HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

Yep we made it to 2004. Whoopdeee freakyfucky Doooooooo. Maybe we’ll get around to updating our website before 2005!!! Sorry to all the obsessive dorkbox geeks out there who are disappointed we actually have lives and other interests instead of spending every waking moment with our fingers on a computer keyboard. Go outside. We have a few interesting things in store for the New Year that don’t include the World Wide Web.

As far as New Years Eve, we didn’t do shit, but Casper Adams picked up our slack. He hit the Hollywood Hills like Max Hardcore hits porno stars mouths with his violent cock, and partied like it was 1999. Not only was Casper the life of every party he attended (he wasn’t invited to any of them mind you) but he met a whole bunch of new famous friends (Casper said Paz tried to take him home, but he’s not a first date kinda guy), and did a couple pounds of coke off their girlfriend’s tits. This dude is moving up in Hollywood. Get a piece of this soon to be superstar while you still can ladies. Check these pics out.

Johnny Knoxville, Casper, and two Jackasses.

Casper and Paz (ex-A Perfect Circle/Zwan).

Bud Bundy (Married With Children) and Casper.

Every magazine published their “best of 2003” lists… we’re gonna do one too, it’s just that we’re having trouble remembering 20 records we liked this year. We’re at 12 so far… almost. Also be on the lookout for the 2004 Buddyhead website facelift. We started off by changing this here gossip page layout. We like pink, cos we’re on the pink team. Well, some of us are.

Actually we’re never putting out an issue again. WE FUCKING QUIT. We’re gonna start golfing. Golfers get ass. Check out Tiger Woods’ wife / fiancé / fuckhole: (1)(2)

When The Icarus Line was on tour with A Perfect Circle they made Travis pay for his ride by taking more photos than ever possibly needed, including this totally cliché double group shot. Here it is in all its glory.

(from left to right: Billy Howerdel (guitar – APC), Aaron Icky Poo (guitar – The Icarus Line), James Iha (guitar – APC), Josh Freeze (drums and cigerettes – APC), The Captain (drums – The Icarus Line) in the back, Alvin Deguzman in rock star pose (guitar – The Icarus Line), Maynard James Keenan giving the peace sign (vocals – APC), Twiggy errr Jordie White (bass – APC), Don Devore (bass – The Icarus Line), and Joe Cardamone (vocals – The Icarus Line).

To celebrate this special time of year, Shat wrote you all a song. It’s called “Thank You For Giving”. A bit late for this Thanksgiving we know, but early for next years! Happy Holidays from Jeff Wood! Click here. Also, check out his website.

At a recent rock show in the dark shithole city known as Detroit, something quite magical happened. It all started when that poser from the Von Bondies (who talks about Radiohead in every interview like it’s some crazy obscure band we should all check out) tried to start a fight with Jack White of The White Stripes cuz he’s jealous of them and wishes that his shitty band was bigger than them. Homeboy has been talking mad shit on the White Stripes even though he’d probably be working at a gas station right now if it weren’t for that band. So Jack, with only one good hand mind you, beat the living piss outta the dork. Decked him seven times in the face and kept drilling him with his one good hand (that doesn’t have all those metal pins in it) even once he was down. Yooooooowzah! Sent that ego-driven dorkus to the hospital with a dislocated eyeball, a bruised self esteem, and some nice new beauty marks that chicks are gonna DIG! Not. The best part is even though he started the fight, now he’s gonna sue Mr. White for 4 million dollars or some fucking shit. What a total pussy.

Elusive Buddyhead recording artists, Your Enemies Friends are going out on the road with The Dillinger Escape Plan & The Locust FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. Now you know that’s gonna be a weird crowd. Half the crowd will be tough guy metal dudes with Pantera shirts who hate faggots, and the other half will be white belted spock kids who wish they were faggots. Gonna be some brawls we’re guessing. This tour will be your first chance to pick up a copy of the Buddyhead Label Suicide Sampler (Buddyhead #10 finally!) at Your Enemies Friends’ and Dillinger’s merch booth. It’s 2 discs full of unreleased and rare tracks from not only Your Enemies Friends, The Dillinger Escape Plan, The Icarus Line, Burning Brides, Murder City Devils, At The Drive-In, Shat, Gayrilla Biscuits, Souls She Said, Text, and Radio Vago, but The Locust as well! How’d we do that? Wait and see! Get it before it hits stores at one of these shows below. It’ll be the cd with blood all over the cover, cuz blood is cool! Also, peep their website, it’s killer… you can see how cute they all are… ahhhh. http://www.yourenemiesfriends.com

