Why does God continue to allow Coldplay (or Rolling Stone) to exist?
Hi, I’m Meathead. Have you checked out the latest edition of Rolling Stone magazine? Why? Well, anyway, you probably noticed Mr. Gwyneth Paltrow posing on the cover this month, trying really hard to look like a genius. Seriously, look at him. Hate to break it to you, Chris, but wearing a stupid-looking jacket that you got from Michael Jackson’s yard sale and looking thoughtfully into the distance doesn’t change the fact that you’re the singer for fucking Coldplay. Quit kidding yourself.
Don’t tell that to Rolling Stone, though. Interviewer Brian Hiatt keeps his lips firmly attached to Chris Martin’s genitals for so long that you’d think they were conjoined twins. The cover alone is bad enough: Before I edited it using the magic of Adobe™ Photoshop®, it seriously read “Coldplay’s Chris Martin: Confessions of an Anxious Rock God.” What? Christ Almighty, just how far down has the bar been lowered that motherfucking Chris Martin, whose music can frequently be heard playing over the speakers at Bed Bath & Beyond, is considered a rock god? Correct me if I’m wrong, but in order to even qualify as a rock god, don’t you have to actually rock first? I’m pretty sure Kenny Loggins is further up the list than Chris Martin. I can’t say with any real authority how many times the devil horns have been thrown at a Coldplay concert, but I’m going to make an educated guess here and put it at around zero.
No, but Rolling Stone says he’s a rock god, so that’s what counts. They’re always right. Well, I mean, there was that time Rolling Stone called Robert Plant “as foppish as Rod Stewart, but nowhere near so exciting,” but that was a long time ago. This time, they’re obviously right on the money. Seriously, look at that jacket!
I remember back when “Yellow” was a big hit for some reason, and Coldplay was essentially the Dollar Store Radiohead. If you sucked everything that was remotely unique or sonically interesting out of Radiohead (sorry for that inadvertently unpleasant mental image), the dry, withered husk that’s left would have strongly resembled Coldplay. It’s bland, middle-of-the-road non-rock for 39-year-olds to listen to while driving to work in their Audis, right before they hit their mid-life crisis and relapse into Van Halen and Quiet Riot. Granted, Coldplay does seem oddly fitting as background music for when I’m shopping for a new toaster. I’ll give them that much. Here’s the unfortunate video for “Yellow”. The first person who can point out anything that rocks about it wins a free dinner for two at Long John Silver’s, courtesy of Aaron North.
I figured the “Yellow” hype would die down soon enough, and they’d be relegated to appearing on “Buzz Ballads Vol. 58″ when it’s released on February 21, 2012. Maybe they’d be like Primitive Radio Gods, who had that one song back in the 90’s that was popular for about 45 seconds and then they got dropped by their label and had to get jobs at Coldstone Creamery, and now whenever you ask anyone about them, you’re given a look of confusion and mild annoyance in return. I wish, more than anything, that I could get the same reaction when I mention Coldplay to random strangers on the street. I guess there’s still a chance that will happen in my lifetime, but it’s not going to be this month, unfortunately. Thanks, Rolling Stone!
No, instead of drifting into the mists of obscurity as they should, Coldplay decided to put out some more stupid albums, and go on Jay Leno and do whatever other exceedingly lame things people like Chris Martin do to pay their mortgages. We got to watch in horror as Coldplay evolved from Dollar Store Radiohead into Dollar Store U2. Now we get the same blander-than-bland songs about nothing in particular, but we get some bullshit Jesus posturing as a fun bonus! Check out their brand new video for “Violet Hill”!
Wow, what a use of three minutes and 41 seconds! Now that the utter worthlessness of Coldplay has been established, let’s take a look at this interview. The title is “The Jesus of Uncool”. So that’s the second time in this issue that Chris Martin has been compared to the savior of mankind. Gee, Brian, could you maybe try to be just a little less objective in your journalism? I mean, why even bother interviewing him? Why not just write up a four-page dissertation on how delicious Chris Martin’s ass tastes?
Rolling Stone: X&Y got some mixed reviews, but the harshest was from the New York Times, which called Coldplay the most insufferable band of the decade. How did you handle that?
Chris Martin: It was a big deal. It’s the first real attack on your band, and from a publication we all respect. I agreed with a lot of the points. It was like, “Yeah, I do sometimes go for the obvious, and I do sometimes fall back on old tricks.” So, in a way, it was liberating to see that someone else realized that also. And there is something glamorous to me in taking a bit of a beating and keeping on going. When you do something that some people don’t like quite so much, then you are free again. Your whole canvas is open. You don’t have to fall back on piano, we don’t have to fall back on falsetto, you don’t have to fall back on every song being a yearning love song.
