I don’t get the IFC Channel but from what I’ve seen online the Henry Rollins show looks pretty killer. Here’s BRMC (from what I’m guessing was last year) being interviewed and playing a song off their last record HOWL. These dudes are on tour now. Go see em. They rip. Tour dates here.

Shuffle Your Feet (live) on Henry Rollins Show

Henry Rollins show interview with BRMC

Every girl in the world loves Jeff Buckley. It’s a fact, I promise. Well most of the ones I’ve met do at least. I like his dad a little bit more cuz he’s on the dark side. Little guy named Tim Buckley, maybe you’ve heard of him? "Greetings from LA" is my favorite record of his but from what I gathered from watching the new dvd about Tim called "My Fleeting House" it’s not a popular record by Tim Buckley fans. The three pussies they interviewed were totally bummed on it in the extra section were they go through every record and it was pretty much ignored in the main part of the movie. So either they’re retarded and fucked up or I don’t know shit. Chances are, they totally fucked up. Either way, the dvd is worth a watch, my favorite part was the killer stoned quote from Tim it starts with. Check out these two songs from "Greeting from LA" and check the lyrics on "Move With Me"… (I went down to the meat rack tavern / And found myself a big ol healthy girl / Now she was drinkin alone / Aw what a waste of sin / So I went on over to sweet talk that girl / Lord I moved on in / Well, I don’t care if you tell me you’re married / Cause I can be your man when your husband ain’t home / Now if he should walk in you just tell him I’m your houseboy / And that you just cant stand to sleep here alone…no more). Tim went off way harder than Jeff, hands down!

UPDATE: I’m a dumbass and forgot to post the songs from this record… so here they are two days later…

(Download - "Move With Me")

(Download - ‘Get On Top")

Trailer "My Fleeting House" from the dvd.

Sally, Go ‘Round the Roses

P.S. I’m going to see Tool this week down in San Diego… in honor of that check out Maynard’s Country Boner! Click here.

I got an email this morning from a dude named "Mike Long" with the subject "Dancing, full time. Me dance. Funny youtube. Help a brah out." When I opened the email it said something about how he used to read Buddyhead back in 99 when people cared about it. After that he asked me to post this video of him dancing here on this page because needed his parents off his back and he knew I’d understand. Well, dude… I don’t understand… I didn’t even get all the way through this video of you dancing cuz I haven’t had my coffee yet but I’m posting it anyways because you sound fully insane and I don’t need any more insane people not into me. Cheers. Hope you all like this Canadian dancing to Amy Winehouse. Fun fact: all Canadians know each other… I swear. Two Canadian posts in a row too. Killer, eh?

So I went to Coachella on Friday to DJ with my friend Troy "Boy" (Petrey) in some weird dome from 2:00pm til 3:30pm. Not too many people cared aside from about 60 hippies who got high way too early but it was really fuckin fun (despite the 110 degree weather and our sun burns). Plus they gave us a killer trailer with AC and a toilet that Danny DeViteo used (I made sure to tell him he was killer on the view), got to drink free beer, watch The Jesus & Mary Chain kill it (aside from that unnecessary actress bullshit) and harass Jarvis Cocker and tell him how cool he was. Woo! Yeah! Anyway I’m fuckin’ tired so here’s Nardwuar trying to interview Krist Novoselic of that band Nirvana on his radio show in Canada. Oh, and you might wanna buy the new single from The White Stripes called "Icky Thump" on Itunes. Aside from the weird Indian synthesizer solo shit it’s killer. And if you can find "No Girl In My Plan" by the Two Lone Swordsmen, but that too… they told me to take it down.

Seeing as how Mike from (Buddyhead’s own) Wires On Fire is now the new bass player of Queens Of The Stone Age, I figured I’d keep you all up to date on their soon-to-be-released record.

Here’s another short preview from "Era Vulgaris" (check out the first one i posted here), they’re not giving away much yet…. but what do you guys think so far? I think Bluby rules! I totally wanna party with Bulby. Post your opinions and expectations! Don’t think about it man… Do it!

Also, check out new video from Wires On Fire for their song "Stallions" and then guy their album from Itunes here so Aaron and I can buy cool shit!

QOTSA - The Bulby Video (f.Sick Sick Sick)

Wires On Fire - Stallions

My favorite DC minimalist punk band, or I should even just say my favorite DC band in a really really really long time, has a new album and is touring across America. The new album has some less abrasive moments which sometimes reminds me of African music with the way the guitar and bass interact. The album from start to finish is a great listen and clocks in at 25 minutes and 15 seconds. No filler… just great compact songs.

Remaining Tour Dates:

13 Apr 2007  The Waiting Room Omaha, Nebraska
14 Apr 2007 Big V’s St. Paul, Minnesota
15 Apr 2007 The Empty Bottle Chicago, Illinois
16 Apr 2007 Otto’s Dekalb, Illinois
17 Apr 2007 Kraftbrau Kalamazoo, Michigan
18 Apr 2007 Oberlin College (The Sco) Oberlin, Ohio
19 Apr 2007
Mojo’s Jamestown, New York
20 Apr 2007 Mohawk Place Buffalo, New York
21 Apr 2007 Sneaky Dee’s Toronto, Ontario
22 Apr 2007 La Sala Rossa Montreal, Quebec
23 Apr 2007 Space Gallery Portland, Maine
24 Apr 2007 The Oasis New London, Connecticut
25 Apr 2007 Mercy House Amherst, Massachusetts
12 May 2007 Warehouse Next Door Washington, DC

[ DOWNLOAD "COLLECTIVE DREAM" MP3 ]

[ DOWNLOAD "WANDERING GHOST" MP3 ]

[ BUY FROM DISCHORD ] [ BUY FROM ITUNES ]

Crazy Dave Tape. Part 2. Click here for website.