1.12 DENVER @ LARIMER LOUNGE (with Sleepy Time Gorilla and Bear vs. Shark)

1.14 KANSAS CITY @ SPITFIRE (with just The Locust)

1.15 IOWA CITY @ GABE’S OASIS (with just The Locust)

1.16 MINNEAPOLIS @ TRIPLE ROCK (with just The Locust)

1.17.04 CHICAGO, IL @ THE METRO

1.18.04 INDIANAPOLIS, IN @ THE EMERSON THEATRE

1.20.04 CLEVELAND, OH @ THE GROG SHOP

1.21.04 GRAND RAPIDS, MI @ THE INTERSECTION

1.22.04 DETROIT, MI @ ST. ANDREWS HALL

1.23.04 TORONTO, ONT @ OPERA HOUSE

1.24.04 LONDON, ONT @ CALL THE OFFICE

1.25.04 GUELPH, ONT @ TRASHETERIA

1.26.04 OTTOWA, ONT @ BABYLON

1.27.04 MMONTREAL, ONT @ RAINBOW

1.29.04 WORCESTER, MA @ THE PALLADIUM

1.30.04 SAYERVILLE, NJ @ KROME

1.31.04 PHILADELPHIA, PA @ THE TROCADERO

2.1.04 NEW YORK, NY @ THE BOWERY BALLROOM

2.2.04 WASHINGTON, DC @ 9:30 CLUB

2.3.04 RICHMOND, VA @ ALLEY KATZ

2.4.04 WINSONT SALEM, NC @ ZIGGYS

2.5.04 JACKSONVILLE, FL @ JACK RABBITS

2.6.04 TAMPA, FL @ TWILIGHT

2.7.04 ORLANDO, FL @ HOUSE OF BLUES

2.9.04 TALLAHASSEE, FL @ THE BETA BAR

2.10.04 COLUMBIA, SC @ UNCLE DOCTORS

2.11.04 ATLANTA, GA @ MASQUERADE

2.12.04 NASHVILLE, TN @ EXIT IN

2.13.04 MEMPHIS, TN @ THE HI TONE

2.14.04 BIRMINGHAM, AL @ ZYDECO

2.15.04 NEW ORLEANS, LA @ HOUSE OF BLUES

2.16.04 HOUSTON, TX @ THE ENGINE ROOM

2.17.04 AUSTIN, TX @ EMOS

2.18.04 DALLAS, TX @ TREES

2.20.04 TUSCON, AZ @ RIALTO THEATRE

2.21.04 SAN DIEGO, CA @ EPICENTER

2.22.04 ANAHEIM, CA @ HOUSE OF BLUES

2.23.04 LOS ANGELES, CA @ HOUSE OF BLUES

2.24.04 DAVIS, CA @ UC-DAVIS

2.25.04 SAN FRANCISCO, CA @ SLIMS

2.27.04 PORTLAND, OR @ ROSELAND BALLROOM

2.28.04 SEATTLE, WA @ SHOWBOX

2.29.04 VANCOUVER, BC @ MESA LUNA

3.3.04 DENVER, CO @ BLUEBIRD

The Icarus Line is kicking off the New Year by touring the UK with Primal Scream. Somebody is going to die on this tour that’s for sure. Primal Scream does more drugs in one night than Keith Richards did in the entire 70’s. These shows will be the only place all you English and Scottish lads can get your hands on the “Three Jesus Songs” sampler containing 3 new tracks from The Icarus Line’s upcoming “Penance Soiree” album (and will you fucking stop emailing us asking when it’s coming out, we’re thinking March – For now download “Up Against The Wall Motherfucker” by clicking here). This fucker won’t be available in stores, so if you want it, get out to one of these shows below. More Icarus Line shows may or may not be added, but these ones are fer sure:

January 16 – Glasgow – Carling Academy

January 17 – Glasgow – Carling Academy

January 18 – Manchester – Carling Apollo

January 20 – Birmingham – Carling Academy

January 21 – Southampton – Guildhall

January 23 – London – Hammersmith Apollo

January 24 – London – Coronet

We have a new celebrity “story” couple, yeah. Tommy Lee is wrecking Pink’s trashbox. On some airline flight the two got wasted and almost got thrown off the flight because of “rowdy” behavior. Pink looks like a dude sometimes, then other times, she looks like a chick… but even then, there are “dude” qualities. Ever notice that? 50 bucks she’s got a wiener. Tommy, you can do better than this man… just let Jeff Wood have her man.