“Those jerks at the New York Times were totally mean to you, Chris! How did you get through that awfully dark time?” Chris Martin tries to act like it was a learning experience, but it’s clear he didn’t learn anything at all from it. If he had, he’d be working at Coldstone Creamery along with the Primitive Radio Gods. I mean, when he’s not impregnating his wife and naming his children after fruit.
The last half of the interview involves Chris expressing his immeasurably invaluable opinions on American politics. As if we need yet another reason to dislike Bill “We’ll Do It Live” O’Reilly, now we know he’s responsible for providing “inspiration” for the aforementioned “Violet Hill” and its Jesus-posturing. And it sure is a relief to know Chris is rooting for Obama. Barry’s definitely going to win now that he has the highly coveted Coldplay endorsement! I mean, we might as well just skip the election altogether at this point.
I don’t know, maybe I’m being too hard on the guy. I mean, he might be a nice guy in person, and he might be fun to play Mortal Kombat II with after a few shots of Jäger. Maybe. But can you blame me for being just slightly irritated when Rolling Stone, which would have us believe it is the be-all-end-all of music magazines, compares the man responsible for some of the most painfully uninteresting music of the 21st century to Jesus Christ? I mean, I’m not exactly a card-carrying member of the Christ Club, but I’d like to think that if Jesus were alive today, and in a band, he wouldn’t be putting out shit like Parachutes. Just a thought.
In closing, I’d like to offer this word of advice to Brian Hiatt of Rolling Stone: From now on, please keep your Chris Martin-cornholing fantasies to yourself. He’s not God; he’s not Jesus; hell, he’s not even Jeff Tweedy. He doesn’t deserve to be on the cover of anything, even your magazine. I know it’s getting harder and harder to find musicians with talent to write about, but there are still some out there. Please try harder. Thanks!
Love,
Meathead
June 15th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Great post! Exactly my thoughts.
June 15th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Oh, and another thing — even with Brian Eno’s contribution, the new album can lick my nut crust (it sucks big time and is just as shitty as everything else they’ve released).
June 15th, 2008 at 8:50 am
What even vaguely rocks about Yellow? Well the guys who directed the coma inducing vid for the aformentioned waste of four & a half minutes - they also did the US released Squares video for the Beta Band.
And I don’t care who you are, The Beta Band rock
Did I mention that I actually own Coldplay albums? And that’s all I could come up with? Pitiful
June 15th, 2008 at 9:11 am
As for the jacket - I’d say it’s more George Harrison’s deceased estate than MJ’s yard sale.
Poor George. Knowing your clothes would be destined to drape the hobo-chic shoulders of the world’s most rythmically retarded social activist - afer all there’s really no excuse for dancing like that in public. I mean really, is he supposed to look like he’s having some sort of seizure?
June 15th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Even Jay-Z is on Chris Martins dick. When does it stop?
June 15th, 2008 at 11:24 am
Shit there was me hoping Coldplay might change direction from the piano based ballad shit pop towards a more Death Metal sound on this album!
Maybe these guys should hang out with Shit Yeah and make a collaborative album.
June 15th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Meathead, thank you, this has been a delightful birthday read.
June 15th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
brilliant and absolutely totally on point.chris martin and bono should put their dicks and fingers in one anothers butts
June 15th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
The problem with coldplay is that chicks dig ‘em and guys want to get laid so they end up digging them too. I’ve seen it happen on at least 5 occasions.
One more thing, Brian Eno became a worthless piece of shit after the release of “Speaking in Tongues” by the Talking Heads. He was all but hurt that he wasn’t a “member” of the heads and went out and jerked synthesizers off for wig money.
Fuck that guy, Fuck Coldplay, and God bless Africa.
FARTICHOKE
June 15th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Maybe I’m nuts (definitely retarded), but I could’ve sworn that Coldplay got a reluctant thumbs up from Buddyhead a few years back, maybe on one of the Best/Worst lists or something. Not that it matters. They are one of those bands that I really want to hate on account of the neutered ballads and cheeseball posturing, but all that aside, they really do have a couple decent songs (I’ve heard worse than “Daylight” and “Clocks”)
They ain’t Doves, but I’ll still take Coldplay over Travis any day. How ’bout we stop stating the obvious about Coldplay and talk about what a steaming sonic pantload The Invisible Band is?
By the way, you’re goddamn right Kenny Loggins is higher in the rock god eschelon than Chris Martin. The latter could never take you right into the danger zone.
