Contrary to what NME’s headlines might scream (I imagine NME’s staff run about their office in a perpetual state of hyperbolic excitement; to quote The Dude: That must be exhausting), The Horrors’ new album isn’t some bold artistic statement. Maybe it IS a startling change of direction. But these are the same kids playing their cheesy goth-horror rock, except this time they’re trying to rip off cooler bands. Same songs, different effects pedals; and it hasn’t made much difference in the end. You would think a band that decided to so obviously imitate My Bloody Valentine, Neu! and Joy Division would sound better than this.
On a somewhat related note, we overheard the following conversation on the boardwalk in Venice:
“Ian Curtis: (crying) Primary Colors makes me so depressed that I just want to end it all and kill my—FUCK. (sobbing now) I mean “Three Decades”? “New Ice Age”?! Could the guy rip off my song titles—not to mention my voice—any worse?
Klaus Dinger: I, too, have been rolling in my grave since I heard this. But rolling with a steady 4/4 beat, mind you.
Kevin Shields: (quietly) Well, at least you guys are already dead. How’s rock n’ roll heaven?
Klaus: Oh, Kevin, don’t be so dramatic. Imitation is at least a little flattering right? I mean, the guitarist uses your gliding guitar technique…
Kevin: (quieter still) I have more taste in my penis. (pause) And now I’m shelving the follow-up to Loveless indefinitely.
Ian: (noticeably brightens) Let’s go check out that drum circle!”
Note to The Horrors: just because you got Geoff Barrow to produce your album and change your sound doesn’t mean you’re suddenly an “artistic” band; I think “boy band” sounds more fitting. (By the way, bands and critics regularly mix up “artistic” with “trying really hard to be taken seriously”, and the two are, more often than not, mutually exclusive; so don’t believe the hype.)
Anyway, I need to wash my hands of this bullshit:
