Clutch – "Strange Cousins From The West" “”

Posted by Alex Buckley on July 7, 2009 at 8:44 pm


clutch_scfw_albumcover

Clutch
‘Strange Cousins From The West’
Weathermaker Music

I hate records like this for two reasons:

1)    They suck.
2)    They appear as such a generic approximation of the genre they’re emulating that it destabilizes your conviction that any record from said genre is quality. Consequently I’ve been trying to purge myself since hearing this turd all week with Mudhoney and Melvin’s albums.

So, yes, as you’ve probably guessed Clutch are a grunge rip-off. I can’t honestly say I’ve had a lot to do with them through the years, but the names come up a few times so I figured they couldn’t be too rough on the ears.

First mistake: a nine studio LP discography does NOT guarantee quality. Law of diminishing returns, anyone? Apparently, as long as you once had an audience, there’s still a market for you to keep churning out synonymous crap. It would just be cruel to say there’s anything that really damns them from the get go; as musicians they’re all pretty proficient and the songs at least flow pretty well . Their downfall is that Clutch are simply the sum of their parts: a wobbly blues inflection, occasional weirdo time signatures, solidly belted vocals, a bit of wah-wah. In short, a caricature of grunge. Shit, if I didn’t know better I’d say it was a castrati Soundgarden, and not just because the dude can hit high notes.

This is what pisses me off most about Clutch: at least if they tried something different and failed miserably they might have got off one or two interesting tracks at least. I’d rather hear something that aims for the sky and hits the gutter than walks the straight boring road of mediocrity. I mean lets face it, they’re not heavy enough for Soundgarden, not volatile enough to be Nirvana, not progressiveve or angry enough to rock a Tool album. Atop that, the album is out of its time, and not in the good Frank Zappa way. At least if Clutch had released this back in the day they might have merely passed for Jejune bandwagon-jumpers. As it stands they come off as fogies trapped in an alternative music time warp.

Admittedly the production is pretty sparse. But that’s never held back anything that was truly worth its salt (see Nirvana’s ‘Bleach’ or Sonic Youth’s ‘Daydream Nation’) Clearly, after eight other albums the’ve worked out that they want to wear plaid and dance around Big Muff pedals the rest of their lives. Whatever man, it’s your gig, I guess. I suppose at the very least, the bass is pretty coherent, which is better than most grunge bands could get away with.

There are a couple of songs that make a half hearted attempt at being interesting. ‘Freakonomics’, assuming that this is named after the book, has a nice rolling drumbeat and ‘Motherless Child’ has a cool slide guitar intro (In 7:8 – shock horror!), but, eh, window dressing. Grow up and cut your hair, dudes. Even Pearl Jam know the 90’s are over.


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  • Stoney

    Yeah, I’ll probably leave after Baroness is done playing.

  • http://www.badnewscentral.com Rob

    You’re 100% completely wrong about absolutely everything you wrote. This is the best album of the year so far. It’s not even grunge, so I have no idea what you’re talking about there.

  • Swollen Goat

    Grunge?? Just stop reviewing music now if you think Clutch are in any way part of that genre. Get a musical education and when your balls drop maybe,just maybe you will be able to comprehend the juggernaut that is CLUTCH!

  • jimbo jones

    what the fuck! they aint no grunge band. a genre where mudhoney and tool co-excist according to you. right!!
    this is no-nonsense stoner music. a genre which never claims to do anything but what it does on the tin. ie no place for muso snobs trying to over dissect music so they can claim superior taste. ie they dont give a fuck.

  • D.L.

    This is quite possible the worst album review I have ever read. It’s a joke right? How can you review a Clutch album and make mention of grunge, more specifically Nirvana’s Bleach, Sonic Youth or Mudhoney? Go back to your garage rock or punk trash and by all means get a real job. Your little internet zine gig is failing you miserably.

  • D.L.

    This is quite possibly the worst album review I have ever read. It’s a joke right? How can you review a Clutch album and make mention of grunge, more specifically Nirvana’s Bleach, Sonic Youth or Mudhoney? Go back to your garage rock or punk trash and by all means get a real job. Your little internet zine gig is failing you miserably.

  • Anthony

    Going to have to agree with the response trend. Did your musical taste begin and end in Seattle? Then keep it there. Grunge is so far down the list of musical stylings of Clutch- that’s like putting acting as the main effect of a Tarantino movie.
    I think you might have missed it. Oh, and none of them have long hair, genius. Your forum is the internet, maybe you should try utilizing it.

  • http://thejamminjabber.com/ Jacey Cockrobin

    Wow, get a clue. I know buddyhead reviews are supposed to make fun of shit, but at least know what you are talking about when you do it. Grunge? Way off. Terrible review.

  • Mike Chubb

    You have got to be kidding me with this review? I am going to have to beat a dead horse here and laugh at you for comparing them to, and placing them in, the grunge category. They are so far from that it’s not even funny. I love the line of “Grow up and cut your hair, dudes. Even Pearl Jam know the 90’s are over.” None of the band members have long hair unless you are referring to their beards. Clutch is one of the last true rock bands out there. You are not going to hear Clutch sounding like the over produced cookie cutter shit that is out right now. Their music is unclassifiable. It bridges so many genres which is what makes them so original. You obviously have no taste if you had to purge good music out of your tiny little head with crap like The Melvins and Mudhoney. Hahahaha what a tool!

  • edwin winnipeg

    is there a band thats safe from the buddyhead wrath?(other than jesus and mary chain and oasis)?

  • mermantiger

    Wow… This review is seriously terrible. Totally lacks in the awesomeness that the rest of this site has.

  • julian

    Whats wrong with big muff fuzz pedals? plus being in clutch is probably better than dancing around your apartment playing guitar on your tennis racket to god knows what dumb hipster shit music you like

  • John Beef

    Well Alex, you’re certainly entitled to not like the album, and to report on that fact. Opinions are always valid, and nobody can argue with personal taste.

