing the part of John is doing an exceptional job of playing “internet stupid.” Really, quite commendable. If it is the real person, I’m sure everyone else is wrong but you guys. Thank God you’re here to hold up the flag of truth.

  • Nick Taxidermy

    I love when people say they’re done with an argument and then come back.

  • tim k.

    these guys remind me of a crazy skit from the Tim & Eric show… ‘cept that even those guys couldn’t dream up such an amazingly hilarious concept such as crabcore!

    SHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMP!

    i heard that either Tim or Eric was in Ink & Dagger at one point?

    p.s John H. you should check out Ink & Dagger if you ever decide to pull your swooped haircut from your rear. They are a great band!

  • http://www.myspace.com/misplacedjester Jared Singleton

    Happens on these pages all of the time Nick. I personally however am done with this yarn. What else can we possibly say to John anyway? It’s time for a new gossip. Buddyhead?…..

  • Demosthenes and Locke

    A guy who’s band essentially makes its name by shuffling like Dr. Zoidberg just accused other people of being posers? That is awesome. In the literal sense of inspiring awe.

  • Travis Keller

    I just wanna say THANK YOU to everyone who commented on this post. WOW, I need to read this shit more often cuz what went down on this post really adds new meaning to “Buddyhead Gossip”! You all really made my night and I hope you continue to voice your well written and very hilarious opinions… even cute little John from Attack Attack!!. Or is it Attack Attack!? Either way…

    Please make this a regular happening on every new Gossip post cuz it really gives us all a GIANT kick in the ass when it comes to writing a new batch of Gossip. Thank you for the inpiration, motivation and showing us all here at Buddyhead that YOU TOO REALLY CARE ABOUT MUSIC and also HAVE A FUCKING GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR! Not to get all warm and fuzzy on you… but you’re all one of us! Welcome to the family nerds! And if any of you want to become more involved in this shizzzz…. send me tips of gossip, rants, things that piss you off, things that excite you… etc. You know the drill… my email address is travis@buddyhead.com.

    Now I gotta hit the sack cuz my girlfriend is probably really sick of hearing me type these keys and say really emo shit to you dudes that I’m gonna prolly regret in the morning.

    BOOYAH!

    Love,
    Travis

    And for the record the Gossip is written by myself, Kevin Hilliard, Meathead, Tom A (I’ve known him for ten years and still can’t spell his fucking last name) when he isn’t selling steaks, Uncle Scott time to time and even our new (and prolific) Buddyhead-er Chip Norman.

    Ok now go nuts on the new Gossip —–> http://www.buddyhead.com/buddyhead-newsgossip-%E2%80%93-07152009/

  • garry glitter

    travis is too old for love.

  • John Holgado

    FIGHT ME AT AN ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET, ASSHOLES!

  • tim k.

    john H.

    you guys should focus less on getting the angle of your hair correct, full sleeve tattoos, and dancing like godamn crabs and start focusing more on not ripping off shitty trends that are either long dead or should never have been realized in the first place.

    i listened to an interview with the singer in your band. he said that you guys want to fuck with people by showing them pretty colors, than playing loudly in their faces. you have failed miserably at both. i see entirely too much purple and pink nowadays and you guys aren’t EVEN FUCKIN’ HEAVY AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think someone offered to hip you to metal. i suggest you take them up on their offer.

    i can’t helped but be amazed and obsessed with this band, with how bad they are, how cheesy they are. help me jebus.

  • John Holgado

    dude, our lead screamer is sooooo heavy

  • http://www.tremorzmag.com Sydni

    uhhhmm. attack attack can’t decide what genre their band is. aka a clusterfuck of bad music trends.

  • Mik

    Sup guys, found another shitty crabcore band, this time they butcher someone else’s song!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GncK6IuY8OA

  • Kyle M

    haha the person/ people writing as John from Attack Attack! are hilarious. This band is so entertaining. Message boards are funny.

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    blah blah opinions n stuff!

    see i can do it too!

    -kyle m

  • John Holgado

    hey man quit dissin our sick autotune singing and heavy breakdowns! You’re just jealous cuzz you’ll never be able to make a crabocore band as brutal as Attack Attack!

  • http://putthebootstohim.blogspot.com/ The Wandering Metalhead

    “I grew up on metal… underoath, the locust and shadow’s fall”

    None of those bands are metal. Shadows Fall is the closest one with metalcore, but they’re still not metal. If you were so ‘studied up’ in music, you might know that.