June 15th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
umm, kanye west’s on chris martins jock not jay-z [he retired, i think. now he just bones hugeassbianca and rihanna-ana-ana-ana-eh-eh-eh on the side err in the studio]
meathead, swing and miss dude. sorry, not interesting. i don’t think i’ve ever read rolling stone magazine. i got completely turned off by them when xtina’s a-gorilla and avril labia ‘graced’ the cover.
most magazines are a waste of fucking rainforests. men’s fitness anyone?
June 15th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Well, I’d say Rolling Stone is more at fault here, than Coldplay.
Parachutes was a middle of the road/mediocre record. I don’t never did see the Radiohead comparison you make, at all. I see more relations to Travis, and to an even lesser extent, The Verve(I love the Verve, and Travis released ONE good record, 1999’s “The Man Who”). Then Coldplay went on to release “A Rush of Blood to the Head” in 2002. And I will argue, it is a good record. A much improvement upon it’s predecessor. I recently went back to this album after it sat on my shelf for a few years, gathering dust, and it still holds up pretty well. Granted the songs got played the hell out, I can’t really blame the tunes themselves. Then in 2005 they released the turd “X&Y”. Which was just straight up boring and all too U2-esque. I hate,hate, HATE U2. I’ve recently listened to the new album and I have to be honest, it’s not half-bad. A much improvement over “X&Y”, and a much better collection of songs. But hey, that’s just my opinion man. Oh yeah, and I do recall Buddyhead listing “A Rush of Blood..” on their year-end list. Not that it matters, because I do think it’s an enjoyable record.
June 15th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Oops, I sound like a caveman when I type without proofreading.
June 15th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
HEY MEATHEAD. I DON’T KNOW YOU, BUT MY UNDERSTANDING FROM TRAVIS IS THAT YOU ARE A NIN SUPERFAN. FOR STARTERS, I WILL AGREE WITH YOU ON ONE POINT, ROLLING STONE SHOULD NOT REFER TO CHRIS MARTIN AS A “ROCK GOD”. A “LIGHT-ROCK GOD”, SURE. BUT THAT IS WHERE MY AGREEMENT WITH YOU ENDS. FIRST OFF, YOU BEING A NIN SUPERDORK, HAVE NO LEGS TO STAND ON MAKING FUN OF HIS JACKET IN THE PHOTO. IS IT JIVE? SURE. BUT I’VE SEEN YOUR PRECIOUS NIN IN WAY WORSE COSTUMES THAN THAT. SECOND, IF YOU CRITICIZE COLDPLAY FOR CONTINUING TO RELEASE RECORDS AND DO PUBLICITY SHOWS LIKE JAY LENO, YOU ARE RIPPING VIRTUALLY ALL BANDS. EVERY BAND IS TRYING TO MAKE MONEY AND YOUR PRECIOUS RADIOHEAD HAVE PLAYED THE JULES HOLLAND SHOW MANY TIMES. THIRD, SO YOU CRITICIZE CHRIS MARTIN FOR BEING INSPIRED BY AMERICAN POLITICS IN HIS RECENT SONGWRITING. AGAIN, YOUR PRECIOUS RADIOHEAD HAD AN ALBUM CALLED “HAIL TO THE THIEF”, INCLUDING A LOT OF COMMENTARY ABOUT WHAT A SHIT COUNTRY AMERICA IS. IF YOU LIKE RADIOHEAD’S TAKE OR VALUE THEIR COMMENTARY MORE, TELL ME WHY. FOURTH, I CAN THINK OF AN ALMOST ENDLESS LIST OF BANDS THAT MAKE WAY WORSE MUSIC THAN COLDPLAY IN THE 21ST CENTURY. TURN ON KROQ. AT LEAST YOU CAN TELL COLPLAY LISTEN TO THE BEATLES, WHICH IS MORE I CAN SAY FOR 99% OF POPULAR MUSIC TODAY. FIFTH, I’M ALL ABOUT YOU SHARING WITH ME YOUR DISLIKE OF COLDPLAY, BUT TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY ABOUT THEIR MUSIC IS SO GENERIC. I’D BE WILLING TO BET MY NONFORTUNE THAT SOME OF YOUR PRECIOUS NIN SONGS ARE PLAYED REGULARLY IN SOME PRETTY LAME PLACES, IE HOT TOPIC AND URBAN OUTFITTERS. MUSIC IS ALL BASED ON OPINION, AND YOURS IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS ANYONE ELSE. BUT NEXT TIME TRY AND BE MORE SPECIFIC THAN SOUNDING LIKE A CELEBRITY GOSSIP WEBSITE WRITER RIPPING HIM. TELL ME WHAT ABOUT THE SONGWRITING AND THE SONGS YOU THINK SUCKS. DIG DEEPER, BECAUSE YOUR ARGUMENT IS SUPER WEAK. I MEAN, DUDE, YOU’RE A NIN SUPERFAN. THAT BAND IS HARDLY ANY LESS JIVE OR MORE MUSICALLY PROFOUND THAN COLDPLAY. I FOR ONE THINK A RUSH OF BLOOD TO THE HEAD IS AN AMAZING ALBUM. I CONSIDER ANY BAND GREAT WHEN THEY CAN WRITE MEMORABLE SONGS AND SUPERB MELODIES. LOVE OR HATE COLDPLAY, THEY ARE GREAT SONGWRITERS. BASED ON THAT ARGUMENT, YOU KNOW WHAT “ROCKS” ABOUT YELLOW? IT HAS AN INSANELY GREAT MELODY. I’LL TELL DAS CORPSE TO PAY UP
June 15th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Does Chris Martin own a distortion pedal? That should be a prerequisite for being a rock god. I like your articles Meathead but there is no one to convert, anyone you’d wanna play Mortal Kombat II with after a few shots of jagr already knows this about Rolling Stone. I think it’s a DNA thing.