    But your review here is full of demonstrable falsehoods. Clutch is a “grunge” band? They need to cut their hair? Has anybody heard Neil Fallon hit a high note, ever? It’s okay to have no frame of reference whatsoever on a band’s history… but don’t advertise the fact.

  • motherless child

    To the author of this piece of crap article. Are you retarded?

  • bonus egg

    LOL at all the butthurt Clutch fans in this thread.

  • Rw

    Ain’t nobody butt hurt writer man is just fucking wrong. To say that a metal band who’s secondary influence is Go Go, which I Know writer man doesn’t know anything about is taking stabs at grunge in 2009 is dumb… He didn’t listen to the record did he? Grunge was shitty in the 90′s and just about everyone knows that to be true now. Melvins never called themselves grunge some bullshit some unwashed Mama’s boy came up with.

  • micawber

    Clutch are to be commended for being funky and heavy and not sounding like rap rock. They’re more like Funkadelic or 70s ZZ Top

  • ghea

    Yep…this band has managed to stay together making good music for almost 20 years now.. I havent even heard the word grunge used to describe any band for the last 5 years let alone Clutch. Its OK that you dont get it. Just please stick to criticizing bands you actually know something about. It makes me sad that you purged with Melvins too. I wished you had purged with some wankerish Mars Volta or somethin.

    carry on fucker

  • rob

    glad i never got into this band…whiny fucks

  • bonus egg

    It appears that every Clutch fan with a computer is whining like a little girl in this thread.
    I just downloaded the album and listened to it.
    Here’s my review: A bi-curious mixture of 55-year-old-dad-bar-band with a tiny dash of Fabulous Thunderbirds and hint of Soundgarden.
    The end.

  • J O

    lol, the moron that wrote this review obviously never once listened to clutch, understood what they’re about, and is venting his frustrations like a 15 year old with a keyboard. it’s ok dude, go blast some linkin park and cry about hating your daddy.

  • DOUBLE-R

    Wow. I didn’t realize they let the college interns post opinion articles. And hey Bonus Egg: come clean, you’re the author, right? Just admit it. No one else could possibly defend this piss poor, thesaurus driven dreck except for the author who’s trying to make it seem like SOMEONE is defending him, when no one really is.

    You don’t have to be a Clutch fan to think this article blows… you just have to be able to read.

  • Elorps

    Horrible review. Nothing here is objective, nor is it critical of the music and album itself. Just a lot of really misplaced and totally incoherent references to other bands who have nothing to do with Clutch whatsoever. The reviewer has done nothing here except embarrass him/herself and expose themselves a someone trying to impress through sarcasm and failing wit. This is grounds for termination.

  • Gentleman

    Haha… what a bunch of pussies. Hey Alex, your review is the shit if only cuz look how many 35 year olds you just bummed out. Fuck yeah dude!!! I love when people read a unfavorable review about a band they like and then just lose their shit. It’s as if the entire Clutch fan club (roughly 11 members) just got together and blew up the comments section.

    Also, attention fuckin ubernerds/Clutch fans, who gives a shit if the dude mislabels a genre or name drops a band that you cant see the parallel. The point of the review is that he didn’t dig the record, the sound, etc. Does anything else matter. I mean, do you aging pussies really need a review to break down each measure of every song? Theres already a website that does that, its called Pitchfork.

  • clutchnerd

    ‘they suck’. This is so wanky! First and last review I will bother reading on this site. Suckama balls man’

  • Joseph

    Really disappointing review. I agree with the thread of Clutch fans above. It’s okay if you don’t like a disc, and it’s okay if you creatively (repeat: creatively) skewer it in a review. But man, it’s so obvious that you didn’t listen to this disc, it’s not even funny. I worked in radio when Clutch’s first CD came out way back when…I think it was 1993, and the debut had more in common with aggro acts like Korn. This band has evolved over time and I’ve NEVER, repeat NEVER heard them compared to grunge. I have every one of their discs and I just laughed when I saw your review.
    “Grunge ripoff” – huh?
    “As long as you once had an audience” – they have a larger audience than they did 10 years ago
    “…castrati Soundgarden, and not just because the dude can hit high notes” – WHO were you REALLY listening to when you wrote this review?
    “Grow up and cut your hair dudes. Even Pearl Jam knows the 90′s are over.” – My God this has got to be the most ignorant review I’ve ever read. I don’t care if you don’t like the disc, but at least know what you’re talking about. Clutch has never had long hair, and from the looks of all your references here, I think it’s YOU who needs to realize the 90′s are over.
    A nine studio album discography may not guarantee quality, but in Clutch’s case it’s been a fun evolution.
    And you should listen to the whole discography and read all the lyrics. Neil Fallon’s lyrics will improve your vocabulary and make you a more intelligent and interesting writer.
    Wow dude…you’re cold busted here on NOT actually listening to the album you’re reviewing.

  • Brian

    Regardless of whether one likes Clutch or not, this is a poorly written and researched review, period.

  • Gentleman

    PUSSIES !!! Fucking stop while you’re behind. You do realize more pointless than record reviews is bitching about reviews when they aren’t to your standard.

    I mean c’mon Joseph, did you really just write that much about a measly record review. As has been said on here before, if you don’t like the way shit is done, START YOUR OWN WEBSITE.

    Being 36 years old and complaining about a review in the comments section of a website that you have a love/hate relationship screams VIRGIN!

  • Ty Tweeder

    great review buddy…
    fuckin spot on…
    i never could tell the difference between nirvana and clutch either…
    these guys need to pack it up or get a time machine…. pfft.

    did you even listen to this album? or are you only comparing it to the one genre of music that you listen to?

  • jack skunk

    GENTLEMAN,Im a 26 year old clutch fan and not that it matters but 35 isnt really old you fuckin dork plus people that say UBER are fuckin dorks you fuckin sad dork good job on being able to guess peoples ages through the computer though

  • Joe Joe

    Ha! What is this, some kind of Clutch army that sent its foot soldiers? A secret cabal upholding the sacred and delicate craft of rock criticism?

