This video of Bill O’Reilly losing his mind is one of the best things I’ve seen in a long time. Aaron and I watched it about ten times in a row yesterday morning. It gets better with each repeated watching.

Bill O’Reilly Flips Out

I can’t decide which is the best, the original video above or this Dance Remix version of it here. You can also download the mp3 of the audio.

Bill O’Reilly Flips Out (Dance Remix) [mp3]

I was just spending some quality time on the World Wide Web™ before going to stupid work, and stumbled across something that I felt needed to be shared with my friends.  But since I don’t actually have friends, I’ll settle for sharing it with the readers of Buddyhead instead!

If, like me, you’re a die-hard fan of The Golden Girls, Ice Station Zebra, and controlled substances, today’s your lucky day!  For your viewing pleasure, here’s a video that’s sure to put a smile in your pants, starring Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson.  In it, the two manliest actors of the 20th century sing an up-tempo duet about nearly every illicit drug in existence.  Unfortunately, they never bring up my personal favorite drug, black tar heroin, but nobody’s perfect (except Ernest Borgnine).

Oh yeah, don’t do drugs.

This one is a rambling mess… sorry in advance.

Casper Adams caught up with his long lost dad, Mr. Wayne Newton at the “Dancing With The Stars 100th Episode” party this past week. Hugs, smiles, tears of joys and beers flowed all night long. It was heart warming to say the least. It’s been said many times before, but I’ve gotta say it again… you can’t stop Casper Adams. Trust me, I’ve tried. And will you take a look at Wayne’s Camera face? It’s almost as good as mine.

Speaking of not stopping…. you can’t stop Billy Bragg either. The old limey is playing the El Rey on June 10th, click here to buy a ticket now cuz this mother fucker puts on a show! Or hit the contests page and try and win a ticket. I can’t fucking wait, hopefully I’m DJing this show. Last year when I saw him at the Fonda was probably the last time I watched a band (or in this case one guy and an electric guitar) for their entire set and wasn’t bored for a second. The man is a living legend and one of the best rock n’ roll performers alive. Also check out his book, “The Progressive Patriot”, it’s really good.

Fuck you, yes I read.

Listen to Billy Bragg “Greetings To The New Brunette” from “The Peel Sessions”

If you haven’t heard the “new” Bauhaus record “Go Away White” you are missing out because it totally kicks ass. Dare I say it’s my favorite by them? It sounds great, so high five to whoever recorded it.

Yeah dudes, sorry I illegally downloaded this record so I don’t have the artwork to tell me who recorded it. To be honest, I don’t feel bad about it because someone should have sent me a press copy. Plus I live on a couch and everyone reading this is going to buy a copy by clicking here to even it all out. Right?

This record was supposed to come out in 2006 on Anti but some shit hit the fan and now it’s finally out in 2008 on the band’s own label. I remember them playing a few of these songs two summers ago when I was out on the road with Nine Inch Nails. One of the highlights of that tour for me was in Denver @ Red Rocks when Peter Murphy and Daniel Ash got into a “fight” on stage. It started with Peter Murphy slapping Daniel Ash across the face with a rose and ended with Daniel Ash climbing into the crowd and playing the rest of the song from the seats. Peter Murphy dropped his mic and walked off stage while the band just jammed the song out for a heavy and angry 15 minutes. It was pretty awesome.

Listen to Bauhaus - “Endless Summer Of The Damned” from “Go Away White”.

While we’re on the subject… take away the guy who wants to stick it in Aaron’s bum (Peter Murphy) and you’ve got Love & Rockets. Just so happens I have a letter for them…

Dear Love & Rockets,

Hey it’s me, Travis… I’ve been a big fan for years, bought all your records (even that turd “Lift”) and I was the dude who invited myself to DJ your first show in (what I think was about) 9 years at the Glasshouse in Pomona, California a few weeks ago. Long story made short… you guys fucking killed it! I wrote about the show here in case you missed it and don’t read Buddyhead as often as I’d like to pretend you do. Sure, I could of used “Judgement Day” in the set-list and it sure wouldn’t kill you dudes to bust out some Tones On Tails songs either. But I always need something to complain about so don’t take it personal. Anyways, the reason I’m writing you is to tell you that you guys gotta make a new record and play some more shows! You guys still got it and people care, get on it. Let’s hear some new hits. Just don’t burn the studio down this time with black magic, ok?