I still don’t feel like writing anything for this "blog".  Here are two videos of Nick Cave. The first one is one of my favorite uncomfortable interviews ever (Nick looks like he kinda went off the night before.. can barely open his eyes) and the second is the music video for the same song. Why? I don’t know why.

Live broadcast from London to Tokyo.

Mercy Seat Video

No, nobody died over here. We just haven’t done a gossip update inna while cos A) We’ve been busy doing cool shit, and B) We honestly didn’t give a shit. Anywhoo, here you go…

Grace Jones loves little white kids who love Buddyhead!

So far 2007 seems to be yet another year of “comebacks” and “reunions” in rock n’ roll. Not to be the neg-noids and bum out the nostalgia party, but this has rarely proven to be a good idea. Come on guys, sometimes you just gotta grow some nuts, stick a fork in it, and start a new band. It’s not as scary as it sounds pussies.

We do have to admit though, we got a smidge excited when we heard that the Goldenvoice people convinced The Jesus & Mary Chain to reform for Coachella this year by throwing a shitload of money at their broke limey asses. Even though William Reid is a fat slob who stole Travis’ I-pod at Dimitri’s bachelor party recently, while he simultaneously had to be restrained from groping every female in sight (is groping the right word for spreading girl’s ass cheeks?), we thought it’d be interesting to see these guys on stage again playing all those great songs again… and maybe that killer cover of The Cramp’s “New Kinda Kick” if we’re lucky. It’ll be their first show in 9 years and the word on the street is that a world tour will follow as well as a new record in 2008. Sounds killer right? Well here’s the bummer part… Besides the Reid brothers openly admitting in the press that they’re still not on good terms with each other, and are only really doing the reunion for the dough, we’ve also heard that instead of going the obvious route and calling up Hope Sandoval to sing all the female vocal parts, William and Jim are letting Justin Timberlake’s slam piece, Scarlett Johansson, sing those songs. This is an obvious neglection of the very important “NO ACTORS ON STAGE” rule. Especially when said girl has a man voice, and was in Home Alone 3. If this rumor is true, and she does end up on stage with JAMC, Buddyhead will be rewarding anyone who can welcome that poser to rock n’ roll by tagging her with a cup of beer. We’re talking cash prizes here kids. Do us proud. Oh, and… hey William… give Travis his I-pod back or you’re gonna get it old man!

Another band getting back together for Coachella is Rage Against The Machine. Yeah it’s kinda weird considering Tom Morello said they were “gonna put a dent in the Bush Administration” (uhhh… ok dude, more like your fans are gonna put dents in each other’s heads in that massive jock/mosh pit your band is gonna start) and the last we heard they all hated each other, but fuck man… at least Audioslave is over! Anything is better than having to hear about Audioslave squirting out another deuce they call a record and it selling shitloads to NASCAR fans. But then again… now we have Chris Cornell running around as a “solo artist” covering Michael Jackson songs and writing “adult contemporary” pop jingles. So…

Dear Chris Cornell,

Please knock off all this fruitcake shit, stop trying to be Sting, and just get Soundgarden back together already. Everybody else is getting their shitty 90’s bands back together, you might as well jump on board and get one of the good ones movin’ again too. NO ONE wants to see you embarrass yourself anymore with this solo horseshit. What people want is: you with ridiculously long hair again, shirtless, rockin’ those weird bracelets you had, maybe also throwing on some cut off jeans and beat up Doc’s, and getting back to singing about dark shit like snakes and serpents while Ben Shepard bangs his bass on the ground behind you, Kim solos people’s faces off in drop D, and Matt Cameron beats the shit outta the skins. (Keep the drummer gloves at the Pearl Jam practice space though chief. No room for that dorkus shit in the Garden camp). I mean come on… you’ve got a dude who played with Jewel in your “band” now! NEW RULE: If you were ever in a remotely cool band, you’re not allowed to EVER play music with someone who attended the Musicians Institute. It’s just plain jive and unnecessary. SO, anyways Chris, just chillax on this solo hogwash, call up the boys, and maybe check out a little thing called BEER… you were a hell of a lot cooler when you drank that shit.

Love,
Buddyhead

Speaking of P-JAM, how fucking jive is Mike McCready? Dude, you went from some shitty wannabe Stevie Ray Vaughn stee-lo in the 90’s, to lookin’ like an overweight stunt double for Brian Baker from Bad Religion. Yer BLOWING the entire live show for the band. Shitty cock rock wah-wah solos, and throwing pics into the crowd every 5 seconds in your board shorts and spiky lesbian gym coach haircut? Just when we wanna try to fully back Pearl Jam, you make it impossible for us to do so. Eddie, Stoney… pull this geek aside and have a fashion/stage moves intervention on him, PLEASE. While yer at it, tell Cameron’s drum tech to “accidentally” lose those drum gloves right before show time too. Oh and Eddie… Travis wants to hang, pound wine, and talk about how rad Hawaii and the ocean is with you next time you’re in Los Angeles. Call him. Shaka.

Speaking of Bad Religion… why the fuck do they have eight guitar players on stage? It looks like the new “Guns N’ Roses” now, except maybe those clowns could rationalize it cos there’s actually something other than POWER CHORDS being played the entire set. Cut the shit.

Dear Iggy Pop and The Stooges of the 21st century,

The 4th Stooges record is an abortion. We love you guys, but what the fuck is happening here? The reunion tour you did the last couple of years was great (aside from Mike Watt thinking a Stooge tucks his shirt in, and plays bass at his nipples with his fingers) cuz the songs you wrote 32 years ago are undeniable… how can you fuck that up? But, this new record you fogies made called “The Weirdness” is toilet water! You’re ruining your legacy and making your discography look lame and shitty. No, not “FREE and FREAKY in the USA”… LAME and SHITTY. We’re just gonna pretend there is no “fourth Stooges record” and Iggy never stopped sun bathing in Florida with that South American girlfriend of his with breasts larger than our heads. If anyone ruins our fantasy, Uncle Scott is gonna squeeze heads and make ‘em pop like cantaloupes.