The singer for the Darkness got arrested in New York because they thought he was a terrorist. They let him go though. If we were the pigs that arrested that dick, we’d have him under the hot light asking him, “WHAT THE FUCK IS FUNNY ABOUT BEING AN IRONIC HAIR SPRAY METAL BAND?” and then we’d send in Aaron Icarus in a full cop outfit complete with a greasy moustache, and Aaron would do a full body cavity search without a glove… and he’d like it.

Radio Vago told us they found a new singer and that they are planning on finishing their debut album for Buddyhead with Omar Rodriguez-Lopez (he plays guitar for The Mars Volta and is Jennifer Lopez’s little brother) as soon as time permits. We’re excited to say the least, cuz we loved J-Lo’s last joint, it was fucking off the hizzy yo.

Adrienne (former singer of Radio Vago) has a new band herself. They are called Shoot Out The Lights… or maybe it’s Shoot The Lights Out… anyway, either way, they are really good. If you like to go see bands n’ stuff, and live in L.A., you know this already. If you haven’t seen this band yet, here’s when they’re playing:

Sat. Jan. 3rd @Bottom of the Hill, SF w/ The Hard Place, Bart Davenport

Thurs. Jan. 8th @The Silverlake Lounge w/ The Lovemakers, Seksu Robot 21+

Thurs. Jan. 15th @Zen Sushi, LA w/The Lips, The New Collapse

Tues. Jan. 27th @Spaceland, LA w/ The Blood Arm, The Adored, Mika Miko

Thurs. Feb. 20th @The Smell w/ Electro Group (more TBA)

Fri. Feb. 27th @The Scene w/ Tsk Tsk, Hot & Heavy

Oh yeah, we couldn’t remember if we told you or not, but we’ve signed a new band with these four little shitheads from L.A. called The Fallen. One of the conditions though, was that they stop doing so much god damn blow, and find a new band name that doesn’t suck. So if anybody has any good band name ideas, email us, or go see them play one of these shows and tell them… Jan 6th@ Q-Topia (6021 Hollywood Blvd) with Nantucket Suicide (who also rule) and Broadie (no, not the chick from The Distillers). The show is all ages, $5, doors @ 9:00, show starts at 9:30, “The Fallen” play third. Go see em, they fucking slay.

The Fallen are also playing with Yeah Yeah Yeahs on January 21 at the Troubadour. If you already have tickets to the sold out show, come early to see The Fallen… or whatever they’re called by then. Har Mar is playin too. Time to make party. Hopefully Nick can seal the deal with Fairuza Balk. He’s gonna hafta dump that Bright Eyes kid first though.

Speaking of that Bright Eyes kid we heard he only made out with Winona Ryder, dude… you’re gay.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs are up for a Grammy but are gonna lose to The White Stripes cuz Jack White made a deal with the devil and shit. Karen O is gonna show up to the awards dressed up as one of her favorite Lord Of the Rings characters.

Call up the tour manager, Pete Robertson, for those big haired emo puffs, Coheed and Cambria, and tell him that the Nazi soldiers were only following orders too. 323-304-4764. Mixing emo with prog-metal leads to the sort of things that would happen if you bred a short bus riding, drooling, soft-serve retard midget girl with one of those 4 dudes in every high school who wear all over print t-shirts with unicorns, dragons, and rainbows on them, and sit in the back of the lunch room playing dungeons and dragons. What a total fucking mess.

We heard that the gawky “MAD Magazine” looking singer guy from Thursday broke down in tears at some “acoustic in-store” in Boston at Newbury Comics. Apparently this bedwetter does this every night during the exact same part of the song. Sounds a little scripted to us. When did fake crying become cool? Where the fuck were we? Did we miss a meeting? The worst part is that there are 300,000 emo-nazi youth hanging onto every word this dipshit says, setting us all up for a huge wave of emotional fruitcakes who will spawn a billion other crybaby bands. We’re in for some shit folks.