Love,
Travis

Listen to “Judgement Day” by Love & Rockets and imagine them making a new record right now. Also, buy their best record “Sweet F.A.” for as low as .65 cents by clicking here.

I know I’m repeating myself, but I’m old. You’re just supposed to listen, nod and pretend I’m not.

The new Spiritualized video for “Soul On Fire” sure is pretty! Too bad it’s not for one of the good songs on the new album. Troy Boy says he likes this song, but then again Troy has been going to Club Perversion every Thursday night in leather pants and a mesh shirt for about ten years now, so his opinion is void on this matter.

Spiritualized “Soul On Fire” video

Hey Jason I dare you to write a song without lyrics containing “lord”, “baby”, “higher”, “drugs”, “coming down”, “I’m so fuckin’ high man” or “pass the needle bro”. Yeah man, let’s change it up. The whole “I’m so high on drugs and I’m nodding out” bit isn’t all that exciting. neither is this “Acoustic mainlines” garbage. You can still lose touch with your mind but at least plug into a fucking amp and DIME that thing! Or keep lying there and watch Keith Richards, whose 245 years old, run circles around you and most likely snort you up his beak when he’s done.

Look, I saw Spiritualized play their first Australian show about four or five years ago in a tiny bar to about 100 people and you guys ripped. Bring that vibe back dude, I know somewhere deep down you still wanna rock. Let’s do this… drop the weenie shit pronto. Good talk Russ.

Aquarium Drunkard is one of my favorite music websites… actually they’re one of the only music related websites that’s actually worth a shit, has original content and isn’t just another blog shitting out the same boring “music news” as all the other ones are. I don’t give a fuck if Kangaroo Keyboard’s drummer quit and I don’t have time to read 35 posts a day on 35 bands I’ve never heard of. When the fuck did quantity become more important than quality? Fuck the internet, 99% of the music sites out there can chew on my salty nutsack. Justin (and the other dudes) over at Aquarium Drunkard on the other hand always have really interesting, intelligent and tasteful original content. Which is the fucking point! In short AD have my utmost respect and I’d never ask them to chew on my reproductive organs. If you’re not familiar with the site I suggest you bookmark it PRONTO! They’re always turning me onto new shit or digging up rare shit from some of my favorite artists (like Neil Young).

I really dug the “a cassette valediction” parts one & two. Check em out… makes me wanna open my shoeboxes full of mixtapes from my childhood. I got inspired by the articles so ]I made another muxtapes and you can find it @ http://buddyhead2.muxtape.com/. I know, it lazy and modern but hey man I’ve been really busy lately doing nothing so back off.

In case you missed the other ones I made, here they are…
http://buddyhead1.muxtape.com/
http://buddyhead3.muxtape.com/
http://buddyhead4.muxtape.com/

God I love the news. Is the McRib back or what?

God, I love the Replacements even more. “It’s too late to take pills, here we go…”

Replacements - “shaved eyebrows” interview

The Replacements - “Bastards of Young” video

The Replacements - “Talent Show” Live

I also love the new reissues of The Replacements first records… Aaron claims he’s gonna write about em one of these days… we’ll see. Hit up the contests page in the meantime cuz we’re giving them shits away! Fuck yeah man.

Oh… and Nick Cave has a new video for his song “Night Of The Lotus Eaters”. Which although I like Nick allot, after the “Dig, Lazarus, Dig” video and all the Grinderman videos… all I can think of watching this one is, “What am I watchin here? Nick’s mustache grow?”

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Video - “Night Of The Lotus Eaters” video

Starting tomorrow, Tuesday May 13th…..

My friends and I, plus some special guests, will be DJing the most smashing and crashing Rock N’ Roll sounds around @ Bar Lubitsch every Tuesday night from 10PM til the end (2am). Troy Boy will be there air-drumming. There’s no list. No cover. No bullshit. So leave your pretenses at home…

If you’ve been looking for a night where you can either relax with a drink or get your dance on to some good old fashion rock, then Tuesday @ Bar Lubitsch is the place to be. Bring your girlfriends, boyfriends and who ever you like to have a good time with. Leave the psychos at home…

LA Metblogs already wrote about it, click HERE to read the article. Thanks Sean!