Love,
Buddyhead

P.S. Hey Asheton brothers… We’re sure you’ve noticed that Iggy isn’t as cool as he was back in 1969 too. I mean, fuck, homeboy did a song with Sum 41 a few years back. Good idea David Wolter! We really hate to say this, but let’s face it… Iggy’s pretty jive these days. The only reason he’s doing The Stooges again is cuz enough people told him “Funhouse” is killer… If it was up to him he’d still be singing “Candy” and dancing around like a fruitcake with that chick from the B-52’s. You guys would be better off kicking out Iggy and starting a new band with somebody else. Fuck, David Lee Roth would be a much better idea for a frontman… We’re pretty sure he isn’t doing anything now that the Van Halen reunion tour is off. If you choose to go that route… we got your back again. Think about it… Ron Asheton shredding fuzzed out wah-wah solos in people’s faces while Diamond Dave jumps off the front of Scott’s kit the entire show. It’s a no lose situation.

Again on the “new Stooges album” topic… Stevie… Mr. Albini… we hold you somewhat responsible for this mess too dude. We know yer into the whole “not producing” thing, but next time yer behind the board rollin’ tape on one of the greatest rock n’ roll bands of all time, and grandpa starts bustin’ out lyrics to a song called “Mexican Guy” or lines like, “My dick is turning into a tree”, it’s time to intervene homeboy. This new Shellac album “Excellent Italian Greyhound” comin’ out in June better be pretty damn good, or we ain’t lettin’ this shit slide. There better be a whole lotta songs about all women being whores who need to die again on this one, or some “weirdness” really is gonna go down coach.

But back to the Van Halen thing… those fuckers pulled the plug on the “reunion” tour at the last minute. Thank god SOMEBODY pulled their head outta their ass on that one. Don’t get us wrong… Diamond Dave high AS SHIT on yayo while toothless Eddie drunk AS SHIT trying to fumble through “Eruption” next to his fat-ass 15 year old kid named Amadeus or some shit would be somewhat entertaining to see… But without a little guy called “THE SECRET WEAPON” holding the whole thing down on the 4-string and backing vox, it sure as shit ain’t a Van Halen show. We’d rather hang out in the on stage “Wabo Bar” and watch “The Other Half” (AKA Sammy Hagar and Michael “The Secret Weapon” Anthony) play Van Halen songs. At least those guys would be kicking ass and playing the hits… not to mention feeding us tequila and hot sauce!

Ok, now let’s talk some more about 90’s bands getting “back together”. “Smashing Pumpkins” are putting out a new record and playing some festivals this summer. The only thing is, what makes this any different than that Zwan bullshit we already endured? Same idea… bald vampire lookin whiner/singer dweeb with the 9-foot tall smack addict hippy drummer and a bunch of “other dudes”. The sketchiest part about this whole “reunion” thing though, is how the Pumpkins camp isn’t being too eager to announce who the two “not James Iha and D’arcy” people are. In case ya were wondering, the new bass player happens to be Ginger Reyes (formerly of the Halo Friendlies) and the guitar player is a dude named Jeff Schroeder (he used to be in some dorky Silverlake band called The Lassie Foundation). Siiiiiick dudes, real exciting! They originally tried out Eric Avery, but Billy didn’t think he could “keep up”. By the way, Bill… are you ever gonna admit that you and Courtney Love were banging when she was married to Kurt Cobain, and that this probably had more than just a smidge to do with homeboy checkin’ out early? Or is that one yer takin’ to the grave? C’mon dude… its like OJ still claiming his innocence. We all know the deal. Just fess up so us grunge babies can move on.

Oh, and before we forget… While we’re still on the topic of band reunions… NEW RULE: If you’re gonna get the band back together, and the people who were originally in the band are ALIVE and aren’t involved, it’s NOT ON. We’re lookin’ at you Black Flag, Jane’s Addiction, and even Guns N’ Roses. Now, if a key member is DEAD, it’s NOT ON either. Example: when Bonzo checked out, Zeppelin stuck a fork in it… Their legacy lives on un-tarnished, and all is well in rock-land. ESPECIALLY when 1 or 2 dudes get the reunion itch cos they’re broke, tired of listening to their shitty kids fight all day, and their fat wives nag them constantly, so they wanna “give it a go” again, but some of the other members aren’t down cuz they think your shitty reunion tour idea is retarded… then it’s NOT A REUNION. START A NEW BAND! You’ll still be members of said band forever, and you’re not shitting on the legacy. Deal? Fuck, why do we gotta hold everybody’s hand on everything?

Even more 90’s bands with drummers who wear gloves talk… Korn recently entered the studio to work on their 67th new album. They actually finally canned the cokehead jock drummer dickhead with the gloves and the seat-back on his drum stool (double dorkus drummer whammy), and replaced the dude with… Terry Bozzio. Yeah, NO SHIT, the dude who played with Frank Zappa, Missing Persons, and Fantomas. But after a couple weeks in the studio, Bozzio quit. He got pissed cos they wouldn’t let him set up his 467 piece drum kit or something. The band didn’t let these setbacks deter them from committing the most offensive crime against humanity within the last decade or so… their “unplugged” performance. HOLY SHIT. Did you catch this atrocity? Is this an elaborate PUNK’D sketch where we’re all the victims? Every time we see or hear that fat Evanescence cunt singing with the fatter Korn dork, a part of all of us dies. They should “unplug” Jonathans’ hair-plugs next time too and do that shit legit!

Speaking of Terry Bozzio, here’s a pic of Josh “pee pee squeeze” Freeze with him when he was 12.