David Yow (singer of The Jesus Lizard) now calls Los Angeles his home! Good work Davey! The bummer that we keep hearing is that he’s been hanging out with Gavin from Bush! Now, not only does Gavin get to play hide the pickle in Gwen’s pink taco, but he gets to go drinking with DAVID YOW!!!! That bastard! David, you should be drinking whiskey with us instead of hanging out with that British export. Just cuz he tricked Steve Albini into recording his band once doesn’t mean he’s cool. Actually, we’ll hang out with both of you if Bush is buying drinks for everyone. If he throws down the card, it’s on. By the way, if you’re still a stupid kid, go buy The Jesus Lizard records “Goat”, “Liar”, “Head”, their live cd “Show”, and their singles and rarities cd, “Bang”.

Finch kicked out their drummer. We didn’t care enough to find out why. Oddly enough, people who buy Finch records also buy child pornography. We read that somewhere. Or maybe it’s people who put out Finch records…

Speaking of dork shit. The new Lord of the Rings made like a gazillion dollars in its first weekend. If you saw it, ask yourself “how much of a fucking loser am I? I just went and saw a movie about elves and dragons and wasted three hours of my life.”

The dude from The Kill’s with that wack spock haircut has been blasting loads up in that blonde tart from The Raveonettes. Meanwhile the girl from The Kills has jumped teams and is now cutting some rug with the singer of The Hells. By the way, The Hells used to have The Captain on drums for a while there, back when The Icarus Line fired him for being a pussy. We’re glad Captain’s back.

The MTV Real World house is at 4922 North Harbor DR San Diego. Someone better go down there with some tar and feathers. Or at least some eggs.

We ran into two members of that shitty Canadian pop punk band, Sum 41 (the drummer/rapper dude and the short little gay singer guy who nailed Paris Hilton), at the Beauty Bar a few Saturdays ago while Travis and Joe were Dj-ing. Yeah dude, we rub elbows with fucking famous people here in Lost Angeles… too bad not any cool ones. They looked lost and confused with the sounds of non Warped Tour affiliated bands playing, so we heckled them for a bit with Nofx and Blink 182 references. They didn’t laugh and pretended to call other famous people on their cell phones as a defense mechanism. We felt bad for the musically retarded millionaires for some reason, and actually tried to give them one of our LP’s of The Stooges “Funhouse” after they actually admitted to never hearing the album before (or even knowing it was an album) even though they just recorded a song with Iggy Pop. We told them that they embarrassed Iggy and that they should listen to some other music besides Green Day so they could grow as “artists”, so we offered them the gift, but they continued to refuse it, so Travis just ended up making strange animal noises at them until they left confused. You try to be nice…

Har Mar Superstar does however own “Funhouse”, not to mention tons of weird hip-hop and R& B records. Plus, not only does he live in L.A. now, but he lives in the same Apartment building Motley Crue used to call home (yeah the one right behind the Whiskey). Needless to say, he is slaying mad tang. He also did some amazingly funny tv commercials for Vladivar Vodka you can download here (we recommend the one not allowed on tv). Oh, and he told us to tell you he tested negative on his HIV test, which is awesome, and you should all go get tested too.

Michael Jackson likes to get his dick sucked by little boys. He’s going down. We’re gonna throw a party once that freak is behind bars. He got off once, but this is like if OJ killed another girl… you ain’t getting off twice dude, I don’t care how much money you got or whatever. This fruit is toast. Oh, and fuck all these famous people supporting him… IT’S WRONG TO SLEEP IN A BED WITH OTHER PEOPLES KIDS, TOUCHING THEM OR NOT… HE AIN’T IN THE JACKSON FIVE NO MORE AND HE AIN’T SINGING “ABC 123”. The dude is NAMBLA all over, and the “celebrities” getting all worked up over this wouldn’t let their kids stay over Michael Jackson’s house either… or maybe they would… depends on what kind of publicity they’d get.

Here’s some lame juicy emo gossip (the 14 year olds just got excited and now Michael Jackson just got excited too)… The real reason The Anniversary was kicked off the Vagrant roster is because when The Get Up Kids and The Anniversary were on tour in Japan, it came out that Adrianne (the keyboard girl in The Anniversary and who is/was married to the bass player from The Get Up Kids) and Justin (the singer dude in The Anniversary who pretends he likes Led Zeppelin) were having an affair. Yikes is right! Can you say emo love triangle?!

Not only did Carlos from Interpol steal Asif’s haircut (he manages Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Tv On The Radio and a million other bands) but he’s also a hardcore chubby chaser. Yeah he’s the guy who’s always “diving on the grenade” outta the bunch of em. Yeah dude, he’s pounding the pudgy pussy! At least the man has a passion… fuck, that’s more than most of you geeks can say.