You’ll hear everything from from The Beatles to Iggy Pop to Two Lone Swordsmen to BRMC to Broadcast to Black Sabbath to Captain Beefheart to Yeah Yeah Yeahs to Jackson 5 to Black Flag to Pulp to The Faces to Bikini Kill to The Stone Roses to Funkadelic to Jesus & Mary Chain to Frank Black to Gang of Four to Shocking Blue to Roky Erickson to The Rolling Stones to Bob Dylan to James Gang to The Velvet Underground to Neil Young to Neil Diamond to Bad Brains to Depeche Mode to Howlin’ Wolf to Ike & Tina to Primal Scream to The Gun Club to Gary Glitter to Grand Funk Railroad to The Stooges to Kaleidoscope to Willie Williams to The Doors to The Happy Mondays to Dinosaur Jr to Blackstrap to Blur to Woody to Oasis to The Creation to Led Zeppelin to Spacemen 3 to Joy Division to CCR to The Verve to Jane’s Addiction to Kasabian to Lou Reed to James to Flipper to PIL to Kraftwerk to Flying Burrito Brothers to Mudhoney to CSNY to The Jam to Circle Jerks to James Brown to The Clash to…. basically if it has a guitar and it’s good we’ll play it.

Bar Lubitsch
7702 Santa Monica Blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90046
(323) 654-1234
MAP

21+

(photo by me)

Our friend, David Eric Grohl, wrote Metallica an open letter from the standpoint of just being a fan. Sounds like something we’d do. Yeah, basically he beat us to it. Plus his “PS” torches anything we would have come up with, even if it was still 2002. Good one Dave!

Dear METALLICA,

Hey, it’s Dave! Remember me? Yeah, I’m the guy that’s been listening to your band faithfully since 1983. I bought your first album Kill ‘Em All from a mailorder catalogue called Under The Rainbow, I think. Actually I can’t remember. It was 1983 for Christsakes! But that album changed my life and I’ve been listening to your albums ever since (even St Anger!).

I can’t wait to hear the new shit, and no matter what you guys do I’ll always be first one at the shop waiting to hear it. I’m sure you’ll come out and blow everybody’s fuckin’ minds, because you’re fuckin’ METALLICA!

Good luck. And don’t release it until it’s kick-ass.

Yours, Dave Grohl.

P.S. Are you finished recording the drums yet?

Fuck Yeah!!! Unkle’s “MORE STORIES” is kicking my ass right now. Not that I should have expected anything less, but being the pessimist that I am I wasn’t really sure what this bonus disc and “part 2″ of their last record “War Stories” was actually going to be. No one wants to fork over some cash for some shitty euro remixes. We’ve all been played the fool and done that once or twice haven’t we?

Well you won’t be disappointed here… this is a record containing a mix of B-sides, remixes, unreleased War Stories session tracks, and music composed for the film Odyssey In Rome (by Abel Ferrara who made flicks like The Driller Killer, Ms. 45, King of New York and Bad Lieutenant). I found out about this little fucker a while back and wanted to buy it but being as broke as I was at the time, I couldn’t fork over the $50 bucks for this Japanese import. Now I’m beating myself up for not resorting to other forms of prostitution to get-dat-money. Now that I have it (I stole it), I can’t stop dancing. And I recommend buying this record at once, so I can balance out my crime of stealing it. Don’t blow it.

Ever since Unkle’s “War Stories” came out almost a year ago, I’ve been dancing in mesh shirts ever since. I don’t think I’ve played a cd this much since “In Utero” when I was about 13… And If you’ve ever been lucky enough to see the brilliance that goes on when Travis and I dj, you know what I’m talkin about. It’s a staple and the shit slays.

Unkle - “Can’t Stop”

Unkle - “Blade In The Back”

Unkle - “Turnstile Blues [Surrender Sounds Sessions #4] - Autolux”

“Odyssey In Rome” trailer

About 6 months ago I saw Unkle at the Echoplex. I guess their manager screwed the pooch and didn’t get Richard File’s Visa in time so he couldn’t board the plane to get over to America. In case you aren’t aware Richard File is half of this incarnation of Unkle (and the best incarnation by far if you ask me) so I hope they fired that knucklehead manager. So Richard and the other guitar player they had this summer in Europe (when Travis saw em and said they kicked ass) didn’t get to come to America and in their place they had two other pussies with lame Alternative Press hair cuts and wallet chains playing air guitar in place of him. Great, I just paid to watch two dorks pretend to air guitar to the cd.