On the “maybe it’s not such a bright idea to make fun of shitty mall punk/warped tour bands anymore” note… the singer of Mest recently stabbed some dude to death with a pocketknife. You’d think this would keep us from commenting on things such as the new Good Charlotte song… but, no. Having to hear that “keep your hands off my girl” chorus feels like being stabbed to death already, so we have nothing to lose. Oh, and dudes… We know you like to sing about all your “bling” and a buncha other nonsense that people who aren’t over 12 or mentally retarded are into… but judging by the record sales of this new album, you might wanna start trading some of that crap in, and bracing yourself for a job at Wendy’s working the deep-fryer next to the dude in Saliva.

And those Fall Out Boy bands and the Panic At The Gay Bar stuff… we’re not really sure what that crap is, but our gaydar is fully pinned. The needle is in the red and it ain’t moving.

Hey, Rolling Stone Magazine… you’re called ROLLING STONE… leave it to Alternative Press to put the shitty mall punk bands on their cover like the two we just mentioned above. Why don’t you guys stick to what you started writing about back in 1966… ROCK N’ ROLL! The fact that you guys get paid to write about music is a crime. You think My Chemical Romance’s last album is better than Tom Petty’s? You guys writing about music is the equivalent of us getting paid to be astronauts. Yeah, you guessed it… we don’t know shit about outer space! Hey Austin Scaggs… you’re about as “on the pulse of music” as my deaf grandma. Get a new job dorkus.

Speaking of shitty pretty-boy nu-emo mall-punk sissy bands… One of the bands responsible for creating a lot of this “I can’t sing, but it’s cool anyway” bullshit, Thursday, was recently dropped by their record label. This is a step in the right direction folks. Let’s all get on board here.

RIP Arthur Magazine. It’s a bummer you dudes are gone. We’ll miss you because you were one of the few music publications we actually read. Try and look on the bright side… At least now you guys will have way more free time to eat mushrooms and shit. We heard Devendra and Guy from Entrance have some crazy Manson compound up in Laurel Canyon with shitloads of sitars and loads of naked un-spruced hippy chicks runnin’ around on acid. Pretty sure you dudes will be stoked on that place. Plus, we also heard Chris Robinson hangs out there… Maybe you can catch some of the chicks that bounce off that dude.

This leaves Plan B, Everett True’s UK mag, as one of the last few smaller music publications out there worth a shit. Buy a copy and help keep cultural genocide from spreading any further.

Speaking of The Black Crowes, they are supposedly making a new record right now, and considering that Chris just got divorced it’ll prolly be good. You know they’re all living free and going off without Goldie’s daughter hanging around bumming the party out… and that combination always makes for good rock n’ roll. Plus, they’ve got that dude who was in Oasis for like 39 seconds, and anyone that was in Oasis can’t hurt things.

The New White Stripes record “Icky Thump” should be hittin’ stores soon, and the web even sooner. Hopefully homeboy lays off the marimba on this one. The album will be out on Warner Brothers in the U.S. thanks to V2 in the USA going out of business… finally. Hey, Andy Gershon… you shit the bed. Blow us.

Speaking of the continuing downfall of the record industry, Capital Records and Virgin have merged! This leaves many of the employees from both labels jobless. Gee, didn’t see that one comin’! Maybe you can get a job at the Starbucks label chumps. Or, more likely, just a job at a Starbucks. Yeah, Andy Slater… you really knew what you were doing over there didn’t you, you motorboatin’ son of a bitch you! Good call bro… Morningwood, The Panic Channel, The F-Ups, Auf Der Maur, and more Dandy Warhol records… that’s what people wanna hear. Give us more of that dickhead. Have fun filling out yer resume with Andy Gershon, and you can both add at the bottom of them: “DROVE ONE OF THE LAST DECENT RECORD LABELS INTO THE GROUND”.

While we’re talking about Andy Slater, we might as well relay this amusing little story… Dude is notorious for going around to high-end clothing and jewelry stores around Hollywood, and trying to purchase thousands of dollars of their merchandise by trading them Capitol Records cd’s or concert tickets! First of all… are cd’s even worth anything anymore? And second of all… guess you won’t be doing that anymore, huh asswipe?

Speaking of music industry dipshits getting fired… it’s been awhile now since him getting the boot, but Arthur Spivak… how did it feel getting canned as well dingus? Remember a few years ago when you were managing A Perfect Circle, and The Icarus Line were opening for them, and you threatened Aaron with all this bullshit about kicking the band off the tour cos he talked shit back to the meathead crowd after they threw crap at him onstage? Remember when you told him, “You’ll never make it in the music business”? Well, first of all… anybody involved in rock n’roll in any form whatsoever who refers to it as the “music BUSINESS” out loud is a giant deuce nibbler, and… who’s the one not makin’ it now malorkus? By the way, if ya don’t quit pickin’, it ain’t gonna heal.

On a positive note, Fred Durst ain’t making music right now. With that in mind, anyone wanna buy Tom Walley’s Platinum Limp Bizkit record plaque? We’re selling it on Ebay. CLICK HERE! Come on, pay Travis’ rent for a month! It’s good karma or something.

You know when you’re pretty sure that something sucks, but you just can’t put your finger on exactly why, so you keep your mouth shut so ya won’t make any waves? Well, aside from their first record, those first Peel sessions, and a few songs here and there in the 80’s, we’ve always felt that way about The Cure. Well, now we’ve got some confirmation on the suckage. Robert Smith is helping Ashlee Simpson write her new album. Between that, letting the dude who invented Limp Bizkit AKA Ross Robinson “produce” their last album, doing those guest vocals on that Blink 182 album a few years ago, AND finally performing with Korn on their “Unplugged” nightmare… dude is FIRED! Oh, and Robby… you’re like… 50. You can stop trying to look “goth” bro. Every day you’re looking a tad more like Elizabeth Taylor meets Exene from X. Oh… We all know it’s a wig too. The jig is up gramps.