June 15th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
UNCLE SCOTT:
YOU ARE HILARIOUS.
June 16th, 2008 at 1:39 am
As an addendum to Uncle Scott’s post, I believe Coldplay actually showed up on one of those “exceedingly lame” late night talk shows sporting Kraftwerk shirts and proceeded to play the song “Talk” (from X & Y), which is basically an homage to “Computer Liebe”. They’ve done some lame shit for sure, but that’s pretty damned respectable in my book.
Regardless, it’s easy to sit around and trash awful bands all day long, but come on Meathead, at least turn us on to some good shit too. I’ve been coming here for years and laughing my ass off at Travis and Aaron’s arsenal of euphemisms for all the crap music that’s out there, but for every band they have so cleverly belittled on this site, there’s at least 5 more amazing groups that I’ve discovered because they said the shit was good. For the most part, all you’ve done is shoot fish in a barrel or post nonsensical drivel that’s seldom funny (points for the Peter Cetera portrait class, though). How ’bout going out on a limb and telling us about something cool that we may not have heard before? I like talking shit about awful bands as much as the next music nerd, but I think I speak for most people when I say that I’d rather hear something new that I can actually dig. Give it a shot. Thanks.
June 16th, 2008 at 1:54 am
yes but what happened to those best/worst list they were always a good read.
coldplay suck.they do and you all know they do.
June 16th, 2008 at 9:27 am
this band is AIDS. I’ve never heard a greater affront to “intelligent rock” than Coldplay. it’s seriously just like Meathead said: soulless commercial drivel for 30-somethings who want something nice and middle-of-the-road to listen to while getting a high colonic or cheating on their spouse.
June 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Uncle Scott sounds a lot like Matt Pinfield in a nursing home.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:24 am
I just saw a programme where Chris Martin was described as “charismatic.” Now just watch that ‘Yellow’ video again and tell me how can that ever be the work of a charismatic man!? I don’t understand how Coldplay EVER got this big. Please don’t make me think about it again.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Speaking of Best&Worst lists…
June 16th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Coldplay - A Rush Of Blood To The Head
Yeah, we like Coldplay, so what? Being into Coldplay is like banging that fat chick next door, or having an uncle that doesn’t like minorities… it’s just not something you go out of your way to publicize.
June 16th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Funny, I just had a cup of coffee and took that shit band Coldplay to task myself….
http://www.pampelmoose.com/mspeaks/2008/06/coldplay-viva-la-vida-this-is-not-rock
June 16th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I think the album is pretty good. I think the video is awful and makes me want to hate them even though the album is pretty good. Reminds me of a shitty high school band video. Chris Martin is definitely not a rock god even though the album is pretty good. Their outfits look like Mad Max took a shit on The Yellow Submarine. Rolling Stone is just happy they could put an individual on the cover instead of a BEST OF (anything) issue so damn right they kiss his ass. The album is pretty good.
June 16th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Coldplay are boring. No more needs to be said
June 16th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
About the late 30-something “I’m bald-but-still-trying-to-hold-on” market,” I agree that Coldplay fits this. And they allow it to happen. They’re responsible for their image as much as anyone else. I think your critique covers well, how tepid figures in mainstream rock music have become. It would be cool to have an Ozzy Osbourne type again, for sure.