    Get with the times, crew. Clutch have always been a poor man’s Melvins, and Buddyhead has never had “objective,” “well researched” or “well written” reviews. I’m surprised they didn’t mention Axel or Slash for no apparent reason.

  • http://pro-rock.com Thunder

    Gentleman, the whole point of reviewing a record is to accurately describe and rate it… High notes, long hair and Grunge. I’d have to quote Neil Fallon in saying “Is you stupid, or is you just high?”

    (Given that you don’t like the band, why are you constantly posting in a shithouse review comments board? Glutton for punishment or no attention from Daddy at all those Little League games?)

  • IrishTirade

    what a fucking tool-box … whoever typed this moronic drivle should go die in a fire … Clutch has the most unique sound I’ve ever encountered in doom/stoner metal

    do yourself a favor Alex and never post anything on the internetz EVER again …

  • journeyunknown

    clutch rule u fucking suck (cock) thats just like your opinion maaan there maybe punk/hardcore but GRUNGE ? bullshit mr handman knock knock clutch rule and u sucke i bet u like kasabian ? u twat

  • Red Sox Rob

    Nirvana volatile and Soundgarden heavy? Get yourself some Capitalist Casualties or Elecric Wizard, and you will know volatile or heavy. Nirvana and Soundgarden are Top 40.

  • D in ATL

    Alex Eldridge is obviously a gay Retard,

    and thats a complement

  • Gentleman

    jack spunk – you’re 26 and like clutch congratulations. i’m not even defending the review but more so making fun of the crybabys like you. as far as clutch goes, certain shit just doesn’t go together like tuna and peanut butter, you and girls, FUNK AND METAL. am i going out on a limb to say that you also love the movie jackass, beef jerky snuff, and own a pair or two of wrap around oakley blades?

    thunder – you say “the whole point of a review is to accurately describe it and rate it” – really? i didn’t know you could accurately describe and rate art. seems like a pretty fucking retarded concept to me. now on the other hand, talking about a record and saying whether you like it or not and what particularly you like or not is a different thing.

    i mean, do people actually buy shit based on reviews? i always found it better to GIVE A LISTEN yourself.

  • Gentleman

    irish tirade – unique stoner metal is an oxymoron. try again corky.

  • http://pro-rock.com Mightyclutch

    What the fuck wrong with him? whatever the name Alex gay Eldridge or something.. I guess you just don’t know good music.music is only two things good or shit. you talk about grunge music and Clutch.you are wrong right there. we don’t even like grunge music. 90s’ is over? time of music is doesn’t matter. there are so many great music from 90s’. now you go fuck yourself you gay retard alex. We are proud of underground music.don’t even compair with music that only think about money.music is clutch clutch is music got it?

  • Ron

    Hey fucktard. You’ve either never heard grunge or Clutch, otherwise you’d realize how stupid your review is. In fact, I might go so far as to say you’ve never heard music.

  • Hambone

    Let me start off by saying that I’ve been a Clutch fan for 14-15 years. They’re one of my top five favorite bands. I have all of their albums. Yada, yada, yada…

    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I have friends that love Clutch. I have friends who hate Clutch. Hell, I have friends that listen to Hatebreed, Judas Priest, Johnny Cash, Norah Jones, Hank Williams Sr., etc. Everyone has their own taste in music. Apparently Clutch isn’t your thing, and that’s fine.

    What everyone here is saying is that you’re incorrect in comparing them to Nirvana, Sonic Youth, etc… Clutch and those “grunge” bands have nothing in common. I don’t know if the sounds of clutch are new to you, but give it another listen or two, and you’ll realize that this statement was incorrect. Also, “the dude can hit high notes?” This makes me wonder if you were listening to some other band. Besides the experimental song “Gnome Enthusiast” off of their Jam Room album, can you give an example of what you are talking about?

    Also the comment about cutting their hair? You must have been reading a bio of some other band. This has to be the only logical explanation.

    This makes me seriously wonder if you downloaded an incorrect or mislabeled album.

    Attention all Clutch fans replying to this…. Take a moment, relax, and take your emotions out of this. When you come back and reread the article, you’ll all realize that this guy really doesn’t make much sense, and that he’s just a blog guy saying his piece to get all of us pissed off and bring attention to his website.

  • Damo

    Alex Eldridge is a Nickelback fan.

  • Alex

    Ok kids, I’ve taken all I can stand and I can’t stands no more. 40 comments really is excessive in light of the underwhelming significance of this review.

    May I just start by saying how infinitely flattered I am by all your attention. The fact that 20+ people even took the time to read this let alone give their unique and informed opinions on why this review does or doesn’t suck bollocks (admittedly erring on the side of the former) fills me with a pride beyond conveyence. Thanks for your time.

    I’m not even going to respond to those of you calling me a gay retard. By making that comment alone you’re off the map. Now most of you seem to be remonstrating my labelling of Clutch as grunge. I stand by that reasoning because of this: when I put on a Soundgarden record, say their magnum opus Superunknown, and listen to it all the way through, I get a mild sense of elation. That is to say, I enjoy it. However, when I replace my CD player with ‘Strange Cousins from the West’ though all the pieces are the same, there is a somewhat inexplicable difference. To quote my review as you all seem to so relish doing:
    “a wobbly blues inflection, occasional weirdo time signatures, solidly belted vocals, a bit of wah-wah” with perhaps a few minor cosmetic differences. The only real difference is lo-and-behold, ITS NOT THAT FUCKING INTERESTING! Thusly, you can probably understand my desire to publish a somewhat contemptuous review. I simply don’t like this one as much. To me, it sounds like the pan-worthy anacronism knowns simply as Grunge. If you didn’t get this vibe, I’m happy for you; wish I could enjoy it without grinding my teeth.

    Smaller details: alright, the crack about Neil Fallon (yes, I DO know the lead singers name and I HAVE listened to the record, a feat that I sincerely doubt no small number of you have achieved. Honestly, not many of you have actually listened to this have you? Thats fine, I don’t blame you.)having a high vocal range was said for effect and may have been a minor oversight on my part. What I should have said was
    “If I didn’t know better I’d say it was a castrati Soundgarden, and NOT because the dude can hit high notes”
    Took out the just, y’all happy?