If all these bands are getting back together, we’ve got a few more suggestions and/or predictions…

Yo, Richard Ashcroft… approximately 7 people bought your last solo record, and Travis was one of em, and even he thinks that shit sucks. We know you think you were “saving souls and changing 20,000 people’s lives nightly” when you were opening for Coldplay on their last tour, but dude, let’s get real here… Coldplay’s crowd cares more about figuring out where they sell the beers and hotdogs than the skinny English dude playing songs they don’t know. Get on the phone and call up Nick McCabe and the other dudes and get The Verve back together immediately. You got nothing else going on, and let’s face it… The Verve ripped harder than anything you’ve done by yerself so far.

We’re pretty sure Kevin Shields and My Bloody Valentine are making a record and will be touring this time next year if homeboy doesn’t eat a truck load of Ecstasy and waste a few million pounds like he did last time he tried to make an album. Kevin, put the bong down. Put it DOWN! If you keep fucking this up, Gus Brandt is going to find you, and pistol whip you every time you try leaving the studio after another full day of re-recording white-noise nobody but you can hear anyway.

Uhhh… Stone Roses. DO IT. Don’t make Ian Brown prove he can make another solo record… unless of course Noel’s gonna be on it again.

We’re also pretty sure there will be some sort of a Love and Rockets reunion happening soon also. They better play some of that “Sweet F.A.” stuff and not puss out too. Just keep Daniel away from the blow, and shit will go off without a hitch. “EXCUUUUUUSE MEEEEE… BUT CAN SOMEONE GETTTT A BUMMMP FOR TWIGGGY?!”

Fuck it! Let’s reform Tad too. We’re not really sure who’d care, but it’d be killer to see that massive dude in magazines again. We can only imagine how grotesque that slob is now. Them, and Screaming Trees. Get em both on one bill, and they can call it “The Monsters of Grunge” tour.

One band we are fully stoked to go see is Black fucking Sabbath at The Forum! Shit yeah! Only problem is that seeing as how Dio is singing for them, and Ozzy’s wife is the biggest CUNT on earth, they’re not allowed to call themselves Black Sabbath, they gotta use the name “Heaven & Hell”. Also, they can’t play any Ozzy era songs, even though Dio would house that geriatric potato with his renditions. Yeah, it’s a bummer, but it’s still gonna be killer, and Sharon Osbourne can’t stop Heaven & Hell’s party! Can’t be done bitch! You’ll find us in the parking lot of The Forum doing a little thing called TAILGATING! Lawn chairs, a Bar-B-Q shaped like a Raiders helmet, mini keg, and Dio-Dogs. Ya might wanna check it out.

When we’re done tailgating, we’re gonna make sure to get inside early though, cos Megadeth is opening the gig. This shit is a freakshow, cos Dave Mustaine kicked out everybody even remotely recognizable from the band, and won’t do any of the “anti-christian” songs he used to cos he’s a “born again” now. Look… Dave… cut the shit. Yeah, yeah, wah wah wah, you got kicked out of Metallica and they sold more records than you. But look at em now dude! Now’s yer time to lap those fuckers while they’re old, fat, comfy, and asleep at the wheel! Bust out some old school puffy white Nike high tops, some skin-tight black jeans, do a buncha gak, get Chris Poland back in the band, and DO THIS SHIT. We know Chris Poland ain’t doin squat cos he’s the motherfucking LANDLORD at Downtown Rehearsal in L.A. We only know this cos every time Nails is on tour, and the rent for Josh Freese’s rehearsal space is an hour late, he calls Josh to bitch about it, and Sully pisses his pants cos he thinks of early Megadeth like most people think of The Beatles or Zeppelin or some shit. Fuck man, or at least get Marty Friedman back! The dude WENT OFF! Here’s proof!

Speaking of the Osbournes… how killer is it that we don’t have to see their fat kids everytime we turn on the TV anymore? Everybody is psyched about this.

But back to Metallica… You know how dog owners start to look like their dogs and vice versa cos they spend so much time together? Well, Metallica have been working with Rick Rubin for so long now on their new album, that Lars is starting to look like Rick… or Jack Nicholson or… who knows. Here’s to hoping Lars’ dad is in the studio this time on a more full time basis, making sure they don’t fuck everything up again, and when they lay down a dud, he tells em’, “I think I would have to say… DELETE that.”

The new Nine Inch NailS albUm “Coke Zero” wiLL be hitting stores inna week or two… or you can steal it online right now! There has been a lotta crazY inTernet activity recently surrounding the album, slowly outlining an explanation of tHe concEpt record. People started noticing that by contacting email addresses and phone numbers that were hidden in key places By piecing them together becaUse… for example, the information was boLded and capitaLized @ certain locations in sequential order, that theY could unrAvel more of tHe information cOncerning the recOrd. So if yer into that sort of thing, keep your eyes peeled, cos Clues cOuld be anywhere! Make sure to eMail these addresses you find right away! And call the phone numbers asap! The band is about to head to Australia and Japan before going back to Euro-land yet again this summer to do a buncha festivals, and then play freaky places like Budapest, Moscow, St. Petersburg, Rome, Prague, Beijing, and a buncha other weird places you can’t find a TGIFridays at.
may 7 brisbane, australia @ riverstage
may 9 sydney, australia @ big top luna park
may 10 sydney, australia @ big top luna park
may 11 sydney, australia @ big top luna park
may 12 day off! Yayyy!!!
may 13 melbourne, australia @ metro nightclub
may 14 melbourne, australia @ metro nightclub
may 15 melbourne, australia @ metro nightclub
may 16 fly to japan 4 a long time! 3 days off between shows!
may 18 tokyo, japan @ studio coast (wow, 2 whole shows there!)
may 19 day off in Tokyo!
may 20 tokyo, japan @ studio coast
may 22 nagoya, japan @ zepp
may 23 osaka, japan @ zepp
may 24 osaka, japan @ zepp

Speaking of Nine Inch Nails, if you wanna party with the band, don’t bother. Michael “The Ruiner” Sullivan is only one man, and he smokes all the time, so the after-show gatherings have been kind of un-eventful lately. In case you were ever curious about what a “backstage party” looked like after a big rock show, here’s a picture from one of the recent ones Nails had.