The highlight of the show was when Chris Goss plugged in for a song or two then you really got to hear what a real live guitar actually sounded like and then the jig was really up. It was still a pretty decent show and I had a killer time but that could have been cuz of the yellow guy. I’m sad to say since then Richard File and Unkle have parted ways. I’m not sure why but that news makes me sad. The official Unkle page says: “In January 2008, the official Unkle website announced that Richard File had, after ten years’ collaboration, left Unkle due to his solo work with his new band named We Fell to Earth.”

Anyways… I’m smoked and I got work super early so just check out these tracks from this thing. I guarantee satisfaction.

Troy boy

Unkle - “Restless” video

Unkle - “Hold My Hand” video

Here are three “new” Oasis songs that leaked today. Triple the jerk material that I expected to find when I woke up today. I can’t seem to find the actual mp3s of these songs anywhere but they’re out there, I guess that’s what you get for being on “rock n’ roll” time and sleeping all day. Oh fucking well. So if one of your glorious Buddyhead readers have these mp3s (and I know some of you do) please email them to me, pronto @ travis@buddyhead.com. No word if these are even on the new album… either way though, it’s new Oasis to me. Sounds killer dudes. Looks like we’ve got a rocker and two mellow Noel numbers. Shit yeah! High five Noel, high five Gem, high five Liam, high five Andy and high five Zack! By the way, you guys all owe me a pint.

Update: Thanks to two Buddyhead readers (who obviously get up much earlier than I do) that go by the names Deborah Thomsen and Carrie Dennis, we now have those three “new” Oasis songs plus five demos from “Don’t Believe The Truth” and a live song (that I didn’t know about) for you to all hear. Fuckin’ A! Give those two pirates a round of applause.

And sorry we had to take the Dennis Wilson songs down, we’ll have them up back up at some point. I guess I jumped the gun… I tend to to do that and I’ll tell you it’s not a very good trait to have.

Oasis - “Nothing On Me”

Oasis - “I Wanna Live A Dream (In My Record Machine)”

Oasis - “Stop The Clocks”

Don’t Believe The Truth Demos

Oasis - “Eyeball Tickler (demo)”

Oasis - “Meaning of Soul (demo)”

Oasis - “A Bell Will Ring (demo)”

Oasis - “Love like a bomb (demo)”

Oasis Live

Noel - “Stop The Clocks” 2003.05.03 (Zanzibar Bandwagon)

Oasis - “Nothing On Me”

Oasis - “I Wanna Live A Dream (In My Record Machine)”

Oasis - “Stop The Clocks”

(All photos by Dean Torrance)

I’ve got some good news music fans, check this…

On June 17, 2008 Dennis Wilson’s critically acclaimed solo opus, “Pacific Ocean Blue”, will be re-released, expanded and titled “Legacy Edition”! Yes, that was a collective “FINALLY!” you just heard from fans worldwide. Lemme explain a bit, not only have 20 new tracks been added to it but this album has been out of print for almost 20 years now! It’s now considered a “lost classic” to pretty much everyone who’s heard it. My favorite music magazine, Mojo, champions it every chance they can. Example: they listed it as one of “The 67 lost albums you must own!”. You can pre-order the new 2xCD for $23 bucks from Amazon by clicking here. I dare you to buy this amazing record RIGHT NOW. As Rollins might say… “DO IT!”

You can go to http://www.pacificoceanblue.net/ to hear short streams.

Released (only a month after I was born) back in August 1977, “Pacific Ocean Blue” made Dennis Wilson (who was known in some circles as the “troubled alcoholic drummer”) the first Beach Boy to release a solo record. Think that hurt a few egos?

Not only was Dennis first but he proved he could make really good records on his own as well. To me, “Pacific Ocean Blue” sounds way more like California than “Pet Sounds” or any other Beach Boy’s record does. It was produced by Dennis and his close friend & writing partner Gregg Jakobson. They co-wrote songs for The Beach Boys in the past including “Forever” (which is on every best of I’ve ever seen), “Baby Blue”, “Celebrate the News” and “San Miguel”. “Pacific Ocean Blue” shot up the U.S. charts and “peaked” at #96 (and was on them charts for 12 weeks). It went on to sell almost 300,000 copies (which out sold all those whack disco records The Beach Boys were putting out at the time) and then it went out of print for about 20 years. I’ve seen the cd on ebay for as much as $250…

Gregg Jakobson and the album’s original engineer, John Hanlon, went back into the studio this past year, brought up all the old tracks and finished what Dennis left unfinished. They are the reason this new re-issue comes with 20 previously unreleased tracks including some that were supposed to be Dennis’s follow up album which he was working on when he died. Here’s what the press release says you’re gonna get when you buy it:

The first disc is the original album newly remastered by Vic Anesini from the 1st generation master tapes, which for whatever reason were not used for the ‘91 CD, and 4 bonus tracks listed below. Disc Two, Bambu (The Caribou Sessions), is a roundup of various tracks that Dennis recorded during his term as a solo artist for Jim Guercio’s Caribou Records. Bambu was to be the follow up album to Pacific Ocean Blue but was never completed. One point I want to make about the unreleased recordings is that we’re not saying this is what Dennis intended to be the finished Bambu album but a compilation of the best tracks he recorded during the POB/Bambu/Caribou period. The truth of the matter is that Dennis recorded constantly during this period and tracks that have been labeled as Bambu tracks over the years were started before and during Pacific Ocean Blue sessions. Who knows for sure what would have ended up on the final album but we do have the roadmap for where he was going. We’ll save all of the details for the liner notes but the bottom line is if you’re a fan you won’t be disappointed. If you’re not familiar with anything I’m yapping about then prepare to become a fan of a great lost classic album by a grossly underrated artist that hopefully will be rediscovered by a whole new audience. Or to put it bluntly as my dear departed friend Nick Venet once said to me, “You either get it…or you’re an asshole”

All of the reviews I’ve seen so far have been really positive (somewhere in the ballpark 4.5 to 5 stars out of 5), but a couple reviews have been questioning why the unfinished demo of “Holy Man” has been finished with the addition of a vocal by Taylor Hawkins, the Foo Fighters drummer. Like this review here from Uncut for example. First, let me admit that when I first heard Taylor finished a Dennis song, it didn’t sound like a very good idea. Man I was wrong (which is a pretty rare thing mind you). After hearing both the version of “Holy Man” on disc 2 and the “London Version” (which will come out as a a single separately and features Brian May & Roger Taylor of Queen singing the chorus, doing back ups, Rog lays down some sick percussion and Brian rips a “face-melting” guitar solo as well) all I can say is that Dennis would be proud of how everyone came together and finished his song in a very tasteful and Dennis-like fashion.

I was curious how they finished a 30 year old Dennis Wilson song without Dennis here? And from reading all the reviews of I could tell allot of other people were also wondering about this “Holy Man” story. So to set the record straight I asked my friend Gregg Jakobson what he had to say on the subject. Here’s what he told me…

“For all of you who are wondering about this Taylor Hawkins vocal on Holy Man…

Here’s the thing. When we first started - Dennis was so inspired. He had met his first Holy Man, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. He couldn’t believe there really was such a person.

The tracks for Holy Man came easy and they were great. (inspired event) We tried and tried on the lyrics. Other people tried. They all ended in the waste basket. It was very frustrating but Dennis always said, “Gregg, don’t worry about it. It’ll happen.” And it did - but -many years later, all at the same time. Maharishi died. (He was the inspiration). Taylor was in town, a fan of Dennis’s. He’s also a family friend and interestingly enough has the same gravely, whisky, smokers voice as Den. They sound very much alike. We were in the studio mixing the Holy Man track, Taylor comes down to the studio, we hammer out a lyric, Taylor sings it. Perfect! It was meant to be. Destiny.

For Dennis, this is what music is all about. He would have been so honored that all these talented people came together to finish one of his pieces.

For Dennis, it was always about brotherhood! The brotherhood of music.”

-Gregg Jakobson

Baba Jake

I also hit up my other friend Taylor Hawkins (who is a bearded surfing drummer just like Dennis) and asked him a few things about Dennis Wilson, Holy Man and Queen. Here’s what he told me:

“I first heard Dennis’ album from Greg Jakobsen who was the father of my girlfriend at the time. The thing that struck me the most was the rawness of it and how it reminded me of John Lennon’s - “Plastic Ono Band”. I was also struck by the childlikeness of the delivery. There was no sort of airs and graces to the lyrics; they were simple and universal, and I believed them. It’s a record that when I listen to it I believe what he is saying. It grew to become one of my favorite albums of all time. Dennis is somewhat of an icon to me, because he was the only real surfer in the Beach Boys and he kind of represents the real California Beach Bum Rock and Roll vibe. It amazes me that throughout the mid to late 70s, Dennis’ music really was the only vital music being made by anyone in the band.