    Also, saying you love metal, naming two of the most popular fucking metal bands out there, and naming three other bands that aren’t metal just makes you look like a fucking tool.

    And for the record, that your band sucks ass is a fact, but I respect the notion that you don’t call that shit metal, because it isn’t. Though you probably think it is.

    It saddens me to think of how your band and your fans give metal a bad name, without having any association whatsoever.

  • John Holgado

    listen brah, the locust are metal, they have the jun jun wee wees and the super bright merch ok? those dudes are metal.

    where did i leave those bargain buckets?

  • gary glitter

    *eats kentucky fried chicklets*

  • http://putthebootstohim.blogspot.com/ The Wandering Metalhead

    Now you’re not even trying.

  • Ryan

    I haven’t laughed like this in a while. The comments from the supposed band member are funny as well. But what really saddens me is you claim to be so passionate about music, and so sure of yourself, yet you can’t take a joke? If you mallxcore posers can wear those jeans that cut the circulation off to your balls you should be able to take criticism and jokes. And dude, you don’t even know what heavy metal is yet you have the tenacity to come on here and name a legend like Cliff Burton as your idol. And I can guarantee you that you’ve never heard of guys like Chuck Schuldiner, Gregor Mackintosh, Steve DiGiorgio, Richard Christy.. those are REAL metal musicians. Before you run your mouth about how knowledgeable you are, know your shit first.

  • http://www.myspace.com/attackattack John Holgado

    I just wanted to make clear that the guy who has posted the last many comments is not really me, he’s one of your poser friends trying to take a shot at us. You all really are pathetic. Wandering Metalhead, you sound like another old bitter bastard to me. You don’t know shit about metal if you think that those bands don’t classify. You need to get out more often, metal has changed man. Fuck off.

  • tim k.

    and what kind of faggoty trance music are you reppin?

  • lattice

    John,

    clearly you don’t even care to do anything but hear the sound of your own voice and talk yourself up, but calling yourself a fan of metal then naming underoath and shadowsfall of all bands just shows you don’t know your ass from your elbow. pull your head out of your ass and stop acting like you’re god’s gift to music – your band is nothing but a shit stain on american consumerism. the fact that you feel compelled to defend your band on a blog against anonymous posters just goes to show how hilariously insecure you are about the garbage you produce.

    everyone knows you and your band are a joke, and when your 15 year old warped tour fanatics reach the age of reason they’ll laugh about how they could have ever thought you guys were even remotely talented.

    oh by the way, tell your singer to get some talent so he can turn off his autotuner.

  • Ryan

    lol, this kid names one metal musician and claims everyone else doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Somebody point out the logic in that, ’cause I sure don’t get it.

  • Justin

    I’m sensing serious mental trauma coming from dear ol’ Mr. Holgado. He reminds me of this guy I trained in martial arts with. A skinny guy, claiming that just because he’s a grade higher than me (which means nothing when the art is put into practice) he is something better than me and runs his mouth off when I manage to get out of his locks or submit him, even though I’ve trained a variety of martial arts all my life. I provide a bit of critique to his technique, but I’m always wrong. Little man syndrome?
    Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is sure, you guys truely are living the dream of millions of teenagers all over the world, playing in a rock band, touring and just plain making a living doing one of the funnest things ever. I don’t think anybody would’ve talked down your music so much if you just ignored it and stuck to what you believe in. However, you are obviously so deeply hurt by the negative responses, that you feel the need to defend yourself against a very intelligent group of individuals who are really just providing constructive critism in a harsh manner. This is where your so-called huge fanbase goes flying out the window. It’s with great certainty easy to say that you’re extremely unsecure about your own music and in a way just don’t want to agree with everybody else telling you this for fear of damaging your ego. I’m assuming your didn’t get any pussy in highschool and was told you would never make something out of yourself.
    As for fans, you’re definately not going to be making any of those with that attitude of yours. Look at Marilyn Manson, how many people attack him for the way he looks or acts on stage? Does he go running his mouth off like a retard? No, he takes it to heart and responds in a very intelligent and well spoken way. THIS, my man, is the reason why he is respected, regardless of whether or not his music is liked, and why everybody can’t stand you and your band.

  • http://maggotsandtenderloin.com/2009/07/19/i-present-you-with-crabcore/ I Present You With: CrabCore |

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  • http://putthebootstohim.blogspot.com/ The Wandering Metalhead

    Metal has changed, sure. But it hasn’t changed THAT fucking much.
    Metal may have changed, but those bands are still not metal.