The guys in The Black Sea have been smoking more reefer than Dead Meadow lately, and in the mist of the haze, they’ve gone and changed their name to Decahedron. We’re not sure what the fuck that means, but we’re gonna bet Shelby named it during a game of D& D. In case you’re in the dark on who the fuck The Black Sea is/was, it’s two guys from that band Frodus (you like Frodus? How about I throw this …) and the bass player dude from Fugazi. They already got an mp3 up you can hear.

http://theblacksea.cc/

http://www.decahedron.net/

Speaking of Fugazi, all good things must come to an end, and it seems that the long and crazy trip is finally over. Yep, they’ve finally called it quits. Ian has a new band with his girlfriend or wife or life partner or whatever she is. We heard his new lyrics are still all about coke and heroin and how he hates coming down… but we could be wrong.

Rick Rubin is making two records at once right now! Yeah, that’s how good of a “producer” he is!!! He doesn’t even have to be in the studio when they are recording! Wow is right! We can’t wait to be producers ourselves so that we can eat donuts, fart em out, grow beards, and talk to famous people on our two way pagers all day long too! Sounds like a great job! The International Noise Conspiracy and Weezer get to share Ricky at the present time. In their spare time, Dennis and the rest of INC like to hang out at the Beauty Bar to do fat rails of speed and pick up on dudes and chicks to take back to Rick Rubin’s mansion. They won’t let us hang out, but they invited Sam Velde to use him for his American style singing for backups on their record so they don’t sound quite so Swedish.

People just can’t mention The International Noise Conspiracy without throwing in Dennis’s old band, Refused in there somewhere. So here we go following the masses. Dennis is pissed about the Refused DVD that is about to come out. Kris Steen (the guitar player from Refused) was in LA a while ago for a few weeks interviewing people (one being Don Devore) for the digital video disc that will come out on Epitaph sometime later this year. Their last album, “The Shape Of Punk To Come” is also being re-released in a 5.1 mix with some bonus stuff. Hopefully it includes the last song Refused ever recorded, “Peek-A-Boo”. It’s got a good slayer riff, and even better lyrics about how Dennis is pissed cos he’s the only straight edge one left in the band.

Heckler ripped 400 Blows off for a show they put together, and still haven’t paid Aaron and Travis from like 5 years ago either. Somebody tell these bitches to pay up. Does anybody out there really wanna read about snowboarding and the Deftones at the same time anyway? Didn’t think so.

Email their dipshit editor at [email protected] or [email protected]

If you’re in a band that tours in a bus, and you were wondering why it is now legal for the police to enter your bus without a search warrant to look for drugs, well… blame the dudes in Queens Of The Stoneage (but don’t say we said so cuz we don’t want our asses kicked by them, they’re huge dudes). Apparently the law had to be changed cos those dudes were smuggling half of Columbia underneath their bus all over the country. Thanks dudes!

Every record label in the world is trying to sign The Shins now that they are out of their contract with Sub Pop. More importantly, the keyboard player of The Shins has a mega hot girlfriend that was on “America’s Next Supermodel” or some shit. Check her out here.

Canyon is touring with and backing up Jay Farrar (x-uncle tupelo).

Dave Grohl is putting aside his modern day Wings band, the poo biters, so he can pretend he’s metal. He’s releasing a metal record with guest singers from 80’s bands on Southern Lord. Greg from Southern Lord is buying drinks next time we see him cuz you know that’s shit’s gonna sell!! BOOYAH!

Speaking of the Jim Carey of rock, Dave Grohl is also producing Rye Coalition’s major label debut that’ll come out on Dreamworks some day. Hopefully more people will care about this record than that Verbena record he did a few years back. The Captain likes to suck dicks with Rye Coalition.

Krist Novoselic, you know… the tall one in Nirvana, says he may run for lieutenant governor of Washington.

Jason Newsted got kicked out of Ozzy.

Rumor is that Chris Robinson is teaming up with the Deleo brothers (STP bass and guitar) and the former Black Crowes drummer to start a band. It’s gotta be better than that shit Slash and Scott Weiland are trying to pull over on people.

Clone Defects from Detroit broke up.

The Hot Snakes want to tour more, so they had to get a new drummer cos Jason is too busy with Burning Brides. Bummer.