    The long hair, the long hair… wow, you guys can sure press a point I’ll give you that. You see, back in the good old 90′s musicians, pioneers of the genre then referred to the mainstream as ‘Grunge’, a term since rejected by virtually all those applied to it but a useful categorisation nonetheless, steortypically had long greasy hair. It was something of a symbol of rebellion. I have admittedly taken that notion of symbolism and applied it to a non realistic circumstance. You were all quite right when you said none of them have long hair. Not in a tangible sense anyway. I was speaking METAPHORICALLY, you see, to convey the sense that they remain a relic of a long distant past, remebered and cherished by some, but long since abandoned by most. In other words they will continue to have ‘long hair’ in my eyes until the day the die, or at least until they start doing something interesting musically.

    julian(sic) I have a Big Muff pedal. That shit rules, I love it to pieces. Again this is, ah, but your too quick for me, another metaphor, yes.

    Well gentlemen, not the poster, though, I do remain much obliged to his insightful comments I think that just about does it. Admittedly, few of you will have actually made it this far so to the patient reader, you have my gratitude for trawling through my admittedly lenthy self-vindication. Remember: metaphors, opinions (everyone’s got one a right to one, yes?) and anacronisms. This will be my final remark on the subject and I strongly suggest it be yours. Further comment is somewhat pathetic, and it would be distateful if your own takes on my admittedly flawed review got past 50 comments. Come now, we’re both better than that. If your interested to discuss the subject further you can take it up with me personally at [email protected] and I’ll talk you through it some more

    To anonymous flamers everywhere,
    Yours sincerely,
    Alex Eldridge

    P.S: Red Sox Rob, Electric Wizard are the fuckin’ bomb. I’m gonna go out and buy ‘Dopethrone’ the first chance I get. Heaviest shit I have ever heard.

  • D.1984

    Mate you like to run your mouth way too much.
    You really think your the bees knees when it comes to musical opinion.
    It’s a damn shame this review appears at the top of the page when searching for the new Clutch album.

    This is the first and last time I will ever visit this website.

  • Prometheus

    I didn’t come here planning on posting a response or reading the comments thread, but here I am 10 minutes later having read all of this and I can’t bring myself to leave without chiming in…

    First off I’m a Clutch fan, you would be hard pressed to find a bigger one, but I’m hesitant to jump down the reviewers throat here. Why? Well frankly because I think the new album lacks the balls and heart of nearly every other Clutch offering to date. I’ve given the new CD several listens in hopes that it would grow on me and in truth it has… a little. I think there are a few awesome tracks, but as a whole it’s kinda weak, especially on first listen. Maybe after a dozen or so more run troughs this album will grow on me and one day I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with Struck Down stuck in my head and scream “GENIUS.” But that said, I can totally see how someone who isn’t a Clutch fan would listen to these new tracks and think to themselves “No thanks. I do not care for this.”

    Now that being said and while I can see how the reviewer may not have cared for the album, there are SO many irrelevant and incoherent comparisons and dissections in the review that it frankly makes it hard to read (especially as a Clutch fan). Again, it’s not because the writer didn’t like the album, but because the writer comes across as not having done his or her research or having a broader musical knowledge other than 90′s Seattle grunge. Anyone with musical knowledge worth their salt can upon first listen clearly hear that this album has more in common with Muddy Waters, ZZ Top and Stevie Ray Vaughn than Nirvana, Sound Garden or Sonic Youth. What I’m saying is that a proper frame of reference should be owed to the reader rather than steering us towards long haired bands stuck in the 90′s. It was a mildly interesting read, but fell short because of the lack of an accurate frame of reference.

    Now, a couple side notes…

    1. I recently had the pleasure of seeing Chris Cornell in concert and was lucky enough to attend the after show. As it happened that night I was wearing a Clutch hat. When it was my turn I walked up to Mr. Cornell and asked him to sign a CD I brought. As he was scribbling he looked up at my hat and said “I love Clutch, most underrated band still around.” I just smiled and thanked him for his autograph.

    2. To the “Gentleman” who so gallantly came to the defense of the original poster: Only pimply faced fat guys who live in their parents basements and spend their days playing World of Warcraft and jerking off to gay porn pose as tough guys on the internet. I’m certain, having attended more than my fair share of Clutch shows over the years, that the average Clutch fan, that you keep referring to as pussies and cry-babies would easily beat you to a bloody pulp. Grow up.

  • Nonesy

    Clutch owned the hell out of this dude. The more a small child claims a band “sucks,” the more you know that the band is doing something engaging and unique.

  • http://www.sirensoftitan.net sam

    Alright, I don’t normally get sucked into these slag-fests, but man, you are an idiot. This is not “grunge.” Shit man, I don’t think there ever WAS anything unique to be called “grunge.” There were just a bunch of reformed hair bands that re-discovered Sabbath (Alice In Chains and Soundgarden) and Zeppelin (Pearl Jam). Even Nirvana were just a slightly more sophisticated Ramones re-hash with a good songwriter at the helm. Tool are the only band from that scene that I credit with really coming up with anything new.

    In any event, Clutch was never part of that scene. This is a band that jams on COLTRANE covers, for Christ’s sake. Their early albums had more in common with NYC hardcore and Mpls. AmRep noise rock than anything else, and over time they evolved into a semi-progressive, Sabbath-meets-Howlin’ Wolf groove machine. These guys are melodically and rhythmically adventurous, they have a drummer whose as close to John Bonham as we’re probably ever gonna see in our lifetime, and vocalist Neil Fallon’s lyrics are some of the most inventive in rock.

    My guess is that YOU, gentle reviewer, gave this a once-over listen, one heavily tainted with a pre-conceived notion of what you were going to hear. And since you didn’t approach this album with anything approaching an open mind, surprise surprise, “grunge” is what you heard. Rule one of being a music reviewer is don’t review shit you’ve already decided you’re not gonna like; rule 2 is know what the fuck you’re talking about if you do.