Johnny Marr, what are you thinking? Modest Mouse? For real?

And Graham Coxon… what’s the deal? You in Blur again or what? Quit it with this on/off blueballing dance. Yer solo records are badass, but Damon needs you brah. Come home, homeboy has been putting out shitty records and tripping ever since you bailed. Just get him to at least stop putting out Gorillaz records, even if you don’t wanna be in Blur again. For us… Please?

Perry Farrell’s new band “Satellite Party” take home the trophy for “Worst post-Janes Addiction band” over Dave Navarro’s “The Panic Channel” by a cunt hair. Just let that sink in for a minute, and try to imagine the absolute shitty-ness that has to be involved here. We think the cover says it all…

But it gets worse… Nuno Bettencourt from fucking EXTREME plays guitar, and Perry’s wife Etty Lau Farrell is on backing vocals and fake tits. Oh, and that pee pee pants tweeker bitch Fergie is on the record too, as if things couldn’t get any worse. We dare you to try watching the EPK. Click here if you dare.

Travis hung out with Les Claypool a few weeks ago while he was in Texas for SXSW. Les was cool as shit, but wouldn’t tell him exactly where the Seas of Cheese were. Sorry dudes… it’s still a mystery.

Oh, and without telling too much of a really long boring story… we had a run-in with some actor dork named Nicky Katt who was in Dazed and Confused for like 30 seconds and thinks he’s a superstar cuz of it. Dude was bogarting the I-pod at a party we happened to end up at, and was THAT GUY all night. You know what we’re talking about. Homeboy kept playing the first 45 seconds of “Sweet Child Of Mine” and then starting it over. Dude tried to not let us change it, and then proceeded to tell us how he was in a Quentin Tarantino movie, and how tight he was with Josh “Holmes” from Queens Of The Stone Age. Long story short, the I-pod was removed from him, and AC/DC and Black Crowes were played on ten… DIMED. PINNED. Yo Nicky… for future name-dropping reference, his name is Josh Homme, dickbreath. We only came here for two things, and it looks like we’re all outta beer drama boy.

Kyle totally sucks, email him and tell him @ kylekapow@gmail.com. Hey dude… if you’re coming to a party, you don’t bring 12 dudes. Yer fired. You probably don’t know Kyle, but if you do you’re probably wondering why we didn’t just deport his ass.

Hey Amy Winehouse… Aaron apologizes for that time a few weeks ago in Manchester when he was in the elevator super smoked, and he said he wanted to take a deuce all over the tattoos of naked chicks on your arms. He had just gotten off the bus after being in mainland Europe for a few weeks, and forgot that the whole: “These people don’t speak English, so it’ll be funny to tell them I wanna shit in their mouth” rule didn’t really apply anymore. Sorry.

Anyways, back to shit people might understand or care about…

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club’s new record “Baby 81” comes out pretty soon, and it’s fuckin’ tits. If the first single “Weapon of Choice” isn’t a huge hit, then everything is fucked and there’s no hope for rock n’ roll in this world anymore. They’re going on tour, so check their website for dates and don’t miss that shit.

The Horrors are posers. Hey Nick Munster Zinner… we know you helped those dorks with that record. You’re on suspension until further notice bro.

What’s Danzig doing right this minute?

More importantly, What’s Rob Zombie doing right this minute? Someone have him call us… we need to brew down.

Josh Freese has been working a lot on his next solo record. He’s also already assembled a live band to perform the songs with him on the road sometime next year. Here’s an exclusive pic of his band from their first group photo shoot.

AC/DC are about to make another record and tour again. Scott can’t stop thinking about how many amps that means are going to get plugged into STRAIGHT IN on stage.

Oasis are still killer and probably the best rock n’ roll band in the world right now. They’re making a new record this year and Noel claims it’ll be their best since “Definitely Maybe”. We’re pretty much backing everything Noel says, including: “Let’s call it what it is, it’s indie shit, is what it is. Bloc Party are appalling… it’s just indie rubbish.” Noel is also gonna be a daddy soon. Regarding naming his child, he had this in mind: “Chutney is a name I fancy if the baby is a geezer. Maybe Gizmo Gallagher, or Gilly Gallagher. If it’s a girl, Sara’s already got the names picked out. But either way it’s gonna be legendary.” Once again, Noel wins.

Speaking of Bloc Party, their singer with the massive head really shocked the world recently when he came out of the closet. That’s cool that he came out and all, but what about the other three dudes in the band?

Speaking of gayness… Maroon 5 have a new record coming out called “It Won’t Be Soon Before Long”. Fans of Jamiroquai, scarves, and buttplugs are amped on this news.

Daniel Johnston hates jews.

Somebody from the Neil Young camp has finally pulled their head outta their pooper, and is releasing the Neil Young boxset that’s been talked about for over a decade now. Somebody please make sure this shit happens on time please? Make Neil put the fuckin’ toy trains down for a minute, stop writing songs about Bush, and wrap this fucker up.

As if you didn’t already hate Gene Simmons enough, here’s what this old piece of shit looked like recently right after having some plastic surgery done. Somebody needs to put this guy DOWN. All Kiss fans too. Another new rule… You publicly claim to be a fan of Kiss, and we’re allowed to shoot on sight.

Tommy Lee wants the world to know “You can’t stop this party! It can’t be done!” For once, we agree with Tommy. Dude kinda wins. Aside from 99.999% of his musical output, he’s the greatest living man alive.

Queens Of The Stone Age have a new bass player. Dude happens to be Mike from Wires On Fire… who just so happen to be on a little record label called Buddyhead. Maybe you’ve heard of it. Ya might wanna check it out. Buy their records so we can buy cool shit. Queens’ new album is KILLER, and should be out somewhat soon. They’re playin’ festivals all over the place soon, and doin’ all kinds of COOL SHIT, so check it out.