As for Coldplay, Chris Martin shouldn’t elaborate on a bad review if asked about it. That’s just silliness. He’s making himself look like an intellectual turd. But I can’t help but think all that hype is created separately from the band itself. It’s all just media hype. And people buy into that shit. It just takes me too much time to browse Mojo magazine when Rolling Stone is right there as plain as Coca-Cola!
Coldplay’s one of those bands I really have no opinion on. They’re obviously corporate shills, so I ignore them. From what I’ve seen, they seem naively optimistic about their influence in the limelight. It’s that bullshit Democrat idea that its OK to have a giant mansion but since I drive a Smart Car, I’m “giving back.” At least a band like Rage Against the Machine embraced the rhetoric of the radical resistance movements. I think Coldplay just likes being rich. And there’s nothing like a rich person to foist their skewed perceptions of reality to the rest of us. Then again, Buddyhead was the website kind enough to give us stock-investment tips several months back. Wouldn’t you like to be rich? I guess its OK to abandon the “we hate everything because it’s punk”- anti-marketing market, and go for the Denis Leary-esque “We hate everything cause that’s how we get paid” -marketing’s OK when it benefits us-market,” though I have a hunch the money’s not rolling in (wow that sentence was a grammatical catastrophe). So maybe Buddyhead’s in the clear. Since I’m forced to choose, I’d much rather hear the ramblings of Buddyhead over the richer, trend-setting media forces. On some level, though, it seems like it’s the pot calling the kettle black, but maybe my analysis is poor. I guess Chris Martin’s just a really big kettle and gets more attention. It’s like Dane Cook, you know? Fuck that guy. No one deserves to get paid that much. Maybe I’m just getting older, but all I can feel after reading this is, “Who cares?” It’s the same old shit that’s been going on since the dawn of time. I often wonder if Mozart was just another trendy dipshit in his time and some hipster composer was overlooked because he didn’t kiss the king’s ass.
Well, guess you gotta have something to write about if you’re gonna have a blog. You write well, Meathead. And that’s all that counts. And a few half-hearted snaps of my fingers to you!
P.S. Buddyhead DID give Coldplay a favorable review once upon a time.
June 16th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I just want to know if anyone’s seen this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71tCV3ItTr0
June 16th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Heh, you read Rolling Stone magazine for your “rock” fix…heh
June 16th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I gave Coldplay a VERY mild dissing last week on my blog and Chris Martin actually responded..that made my day and I gave him another diss and he never came back!! you can see it for yourselves over at So Good It Hurts at http://paulmcdonald.wordpress.com
I think I hurt his little feelings bless!!
June 16th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
You know what rocks about the yellow video? It’s at the beach. The beach rules. I know it’s totally gay to like Coldplay, but I’ll admit I like em. They are great for when you are in the mood for something light and mello. They have some good melodies, and to be honest, I like the piano. Granted Chris Martin sucks dick so hard you’d have to pull the sheets out of your ass when he’s done. Can’t deny good music cause you don’t like the guy. Just my two cents.
June 16th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
so just because buddyhead once gave coldplay a positive nod, everyone who writes for buddyhead HAS to like them? doesn’t make sense. the best of list from 5 years ago isn’t really relative.
and who cares really? seems like steakhead and uncle rod both put too much thought into their thoughts.. if ya follow me. i doubt either of you, as well as most people on here, really spend that much time breaking down in your heads why exactly you like or dislike coldplay. if you do, your lives suck.
June 16th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Paul McDonald is a dipshit.
June 16th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
I’m pretty sure I saw some rocks in the background there. Just sayin’.
June 16th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
In other news, I eat my own crap.
June 16th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
the heroic pose is annoying. he’s trying way too hard ! Clocks is good with drum-n-bass and no vocals.
June 17th, 2008 at 1:57 am
Yo DPH thanks for the big up very kind!
June 17th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Paul, do you really think Chris Martin is actually reading random dorks blogs about Coldplay and commenting on them? You really are a dipshit. Post something about the Stones and I will come to your blog and comment too!
Signed,
Mick Jagger
June 17th, 2008 at 11:47 am
The magnifying glass is an invitation to exam his British credentials…
June 17th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
dear god this band needs to D I E
June 18th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Cris Martin is banned from party mountain!
June 18th, 2008 at 2:14 am
It’s true, lots of hotties like to get down to Coldplay. Just one of those things you gotta accept in life.
June 18th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Oh SNAP, I think i’ve got it!!!
Yellow was filmed on the same beach as this romping rocking classic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDfIOr1ByIc
Do I win the prize???
June 18th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Coldplay is thoroughly homoerotic.
June 18th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Dudes, fucking Coldgay better be banned, 86′d or in the back of 5-0 from party mountain… or I’m going home and listening to Stool.