  • Grue

    Grunge? Um…

    Are all the reviews here this bad?

  • http://freethinkingdesign.co.uk Lee

    Grunge!?

    Dude. With a blog that is right at the top of Google for a search for the new Clutch album, you really wasted an opportunity to show yourself as a good music critic.

    The review is well written and engaging, but complete bullshit.

  • todd jones

    Picked up the album yesterday, listened through it twice. I had to wonder what this dude actually was listening to before he wrote this “review”. It’s remarkably evident this guy wouldn’t know good music if it bit him on the ass. I wonder if years back Neil screwed his mom or something.

  • Gentleman

    I’m bummed that there are this many Clutch fans. Mostly because so far each and every one of them appears to be a total cunt. Most of these names look like first time commentators, leading me to believe that buddyhead has been bombarded by all 12 members of the “official clutch fanclub” site.

  • Socko

    Your band is on jive alert if Bam Margera is a fan.

  • Joseph

    Just wanted to reply quickly to the gentleman known as “Gentleman”…
    You mocked me by saying “did you really just write that much about a measly record review.”
    Actually you’ve written much more in replying to so many of us on here. My tax money probably pays for your miserable existence.
    Bad writing attracts idiots like you over and over again.
    By the way, I do have my own website and I never have to deal with people like you on it. If words like “pussies,” “fuck,” etc. didn’t exist, you’d have no vocabulary.
    I’m so glad you don’t like Clutch. Someone trying so hard to seem cool like you must be a closet Wham! fan.

  • Gentleman

    Josehphina – This Clutch comment section is like crack, I gotta keep coming back for more. I mean, everytime one of you pussies opens your mouth and cries about this review I’m forced to reply to your cuntness so it doesn’t go unchecked. Again, bad writing in the review isn’t what’s bringing me back. It’s string-showers like you sweetheart.

    I love both the words pussies and fuck. They’re even better together but I’m guessing you’ve never ventured down that boulevard. Newsflash, its a comment section for a Clutch review. Pardon me for saving the more pleasant side of my vocabulary for things that are relevant.

    Where’s the link to your website? Does it include instructions on how to suck your own dick cause I’m assuming you’ve mastered that one man party.

    Lastly, I don’t try hard to be cool ever. It usually just works out. And being honest is a big part of it. So if I were into Wham I would tell you. If I were into Clutch I would tell you. See where I’m going here. There is no closet, save for the one you’re deathly afraid to come out of.

  • Gentleman

    Prometheus – Did you actually just admit that you A)paid money to see Chris Cornell in concert, B) considered it pleasurable, C) refer to him as Mr. Cornell, and D)actually pay more money to have that disaster on CD?

    And then have the audacity to refer to me as one of the “pimply faced fat guys who live in their parents basements and spend their days playing World of Warcraft and jerking off to gay porn pose as tough guys on the internet.”

    Holy shit dude. Do I even need to address the obvious? And for the record, I moved outta the folks practically the day I was out of school, I’m not sure I’ve ever played a single computer game, I jerk off to old westerns, and I’m not acting tough considering I’d say this exact shit to your face if I ever came across you. Unfortunately for you I don’t go to Chris Cornell concerts so I don’t think we’ll ever cross paths.

  • Joseph

    To the wonderful gentleman who calls himself “Gentleman” -
    Thank you for proving my point with your underwhelming sense of expression. It’s so easy to get under the skin of someone like you.
    Cheers

  • Gentleman

    Fail. I laugh while you take life seriously. Huge difference. Also, did I miss the link to your website again?

  • Matt

    Alex, really? Is this album review supposed to be taken seriously or was it posted in jest? It reminds me of a misplaced lengthy guitar solo, completely self serving and masturbatory. Why do album reviews always feel the necessity to fall back on comparisons from other bands/musical genres? Not having heard the new album in it’s entirety I was curious to read some reviews and unfortunately stumbled upon this poorly written pile of drivel. It has no merit at all.

    About the only entertaining and interesting thing here was the onslaught of Clutch fans protesting (too much I feel) as to the content of your review and standing up for Clutch like it’s their job. I suppose it’s noble and shows a certain loyalty and support, but I also think it’s childish. Most of them just repeated what the other Clutch fans had already posted and went on and on about your horribly misplaced grunge comparison. Clearly you have a very limited musical knowledge to draw from and can’t be faulted for pulling from your tiny wheelhouse. No one can blame you for trying.

    Oh and kudos to your girlfriend “Gentleman” for coming to your aid when for a moment, it seemed you would be overrun by the entire fanbase of 11 Clutch fans. Reading her articulate and well thought out posts full of insightful tidbits was refreshing and inspirational. It was as if the two of you were standing front-to-back, hand-in-hand with that defiant look of being ready to take on the world together. There is nothing as beautiful as true love and witnessing a woman come to the rescue of her man. All of us should be so lucky as to have as passionate a love affair as Alex and Gentleman. Bravo.

  • Duggernaut

    I thought it was a good review. It confirmed my suspicion that the new Clutch album is stale and boring.
    Thanks Buddyhead!

  • Poopy Head

    What’s Grunge?

  • http://www.wakkarecords.com The Jackyl

    I’m glad someone finally called this band out! Clutch are fucking boring.

  • rich lather

    i cant form my own opinion about anything thanks for telling me whats cool and what to like thanks buddyhead!

  • Joe

    If you think anything Clutch has done is synonymous with grunge you should just turn in your “critic” card now and save yourself, and the rest of us the embarrassment of reading your schlock. Is “Strange Cousins” even close to a decent showing from Clutch? Hell no. But even the mongoloids over at Wikipedia aren’t so clueless about music as to confuse Clutch with grunge. Shit man, if this is the caliber of musical insight to be expected from the new “BuddyHead 2.0″ can I have a job?

  • Joe

    … and one other thing, it’s “Clutch is” not “Clutch are”. L2Conjugate, you syphilitic riddle ass monkeys.