Primal Scream are making another new record soon. Hey guys, lets make this one not suck, huh? No more fake southern rock records please, because you guys are not good at it, and ENGLISH! So stick to the rock n’ roll rave shit where you rip off The Stooges and put crazy dancey techno shit all over that sounds good on drugs. That shit rules.

We’re still waiting for the Queens Of The Stone Age vs. Primal Scream world tour / drug off. It’s bound to happen, but we’re not sure if everyone will be coming home alive.

Dave Sitek from TV On The Radio loves goth chicks and can’t stop stealing Aaron’s shit. Dave thinks Aaron’s gonna forget about him “indefinitely borrowing” his “Sticky Fingers” album, and Gn’R bootlegs. Dave can think again. We know where you live fucker!

Puddle Of Mudd have a new record coming out called “Fellatio”. In an ironic and cruel twist of fate, Travis just happened to move in next door to where the band was recording the album this past summer, and now has unwillingly memorized all the songs after hearing them played back 13,567 times. Life is funny, and then it gets a little funnier.

Go buy this stuff: The new Billy Bragg box set and his book. The new Melvins album. The Grinderman record. The re-issue of the 2nd and 3rd Nico albums. Everything Buddyhead releases. Thank you.

Angus from Liars got hit by a fuckin’ car while riding a bike late at night in Berlin. Shit fucked up his leg really bad. Bum deal. Get better dude. Hope those krauts aren’t fucking stingy on the prescriptions. Yeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhppppppp.

Chris Goss and Jeordie White have a cool lil band called Goon Moon. Maybe ya heard of it? Ya might wanna check it out. They have an album coming out May 8th on Ipecac that’s pretty damn good called “Lickers Last Leg”. They also have wayyyyyyyyyyy too much free time on their hands… well, at least Jeordie does, cos when he’s not combing the streets of every last freaky town in Europe searching for used vinyl stores carrying old Metallica bootlegs, he’s making videos like this one here:

Speaking of Chris Goss, now that’s he’s finished producing the new QOTSA album, he’s about to start work on the new Duke Spirit record out in Joshua Tree. Believe it or not, The Duke Spirit’s label actually recently DROPPED the band. Yeah, good going guys. Give us some more fucking Kaiser Qeeufs albums, that’s what we really need. Anywhoo… the band is recording an album anyway, and there’s no doubt it’ll be boner raising.

Speaking of The Duke Spirit… they actually just did some shows with Incubus of all people. Hey Incubus, guess what? Everybody totally noticed that your new single is a HUGE At the Drive-In rip-off. Yes, everybody. Tell the little midget guitar player with the jew-fro to step away from the At the Drive-In records… step AWAY BRO. And don’t think we didn’t notice that the “DJ dude” is now the “organ player dude”… you still suck ass.

And hey, Linkin Park… everybody else noticed that yer new single is a blatant Nine Inch Nails rip-off. Yes, EVERYBODY. If yer gonna rip off the music, at least be smart enough not to rip off the SAME BAND in the video too. Yeah dorks, we saw all that exact same stock footage at the Nails show, and on their new dvd. Now tell the “rapper guy” to stop pretending to play guitar now that “rap-metal” isn’t cool, and the other dude who usually wears those stupid headphones or whatever, and doesn’t even play guitar live cos we can hear all that shit on tape, to fucking shave too.

Yo, “James Morrison”. We have no idea who you are, or what your music sounds like, but you might wanna change your name… and check out a little band called THE DOORS! Maybe you’ve heard of it? Ya might wanna check it out.

If you get bored, and yer on “the internets”, check out Jihad Jerry from Devo’s website: mineisnotaholywar.com. Dude is tripping harder than anybody else we know, yet is cooler than them all at the same time.

The Beatles’ records are finally gonna be available on download services. If you’re excited about this, you’re what is known as a “poser” for not already owning these albums.

Keith Richards is SMOKED. Dude has gone off harder than anybody in the history of the world, and if that were even open at all to debate, Keith recently put the argument to rest with this quote: “The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared. It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.” YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHPPPPPPPP

The entire interview this quote came from in NME is actually quite an amazing read, so check it out:

The biggest cliché in rock’n'roll is…

There’s no roll
“They forgot the roll and they only kept the rock. The roll’s the whole damn thing dude, the rock is nothing, deal with it, the roll is king. Unfortunately most cats don’t get behind the roll.”

The three things I guarantee I’ll never do again are…

1) Heroin
“The one thing I’ll never do is the dope. I won’t do that again. Everything else is up for grabs. Why wouldn’t I do the dope again? Because I’ve been there and done that, and it’s fucking painful, man. The other schmucks are doing it all the time and I pity them.”

2) Climb coconut trees
“I wasn’t climbing a tree [when he fell, suffering concussion and subsequently having to undergo brain surgery], I was sitting on a fucking shrub. I was sitting on that shrub again today, but I happened to fall off it the wrong way that day.”

3) Be trepanned
“I wouldn’t want to do that again. It’s having your fucking skull cut open. It’s what I had to go through. Yes, I’ve been trepanned. That’s quite an interesting experience, especially for my brain surgeon, who saw my thoughts flying around in my brain. I’ve got pictures of it mate, yeah. They cut my head, brain, skull open, went in and pulled out the crap, and put some of it back in again. But that’s the way it is, I mean, shit, Keith Richards has got to do everything once.”

Never trust anyone…

Who tells you you’ve got six months to live
“I mean some doctor told me I had six months to live and I went to their funeral. The obit columns are of quite an interest to me these days. I don’t trust doctors. It’s not to say there ain’t some good ones, but on a general level, no, I wouldn’t trust ‘em at all.”