Sofia Coppola filed for a divorce with Spike Jonze. Sofia says that with her new free time, she’s going to start a record label (just what the world needs) and that Giovanni Ribisi’s character in her last movie “Lost In Translation” was based on Spike Jonze. We say her whole career is based on her dads.

Rocket From The Crypt dressed up as The Villiage People for Halloween.

Photo credit: “Rulon”

Anyone who’s up for some shits and giggles might wanna check out the DVD video portion of the new “Misfits” record called “Project 1950″. It contains a video from a live show where Jerry Only, Dez Cadena and Marky Ramone toured as the “Misfits”. They play only old cover songs (Dion, Bobby Vee, etc.), done in the Misfits style — and the kicker is they’re playing at a snowboarding hill for a bunch of jocks who throw snowballs at them (to which Jerry says, with complete sincerity, “Hey, you guys are pretty cool”…for being so bad-ass?). Dez looks like a black metal guitarist with corpse paint. Marky, somehow, doesn’t have to wear make-up, and instead dons the signature Ramone look, and Jerry’s still flexing after all these years. It’s almost more Spinal Tap than The Tap itself.

The Bronx can’t stop getting into van accidents.

Those old dudes in Face To Face finally decided to hang it up. THANK FUCKING GOD! The drummer is in an equally wack band now, Saves The Day. Shit sticks together.

Speaking of Saves The Day, we hear dudes at their label are bummed cos they tried to be weird on this new record, and it didn’t sell like they thought it would. Weird huh? Still sounds like a kid who needs a diaper whining to us, what’s weird about that? We still think it’s funny that the dude has a weird bowel problem. If we were your friend we would have gotten you diapers for Christmas.

Todd from that band Glassjaw is now dating Mouseketeer Hillary Duff! HIT THAT SHIT TODD!!! Daryl from Glassjaw started a garage rock band cause he’s panicking that nu metal might not be the way to go. Pssshhht…. garage rock sucks too. Try again. We also heard the singer guy has a shitting problem too. The same as the Saves The Day guy. Glassjaw always has to cancel tours and shit, cause homeboy is on the toilet or something. It’s childish, we know, but it’s funny. We just realized that’s way too much Glassjaw news coming from a website run by two dudes who have never even heard this band before… but we heard they were lame, so whatever.

Blink 182 is gonna write a song about Glassjaw and Saves The Day’s shitting problems. It’s going to be serious though. Cause Blink is serious now.

We keep confusing the new Blink song with the new McDonald’s commercials, “I’m Lovin This” or whatever…

Someone tell Madonna she’s too old to try and dance like she does in that new video with Britney. Oh yeah, and someone tell Britney her voice sounds like PROTOOLS AUTO-TUNE.

Anyone wanna guess just how fucking dumb Liz Phair feels right about now? Her Matrix written, Avril Lavinge sounding pop album sold 50,000 less than her record “Whitechocolate”, and about 200,000 less than her records “Whip Smart” and “Exile in Guyville”. She needs to write more songs about blowjobs.

Starlite Desperation is slaying tang and mixing their new e.p. for Cold Sweat in nyc this week. The record is called ‘Violate A Sundae’. Their guitar player tried to kick Aaron’s ass for being gay once.

Yet another Spiritualized rarities album is coming out in a few months. Sweet tits.

Wu Tang is putting out a new record in 2004. This might actually be ok with ODB around now. I just realized how cool it is that these guys have the word TANG in their band name.

Cris Kirkwood from the Meat Puppets was shot Friday by a security guard at the downtown Phoenix post office. The dude should live, but it’s still fucked. According to witnesses, Kirkwood was fighting over a parking space. Cris was backing into the space when Jenny Hom, attempted to pull into it from behind. Hom honked her horn, then both drivers pulled into the parking lot. Hom said that Kirkwood, whom she did not identify by name, followed her and stopped her on the sidewalk outside the post office, yelling obscenities at her. “He shrugged his shoulder as if he was going to hit me,” she said. “He didn’t hit me.” But Hom went into the post office and reported the man’s behavior to a security guard. The guard escorted the man out. Kevin Killigrew of the FBI said that the aggressor shoved the guard twice. “[The guard] took out the baton and held it out in front of him and said, ‘You need to leave,’” Killigrew said. “The guy took the baton from him and struck him at least one time in the forehead at which time the guard felt fear for his life. He said, ‘I thought the guy was going to kill me.’ He already displayed that he would hurt him, and the guard shot him one time in the abdomen.” Shortly after the incident, the guard was sitting dazed on the steps of the post office. Kirkwood’s clothing sat in a pool of blood on the sidewalk. “I never shot anyone before,” the fake pig told Phoenix Police.