  • http://www.internet.gov MADStacks

    You need to try harder if you like a band that gets pub from a show about a fatass hockey jock who makes wedding cakes for a living. (YEAH I WATCH FOOD NETWORK, them girls on that show are tasty)

  • Gentleman

    Matt – I’m a dude and I like other dudes. You were close though. Wanna make out sometime?

    Don’t wanna waste much more time on you awful Clutch fans cause it’s getting boring reading all you drones write the same thing. (i.e.) ” Dear Alex, if you’re gonna be a big meanie and talk shit on my favorite band then you should stop talking about grunge. You’re soo not qualified to write insightful, articulate reviews. You could never write for Pitchfork. Gotta go change my tampon.” Signed #1ClutchFan

  • Joe

    @ Gentlemen

    You won’t be considered a dude until your balls actually drop, so check back in after a decade or so. As for the “hey they are bagging one my favoritesesss band” angle, apparently your brain is om par with your junk-sack and hasn’t developed either. No one is questioning the short comings of the record or the band, only this amateur’s (or most likely your) ability to understand anything about music.

  • http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

    How many chicks are at a Clutch show?

  • Jordan

    Do dikes count?

  • Gentleman

    Joe – my balls have dropped.. directly on your moms chin. Also dipshit, I never said anything supporting the review aside from how hilarious it was that it pissed of you and yer fellow shit for brain pals. Understand anything about music? What is there to understand. It’s good or bad. You like it or you don’t. Your pseudo intellect has got you trapped in a closet nerd.

  • Captain Beefheart

    It sucks that kids these days can’t appreciate a good shuffle beat or a nasty groove. Clutch is a very simple band to understand, they are just part of the big song. Clutch clearly comes from and East Coast hardcore background and has no traits of Grunge. This is actually the best interview because its the worst ive read on any band. Quit.

  • http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

    Any band that rolls with a MD flag is gay. And, by the way, nobody gets laid.

    I’d rather jerk off to monkey porn.

  • Dalma

    This album sux harder than their last. It’s a trend i’ve been conditioned to over the last decade. Sure, I had some real good times going to the old 9:30 club seeing them live — when I was 15. It’s probablly cool that the band has evolved and their musical tastes have diversified over the years, but i’m just not that into it anymore. The shit their putting out isn’t worth me defending. That being said…it’s probablly way better than that weak shit “Dio” that this record label hypes. This is the first time I’ve been back to this site in a while and i’m going to have to see if the reviewers are still into the same type of shit I am. enough said.

  • bunkbed pirate

    I have been listening to clutch on and off since the fucking transnational speedway album. That and the moon album are both pretty decent. It’s completely obvious from elephant riders on this band has just gotten more and more boring and samey until they sound like a sad, washed up, bar band, “blueshammer” caricature of their former selves. One of the most boring bands on earth. Just like the reviewer said, they might be worthy of a little respect if they had at least tried something different at some point but they have just continued to put out rehashed blues riffs and boring, unimaginative white boy funk dad rock for over a decade. This band is truly, truly boring and not in any way unique. Also, anyone who thinks this band represents anything close to “stoner” or “doom” needs to seriously invest in their record collection. Go get a fucking Boris record you pubescent, cave-dwelling puds.

  • Joe

    @ gentlman

    Dropping a pair of peanuts out of your wonder woman underoos doesn’t count as your balls dropping, kid. Understanding the difference between basic music genres is anything but psudeo-intellectualism, well for most of us it isn’t. I guess that might not be the case for a knuckle dragger such as yourself. Face it, your butt-buddy stuck his foot in his mouth instead of your cock, don’t blame the people who are calling him out for it.

  • Jordan

    No offense dude, but there hasn’t been a Clutch fan posting here for like a week. Most people seem to be agreeing with the review guy and I can’t say I blame them. Clutch are old hat, they might have been good once upon an alternative music scene but now they’re just going through the motions

    And poly-syllablism don’t help your cause for castigating pseudo intellectuallism too much if your still making gay blowjob jokes. I’m not saying it isn’t funny. Just not very convincing is all.

  • Luke

    Alex Eldridge is a complete goon.

  • survivor

    I wasn’t a big fan of the Beale Street to Oblivion album, either. It reminded me too much of the Irish folk dance albums by Michael Flatley.

    No one should disagree with me because I’m such an expert on musical critique. And anyone that disagrees with me needs to be called a faggot.

  • http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

    By the way, who the fuck says “goon” anymore except for sweaty boys who like anal toys?

  • julian

    im no jock but hockey is awesome maybe broaden your horizons MADstacks even the dude from Mclusky likes soccer.

  • gnarlk

    clutch peaked with the self titled album and it’s been a progressive downhill slide since then. if i wanted to listen to lenny kravitz jam with blue oyster cult i’d give a shit, but i don’t. ah well….

  • kss

    go alex. that was a worthy read. the WHOLE ENTIRE PAGE. hah.

  • cal

    It’s just blatantly not grunge like at all..

  • http://www.myspace.com/unihole Towelie

    ^ I agree. It’s called shit.

  • usuck

    It seems like the ones that are opposed to the album are the same people under different names. The review is terrible and so is the writers butt buddy. His vocabulary proves that he is a total ass that is probably complaining to his mom about why he doesn’t have any balls.

  • Richardnoggin

    He has balls there in his mouth. P.S. He’s the biggest douche I’ve seen in a while!

  • Richardnoggin

    douche |doō sh |
    noun
    Alex Eldridge.

  • Richardnoggin

    douche bag
    noun
    a small syringe for douching the vagina, esp. as a contraceptive measure.
    • (1)informal a loathsome or contemptible person (used as a term of abuse). (2) Alex Eldridge.

  • Richardnoggin

    jejune |jiˈjoōn|
    adjective
    1 naive, simplistic, and superficial : their entirely predictable and usually jejune opinions.
    2 (of ideas or writings) dry and uninteresting : the poem seems to me rather jejune.
    3 Alex Eldridge.