Awesome blog Meathead. Funny and poignant comments Fartichoke.
I’m off to get high and drunk with beautiful females and dance/fuck to NIN. Hey, just call me a bro-homo.
June 19th, 2008 at 8:34 am
gee, coldplay sucks, who the fuck dosen’t know that? update your site, faggots.
June 19th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Since when did Nickelodean join Buddyhead? Fucking kids.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
That’s right Shutthefuckup, makes sense. Love or hate are both way too strong feelings, probably what the media and most trendy artists wants from us anyway. So how about “Hm, Coldplay? Yeah, whatever”
Hey wait, what’s the point then, this is what’s this website is all about, talking shit IS fun! VIVA FUCK COLDPLAY!
June 19th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I’m not crazy about Coldplay, but I appreciate good songwriting.. even in pop music. Most of the shit I hear kids listening to is a total tool performing very catchy songs written by somebody else.. at least this guy and his band are writing these songs that, even if they’re fit only for movie trailers in my opinion, get lots of people’s rocks off. Sure there’s nothing ‘rock and roll’ about them if you say so, but there’s also nothing ‘rock and roll’ about just sitting around talking shit
go write a song first next time
besides.. if they end up being this time’s U2?.. that’s our fault, too. instead of talking shit one of us could be good enough to be listened to on that level.. other than aaron
June 19th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
The new york times didnt call them the most insufferable band. It was one critics opinion article. Aside from that nearly two years later they just got an excellent review from the same paper.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Hey UNCLE SCOTT,
Meathead’s ripped on Radiohead too. Stop being a total jackass and do your research before you start slamming his opinion over this Rolling Stone article.
June 20th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Whats with the dissin’ of Radiohead and now Coldplay? Could it be because the friendly writers at Buddyhead dislike the popular bands? Hmmmm…..
Although some of the article is funny and insightful, it still seems to easy. Let’s see…let’s find a popular band who doesn’t make hard rock music and make fun of them.
IDK, just my opinion. And I don’t even like Coldplay that much. *Although this CD is far better then previous efforts
June 20th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Thing is my opinion I like the music, it is who makes it I care less for, when they get egos or crazy fans…..Turns me so off….
June 20th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Crazy fans huh? Sounds familiar. What band doesn’t have their share of craaaazy ass fans. Caroline has a point about the fans who are just friggen bonkers. if ONLY people could escape them….
June 20th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Meathead gets funnier with each post.
June 21st, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I couldn’t have said it better myself. I got my new Spin in the mail a couple of days ago, and who’s staring back at me from the cover? Coldplay! My mom just got the new coldplay album, how is this possible? As for Rolling Stone, well they put the people from “The Hills” on the cover a couple of issues ago, so it’s safe to say that they no longer have the faintest idea about rock ‘n’ roll.
June 21st, 2008 at 12:55 pm
hahaha hahaha another poor wannabe musician comenting something he dont like i think he want his face in the cover sad but true. and he is taking the things to seriously i believe in god and i like coldplay i dont believe chris martin is Jesus wtf? i think this guy have sex with a cross or something
June 21st, 2008 at 2:38 pm
You really are a very sad person aren’t you. Why does God continue to allow prats to exist.
June 21st, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Hahaha! You’re pathetic. It’s one thing to dislike a band but its a COMPLETELY other thing to waste 20 minutes articulating some “creative” and artsy response towhich nobody in the world gives a fly fuck about. Please buddy, if you had any respect for music you’d congratulate them for their success, unfortunately because you lack any instrumental or musical talet you appear to be nothing more than merely a jealous dissatisfied old school and or hardcore rock lover than cannot nor will not admit the success of the band.
Best Regards,
Meatlover
June 21st, 2008 at 6:29 pm
just read this clip on yahoo this morning>>>>
And finally, speaking of iTunes, Coldplay–whose fourth album Viva La Vida is expect to debut at #1 next week–have been accused of plagiarism. Brooklyn indie-rockers Creaky Boards claim that the Coldplay album’s title track, currently being popularized in that ubiquitous iTunes ad, bears an uncanny similarity to one of their own songs–a song ironically titled “The Songs I Didn’t Write.” Creaky Boards even go so far as to allege–in a somewhat whiny, self-released viral video–that Coldplay frontman Chris Martin got the idea for “Viva La Vida” when he attended one of their shows at the 2007 CMJ Music Festival. We here at That’s Really Week admit there is SOME resemblance between the two tunes, but it might just be a coincidence–plus, it’s kind of hard to imagine Chris randomly popping up at some unknown band’s CMJ showcase, you know?