Sam McPheeters of Born Against, Men’s Recovery Project fame, has a brand new punk rock band called WRANGLER BRUTES. One of the drummers from Born Against, and homeboy from The Monorchid is in it too. Shitty part is, you can only get their record on tape. These dudes thought it would be “cute” and “punk” to do it that way. Mmmmmmmk. Retro.

Alex Newport finally pulled his head out of his ass and moved to L.A. from San Francisco. Alex is pretty cool for a limey turdburgler.

Sam Velde is getting married! Congratulations dude!

The infamous, Nardwuar the Human Serviette, is hitting the road for a west coast tour with his band The Evaporators. Make sure you go see this live extravagaza if you are able to. Check http://www.nardwuar.com and http://theevaporators.com/ for more info. Keep rockin’ in the free world, and have a good dinner.

Evaporators West Coast Tour Dates 2004

Jan 21- Twlight Café, Portland, OR (1420 SE Powell Blvd. ) w/ Ronson Family Switchblade, The Observers Info? http://www.twilightcafebar.com

Jan 23- Gilman, Berkeley, CA (924 Gilman ) w/ Harold Ray Live In Concert $5 Info? http://www.924gilman.org

Jan 24- The Smell, Los Angeles, CA (247 So. Main St. Downtown L.A. (between 2nd and 3rd St (enter in the back through alley.)) 9pm $5 ALL AGES w/ The Orphans, Harold Ray Live In Concert plus Nardwuar’s Video Vault! (see *Note) Info? http://www.thesmell.org

*Note: The above mentioned Sat Jan 24th date at the Smell will be a * very * special show. In addition to the evenings rawk, Nardwuar of the Evaportors is gunna show some video interviews he’s done over the years! Check out clips of Snoop Doggy Dogg, Mikhail Gorbachev, Michael Moore, Marilyn Manson, Henry Rollins, Blur, Ashanti, Kelly Rowland, Busta Rhymes, The Damned, GWAR, Vanilla Ice and lots more – all presented live to you via video projector on the big screen. No joke!!!

Jan 25- Spaceland, Silverlake, CA (1717 Silverlake Blvd) 9pm w/ The Orphans, Rolling Blackouts, Harold Ray Live In Concert Info? http://www.clubspaceland.com

Jan 27- The Casbah, San Diego, CA (2501 Kettner Blvd.) w/ Harold Ray Live In Concert Info? http://www.thecasbah.com

Jan 28- Thee Parkside, San Francisco , CA (1600 17th Street at Wisconsin Street) w/ Harold Ray Live In Concert Info? http://www.theeparkside.com

Jan 30- Java Jive, Tacoma WA (2102 South Tacoma Way) 9pm w/ Ronson Family Switchblade, Rockin’ Rod & the Strychnines

Jan 31- The Funhouse, Seattle (206 5th Ave) w/ The Fallouts, AAIIEE!!

Feb 14-The Brickyard, Vancouver, BC (315 Carrall Street ) w/ Los Furios, Riff Randells Info? http://fireballproductions.com

Feb 17-Mesa Luna, Vancouver, BC (1926 West Broadway) w/ Los Furios, Riff Randells 7pm doors ALL AGES Info? 604 669 6468

Oh, and The Icarus Line’s manager, Les Borsai (aka Chef Boy-am-I-gay) has done us all the favor of sharing one of his world famous recipes for a meal of our own enjoyment this festive holiday season. Here it is:

Filet Minion

Cooked in a mushroom shallot red wine sauce. Filet wrapped in bacon cooked at 350 for 30 minutes. Let mushrooms, wine, and shallots caramelize in oven for sauce.

Baked Carrots

Carrots Julienne baked cumin, sugar, thyme, butter, and white wine. Bake for 30 minutes.

Yellow Zucchini

Sauteed in Olive Oil with Garlic and Red Chilli Peppers for 20 minutes.

Drink two bottles of 99 cent red wine while Joe’s dog bites your leg, and we make fun of all the bands on Headbangers ball.

Chop out four big fat fucking lines of blow for dessert. (Don’t buy blow from Monica though)

Have The Icarus Line and Travis come over and eat the dinner, so you can take your mind off the fact that your girlfriend is getting fucked in Fiji by the janitor of the resort she’s staying at.

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