  • dave

    Pure shit….with a shelf life of MAYBE another year or 2

  • Mark Evitts

    Attack Attack! is the number one in their genre, they tie everything in nicely FUCK YOU BUDDYHEAD!!!!

  • Amber

    1:19 hes got a camel toe

    + i wonder if they straighten their own hair?
    + i swear to god if i hear another synthesized piece of shit “rock” i will puke.
    + did they actually think this was going to be taken seriously when they agreed to do stupid shit like this about..wait what is the song about???

    later haters.

  • matt

    Christ. At least Symphony X were in on their own joke.

  • April R

    “Videos that feature some gothed up bleeder looking fragile and bummed as the main character are ALWAYS shitty. ALWAYS. We defy you to find a good one.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVMWLDePrBM

  • http://www.ohsweetnothing.com/ Rob

    No one’s even mentioned the shit they’ve taken on electronic music.

  • Kyle

    Ok i can understand you not liking Attack Attack! and all but before you go insulting them like they’re the dumbest thing on the planet try to play the music they do and acquire as many fans as they have…

  • Kyle

    And to everyone who says that they “aren’t metal” and that you grew up with metal, Yes you grew up with metal; a GENRE of metal but there are more genres of metal than 90% of the population has heard about.

  • argh argh yep

    yep, good metal and shit metal.

    take a stab in the dark with that one you fuckign rationalist

  • snotts

    why do some suggest that one should accomplish what a band has accomplished (however debatable) before they’re allowed to express a negative opinion about them? do you ask would be fans to do the same before they’re allowed to come to a show? such a dumb double standard. with an attitude like that, you’re pretty much saying that only known musicians with fans are allowed to have any opinion of music.

  • peter cetera

    i had sex with john h. at warped tour in the van.
    :(

  • http://www.last.fm/tag/crab%20core John Holgado

    Guys, I have decided to reveal the truth to you. We are the spawn of the black hole that appeared after the Large Hadron Collider was launched, and our bands is just the first to come. The video is actually educating programme about other crabheads (that’s how we like calling ourselves), who are still new to this world.

  • The ODB

    goddamn — i feel real dirty inside — but I’m starting to turn the corner on this one or something. I find myself coming back to this thread and watching this horrific video. If anything… it is the most entertaining and humorous video I’ve seen in 5 years. The dual-guitar lifts are tops and the crab-stance is outlandish and the bunny hops are giving me douche-chills over and over and over.

  • http://www.mkultra.ca MK

    The techno shit at the end is the most baffling part. Who is that marketed towards? I’ll bet this band has charts and diagrams breaking down every section of their music and which group of mall-bound fuckwits each will appeal to. At least when 14 year old girls were freaking out over The Beatles that made sense but this? What the fuck is this? It’s like if a Jackson Pollock impostor made a painting with his own shit. I really hope that’s the real bass player making some of these comments, because the idea of him spending hot sunny days entertaining 12 year olds like clowns at a birthday party only to rush back to the computer to defend his band’s knob-slobbering is too funny. I want to believe, John H.

  • rims

    does anyone here realize what piece of shit tools they are? everyone who spent hours crafting the PERFECT DISS to post in reply to this shit band are just falling into the new life-sucking internet trap perpetuated by myspace/facebook/twitter/youtube. this is how bands like this get famous. YOU (and the massive amount of youtube vids you’ve racked up on this video) are the reason these guys are touring and commercially successful. you want these guys to go away? stop talking about them. but wait! you all probably DONT want them to disappear. you want them to stick around forever so you sit around and complain about how music is going to shit (but keep in mind that it is your fault). I would love to find out that Attack Attack is a joke band capitalizing on the predictable reaction of you dipshits! either way, you guys have a band of 19 year old, girl-pants wearing, christian-core turds laughing at how lame you are. how does that feel?

  • Michael

    I just saw Attack Attack! at Warped Tour in St. Louis and they killed it. Absolutely amazing show that’s the second time I’ve seen them live. Keep up the good work guys!

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Pete Ham, Tom Evans, Badfinger…and me

You favorite music journalist to write about The Beatles is back with another Apple Record’s band, Badfinger! Chris Checkman has a lot to say about Badfinger, you’re stoked! Dig it! more >

Buddyhead VS Daughters

Buddyhead VS Daughters

Tom Apostolopoulos took a break from making steaks, babies and mega green-backs to interview Nick Sadler of Daughters. Yeah his last name is really Apostolopoulos! more >