As far as me playing or singing on this song it really came out of me and Greg just staying in touch and they just wanted to finish the track. There is no other connection than that. I wasn’t trying to sound like or mimic Dennis, I just wanted to do him and his legacy a bit of justice.

And as for the members of Queen getting involved, I have been stalking them for years and seeing as the Beach Boys were a big harmony group, I figured why not ask Brian and Roger if they would want to lend their beautiful harmonies, which I sometimes felt were Beach Boys inspired to this loving tribute.”

-Taylor Hawkins

A documentary clip about Dennis…

In case you aren’t familiar… Dennis Wilson was (and still is) to most people, THE Beach Boy. Sure Brian was the genius and the heart and soul of the band as far as songwriting went, but he spent all of his time couped up and tripping out with his feet in a sandbox. Dennis was the one all the guys wanted to be, he was the rebellious one who didn’t really give a fuck, tended to bend and at times break the rules, the one all the girl’s swooned over, the one who drank the most, the one who drove the fastest cars and he was the only Beach Boy who actually surfed! In short, he was the cool one and I highly recommend you buy this newly available album I’ve been in love with for years now.

Al Jardine on Dennis

And I’ll now leave you with a few Dennis quotes:

“All I need is a big surfboard and a piano.”

“They say I live a fast life. Maybe I just like a fast life. I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world. It won’t last forever, either. But the memories will.”

” I don’t know why everybody doesn’t live at the beach, on the ocean. It makes no sense to me, hanging around the dirty, ugly-as-shit city. That’s why I always loved and was proud to be a Beach Boy; I always loved the image. On the beach, you can live in bliss.”

“Pacific Ocean Blue” Legacy Edition Tracklisting:
Disc: 1
1. River Song
2. What’s Wrong
3. Moonshine
4. Friday Night
5. Dreamer
6. Thoughts Of You
7. Time
8. You And I
9. Pacific Ocean Blues
10. Farewell My Friend
11. Rainbows
12. End Of The Show
13. Tug Of Love (Previously Unreleased bonus track)
14. Only With You (Previously Unreleased bonus track)
15. Holy Man (Instrumental) (Previously Unreleased bonus track)
16. Mexico(Previously Unreleased bonus track)
Disc: 2
1. Under The Moonlight (Previously Unreleased)
2. It’s Not Too Late (Previously Unreleased)
3. School Girl (Previously Unreleased)
4. Love Remember Me (Previously Unreleased)
5. Love Surrounds Me (Previously Unreleased)
6. Wild Situation (Previously Unreleased)
7. Common (Previously Unreleased)
8. Are You Real (Previously Unreleased)
9. He’s A Bum (Previously Unreleased)
10. Cocktails(Previously Unreleased)
11. I Love You(Previously Unreleased)
12. Constant Companion(Previously Unreleased)
13. Time For Bed(Previously Unreleased)
14. Album Tag Song(Previously Unreleased)
15. All Alone
16. Piano Variations On Thoughts Of You (Previously Unreleased)
17. Holy Man (Taylor Hawkins Version Previously Unreleased bonus track)

Also check out Dennis in “Two Lane Blacktop”. A 60’s film that’s up there with “Easy Rider” and “Vanishing Point”.

“Two Lane Blacktop” trailer

It’s a fact, look it up.

Hi, I’m Meathead.  Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve spiced up your life with my Pulitzer prize-winning Internet web column, but I’ve been busy these past couple weeks getting all sweaty.  I’m sure you’ve been there, you know what it’s like.  But it’s okay, just relax, everything’s cool.  Seriously, chill the fuck out.

You know what’s one of my favorite frozen, pre-packaged desserts based on a Mexican food staple?  Hint: You’re looking right at a picture of it, and it’s also mentioned in the title.  Give up?  I’m talking about the delicious, savory Choco Taco.  I know what you’re thinking.  “Buddyhead is a music website!  I come here to read about music!  Choco Tacos aren’t music!  Therefore, my conclusion is that an opinion piece on Choco Tacos has no place on Buddyhead!  This is bullshit!  I’m calling my state representative right now!” But don’t worry, this actually is music-related.  Just be patient and you’ll see.  Besides, your state representative is probably too busy banging your mother to pick up the phone.   BURN

Choco Tacos have long been the choice of the most discerning frozen pre-packaged dessert connoisseur.  No one knows its exact origin, but the first historical record of Choco Taco consumption took place on May 29, 1574.  On the day before his untimely death, King Charles IX of France was offered a croissant by his wife.  He replied with “Léchez mon cul, salope!  Je voudrais un Choco Taco putain! (Lick my ass, bitch! I want a fucking Choco Taco!)” [citation needed]  The next day, he was hit by a bus while on his way to see Yes in concert.