June 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 am
I remember the only thing the video for “Yellow” inspired me to do was to imagine a baseball bat smashing into Chris Martin’s already fucked up teeth.
This post is spot on.
June 22nd, 2008 at 10:49 am
from mr. agreeable at quietus.com:
Finally, Coldplay have released their latest album, Viva La Vida, to some laudatory reviews. Is it time, perhaps, that we get past his celebrity marriage and fruit-based policy of child naming and recognise the towering genius of our age that is Chris Martin?
Yeah, well, it’s been some f***ing decade! Let’s go back. The Fifties brought us rock’n’roll. The Sixties brought us The Beatles, flower power, the countercultural revolution. The Seventies brought us punk, the Eighties post-punk, Acid and Techno, the Nineties grunge, jungle, triphop. And what has this f***ing decade given us? Kids with their trousers half way down their f***ing arses and f***ing Coldplay, in that order of f***ing merit! A handwringing guppyfaced, snivelling streak of f***ing cock all like Martin would have been laughed out any other f***ing decade! Coldplay are f***ing homeopathic music a gnat’s kneecap-sized particle of f***ing substance diluted to the f***ing power of 10 zillion gazillion! Fretting vaguely about the f***ing environment over a f***ing piano tinkling like water dripping from a piece of f***ing ten year old wet lettuce, then blasting your own China-sized hole in the f***ing ozone player with your private jet? Arsehole! And those f***ing lyrics! “Those who are dead, are not dead, they‘re just living in my head.” What, that’s where we f***ing go after we peg it? I tell you this, I’d rather be griddled by Satan’s most malicious minions for all f***ing eternity than spend it in the vaporous f***ing drivel generator that is f***ing Chris Martin’s head! Truly, the c*** to end all c***s!
June 25th, 2008 at 10:21 am
I wonder if anyone got my last message which may have been deleted
Lets track back to 2002 or whenever it was when Buddyhead put Coldplays album in their best of top 20 albums for the year saying ‘Yeh so we like Coldpay, its not like were proud of it’ haha now u put this up
This site is lame now, what is up Buddyhead u used to be cool, dont u remember u put Coldplay and Arcade Fire in your top albums of the year
Ha….
But seriously they do suck, like we needed a post on them, everyone knows they suck, maybe their first album had a few nice songs, but if they had broken up then u could give them credit and say they were ok, not after the shit music they released and all the stupidity that is Chris Martin now… actually Im all for this post, their should be a disclaimer though on how Buddyhead put Coldplay in their top albums in 2002… woo im tired better go and sleep or something like that
June 25th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Radiohead should not be in the same sentence as.
Coldplay
June 26th, 2008 at 8:34 am
get over yourself you fucking wanker “meathead”
if you don’t like the music don’t fucking listen to it
i don’t like coldplay but i don’t waste my life, or other peoples, whinging and moaning about utter bullshit on my thpecial blog
please turn off your computer
dickhead.
June 26th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
“how many times the devil horns have been thrown at a Coldplay concert”
-Meathead
well I hate to break it to you but some of couldn’t really give a fuck about the devil horns.
Your obsession with christian mythology is equally bizzare.
Most of us got over jesus when we were about ten.
But keep listening to your bands with “rock gods” in them , just remember some of us these days aren’t interested in music written about an encounter with satan, jesus or elvis. Bands who take far to many drugs, start “worshiping” some imaginary elf and write “poems” about their intimate experiences with “him”. Overall have zero constructivity toward even themselves, and are a complete waste of space to the planet and the human race.
June 29th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Fuck You, Buddyhead!!!
I was so, dying for a fish and more combo! I could TASTE the hush-puppies as my eyes burned and my ears strained; determined to find that one brief millisecond of rock in that video.
FUCK YOU, BUDDYHEAD!!!
IT DOES NOT EXIST!!!
YOU WIN AGAIN…
and I am still hungry…
June 29th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Dead on meathead.
some people were commenting on radiohead being involved in US politics as a comparison to coldplay doing the same. Well based on my high depth and involvement in radiohead and minimal tolerance of coldplay I have decided that radiohead is far more subtle and clever (as in all things). Therefore radiohead’s “electioneering” and political motives are massively more tolerable. All though radiohead’s album is hail to the thief the do claim that it is a term in reference to a far previous president, Adams maybe. besides having a title that instantly makes the shallower peoples mouth water for bush impeachment, I challenge you to find any other political criticisms or supports. If anything their is electioneering which is an obvious criticism on general politicians. Also on HTTT there is the song 2+2=5 which is an obvious reference to 1984. This song repeats the album title, but it seems a far more likely “thief” is big brother or the party.
meanwhile coldplay makes some shitty song then a ripoff of political ytmnds all put together. Quite subtle, and filled with nuance. Also as cool as apple is and as much as they “get it” I still hate that commercial and take them for total sell outs. At least coldplay didn’t try to steal radiohead’s brilliant move with the in rainbows pay what you want.