You don’t know the meaning of the dark side until…

It goes really bad
“Then you never wake up to find out. Several times I’ve thought, ‘This is it.’ And it’s quite a comforting feeling, actually, thinking, ‘Jesus Christ I’m getting out of it now.’ I’ve no pretensions about immortality - I’m the same as everyone else - same as you, same as everybody, I’m the same old bugger, just kind of lucky. I was Number 1 on the Who’s Likely To Die list for 10 years, I mean I was really disappointed when I fell off the list.”

My favorite new band is…

I ain’t got any, they’re all a load of crap
“Everyone’s a load of crap. They’re all trying to be somebody else and they ain’t being themselves. The Libertines, Arctic Monkeys, Bloc Party? Load of crap, load a crap. Posers, rubbish. There ain’t nothing out there that’s worth shit. I listen to the real shit, I don’t listen to bullshit. I listen to my shit, baby, Motörhead, reggae, Moroccan music. All kinds of shit.”

The band I most wish I was in is…

The Rolling Stones
“They’re the only band I care about, I can’t wait to get back on the road with those bastards, who happen to miraculously be one of the best bands in the world. I dunno how the hell it happened. I mean you’re playing beside Charlie Watts - yeah baby, you’ve gotta gig on. We’re doing the Isle Of Wight this summer and that great, it’s only down the road - I live in West Wittering, so it’s just across the bay, you know.”

The best guitar solo ever committed to record is…

Chuck Berry’s solo on ‘Little Queenie’
“I mean, whoooah! His guitar playing is just so sublime. But then
I could go with Scotty Moore and his solo on ‘Mystery Train’ with Elvis, when you start me on this shit you really start me going. I’ll go on all night.”

The best time I’ve ever had on drugs was…

I can’t remember
“It’s those nights you forget, but you know what happened because there are 15 other people telling you that you were hanging naked upside down from the chandelier. The other best bit is the morning after, when you wake up and realize you’ve had a great time. I mean drugs have got really nothing to do with life. Drugs are there if you want them, and it’s not a big fucking deal.”

The worst time I’ve had on drugs was…

When someone put strychnine in my dope
“It was in Switzerland. I was totally comatose, but I was totally awake. I could listen to everyone, and they were like, ‘He’s dead, he’s dead!’ waving their fingers and pushing me about, and I was thinking, ‘I’m not dead!’. So that’s sort of the worst one. But I got out of that, I mean otherwise I wouldn’t be talking to you. But yeah, bad shit is bad shit. The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared, he didn’t give a shit. It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.”

The actor I’d most like to play me in a film is…

Johnny Depp
“Johnny and I had a great time, loads of fun. I expected [filming the third ‘Pirates Of The Carribean’ movie, ‘At World’s End’] to be fun but it was even more fun than I had imagined. I was driving through the driveway to Walt Disney studios the other day thinking, ‘Jesus Christ, I’m following in the footsteps of Mickey Mouse here.’ No, it was brilliant, I was there for four or five days and I did my bit, and Johnny was his usual graceful self and we’re both the same size, so we swapped clothes and there it is. I met Johnny and he was just another one of my son’s friends, ‘This is Brian, this is Debbie, this is Johnny’, and we met like that, years ago. I didn’t even know what he did, I thought he was a failed rock’n'roll artist, and then I started to see some of his work and then he called me up said, ‘Hey Jesus Christ, I’ve copied you to do ‘Pirates…’,’ which I thought was the gentlemanly way of letting me know. I mean no wonder he paid for all the beers. I didn’t realize I was being observed.”

The best thing I ever saw was…

When a lady’s got her legs wide open. La-di-da
“I don’t wanna go there because I’d have to name the ladies and there’s far too many. I mean I did go there, but I ain’t going there with you.”

My best advice to young bands is…

Grow up
“I mean who do you think you’re gonna be? It’s a matter of finding out who you wanna be. So to a band, I don’t care how old or young they are, find out who you wanna be. If they wanna just be famous, or a star, that’s easy, for a day or two, if you wanna be in a band then you’d better check out the shit all the way back. My advice for Pete Doherty in particular, though, is that he should shut the fuck up and leave her [Kate Moss] alone. I don’t know the man, all I know is he’s pushing his luck, and there it is, but so is Kate, who I know very well. Kate wants to play with bad boys, and she’s done one, and then another one, and then another one. Badabing, badabang, badaboom! She’ll live, the boys will die. It’s just copycat bullshit. I did it because that was the way I did it, now people think it’s a way of life.”

I want to make a record as good as…

‘Heartbreak Hotel’
“I mean there’s a million of them. I guess ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’’s got to be close, and ‘Beast Of Burden’ maybe, yeah, and ‘Tumbling Dice’, ‘Honky Tonk Women’. I’m starting to reel them off and it’s not fair to all my other babies.”

The coolest rock star in the world, ever is…

Me!
“I mean, right, it goes without saying really, doesn’t it? I mean
I don’t think I’m cool, it’s other people that tell me I’m cool, I’m just being who I am. Just be yourself is all I can say, the rest of it’s a fucking joke. ‘Elegantly wasted’ blah-blah-blah, I’ve had all of that. If you’ve gotta be cool be cool with yourself. If you’ve gotta think about being cool, you ain’t cool.”

I would never have my hair cut like…

Anyone except me
“I’ve never had my hair cut by anybody, I do it all myself. I’ve never let anybody touch it. My mum used to give me two shillings and sixpence every two weeks to get my hair cut, and I would just ignore the barber and chop it off myself and keep the fucking money. Spent it on cigs. And a bit of booze, probably, and I’d try and impress a bird here or there, too.”

I’ll stop playing when…

I croak
“That’s it. I don’t see any reason why it should stop if there’s those of ‘em still out there that wanna see it and I wanna play it, let’s get it together. I mean I get antsy just sitting in one place for too long. I’ve had a few brushes with old death, he’s kind of a friend of mine, actually, and er, if you hang around me you’ll have a brush with it too.”

I’m kinda bored of writing shit here… but you gotta see this shit.