Did you know that the accused conspirators in the Lincoln assassination were given Choco Tacos as their last meal before their execution on July 7, 1865?  Of course, they shit them right back out when they died.  I’m sure ol’ Honest Abe would have appreciated the irony.  It’s unknown whether Lincoln himself was a fan of Choco Tacos, but it’s quite hard to fathom that he wasn’t.  My heart swells with pride when I picture our sixteenth president sitting at his desk, signing the Emancipation Proclamation with one hand while trying not to get ice cream on it from the Choco Taco in his other hand.  At least that’s what I hope my heart is swelling with, and not just cholesterol.  America!

John Wayne, a.k.a. “The Thin White Duke,” never attempted to hide his passion for Choco Tacos, as you can plainly see in this unaltered photograph from the 1960’s.  Any attempts to confront Mr. Wayne about it were met with a fist to the face (if he was in a good mood that day).  Other famous celebs who are also unabashed Choco Taco enthusiasts include Alan Alda, Slim Pickens, the guy who sang the Mr. Belvedere theme song, Walter Mondale, Russia’s Czar Nicholas II, and Snow Dogs star Cuba Gooding, Jr.  I don’t know about you, but when I hear that Cuba Gooding, Jr. likes something, I’m all over it like shit on rice.  If you’re reading this, Cuba, call me sometime!  We should go rollerblading next week!  Oh, who am I kidding?  Nobody that cool reads this page.

It causes me great mental anguish to consider that there are some folks out there who have never tried a Choco Taco.  It’s sad that anyone would choose to waste their life like that.  Why would you not want to be eating a Choco Taco right now, as Cuba Gooding, Jr. is undoubtedly doing as I type this sentence?  It’s a waffle-cone shell filled with ice cream and fudge, and it’s topped with chocolate and peanuts!  I don’t mean to sound harsh, but quite frankly, if that doesn’t make you salivate uncontrollably, you should probably be dragged out into the street and shot.  We don’t need people like you polluting our society.  Just wait until I’m president and you’ll see how serious I am about this.

I once bought a taco from a nearby taco stand — well, actually, it was just a guy in a van, but that’s beside the point — and then took it home and poured chocolate syrup on it.  Then I ate it.  I soon determined that that was not the wisest idea I’ve ever had.  One should not tempt God by trying to make their own Choco Tacos at home.  If man were meant to make their own Choco Tacos, Lloyd Bridges would still be alive right now, and he’d be doing commercials for Gold Bond medicated powder.  Man, that would be weird.  So just be glad that I took one for the team and ate a spicy chorizo taco coated in Hershey’s syrup.  I did it so you wouldn’t have to.  I’m like the Jesus of bad food combinations.  Please send me a check for 10 percent of your weekly income.

Now, I know I said that this update would tie in to music somehow.  Unfortunately, I was just fucking with you.  It has nothing to do with music whatsoever.  Sorry.  I promise that the next thing I write will be an in-depth review of the new Rascal Flatts album!  That will make you smile and say “Aah, this is the Buddyhead I know and love.” (see below)

A while ago my friend was all “oh Akron Family, yeah…they’re SO such-and-such” and played me some of Love Is Simple. We were driving around on a beautiful day and it sounded terrific and totally weird — all this super euphoria, big guitar and mystical shaman nonsense — all of which can be very likable in the right quantities. I was curious, and got more curious when I asked around and people responded with this “oh-shit-you-don’t-know-about-this?” reverence, saying things like “…its ’60s Grateful Dead, Neil Young and math rock…” or “…killed it at Coachella…” or “…singer quit the band, joined a Buddhist monastery…” I could forgive the punctuation in their name and the fact that they’re not actually from Akron, Ohio; at that point it was like “nice to meet you, new favorite band.” This is also what I was thinking when I skipped dinner and rushed to the club (since, naturally, a band with this cache of utter, ocean-deep awesomeness would most certainly sell out the rinky dink Rickshaw Stop). I call my friend Muhammad to take pictures. He was kind enough to ditch his gig photographing the Breeders to join me for what promised to a two-set consciousness-expanding rock odyssey from the Akron/Family.

(photos by Muhammad Asranur)

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