Fill in the blank “coldplay is to the 2000’s as blank is to the 1980’s” and don’t say u2, because that’s quite the complement to martin even though I don’t like u2.
July 19th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Seriously? What do you do to pay your mortgage? Chris martin has made more out of his life then you so shut the f up. It’s easy to criticize isn’t it? Do you even play an instrument or sing? Seriously shut the f up.
July 19th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
This isn’t a defense of Coldplay, but it is offending to read such criticism over… genocide, starvation… oh wait, no: a flipping ALBUM of MUSIC. Seriously, aren’t there more important things to criticize, ostracize, and raise awareness?
Deciding to be a music critic doesn’t make you a god either, nor does it make you a musical artist. Decide what music you like and listen to it. And if you can’t find something you enjoy (regardless of its popularity or lack thereof), well, you should really be responsible and make music that, at least according to your deeply concerned conscience, is better.
This entire thing was ridiculously over-exaggerated, crass, and insulting to the human race. There are more important things to criticize so adamantly than music, and if you insist on arguing otherwise, MAKE YOUR OWN MUSIC that is so perfect. And then we’ll see what critics do to all you adore.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Fuck Coldplay and the wonky horse they rode in on.
July 23rd, 2008 at 5:42 pm
You know what!?!?
FUCK YOU!
Why do you know everything about them, if you hate them???
Leave them alone. Don’t lose your time on those stupid articles and go listenitng to Oldies or whatever such an idiot do listen!
And don’t go outside anymore, don’t listen to music, news, neighbourt you shizofrenick sicko.
You really do have MEAT in your head!
July 24th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Take that! You have meat in your head, mr. doo doo brains!
August 5th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Okay, so I wasted my time reading your entire article, and all I have to say is that you are an absolute asshole. I happen to know Chris Martin personally and he is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. Coldplay is, in fact, one of my favorite bands.
You should not go bad-mouthing Chris Martin because of the music he, and his band, plays. I have a reason to bad-mouth you, because you are an ignorant dick, who thinks that he can just go online and bad-mouth somebody who couldn’t give a fucking shit about you. Chris Martin is more successful than you, or anybody you know, will ever be!
I’m so fucking sick of people making fun of Coldplay! It makes no sense to make fun of the biggest band of our generation, with top record sales around the world. Obviously they’re doing something right! Correct me if I’m wrong too, you fucking shithead!!!!!
And also, Yellow may be simple, but it sure as hell made this band into the biggest band of our generation!
GO FUCK YOURSELF MEATHEAD! I HATE YOU AND EVERYONE LIKE YOU!!!!
IF YOU HATE COLDPLAY, THEN I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
August 6th, 2008 at 7:57 am
opinions = assholes. Everybody has one. ;-) Grow up, man!
August 10th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I think that the jackass who wrote this review needs to grow up! He writes this bullshit about how Chris Martin is a tool, and he doesn’t even know Chris Martin!
August 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
^ Are you kidding me?
Did you suck Chris Martin’s tool? Was your ass sore the next day?
Look, son, just because McDonald’s sells a lot of hamburgers does not mean they make the tastiest ones.
Let’s put it this way, they sell the easiest ones.
If you are old enough to walk into a bar, get an itch up your ass to play some God forsaken Coldplay… you are on your own.
Say your prayers while you pay for that poo while it pours into everyones ears.
Yeah, heh, good luck with that…
Love,
Towelie
August 15th, 2008 at 8:36 am
aha aha ha ha yeah i so saw this in the magazine rack at my job and almost vomited all over my already tacky uniform. whats up with the blank stare and marching band jacket? Is he making a crud attempt to look like a British guard?All he is missing is the big furry black hat. I am surprised he did not request a Buckingham palace backdrop for the shoot.
Then again he finally did admit that his whole carrier was just a rip off of Radiohead. Guess he wanted to avoid getting sued or something.
to you are an asshole… erm do you know Chris Martin? and do you know for sure the guy who wrote this does not know him? oh wait thats right you do because last night i saw you doing him in the butt while listening to wham as a donkey looked on. I got the whole thing on tape. ‘ll post it on Youtube sometime :p
August 15th, 2008 at 8:38 am
chris martin that is not the person who wrote this. just wanted to make that clear :p
August 22nd, 2008 at 5:00 am
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