  • The ODB

    I used to like Clutch quite a bit 10+ years ago. Not sure about this new album…but as most have said… they are nothing like Grunge and you have no biz reviewing this — not know the history of music or a band. You are lame

  • Myke

    I thought this was a gay porn website. Did this change recently?

  • http://www.mkultra.ca MK

    These guys just lack something I can’t quite place. I mean, I’m really stoned and yet this does nothing for me. It might be the guy’s voice. He has the clenched-jaw sound that Eddie Vedder and Scott Stapp use and surprise, surprise, they suck too. The band seems alright, nothing too special, but the singer is so fucking earnest that I can’t fucks with it.

  • Will

    Wow. This review is about as far off the mark as it possibly could have been. Awful.

  • Vince

    Lol. you don’t know what Grunge is, dude.
    If you’re going to make fun of something, make it funny, don’t make people think you’re an idiot.
    I’m not even a Clutch fan and I know you’re full of shit.

  • Daffy Duck

    You fucking idiot, it’s not fucking Grunge!!! I love grunge, in fact my favourite bands include Soundgarden and Alice in Chains. But firstly, Clutch started at the same time as those bands as a FUCKING HARDCORE PUNK band, but with killer riffs that were more in league with the STONER ROCK bands like KYUSS, MONSTER MAGNET and FU MANCHU that also started around in parallel to Grunge.

    Seriously mate, I’m a grunge fan, but Clutch are not grunge, they are Stoner / Blues rock, it is an entirely separate genre you FUCKING ABJECT CUNT!!!!

    And for the record Clutch are one of my favourite bands, they are the best live band I have ever seen, and while grunge bands, prog metal bands like Tool and also bands like Sabbath and Floyd might make me THINK, Clutch is the band that makes me FEEL….

    That is who they are, they bring a sense of joy and elation. Not everything has to be dour and miserable you know…

  • captainfez

    This is awesome. It’s like someone through the switch on the fuckhead magnet.

    All reviews should be this good.

  • klytus69

    What the fu!ck are you talking about. It’s seems like you have just heard of grunge and are comparing everything to it to sound cool and interesting in front of your skinny jean wearing emo mates, you (probably) long floppy fringed haired tw!at. Clutch and grunge don’t even belong in the same sentence, unless you are describing why they shouldn’t be in the same sentence…..ahem. They may never break new boundaries but they don’t need to. If you see them live you will understand and that don’t mean live clips on youtube but ACTUALLY LIVE d!ckhead. Sometimes…just sometimes, if it ain’t broke then don’t fix it. I tell you what, I’ve only ever heard one melvins song ever but for a country blues rock band they suck. UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING.

    Actually review the music and compare and contrast to maybe some of their earlier works or other CURRENT bands who do actually play similar styles. I hope you didn’t get paid for that written piece. I only came on here to listen to the album but read you poorly contrasted review and felt the need to post something along with the many other astounded people up here. I’ve NEVER posted anything before, you drove me to this so I hope your proud of yourself. Please next time, just ask someone to read your work before you click ‘submit’.

    Cheerio.

  • Mr Teach

    this is hilarious

    wait, you were being serious?

    I would think about another line of work

    this wasnt a review it was pure ignorance

    It doesnt matter if you like the band or not, the review
    was by no means a critical examination of the material.

    douchebag

  • Bubba

    I’ll say this of Clutch- each album I’ve heard (and I think that excludes just one,) they toyed with a different “sound.” I can’t speak for people who got hooked on the after 2000 (I’ve been on board since Transnational Speedway League in 1993,) so I’ve been able to witness their maturity (yes, maturity) and transition from a loud, hard-jamming band to a much more refine, deeply intense sound that goes in different directions every time they put out a new album.
    They aren’t shooting for widespread, commercial (read COMMERCIAL!) greatness. They’re a jam band with a hard sound (you seriously need to listen to their earlier stuff and see them live- Neal Fallon gets INTENSE on some of the songs) they tour like mad bastards and without a doubt love what they do. What more can a fan ask for?
    Fans of Clutch don’t want them to sound like Pearl Jam, Soundgarden or Nirvana. We want them to sound like Clutch! If you like ‘em, cool. If not, go listen to Pearl Jam. Or Soundgarden. Or Nirvana. Those bands can rule their (much larger, broad-based) corners of the world. Give me Clutch!

  • captainfez

    It’s kind of fitting that Mr Teach signed his missive ‘douchebag’, don’t you think?

  • shivnasty

    clutch fuckin rocks! that being said i havent heard strange cousins yet so i can’t comment on it yet. what i can tell you that the previous 8 albums -and there other records too- are great albums each one sounding different than its predecessor and each having their own unique sound. and none of its grunge blah blah blah. and for the gentleman clutch has more fans than you think-and anyone of them would whoop yer ass if you called them a pussy to their face. i think thats all. p.s. tim sult had long hair most of his career until recently p.p.s. the last clutch show i went to there were alot foxy ladies. i dont know where yall are from but texas women love clutch p.p.p.s. im 21 and been a clutch fan for years

  • LaplandRulz

    How the fuck do you even think of grunge when listening to Clutch? They’re based on BLUES. Alex Eldridge obviously doesn’t know a lot about rock’n'roll. CLutch are one of the few bands that actually makes rock music worth listening to these days. Compare them to Soundgarden or Nirvana? Come on. If this review was an attempt at sarcasm, it failed.

  • Sam

    Dudes right. Zeppelin is blues. Don’t know about the rest of the discography but this is crud.

  • sweetpea

    i totally agree with the concensus …Clutch is one of the best bands EVER! neil fallon is a lyrical mastermind…see them live ….you WILL change you mind! those who know about clutch LOVE clutch! thats what makes them so cool, they’re not as mainstream as some others…and fyi, they dont have long hair…more like facial hair, which couldn’t be more “grown up” if u ask me, idiot!

  • sweetpea

    oh and by the way u guys were talking about women…im a 23 yr old girl, been a clutch fan for at least 6 yrs. and yes, im hot if i do say so myself! so keep an open mind ppl…hot chicks like to rock out too

  • bdav

    man you suck dick clutch is awesome and if you listen to grunge or punk you should have never listened to this in the 1st place. different strokes for different folks. these guys from clutch are way more talened that any punk or grunge band by far you idiot you must like goo goo gay shit fuckin go to hell you cock sucking nimrod anal bead. let me guess you like mmmm taking it in the butt cuz your gay! nuff said and ive seen alot of live shows and some damn good ones and clutch is def one of the best. clutch is the only music worth listening to thesedays along with hill country revue and north ms allstars! rock on blues/rock

  • Cavo

    I heard this. Not bad. Not great. BLAST TYRANT is THE GREATEST.

  • will

    This and all clutch albums are excellent. the reviewers comparison to grunge proves he has no knowledge of music and is in no way open minded to music other than his favorite bands. Clutch rocks, this album is great, but i do agree Blast Tyrant is their best

  • jason

    seriously dude…..i will sum up what basically everyone else is thinking. you should just kill yourself. no, seriously, KILL YOURSELF!!! whatever human being allowed you to write a review on this website is guilty as well. so whoever runs this site, please kill yourself as well. thank you.

  • jason

    P.S. have you ever even seen what the members of clutch look like? they all have short hair. your last statement just proves that you have no idea what in God’s name you are talking about! please Alex, if you have a bone in your body (no pic, no email, probably no bones), please either die in a horrible mishap that you deserve or stop writing. i know your mommy and daddy are sooooooo happy that even though you haven’t moved out of the house yet you are now a famed rock and roll reviewer. but, we know the truth. yes, you and i alex. you suck. there is no other way around it.

  • HardRock

    Wow. This is probably the worst review of a very good album I have ever read.
    Just because you don’t like the album, that does not mean it sucks. To me, it means you have horrible taste in music and you should find some other way of wasting your time and ours other than attempting music reviews.
    Clutch sounds like Clutch. Nobody else sounds remotely close to Clutch. So why do you want them to change their style. So the sound like all the other generic sounding bands on the planet?
    Clutch “Strange Cousins from the West” is definitely a good album and worth a listen for Clutch fans.
    You as the author of this review obviously sucks balls and should be avoided like the aids.

  • Alex Eldridge

    Seriously dude, listen to this turdburger and tell me its not ripping off EVERY ONE of of the above bands. Badly. Buddyhead appreciates your support ;)

  • Ace’n Base

    While Clutch is most certainly not grunge, this album is most certainly brown fecal matter straight from an alligator’s asshole compared to the bluesy masterpiece “From Beale Street to Oblivion” or the funky, heavy Elephant Riders. Even Robot Hive/Exodus which was somewhere in between the 2 is still better then this static garbage. Really, it’s a giant step backwards from Beale Street and I can hear some grunge overtones. Then again, I can hear Blondie in Shakira’s new album so maybe my ears just don’t work very well.

  • Adav93

    Wow! I bet you didn’t think this would happen from reviewing a measly Clutch record! I’m not wasting my valuable time reading this bullshit, I’m volunteering at a homeless shelter computer room, and didn’t have anything to do for a moment. And I don’t think you’re an idiot or a retarded gay person, either. I just think you made yourself LOOK LIKE ONE!

  • bongdillafartfacemonkydonghivesucker

    clutch used to be good but they havent put out a god album in a looong time

  • stegodon

    clutch sucked, clutch still sucks. meth-core.

  • justin vavala

    clutch isn’t grunge.

  • george clooney

    the self titled clutch album was awesome when i was in like 7th grade. but this new album blows dongs

  • Little King Hunter

    yeah, Clutch don’t do it for me no more, some bands age well and some don’t…there are no diplomatic reviews on Buddyhead btw geniuses, they’re either glowing or flaming (take that any way you choose hehe)…anyone expecting anything else shouldn’t bother to read em… and as always its best to make up your own mind

    later fuckers

  • Scott

    I have been a loyal Clutch fan from the beginning, and I must say this album SUCKS! and From Beale Steet.. sucked too. They have turned into crappy college alt rock. White college caps and hemp sandles are required.

    What happened to the Rock ‘n Roll Outlaws? or Transnational Speedway League?

    Fucking Clown Shoes!

  • http://www.pessinlaw.com/lawyer-in-miami/ Lawyer in Miami

    Clutch “Strange Cousins from the West” is definitely a good album and worth a listen for Clutch fans. You as the author of this review obviously sucks balls and should be avoided like the aids.

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  • Neil

    Your a dumbass

  • jim x

    If you're not a Clutch fan but in fact are convinced they suck, perhaps you're not the audience for this record.

    Also, Clutch were around with their sound before grunge got any traction, on the East Coast in 1990. So to suggest they ripped off grunge as a "genre they are emulating", really means you should do your homework.

    This isn't my favorite album of theirs. But it doesn't suck, and neither do they.

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  • Trent

    Hmm, I haven't visited Buddyhead in a long time, and it appears that they still have reviewers ten times more retarded than the cretins at Pitchfork(which is saying something).

    Grunge? What the fuck does Clutch have to do with Clutch? They released their first ep before SubPop became a household name. They sound nothing like Nirvana, nothing like Mudhoney, nothing like Soundgarden. They're not even in the same neighborhood and they're not trying to emulate that sound. "Grow up your and cut your hair dudes"…these don't even have long hair! Seriously, is it THAT hard to do research and to get something of an idea of the group you're reviewing? This dumb fuck reviewer seems to be under the impression that they're some Johnny-come-lately wannabe grunge band like Nickelback even after acknowledging that they have a long discography.

    But then again, Buddyhead were convinced that "indie punk" garbage like Ink & Dagger was good music, so I guess this is what I can expect

    • Trent

      *Grunge have to do with Clutch
      *these guys don't even have long hair

      Typos don't change the fact that this review is freaking stupid

  • eargh

    This entire thing is 100% sarcasm. It’s pretty funny actually, everything he said is so extreme and opposite of the truth that it’s a riot. I’m sure the band would have a good laugh if they ever happen to read this.

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